#tammera

[tammera]

I see you.

Lost.

We were distracted

as you watched

the world die.

Sound bites

flling the void.

Between worlds

I see you.

Looking for

the world

you knew.

[tammera]

Beware of reacting to people who have been planning for decades.

Respond don’t react.

Plan…….step away from the dependence on them and they lose power.

[tammera]

Pay attention to the in between.

[tammera]

Pluto

pluto is doing something this month. though I can’t recall exactly what you called it. secrets come out. did you say dark secrets or is that what I heard?

people were going through change all around me. it was tangible, like a current. I was being still in the tide. I’m going smoke free for my grandson. I couldn’t say it when we spoke. I was carried away with the memory. of hot tea and toast. the cleaning party we had my aunts, my uncles, us grandkids, spraying the walls. empty plastic bottles of cleaning solution everywhere. a strange orange mix of nicotine and cleaning solution dripped down the old wood panel walls. the evidence like we were making a difference. helping her.

I needed to tell you after the memories quieted. you teach him magic. unconditional love. sacrifice. while he teaches you your living matters.

crawling through your windows our friendship a rare gift. your super power , the abilty to make a person, us, feel so special. only one of your many superpowers.

[tammera]

Running

both son's lives were shifting following their heart. a strength to know how to live thier truth. in my mistakes in my strengths they found some of their lessons. I want to run away mom. run away or run to? it mattered. that was the lesson. learning to enjoy the ride there. stop and notice the in between. have a destination. the details of how it was going to happen didn't matter. it wasn't up to us anyway. choose. if you choose to run to its a decision. to run away your a victim. victim isn't an option. your strength won't allow it.

[tammera]

The Waiting Place-ramble

2/17/13

I was laying there this morning trying to shut everything out and have a moment to myself and as I was doing that, everything began to pour in. snapshots of my life, the harder I tried to push them out the faster they came. I tried to focus, I try to remain positive and hopeful but I am running out, running out of energy, running out of hope. How do I continue to put one foot in front of the other when all I want to do is lay down? I want to be saved, I want a hero to save me, to hold me for hours and just let me cry. I feel like I could cry until I melt. I am tired of the struggle, I am tired of being strong I dont want to put a happy face on, put on a strong front anymore. I had an awareness the other day. I am here again, enduring the pain until it stops. Always waiting for the moment I can escape it. I want to cry but cannot, tears won’t come, so relief escapes me. I am just stuck, waiting. I dont want to have to continue to dig my way out. I just want the pain to stop. I just want peace and although I have been searching I cannot find it. The awareness is that i am in the same moment, the moment that you just tolerate the pain, waiting for relief.

When I think about writing, I know I have much to say, much to tell the world, but is it I just want someone to listen to actually ‘hear’ my story? Be a witness to my pain? Or is it that I think there is value in what I am writing, that it may do someone some good? Thats not something I know. Maybe I’m not supposed to know So then I just write, write to get it out. Out of my head so it will stop tumbling around in there. Do the noise will stop. The echoes become quiet. If it is worth hearing then so be it, if not then perhaps the desire to tell my story my full story will pass, maybe it will be a way to get t out of me forever?

4/2015 God was my hero and I Am no longer in the waiting place

[tammera]

The Ripple

I saw a ripple in the sky. While I was staring it moved, It rearranged itself. Suddenly. Like the universe was adjusting itself, To accommodate a change coming.

[placesoftheart]

Nogies Creek Kawartha Lakes Ontario Canada