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Edward drove me home that night. We pulled up to the curb five minutes before curfew. Esme and Edward had convinced me that I would be able to be around Charlie, and Edward had promised to stay by my side as long as I needed him in case something happened, but I needed to do this on my own. I needed to trust myself, like Esme had said. I just hoped she was right.
“I’ll just drop the car back off at my house and bring Carlisle up to speed and then I will be back. You won’t even notice I’m gone.” Edward told me again as he walked me up to the door. He had already gone over the plan several times on the drive over, but it was still reassuring to hear.
“Liar.” I said. I took an unsteady breath, all I could smell was wet grass and pine needles. “I always notice when you’re gone.”
“I will be back as soon as I can, love,” he kissed my forehead when we reached the door. “You will be just fine.”
I just nodded. I watched him head back for the car and peel out of the drive, racing back to his house as fast as the car would take him. I could feel the venom coursing through my entire body, threatening to overwhelm me.
I took another breath and opened the door. Charlie was sitting in the living room watching a game.
“Hey Bells, good timing,” he said. The game seemed to be wrapping up as I kicked my shoes off and took a tentative breath in. I could smell the leftovers Charlie had reheated for dinner, the familiar musty furniture, and a slight damp breeze from an open window in the kitchen, but nothing that triggered the violent instincts inside me.
“How’s your hand?” I asked casually, standing behind the couch.
“Huh?” Charlie looked down at his hands and saw the band-aid wrapped around his finger. “Oh, yeah. It’s nothing.”
Of course it hadn’t been a big deal to him. Charlie carried on being blissfully unaware of the chaos I was surrounded in. Some days I wanted to tell him. It would make everything so much easier if he just understood, but I knew I never could. He could never know.
“I’m going to bed.” I told him, suddenly sad.
“Okay, I’m right behind you. G’night,” he said.
“Goodnight Dad.”
I went to my room and got ready for bed. Edward wasn’t back yet, so I took my time brushing out my hair and changing into my pajamas. I was already getting into bed when Edward slipped effortlessly into my room through my open window.
He walked over to me without a word and pulled me into his arms. I pressed my head into his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him.
“I told you I’d be back.” He murmured into my ear as he pulled me down onto the bed with him. “How did it go with Charlie?”
“Good. No blood, no problem.”
“That’s good,” Edward pressed.
“Yeah, but I could still hurt him. If there was an accident, if it was more than just a paper cut, I don’t know if I could stop myself.”
A vision of myself crouched over Charlie, blood dripping from my hands and my lips, danced in the periphery of my mind. A fear I was refusing to fully acknowledge.
“I know.” He said, a little sharper than I expected. “Have you forgotten the draw you had for me?”
I suddenly felt guilty. I had always trusted Edward so implicitly that sometimes I forgot how difficult it was for him to be around me.
“I’m sorry,” I rushed.
“You don’t have to apologize, love.” He said. “I was merely reminding you that I understand exactly what you’re going through.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“Bella, it’s okay, but you’ll recall that I have been faced with that particular dilemma.”
The flames reflecting off the mirrors of the ballet studio flashed in my mind.
“I still don’t understand how you did it.” I said. “How you stopped.”
“I love you,” he said simply. “More than anything on this Earth, and I know that now.” He slid closer to me and pressed a kiss to my throat. My blood pulsed slowly against his lips. “Of course it’s different now.”
“You don’t want me anymore?” I whispered.
“There will never come a day where I don’t want you,” he said, “but your scent is changing.”
I was suddenly self conscious. I worried that it wasn’t the same for him anymore, that maybe all the pieces of me that Edward liked were slipping away with my humanity.
“You don’t miss it?” I asked. He smirked at me and kissed me again lightly.
“No, I don’t miss it. You’re still you, and it is not entirely altered. Its just a little sharper now, with the venom fully absorbed into your bloodstream. It’s interesting,” he mused, “it’s still more powerful that any other human’s scent for me, but at the same time it's less appetizing. Alluring, yet inedible. I’m not sure I know exactly how to explain.”
I frowned at the thought. I was losing the thing that drew him to me in the first place.
“But you’re still warm.” He murmured. Running his hand up and down my arm. The skin tingled slightly under his touch. He traced my scar, drawing slow circles around my hand.
“Warmer than you.” I conceded.
“And you still smell like your strawberry shampoo and the pages of your books and the rust from your truck.”
“Don’t knock the truck,” I teased with a slight smile. “What about when I don’t have to wash my hair anymore and the truck breaks down and I’m the same temperature as you?” I pushed.
“Bella,” he shook his head, “you misunderstand me. I love your humanity and I want to cherish it for as long as I can, but even after your heart stops beating I will still love you. The things you bring with you into your next life and all the new parts of you.”
I nodded, satisfied. He was always so reluctant to discuss what it would be like after I was fully changed. He wasn’t ready for me to be a vampire yet, that much we both still new, but he was beginning to accept that it was where I was headed. Neither of us had any in say in the matter anymore, but his words calmed the growing tension inside me.
The venom continued to pulse through my veins and seep into my bones, and I welcomed it, willing it to go further, to change me completely.
#project hail mary
#lana del rey
