I might be the person that is-it-malgendering said was being transphobic about that post, I sent them a clarifying ask after because they assumed I wasn't trans(I'm trans* just not transgender) and was like "hey sorry i guess i misinterpreted your post, I have language and communication issues" and i dunno if they never saw it or they're just ignoring it but im happy someone else didn't get it and it wasn't just me
I saw that and actually called it out in a comment that never got responded to. I’ll use this post to share a few other thoughts I’ve been sitting with.
Your ask was, imo, not condescension. It was someone refusing to be condescended to. The response you (and I) got was FAR more condescending than you ever could be read as. "You're condescending bc you're assuming I don't know these things but I'll assume you're not trans and obviously not educated on trans issues. Because you aren't trans and aren't educated on trans issues, it's transphobia actually. Are you sure you didn't mean this? Because it's wrong to use that." Labeling your relevant experience “venting” (which implies seeking emotional comfort or release imo) seems like an attempt to dismiss important perspectives because they make some people uncomfortable, especially considering the original post was more vent than your own. Minorities are always too emotional amiright 🙄 but we're all definitely attacking and aggressive.
Trans (ppl under the impression they're) perisex claiming (trans*!!) intersex people are being transphobic by pointing out intersexism isn't a new concept unfortunately (thisis-intersexism got hit w it too, link), but it still sucks that you had to deal w it. And numerous occasions of IIM erasing intersex individuals transness!! "If non-trans intersex people are creating terminology for perisex trans people, we have a problem" we don't have a problem then bc SIG wasn't made JUST for perisex trans ppl and it was named BY SOMEONE WHO IS TRANS*.
I also think it's worth noting my og post had been read and received a comment, but not your bio (or mine where I also say I also have communication disorders), that links to your main that states your trans identity..... Hm. Obviously we must all be speaking in bad faith. My comments don't even show up under the post anymore (both your ask and the post are entirely deleted now, funnily enough), which started off w how an oppressive intersexist system isn't "better" (than cissexism)
The follow up post and responses were missing the point even more?? 😭
Original responses: it depends what you're talking about
OP: you're all reading me wrong :/
Response on second post (link): it depends what you're talking about
Op: YES! THANK YOU FOR THIS
As if people hadn't already said that?? 😭😭
~This word doesn't fit here, we could use this instead, but that doesn't work for these other situations? 🤔 This is proof it wasn't thought out and doesn't consider trans needs~ Why is one term bad bc it doesn't fill every use when you acknowledge that there isn't going to be one? Why is one bad bc you want more??? Never got my answer to that.
It did not seem to be seeking a collaboration of efforts. There was, however, a lot of tone policing and complaining abt how hard it is to be woke ("clunky," "aggression towards [majority using terminology incorrectly] can sometimes be mean spirited," "attacked," "ill-thought out solutions"), spending more time on perisex discomfort than not causing intersex harm. The posts equates intersex frustration at marginalization (language misuse, appropriation, erasure) with trans discomfort about being corrected, recentering trans perisex concerns instead of really grappling with why (mostly trans*) intersex people object to its mis/use. Because the misuse is so widespread, the real focus needs to be on correcting the language. But instead, people complain about and keep trying to correct the correction. Policing how intersex people speak up, tone-checking us, and making it about perisex discomfort—being an asshole is NOT the same as being a bigot. Like you're right! I became more and more disinterested in what you had to say the more it became how mean and bigoted the minority is . I literally said in my post that IIM commented on "If you think a minority is being mean or aggressive by correcting misinformation, such as redirecting language appropriation, your opinion will instantly mean less to me".
"idk why everyone keeps thinking I'm defending it?" Yet when I provide the probable reason ("I feel torn between wanting to listen to my intersex siblings and take on board the advice to move away from AGAB language, and needing trans inclusive language in order to feel comfortable and not misgendered") it's crickets. Just told how he "genuinely think[s I'm not] reading [his] posts properly" and then went on to posit a projection about my emotional state
"I disagree that I used SIG wrong" - using SIG to describe someone learning what genitals another person had is using it wrong, which is why it sounds ADMITTEDLY unnatural 😭
I ended up getting "simply" (incorrectly) "explained" the "reality" of why the terminology appropriation spread so quickly. Meanwhile, it actually spread bc of intersexism. Because people didn't know what it actually meant and ascribed their own meaning, that genitals determine birth assignment, and based on that assignment comes specific socialization.
I let this sit in my drafts for a while deciding if I were going to post it. I don't usually get emotionally involved regarding things on the internet, but this (link) pisses me the fuck off, featuring the same complaints that intersex people are mean spirited while correcting misinfo (oh, here's one [link], two [link], w the same ones).
Except it does happen. Also why the fuck does it even matter.
You literally fucking do this. As I discussed earlier. I'm so tired of having dysphoria pulled as a trump card, as if it somehow beats the dysphoria intersex people experience. I'm tired of people forgetting most of us understand the dysphoria that these conversations stem from
Oh and this (link)
Great statement! Too bad it doesn't seem you live by it
