Save Me: Chapter 32 - Forgive or Forget?
~Hey guys! Chapter 31 is out now :) Molly decides to return to Alexandria in the hope that both Alexandria and Negan have changed for the better... I hope everyone is good and enjoying Save Me so far <3~
After two years since Molly had arrived at Hilltop, it was time to ask for forgiveness from others and also from herself. She had beaten herself up so much for her relationship with Negan that it was changing her, but she just had to realise that she's only human and people make 'mistakes'. But...was Negan a mistake?
I could tell that Tara didn't believe me when I swore to her that I didn't love him anymore.
I don't think I believed me either.
But it wasn't about me anymore or him, it was about Maggie.
She needed to know that Glenn had justice and Negan's happiness could never happen, which meant neither could mine.
Maggie and I had talked since Negan was locked up but she hadn't forgiven me, and I needed her forgiveness now more than ever.
I had planned to return to Alexandria soon and I needed to know she trusted me before I left.
I wouldn't see Negan at all when I came home and I needed Maggie to believe me.
'Hey, Maggie can we talk?' I said as I saw her walking out of the house.
She smiled at me and replied, 'yeah of course, the crops are looking great!' as she shielded her eyes from the sun.
I smiled and chuckled lightly.
'Yeah, well that's thanks to your great leadership! Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I'll be going back to Alexandria tomorrow', I said.
Her smile faded slowly now.
'Promise you'll come back one day, I have a question to ask you when you do' she said mysteriously.
She nodded looking down and added 'I'll miss you, so will Herschel. Be careful'.
I pulled her in for a hug and said 'don't worry, I'll be fine'.
'It's not you i'm worried about...' she said warningly.
'I won't go near him, I promise' I said as I started to walk away.
She sighed sadly and not being able to hold it in any longer.
I spun back around and asked softly 'do you hate me for what happened with-'.
'I could never hate you, you're my sister, my family. I want him dead, you know that. But, between us, there's nothing to forgive' she said smiling weakly.
I just nodded, feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders.
'I'll see you soon' I said as I waved back at her and little Herschel who came running out of the house to say goodbye.
I was sad to leave, a wave of anxiety flooded my body as I imagined being back at Alexandria.
Tara was gonna stay at Hilltop, she was helping Jesus and Maggie lead and she was practically made for that sort of thing.
I said my goodbyes to everyone, including Tara and told her to be careful and tell Cindy how she felt.
'Do what you have to do, but remember who he is and who he's always been' Tara whispered in my ear as she hugged me.
She practically predicted my thoughts, before I had even acknowledged them myself.
I nodded into the crook of her neck and wiped her tears.
As I walked to the gates, where Tara had brought my motorcycle round, I turned back to her and held my locket in my hands as she did the same.
It gave me a sense of comfort to have her with me.
I hadn't opened it since I was at Alexandria.
I swung my legs over the bike and strapped on my helmet and leather jacket.
I opened the locket to reveal Tara and Negan in my heart.
I looked at his face, then shut it quickly trying to block him from my mind.
I started up the engine and then I was gone.
It only took a few hours to get there as I took the bridge route.
I zoomed straight across the wooden planks, it was looking good.
There were some workers on the bridge, I swerved around them as they shouted 'Molly!' in glee.
I raised my hand to say 'hi' as I passed them all.
Unfortunately, after the bridge there were walkers blocking the road, only four or five of them but I couldn't just jump them or mow them down.
I approached them, accelerating and pulled out my gun and shot each one, there was one left when I passed them.
I took one hand off the handle and twisted around and popped a bullet in the last one.
I chuckled at my badassery.
I was excited to surprise everyone so I didn't tell Rick or Michonne when I was coming home.
I pulled up at the gates to see Eugene, 'Molly!' he yelled as they pulled open the gates and I drove through.
Rosita and Michonne rushed over to me as I hopped off the bike.
They grinned and pulled me in for a hug, 'We've missed you' Michonne said as she rubbed my back.
Judith ran closely behind, she was walking now.
I gasped and placed a hand to my mouth, 'Judith?' I said looking at her then at Michonne.
Michonne lifted her up and kissed her on her forehead as I tickled her.
'She's missed her Auntie Molly' Michonne said as Judith giggled away.
Rick came round the corner and smiled as he saw us all laughing together.
'Hey Rick' I said as I hugged him.
'You didn't say you were coming home?' he said smiling.
'I know, I wanted to surprise y'all. Alexandria looks perfect!' I said to Rick as I spun around, admiring every inch of the compound.
It was like before, but better.
The windmill was constructed and the houses were rebuilt.
Rick nodded, agreeing as he said 'yeah'.
He held my hand as I said sincerely, 'Carl would be so proud'.
I could tell how much that meant to him, all of this was, after all, for Carl.
I was just having a nap as my eyes fell heavy when I heard the commotion outside.
A loud engine, sounding like a motorbike pulled up and people were running to the gates and screaming happily.
I stretched and walked over to the window to see Rick, Michonne and Rosita all smiling at someone.
I couldn't see who, but my heart pounded out of my chest when the realisation it.
She was home, she was near me again.
None of them told me whether she was okay, so I hadn't had any news of her for two years.
I sighed a long sigh when I felt a weight lift from my shoulders, she was safe.
Michonne had asked me to leave her be, let her move on and I had to make her hate me to do that.
It was better for her to hate me and to be safe than to love me and die.
She walked with Rick, hand in hand, as he showed her around the new builds.
Why the fuck were they holding hands?!
I gripped the bars and glared at them.
She looked happy, the sunlight lit up her face as a breeze made her hair dance in the wind.
God she was fucking beautiful.
My eyes smiled as I saw her smile but that quickly disappeared when I thought she might have forgotten about me.
I had spent two years thinking over every single fucking thing that I did.
But mostly I forced myself to remember what I did to Molly and what I put her through back then, if only she could see that I'd changed.
Losing the love of my life, my home, my people, it made me realise that all of that shit was on me.
If you don't protect what you love, sooner or later someone will take it from you.
I thought about the Sanctuary, how run down it must be now and probably full of walkers and shit.
I thought about my lovely Lucille which Michonne took from me when I was brought here.
Most of all, when I lost Molly it felt like I had died inside.
Like my first wife, Lucille, I hurt her and screwed around on her and now I had done the same to Molly.
I never thought that I could feel like that again but then in came Molly Chambler, bulldozing her way into my life and my mind.
She was the only one who knew me for me and actually loved me regardless and I fucked shit up.
After two years, enough was enough. I couldn't take it anymore.
I had to see her and I would do whatever it took to make that happen, even if it was just to apologise to her, I just wanted to hear her voice.
I knew it was selfish, but fuck it, I know I'm not the good guy and I'm fine with that.
