and, then, there was darkness.
Her hands felt cold to the touch, no matter how long she warmed them by the fire. Sometimes, she could even see some of the higher flames try to lick at her skin, as if they were desperate to consume those parts of her like they belonged in ashes.
Christmas time had always been a good time for the girl. When she was young and innocent, and couldn't see that her father wouldn't speak a word to her mother the as the three of them walked around Disneyland, she was happy to enjoy the time spent amongst the lights and the other laughing children, even if she'd been on the rides already a thousand times. Even as she got older, and she started to see how her mother would shy away from her father's hand when he tried to hold it, she could still enjoy the feeling of freedom and pure cheer of seeing the Christmas parade and get to discover a new piece of candy she hadn't tried in the past.
Then, she became old enough to pretend not to hear her parents bicker before they left the house, and then too old to be walked around Disneyland with them in town. She became too old to appreciate Mickey Mouse with his Christmas hat, to be able to ignore the rotten darkness of the world and allow the Christmas cheer to sweep over her and make her heart soar. Christmas meant threats by old friends, and fights by the fire, and meaningless gifts wrapped in generic, expensive wrapping paper that she had no joy in tearing apart.
At one point in time, Mia didn't even celebrate Christmas. All she did was buy something for others to remember her by, and wish them a good holiday, then shut herself in her room to listen to The Cab as she drew another drawing that would stay locked in a trunk under her bed. As she grew up, the holiday lost all meaning and became just another day, which she didn't mind.
When, last year, her father had asked her to join him in Australia, the only reason she'd gone was to escape the heartbreak of having been betrayed by the boy she'd grown to love; a feeble attempt to escape him had become her greatest happiness when he'd travelled across the world to win her back. Christmas had happiness and meaning once more, and she saw hope - hope for the future, for her happiness, for a life she'd never imagined possible.
She wasn't sure how everything'd gotten to this very point - her sitting by the fire, warming her hands as her cousin wrapped a fluffy white towel around her cold body, her hair slowly counting the seconds with small drops of rain to the floor. She'd been happy, really; everything had seemed to be going better than expected. Despite the setbacks that she'd faced with Thomas, despite the occasional bad days at the hospital, Mia saw light, and she saw happiness.
And then, suddenly, she saw darkness.
For a long time, Mia had refused to believe in love; she'd refused to believe in happiness and in feeling, in general. She'd been bitter and cold and unable to trust that something that good could exist. In this moment, she wished she'd remained that way. Whoever had come up with the saying that "it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all" must've never been broken-hearted like she felt, now. Frozen from the inside out, covered in droplets of rain that had pelted over her skin as she'd watched Thomas drive away with his belongings, she could only think that she never should've given him the chance to love her; she never should've allowed herself the luxury.
She still didn't know what she'd done wrong, really. Everything seemed to be going perfectly well. Even after the accident, after having been through most of what was supposed to tear them apart, they were still together. And Mia thought they were happy, she really did. But she'd barely barked outside their- his apartment when she saw him leaning by his car. The rain was just a small threat over them, not quite falling, yet, when she tried to reach for Thomas and he pulled back. He didn't offer an explanation, didn't say why or even give a second glance after he told her the words that ended them.
That was all she got. Four words, and he slipped into his car and drove off. No apology, no appeasement, nothing. He simply left, taking with him every bit of happiness Mia had managed to conjure in her life, it seemed. He took their shared life, took their memories, and he left. She stood in the rain as it began to fall, and then as it started crashing down upon her, and she didn't move until her phone began to ring lowly from inside her soaked pocket. She made no move to answer the call, couldn't bother to, but her feet began to carry her down the empty street, chest heavy with pain as she found herself walking back to the one of the only persons she felt she could trust with her sadness.
And there she stood until now, her shoulder leaning against her cousin's chest as she rested in her embrace, her eyes feasting upon the flames in the fireplace, watching as it consumed the logs on there, much like Thomas had consumed the light in her life.