(...) rescue me from the demons in my mind. whatever you do, don't ever play my game, too many years being the king of pain; you gotta lose it all if you wanna take control.
trigger warning: o texto abaixo contém menção a assassinato, estupro e morte por fogo.
a adrenalina percorrendo a corrente sanguínea fora de maneira instantanea enquanto adentrava a floresta junto a sua equipe de patrulha; as correntes estavam prontas para serem usadas, todo o corpo trabalhando nas musculaturas, as tornando mais flexíveis. contudo, nenhum deles estavam esperando para o que os esperava; no início, fora como um afogamento, a neblina espessa consumindo os pulmões, liberando algo que logo mais, ela rotularia como um alucinogeno. em seguida, a dor física, todo o corpo contorcendo-se sem que saísse do lugar, até que não houvesse mais nada, até que a mente fosse como um buraco negro e flutuasse no centro, perdida entre as imagens que rondavam sua consciência, seus medos.
o cheiro que preenchia o lugar era de bolo recém assado, havia o som de uma televisão ligada mas ninguém assistia; todos estavam no centro da cozinha, as vozes abafadas enquanto circulava em torno da cena que conhecia: seu meio-irmão com uma faca em mãos, pronto para matar a própria mãe. a katrina de anos atrás sorria, divertida com tudo o que acontecia. até que a cena mudou, katrina estava embaixo de um viaduto, bebendo água de um córrego, uma pequena fogueira acesa dentro de um túnel, até que um homem se aproxima e a toca de maneira ousada e enquanto o ato repugnante acontecia, a mente desligou-se em um click, percebendo tudo o que poderia ter tido. seu pai sorrindo a entregando o diploma da faculdade, sua madrasta sorrindo e lhe fazendo um bolo em seu vigésimo aniversário, seus irmãos abraçando-a…
os dígitos buscaram no chão algo que pudesse ajudá-la, um caco de vidro sendo usado para cortar a garganta do homem, o sangue deste caindo-lhe no rosto, dentro da boca… luis sorria, estavam no mundo dos sonhos mas logo ele se afastava, observava os dois corpos que katrina carregava, os dois semideuses que morreram por sua culpa. um soco lhe era dado no rosto. kitty caminhava em sua direção, os braços abertos até que hesitou, percebendo que katrina era a responsável por colocar sasha em uma situação ruim, mesmo que não fosse de propósito. outro soco, agora sangue escorria do nariz. tommaso a oferecia um cigarro, rindo alto de alguma bobagem que katrina o dizia, mas logo gritava com ela, a dizia o quão era imunda ao perceber que a amiga sentia-se bem demais diante da morte do irmão dele.
lá estava, a incapacidade de ser amada, de fazer algo ruim para aqueles que se importava. os dedos das mãos foram quebrados, a dor insuportável a atingindo por quem estava com o seu carrasco. o homem que a tocava outrora, não estava sozinho; seus amigos agora faziam justiça por ele, enquanto o fogo que antes a mantinha aquecida, lhe tocava a pele. a sensação de pavor era muito maior que a dor das queimaduras. conseguia sentir a pele derretendo por debaixo da roupa, conseguia sentir cada parte do seu corpo implorando por ajuda enquanto se contorcia, consumida pelo que a deixava assustada. os olhos marejaram até que fosse o suficiente para transbordarem, o medo a abraçando enquanto a morte caminhava em sua direção, mas fora capaz de perceber a sombra de éris de longe, rindo e dizendo-lhe o quão fraca era. katrina tentou gritar, não por ajuda mas por raiva, porque não havia nada pior do que perder a única coisa que tinha: a vida.
quando os olhos abriram-se ainda estava na floresta, mas havia um grito entalado na garganta, o rosto estava molhado pelas lágrimas e todo o corpo tremia, como se uma avalanche de sentimentos que reprimia, tivesse a atingido. sentia-se suja pelo toque do homem desconhecido, sentia-se imunda por saber que um dia, todos os seus amigos a deixariam como sua família havia feito e mais ainda, sentia-se quebrada por reconhecer que toda a merda que outrora passou e ainda passaria, fora unicamente culpa sua.
Jessica is, by no means, a socially inept woman. Having travelled the country, and further, ever since she was young, with her mother, she has always been good at making friends. Still, despite her many acquaintances and friendly attitude, she had never met someone she could speak to as easily as Christie Case. Considering Christie her closest friend, Jess doesn’t let a school day go by without dropping some kind of treat off at her friend’s office - a cookie, some coffee, or even a small bottle of alcohol for those roughest days.
2. Occupation
Jess has had dreams of being a teacher ever since she started middle school. Despite always changing schools, due to her mother’s travels, every new teacher she had has only proved to her that she wanted nothing more than to shape the minds of the youth into being their greater selves, even if just through English Literature. These days, she subtly assesses her students’ minds as well as their knowledge of the subject she teaches, working her hardest to guide them in the direction of a greater future.
3. ‘Freebie’ - A Fear
Jessica’s a happy person, everyone knows it. Positive as can be, even in the darkest hour, she carries herself with confidence and a lightness even angels would envy, on their best days. Still, deep inside, there is something she fears: not having children. When she was twenty, she did give birth to a girl - that was, however, result of her being a surrogate mother (donating both her egg and her body) so that one of her friends and his boyfriend (turned husband upon the legalization of gay marriage in the US) could have a baby of their own. She still sees the girl and her parents, even if they live in a different state, and she never once regrets her decision... but, approaching 30, she’s starting to fear that she’ll never have a baby of her own.
Being a single child was not easy for Mia. Although she was spoiled, she had no one to really rely once she fell out with her only friends, Richard and Amelia, out of jealousy of their relationship. For that reason, she had a hard time accepting that she had three half-siblings on the other side of the world. However, it came to be, to everyone’s surprise, that she actually loved all of them (in her own, bitchy way) and actually became very tight with her brother, Wyatt. The two chat at least once every day, and she has no doubt whatsoever that, were she ever hurt, he’d cross the world on the first plane he could catch to help her.
2. Occupation
When Mia was younger, she had dreams of being an artist - drawing was the way she expressed herself, her passion. However, after the traumatic event she went through at age sixteen, her goal in life became to save as many people as she possibly could. Today, she’s studying to become a pediatrician, as well as interning at the local hospital (her mother’s influence knows no bounds), and, while she still makes a few drawings here and there, nothing fulfills her more than seeing another young child survive another day because of her influence.
3. ‘Freebie’ - Missy
Mia had never had a pet before. Not because her parents wouldn’t give her one, because she knew they’d be willing to give her anything she asked for, but because she’d never understood what was so fascinating about them. When Thomas got Missy, and, then, Mia and him began living together, however, she realized just what she’d been missing. With Missy, she feels safe and calm like she hasn’t felt in many years of her life, and she loves coming home to her wagging her tail back and forth as she waits by the door.
Louis Tale is not Danny’s brother by blood; he’s her adoptive sibling, growing faster than she’d ever like him to. Although she was never good with kids, she took to Louis, and vice-versa, from the moment she and Elizabeth picked the child up from the orphanage. She’s very maternal with the young boy, and the sole reason why she has started wishing for children of her own. In him, she sees the light she long thought was gone from the world.
2. Occupation
Danny had only feebly thought of being a book store owner. In her dreams, she had always imagined a future split between music and books, but not like this - with her writing songs for someone else, and her books selling amidst all the others she has exposed at her store. The book/coffee shop is her happy place, where she can relax and feel free to express herself. The real Danny is free amidst the books and the scent of coffee.
3. ‘Freebie’ - Idle Worship
Danny often forgets she’s human; constantly feeling dettached from herself, a consequence of her depression, she forgets she’s allowed to feel and act on her emotions. For this reason, for being terrified of letting everyone down, she shoves deep her real thoughts and emotions, burying the darkness she feels deep inside. Her newest tattoo, ‘we can let the light illuminate these hopeless places’, is not only an ode to a band that pulled her through her roughest times, but also a reminder that she’s allowed to feel, as the light is always brighter at the end of the tunnel, but she’ll never reach it if she doesn’t navigate it first.
