TOTGA appreciation/emotional post // letter to Ronnie Bennett
You know what? I'm having these days again. Eddie wants to come back to my head and I'm struggling not to let him in. And then I read 20th chapter of TOTGA... and it wasn' bad for me (because of eating disorder mentions). I was crying, of course. But because deeper in my mind is the fact that Rey has to be okay than my insecurities. Yes, I am fat and really not proud of that, it hurts. But Rey is too perfect to suffer this. And if I could do anything, I'd take away both Nialls and Rey's pain and thoughts. They deserve to be happy. I know deep inside that we all deserve what's the best.
I love Ronnie for being the way she is and for making her characters so... real. They're in my mind almost all the time and right now I'm not thinking about my stomach and approaching overweight, but about how much I need them and Ronnie to be happy with themselves.
I respect all kind of mothers. Mom is a mom, end of discussion. But the way Rey's mom is acting is so bad. I'd say, Rey deserves her mother, but not these killing words.
I'd rather struggle with my current situation, which is fighting over any happy sign since my mommy is on chemoteraphy and her cancer looks really bad. I'd rather suffer because of fucking terrible sadness than this terrible hurt in Renee's mom words.
No one ever told me straight that I'm fat. But I know people's looks. I see their eyes. And I know that If someone would tell me that I shouldn't eat something, because I'll look even worse - that would be it. I've got enough of my sister talking about how am I wearing bad things and my wardrobe is full of wasted money.
Tonight's chapter of TOTGA made me think that we all need our own Niall. The person which would tell us simple "I love you". Because sometimes even that simple sentence could change our minds. I know it for sure that if some boy would tell me that I'm enough and I deserve a lot and he just "loves me the way I am", I would cry from happiness.
We all need Niall. We need a saver.
And since I want a beautiful Ronnie to be happy...
I love you. You are perfect. Don't listen to anyone who's thinking otherwise. I love you, and we all love you. You deserve the most. You're a real fighter and I know that.
Strong. Beautiful. Talented. Worth every single tear of happiness of mine, since I am crying now. From happiness, because I want you to be happy, Ronnie.
