To Feel Your Touch Again
Come Darkened Starlight Part One Lullaby of Your Soul
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Summary:Â Time does not end and the galaxy moves on, transitioning into a new era. There are songs that steal you from sleep, and a voice that whispers a promise to lead you astray from the balance that took so long to achieve. More than anything, there is him. There is Kylo and there is you. Thus begins the new chapter of rancor and tooke.
Come darkened starlight
Iâll lead you astray
Into the shadow of legends.
Come darkened starlight
Thereâs still much to say
Of the soul you joined together.
 Whisper dim starlight
Iâll find you astray
With all your pain
And past horrors.
Weep not dull starlight
As this is the way
Releasing fear and destruction.
 Silence my starlight
Iâve shown you the way
To capture a sun
And all systems.
Lead on oh starlight
And soon youâll find prey
And reap a tale of tragedy.
 Come darkened starlight
Iâll lead you astray
Into the shadow of legends.
Come darkened starlight
Thereâs still much to say
Of the soul you joined together.
 Come Darkened Starlight
 Part One: Lullaby of Your Soul
 Chapter One: To Feel Your Touch Again
 When all the horrors that had been endured pursued your subconscious concentration, you would sing yourself awake. The first time that this had occurred, you had spent the day trying to remember the song as well as where you had heard it beforeâif you had ever heard it. On this latest occurrence, you knew without question that the song had been composed on the spot. You pressed the tips of your fingers to the sensitive flesh underneath your tired eyes. If you sang aloud in your sleep, no one had commented on it. Kylo had always been known to stare at your slumbering form for as long as you could remember. Such behavior had increased subsequent to your second death. The action was reciprocated; you hated when he was away, when you could not wake to him there in bed with you.
 That frustration would have been in full bloom had Trudgen not been laying beside you, his back in your direction. His night terrors had lessened in number. He never did sing, not where you could hear. You blinked whilst tracing his silhouette with your eyes alone. His body shifted subtly with his breaths. The low hum of the ship reminded you that this was not the Night Buzzard. Trudgenâs presence stemmed from a mutual need for comfort from nightmares and the fact that you were on a mission together.
 Ranooke, the akk dog that had adopted Kylo and you, slunk into the room. He walked the circumference of the room then exited. This served as enough of a disturbance that Trudgen finally stirred. âHmm.â
 You shifted upwards, your hands dragging the blankets along with you to ward off the coolness offered by space. The stale ship air caused Trugen to cough into a fist as he, too, readjusted his position. He spoke then, his voice rumbling more than usual given the dryness in his throat. Trudgen asked you if you had had the nightmare again. The nightmare. It was the one that made you sing most frequently. Sometimes it sang back. Though Trudgen and Kylo knew of this particular nightmare, only Kylo knew of the singing. You thought back to the blend of voicesâyours and an incorporeal one that you could never place.
 âNo, it was a different one. It wasnât so bad.â This was the truth. Had Kylo been present, you would have elaborated. Instead he was in a different section of the ship, more than likely engaged in communications with the emissary that had been sent to request his presence. By engaged, of course, you imagined he stared at the man, who would be fumbling with his words as he attempted to discern if Kylo Ren was irritated by him or not.
 You smiled at the thought and, keeping the blanket wrapped around your body, rose from the bed. Trudgen followed suit. He reached for his helmet, the only piece of his armor that he had previously removed before taking a nap with you, and tugged it on. The Knights of Ren had not changed their armor in favor of other attire since first embarking on diplomatic missions with Kylo Ren, who still had yet to take an official title different from Supreme Leader. Rey, on the other hand, had obtained the title Viceroy on behalf of her home planet. She, too, was present for the current mission. You took comfort in the familiar sight of Trudgenâs armor and masked face as he rounded the bed and reached the door first. It parted for him, however he stepped aside to instead allow you to leave the quarters.
 In the corridor, Ranooke spun in a circle. He had grown since the final battle, and you wondered if he would achieve the size of a landspeeder like some did. You ran a hand along his head when walking past then heard his footsteps fall in line behind you along with Trudgenâs. You felt as though you were floating. Stumbling in your next step, you felt your cheeks heat up and did what you could to recover quickly. Trudgen did not comment, just as you never did when he would wake up in a sweat that soaked the bedsheets.
 The scent of baked goods filtered into the air as you walked farther away from the quarters that you had been sharing with Kylo and Trudgen. Apâlek, Cardo, and Vicrul took another of the quarters; and Rey, Kuruk, and Ushar had taken the last. Being on alternating sleep schedules prevented the beds from being shared in any manner that would have left one feeling uncomfortable. Presently, though, all were awake and gathered together in the conference room along with the emissary.
 Kyloâs gaze landed on you, his eyes pinching slightly. His vision was known to falter when he pushed himself too hard, although this did not impede him as it had in the past. He adjusted more easily than he sometimes gave himself credit for. You traced the pair of scars on his face that ran perpendicular to one another, creating a cross. He was so beautiful to you, and you felt your fingers twitch as a longing to touch him arose. Later you would. Later, when he would allow himself to be fully vulnerable, when the two of you, one soul as two individuals, were alone together. A thrum of contentment filtered through the bond that you shared, and you knew that he felt it as well.
 Three baskets of baked goods were spread around the table along with drinks. Millicent sat curled up in Apâlekâs lap. She touched noses with Ranooke, who then moved past in favor of taking a seat to Kyloâs left. You sat on his right, the blanket that you had brought along draped across your lap and pooling at your feet and his. You hummed in contentment. Hummed then began to sing.
 At times, it was not only nightmares that would prompt you to sing yourself awake. The lucid dreams gave you pause when you woke up singing in your head.
 Kyloâs arms, secure around you, tugged you backwards. You sighed heavily and twisted around to bury your face into his chest. Inhaling his scent, you worked through what had happened and what hadnât. Unconscious, you had properly remembered the sleeping arrangements as well as the presence of Millicent and Ranooke. The baked goods were fictitious; there were only ration bars and other MREs. The scars on Kyloâs face had been correct, as had his visual impairment. The blanket had been wrong. So, too, had the armor worn by the Knights of Ren. Their helmets had not changed, however their armor had been altered in the wake of new planets discovered in wild space.
 âIs Rey a viceroy?â you asked in a quiet voice when you realized that you could not properly remember if that had been true or false.
 âActing emissary,â Kylo said in reply as he trailed his fingers down the length of your spine. You arched forward. The warmth of his body flooded into yours. Instead of melting into it like you wanted to, you shoved your heels against the mattress and scooted upwards. Your fingers raked along your scalp, albeit gently and without leaving marks.
 Starlight filtered into the room from the wide viewport to your left. You looked to the sea of darkness that was dotted by stars. A memory stirred, the memory of your second death mingled with details from your first. You had peered down into the water to observe life while you had been there, dead yet in a land between. The war over your soul, within your soul, had prevented you from transitioning into full death. And then you had made a choice. While pondering and weighing your options, you had tumbled through darkness.
 Perhaps that was the voice that sang to you, you thought. The darkness and the light both soothing you in their own way. Comforting you, luring you towards one side instead of maintaining balance.
 You reached for Kylo and stroked a hand through his hair, felt the softness of his curls. He, likewise, drew his hand away from the center of his body. It was not you that he had reached for. Instead, he touched a music player that you brought along most places. The song that filled the silence of the room stilled your breath. There it was, that familiar rhythm. There were no lyrics to this song, and so you had in your sleep provided them some.
 âI had a nightmare within a dream.â The confession was unnecessary, however you enjoyed talking with him too much to refrain from continuing. âI keep singing, keeping narrating even as I do. I feel so much when I do.â You paused, swallowing thickly. Once, during a similar conversation, Kylo had revealed that you sang to him in his dreams as well, that you had done so on occasion ever since you had sung to him on the day Leia had been murdered.
 The lapse into silence offered you a momentâs reprieve from the nervousness that had slipped past your guard. You willed away thoughts of Leiaâs passing while hoping that your feelings on the matter had not slipped through the bond. If it had, Kylo displayed no noticeable signs. He picked up a datapad that had been sitting beside the music player along with a pair of glasses that he only wore when alone. This need for assistance, this vulnerability, was not one he was yet ready to share with the galaxy at large. More often than not one of the Knights of Ren would take whatever material needed to be read and do so aloud. Or else Kylo would order that the other party do so themselves. On days when his eyesight was not an issue, he still would not read the material so as to prevent drawing more attention when it was.
 You observed him in your peripheral. In truth, you rather liked how he looked with his glasses on. Kylo turned his head a fraction to meet your gaze, and you sucked your lips into your mouth to conceal the nervous grin that had started to form upon being caught.
 âWhat was the nightmare?â He seemed to already know that it had not been the nightmare, which was a comfort. You threaded your fingers together then pulled them apart. He began to silently read the text on the datapad without pushing you to speak. He already knew that you would, that you merely required another moment to gather your thoughts. It was equally an excuse for you to observe him in his glasses, the light catching the corners. His amber eyes were forever beautiful to you.
 After a time, you slid your right hand underneath your pillow to withdraw one of your many electronic pets. You thumbed the power button to wake the creature and began to play a minigame on the device while you described the nightmare.
 In the nightmare, you had danced on a bed of bones that did not pierce your flesh. Where the blood pouring down those skeletal remains came from, you hadnât known. Familiarity had nagged at you, as though you were meant to know whose bones they were. Thus your subconscious mind had started to work through that riddle, listing off names of people you had lost over the course of the long war. It had not been any of them though. Flesh and clothing had started to materialize on the remnants until you danced upon the corpses of those you had killed. And so you had started to sing.
 Kylo did not ask you which song you had sung. His lips formed soundlessly around the syllables, which caused your heart to race. You bit down on your bottom lip, worked your teeth back and forth on it. Your fingers made quick work of the minigame and next in feeding the electronic pet. He would not sing; if you were lucky, however, he might hum the tune. You held your breath in anticipation, curled your toes.
 I buried his ashes down by the brook,
And into the meadow I strayed.
I built up my house out where he would look,
Where in my childhood I played.
 I carried her with me through the world
And among the stars I would dance.
My parents did watch my life unfurl,
And gave to me every best chance.
 I--
 And that was when you had woken up. It was where Kyloâs lips ceased in their movements. He set aside the datapad and stroked your cheek with the tips of his bare fingers. You shuddered at their warmth, at the contact that was unimpeded by gloves, which he nearly always wore. âA song of Naboo,â he said, his voice low, husky. He set the palm of his hand to your cheek, and you leaned into his touch.
 âIs that what it was?â you asked. His eyes pinched in the corners, and you narrowed yours in return at his teasing. You knew what that expression meant: any song from you was a song of Naboo. That had been your birth planet, a planet that no longer existed. You carried it with you in your heart, as did all other surviving Naboolians. âI danced on the bodies of my enemies.â He nodded, and you knew what he was thinking: I burned mine, tooke. âMaybe it wasnât such a bad nightmare?â Not when you compared it to others.
 Kylo leaned his face nearer to yours. Tilting back your head, you succeeded in fogging his glasses with your breath, which made you chuckle. Kyloâs lips parted and he sighed then whispered your name.
 He was working to steady himself. Now that he, like you, had found balance, killing impacted him differently. It would be far too easy to fall into old habits, historic behaviors. There were multiple reasons for the current mission, some not entirely political. When it came to the creatures terrorizing the planetâs peopleâbehemoths that were resistant to the Forceâthat was not a matter that Rey or Kylo felt rested with any political allegiances, though some of the senators disagreed. The same flaws that had infiltrated the New Republic and the Empire as well as the Old Republic; greed, manipulation, a lack of action. Kylo Ren, as leader of the alliances that had formed under the Order of Ren, rejected those flaws and took matters into his own hands. That was why the planet had contacted him directly. It was why few had questioned his position of authority.
 A time would come where that would happen and on a more open front. In the meanwhile, he focused on what had always been his goal: ruling the galaxy and bringing order. Not through tyranny as he might once have. Although intimidating others did hold an allure, offer him temporary amusement.
 Another reason that the mission was taking place stemmed from the fact that several species of local fauna were similar to creatures that had been native to Naboo. You wanted to know more, wanted to learn if perhaps there had once been travellers from Naboo to this planet in wild space. It gave you hope, and you were only too pleased to cling to that.
 Kylo pulled off his glasses and began to clean the condensation off their surface. âSorry.â You glanced at the chrono on the wall. The journey to the planet was long, namely due to the fact that resources were being conserved as best they could be. Finn would join on a different ship if the mission had not ended by the time he wrapped up his current duties with Lando and Jannah. Poe and Rose were together on a separate mission; they would rest, however, as they had been deployed numerous times in the past month and the strain had begun to show physical signs. âAre Kuruk and Vicrul still self-isolating?â They had been doing so quite often. When it came to Kuruk, that behavior was normal. For Vicrul, it was newer, the same as it was with Trudgen.
 Pausing in his movements, Kylo tilted his head. You knew that he reached out with the Force to brush against the Knightsâ presence and locate them. âTogether.â You nodded, watched as he replaced the glasses on the bedside table. He passed the datapad to you, scrolling then pointing. You read the passage with a frown.
 More information on the Force-resistant creatures had been released, though much of it was speculation. Kylo had told you how he had killed the Zillo Beast, however that had only been one. There were multiple creatures in this case and they had been observed in pairs. While they were resistant to the Force, they actively sought out its users. Other creatures from different planets had been known to behave as such.
 âYou will stay behind with Vicrul, Cardo, and Apâlek.â A scowl broke across your face. âThere will be multiple expeditions into their territory. Three parties will form.â You huffed, working through what he was not saying. Rey would lead the third group. Her group and Kyloâs would go while you remained behind to learn what you could about the creatures similar to those that had been on Naboo. âAn LDS may be necessary.â The minute amount of agitation that had begun to build dissipated. Your mouth formed a small oh of understanding. âSome younglings may join Rey in training once this mission ends.â
 âOn the planet, or will they leave with her?â His gaze flickered to the door before returning to your face. He shook his head almost imperceptibly. It was either unknown or undecided. That part was political. You wrinkled your nose and moved on from the matter. âYouâre leaving Ranooke with me, arenât you?â
 âYes.â
 Relief flooded through you. You did not want to think of Ranooke facing any of those creatures any more than you wanted to think of Kylo doing so. Millicent would remain aboard the ship. Her presence was due to the feline having snuck aboardâor that was the story that Apâlek told, which you were struggling to believe given the frequency with which this occurred. Then again, you thought, it did make sense to you. She had lost her former home, her former master. And she had been made to travel often when she had been in Huxâs care. You felt your stomach roil at the name, and you shoved it away.
 You curled your body against Kyloâs. He wound his arms around you, pulling you back down so that you could lay together for a little while longer. The back to back missions had taken him away from you for nearly a month. A mere two days together before this mission had come up. You were glad to be there with him, to be in his arms, to feel his touch. You buried your face into the crook of his neck, breathing a sigh of relief.
 This moment of peace in time, you would embrace it for all it was worth.

















