#tboytalks

[mama-tboy]

exciting. one episode in and im already seething.

idk what everyone else's take on ep1 is but i cant get over how little say wifey had in every single thing that happened. she wasnt just a victim of this evil predatory pay-to-live company, she was a victim of her own husband.

i guess she was given the choice to take a break from her prescribed suffering, but even then, was it her choice? her husband bought not only the upgrade, but the card too. secretly, against her wishes, against their livelihood, and then hand-fed it to her, only for him to realize he couldn't force their life back to normal-- back to happy. he was just masking her pain.

the only time she truly had a choice the entire episode was when she was finally allowed to die. she stayed alive long enough for him to adjust to a different life. for him to realize it wasn't going to get better. they suffered and mourned their life together, which is devastatingly beautiful to a degree. i just can't imagine doing that to someone i love, with such little research or consideration put behind the decision.

i wasnt longing for his comeuppance by any means, he was also taken advantage of by this company. it was horrific from both perspectives. i just struggled to empathize with him to the same extent for forgoing his wife's autonomy at every turn he could.

i see this ep as an analysis on bodily autonomy, though not only under capitalism, but in the average co-dependent family unit.

[mama-tboy]

surprise, the true crime dramatization is over-occupied with The Hook rather than presenting the victim's perspective!!

[mama-tboy]

i dunno what to do with this blog now that im medicated lmao

[mama-tboy]

its fuckin nuts how after you um like fully develop a brain you just start to like

realize stuff

[mama-tboy]

I hope this isn’t upsetting or a trauma dump but I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and there are a lot of us who live in a grey area when it comes to trauma and abuse.

I’ve always felt guilty for crying, to the point that when I can’t help but do so, I just can’t emote. I go completely blank. That’s a result of my family belittling me. My aunt and cousins would come up with nicknames and jokes around the fact that I cried. Literally just a regular human reaction. And because this wasn’t a big explosive dramatic event, I didn’t realize how much that affected me until well into adulthood. It’s taken years of my adulthood to break down how my family scarred me.

I’m not telling you this to ask for sympathy, but to give you a little outsider insight on how much the people we grow up around mold our brains. Your family did that to you, and it’s ok to be angry, to mourn a life without their cruelty. The fact that you recognize it is an extremely important step in undoing their damage.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Please know that you are loved and heard. 💝

wauw my first anon.... thank you sm for your kind words :') my family is really really similar, my cousins were basically my siblings except our home lives were completely separate, and the shit they experienced at home was brought back to me and my sister. they were my first bullies. being the youngest i always had this weird expectation to be the "normal" one or the "ok" one. none of us were ever ok tho. so yeah i was always expected to just grin & bear it.

im just thankful i had my grandma to tell me it was ok to cry. if it werent for her i think i wouldve exploded atp. i hope you find some form of release in your life lovely anon<3

[mama-tboy]

just watched this video

thinkin a lot about when i cut off my dad. i was 12 and my parent's were in the middle of getting divorced. theres a lot of shame that comes along with that.

what fucked me up was that it was entirely directed at my mom, who had just found out she was being cheated on. IM the one who found out and told her. yet everyone on my dad's side didnt even consider mine or my sisters perspectives. they just said "well, it takes two to build a good relationship." they knew him as the baby brother, of course they werent going to vilify him. but the way they treated my mom obviously directly impacted our relationship with them.

and like, i get their criticism to a point. when i think about it, i dont think i would have cut my dad off so early in my life if my mom hadnt used me as a venting outlet from a young age. thats followed me my whole life. someone i love doesnt like a person? person is dead to me. and its not like i want my dad in my life. i genuinely dont think hes a good person. he wasnt a good parent before i cut him off. but if i had a chance to give HIM a chance, would it have made a difference?

ive always felt so old. when people talk about parentified children, children of neglect, just victims of disfunctional families in general, i have no idea where i fit in. i just know theres something im missing.

[mama-tboy]

i dunno if its the autism or what but i spent a LOT of my life being hypersexual (thinking that was the only thing i could provide anyone) until like last year when i totally flipped and started to feel no interest whatsoever. genuinely unnerving feeling.

[mama-tboy]

im not sure who to follow yet on this new blog so ive just been scrollint thru my for you and hey. why am i already getting ocd content how did they clock me so fast