Summary: Month one at Camp Curahee, first team evasion training for Jane, Robert, and Shane.
Notes: I’m filing for custody of Team Wolf Pack. My tragic little Spartan III rage babies.
Previous work: First Step
@authortobenamedlater and @ionlymadethissoicouldleaveanask
Re: Spartan III and Kurt!
(Not sure why the formatting is being odd and not wrapping word.)
They were supposed to be quiet, and the stupid boys were arguing again.
Jane shoved down her irritation at Shane and Robert as she maintained point position, which meant she was in front and a lookout. At least they didn’t slow her down as their group moved through the forest area designated Trapzone 7. Mission parameters: evade capture, which was fancy military speak for don’t get caught. Success meant dessert rations. Failure meant laps around the rally ground. Jane didn’t actually mind running and her Aunt Molly used to say her sweet tooth hadn’t grown in yet.
But Jane did hate losing.
There was a crashing sound behind her and Jane jerked around to see Robert’s foot sunk in the ground up to his ankle. Small pit trap. The instructors called them ‘gopher holes,’ and more than one recruit had broken an ankle on them. Robert was lucky they’d been moving slowly so he was just stuck and he hadn’t even fallen over. Jane felt red hot anger flush across her cheeks because she was on point and supposed to notice things like that to warn her teammates about. But she passed just fine and Robert had to find it with his big, stupid foot.
Jane clenched her hands at her sides as she stomped back to Robert, who had gotten his foot free with Shane’s grudging help. “We’re not supposed to leave a trail!” she said, shoving Robert in the chest hard enough he stumbled. Shane snorted and she rounded on him. “You’re not any better!”
“I didn’t do nothing,” Shane said, swatting at Jane’s pointing finger.
“You didn’t tell me about that gopher hole,” Robert snapped at Jane, brow furrowed in a pout. “How was I supposed to miss it?”
She turned to glare at him. “Maybe notice it yourself?”
The color in Robert’s face was almost violet. “Don’t push me,” he said, lunging forward, nearly stepping in the gopher hole again, and shoving her. Jane stumbled back into Shane, who shoved her away on reflex. She stomped the ground to keep from falling forward and whirled on him. “Jerk!”
Shane’s expression went from apologetic to angry in a flash. “Hey! You bumped into me!” And he shoved her again.
That rage she felt since her family died was constantly at a low simmer, but it was boiling now. Jane caught herself on her back foot and grounded her stance, power in the legs, how Lieutenant Ambrose taught them. She balled her left hand into a fist and swung at Shane’s face. CPO Mendez said being a leftie made her a ‘southpaw’ fighter.
“Hey!” Robert shouted grabbing Jane and pulling her back as Shane fell on his butt. That did not deescalate the situation.
“I don’t need help!” Shane snapped as he rolled onto his knees.
Then they were all brawling. Punching and kicking, and it didn’t matter who got hit as long as the hits landed.
Jane got Shane in a headlock but he bit her hard enough she let go, which made her even angrier. Robert grabbed her by the back of her shirt and she elbowed him in the stomach, which made him double over, but he smashed his head into her nose as he did it. Shane punched Robert in the jaw, but he left himself open for Jane to tackle him. That put them both on the ground so Robert could...
Snap.
They froze at the sound of a branch breaking nearby, attempting to quiet their heavy breathing. They were about to be found and to fail their mission.
Jane scrabbled upright as Shane dropped and rolled down the small hill they were on to the stream. She realized he was making it look like they’d gone that way. Leaving a fake trail was smart. With all the grass bent and smooshed flowers, it wasn’t like they could hide they’d been there. She shook off her jacket and tossed it down by the water, like she forgot it while running. All the clothes at the camp were too big for her anyway.
Robert ran to a nearby tree and leaned against it, waving for Jane and Shane. Jane ran over, jumping and using his shoulder to get higher with Shane right behind her. They both reached down hands to pull Robert up and the three of them climbed higher into the canopy. The trees on Onyx were weird. Higher up branches began to intermingle, making it possible to climb between trees.
One of Robert’s feet slipped against the damp bark and he started to fall, letting out a hiss but not yelling. Shane grabbed the back of his shirt. Then Shane nearly lost his grip, but Jane hooked her knees over a branch and hung down to grab his wrist with both hands so he didn’t lose his hold on the branch.
They didn’t dare move. Jane even held her breath.
Below the drill instructors were moving, calling to one another about the path down to the stream. Sighting lights flittered through the leaves, a beam went over Jane’s knees, but the camo print on her pants was good enough it moved on without pause. Jane felt the trembling strain in her arms as she squeezed on Shane’s wrist.
The instructors split off, one going toward the stream and the other deeper into the forest. Jane didn’t move, and neither did the boys until they heard the sound of a different group getting caught in the distance.
Robert swung to get a perch and Shane finally let go of his shirt. Jane waited for Shane to get both hands on his branch before letting go of his wrist, her nails having left little indents from how tight she was holding. She dangled upside down for a moment before pulling herself upright.
More waiting in silence before they climbed down to the forest floor. Jane let out a long sigh.
“Commendable teamwork.”
None of them jumped but they did all go still at the sound of the voice.
“Fuck,” Jane swore.
“You can’t use that word,” Shane told her, scowling.
“Who made you potty mouth warden?” Robert asked, and Shane turned to glare at him.
Taking a deep breath, Jane shifted to see Lieutenant Ambrose leaning in the shade of a nearby tree. “Sir,” she said with a salute, which the boys copied.
“Good situational awareness while in combat, too,” he said as he stepped onto the grass they’d flattened.
Jane wasn’t the only one that flushed to know the Lieutenant saw them fighting.
The three of them stood at attention and waited to find out how much trouble they were in. Her neck hurt looking up at him. The Lieutenant was so big and tall. Jane wondered if all Spartans were tall, and if she would be tall when she was a Spartan. Because she was going to be one.
His gaze passed over them. “You pass.”
Jane made a squeak of surprise as Shane blurted, “But we didn’t see you!” Robert elbowed him and hissed, “Shut up, stupid!” and Shane elbowed him right back.
Lieutenant Ambrose might have smiled just a little bit. “If you were able to notice a full-fledged Spartan at this point, it would be meaningless for me to be training you,” he said as he handed them three green wristbands as proof of their success. “Head back to base.”
“Yes, sir!”
They grabbed the bands and made a run for it before he could change his mind.
Privacy Is Part of the Product, Not an Afterthought
Building an AI companion is personal, and it should stay that way. One reason I trust SweetDream is that discretion is baked in. What I create and talk about on sweetdream.ai feels like mine, kept private, not something I have to worry about.
That sense of safety is a quality of its own. It lets you be honest, open up, and actually enjoy the connection without looking over your shoulder. If privacy is what's been holding you back from trying an AI girlfriend, this is the place that takes it seriously.
"If someone thinks these two shouldn't be joined in the holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace." The shaman spoke. The room was quiet as the bride and groom scanned the room, hoping there would be no interruptions. That's when it happened.
Paul saw her, his imprint. It wasn't his wife-to-be either. He stared off into the crowd. He couldn't believe this was happening.
"Well, if no one has anything to say, we can continue with the ceremony." The shaman tried to continue the ceremony, but Paul still was staring at her.
"Paul." Rachael whispered, trying to get her fiancé's attention. He didn't hear a word she said. "Paul?" A nervous chuckle left Rachael's mouth. Whispers started from the crowd as people watched him confused.
Paul slowly turned back toward Rachael, and her nervous expression dropped. She smiled at him but it slowly faded with his next words, "I'm sorry, I can't do this."
"What?" She asked, her voice breaking.
"I can't marry you, Rach. I'm so sorry." Paul said and walked back down the aisle, effectively leaving his shocked bride at the alter.
Life never had gone your way. Not one bit. Your current dilemma was an example of that. You were currently crying in your ramen noodles, taking a break from packing up your shitty apartment. Everything was going downhill for you. First you got fired from your job at a local coffee shop. It wasn't your fault though. Some bitch customer didn't like her ice coffee. Your manager and another employee had to hold you back from jumping over the counter and beating her skull in after she tossed it on you. Which resulted in your firing.
You also lost your scholarship after failing a particularly hard class. Now you couldn't afford school and you only had a year left. You couldn't afford the crap apartment with no job, leaving you no choice but to move back home. You weren't very happy about that.
Forks, Washington was such a small town and you weren't looking forward to going back. As soon as you stepped foot in town, the rumor mill that plagued all small towns would start. You'd know soon everyone would know you failed and were crawling back home with your tail between your legs. Something they were expecting after going to school as an art major. Art was your passion and you wanted to become a Art teacher. Helping meld young minds and help them express themselves.
Now you'd never get the chance. Okay, that was dramatic but it was exactly how you were feeling at the moment. It had taken you a few more hours to pack, with breaks for more crying and stuff your face with cheap food. You were actually looking forward to your mom’s home cooked food. You finished filling your car and the U-haul trailer and hit the road.
As you drove, you were deep in thought. Your mom knew you were coming home, but how would you explain that to your father. He was against you leaving home in the first place. You took off right after graduation. You haven’t even been back for holidays. You didn’t want to have to hear your father’s lectures. Now you’d be surrounded with them 24/7. You never thought you’d have to move back into your childhood home with your parents at the age of 23. Yet, here you are.
When you finally got into Forks, the urge to pee hit you hard. You pulled over to one of the two gas stations in town, and darted practically inside. After finishing your business in the bathroom, you decided to get some snacks. You were browsing the candy aisle when someone called your name. You turned to see Racheal Black. She was practically your best friend in high school. You grew up together.
“Rach? Oh my god, it’s good to see you!” You exclaimed giving the girl a hug.
“Same here!” She said, squeezing you back just a tightly. “How have you been? What are you doing here?”
“Moving back, unfortunately.” You admitted, pointing to your car outside.
“I thought you weren’t coming back until you graduated?” She asked curiously.
“That was the plan. Come back when I finally could rub my degree in my dad’s face.” You said with a laugh. She laughed along right with you. “Things didn’t work out.”
“Sorry, to hear that (Y/N/N).” She said. You and Racheal were so close growing up. After you both went your separate ways for college, you lost touch.
“What are you doing here? You visiting Billy?” You asked her.
“No, I moved back to help take care of Dad. He’s getting older and someone had to keep him in line.” She said, making you both laugh at her joke. It was like no time had passed between you two. Going back and joking like it hadn’t been years since you’d seen one another.
“So what’s new in the life of Racheal Black?” You asked. She beamed and held up her left hand. There was a beautiful stone on her ring finger.
“I’m getting married in a few weeks!” She squealed. You squealed back and congratulated her. “What about you? Have anyone special in your life?”
“Nah, you know me. I’ve never been the type for quote, unquote ‘relationships’. Just haven’t found the right one yet.” You said with a shrug.
“We’ll see, maybe I can set you up with someone.” Racheal said with a smile.
“Please, don’t.” You grimaced.
“They’ll be a lot of single guys at the wedding. You will come won’t you?” She asked.
“Of course I will!” You said.
“Okay, I’ll send an invitation for you to your house. I still got some errands to run, so I gotta go. We should meet up for lunch one of theses days.” She said. You smiled and nodded. You exchanged numbers and said your goodbye. After picking up a sweet treat, you started the journey to your childhood home. You definitely weren’t ready to face your father, but you just wanted to get it out of the way and rest.
The wedding disaster was all anyone could talk about in Forks. It had been a few days and Rachael had locked herself away from the public eye, no doubt mortified. You hadn't noticed Paul at his construction job in the last few days either. The rumor mill spun telling stores about Paul cheating or secretly being gay. While you weren't sure there were any truth to them, you decided not to get involved. Frankly you were tired of hearing it everywhere you went. You felt for Rachael, but seeing as you weren't immediately family, it was none of your business.
Today was your day off and you were currently heading to La Push. You wanted to sketch the forest or the ocean. You weren't sure yet. You just needed a break from everything. At work, at home, at the gas station people talked about the 'Disaster Wedding of the Century'. Reminded you why you chose to leave the state when you left for college.
As you drove down the road to La Push, watching the trees pass you by, you decided to sketch the forest. You missed it here, how beautiful it was. You didn't want that to pass you by. You found a spot near a cliff. It gave you the perfect view to sketch the thick green trees, but you could also watch the sun set over the ocean when it was time. It was perfect. You set up your supplies, laying out your blanket and pulling out your snacks that you were sure you'd eat eventually.
After 30 minutes of glancing between your sketch book and the forest, you noticed something different. An animal has made it's way near you. A huge animal in fact. It was a wolf that just had to be on steroids. It was as big as a horse. It peeped his head out from behind a tree and you froze, feeling fear clenching in your stomach. Was this how you died? By a steroid wolf? It slowly walked toward you while you looked on with wide eyes.
"Good Wolfy," You said softly, not wanting to piss it off, "You can eat my snacks. Just don't eat me."
The Wolf whined and planted it's body down on the ground. You looked at it shocked, it looked calm. It looked sad, in fact. The fear slowly trickled out of your body. You took a good look at the creature. It's coat was thick and a gray color. It looked soft and you wanted to desperately to run your fingers through it. You weren't sure why, but you just knew that this animal wasn't going to attack. Something in your trusted that, which was a reaction you'd never thought you'd have in the face of a wild animal.
"I'm gonna draw you, if that's okay. So stay really still for me." You told the wolf, going back to your task. You ignored the background of the trees for now, wanting to get the wolf. Try and get as much detail as possible, in case it took off.
You were surprised that it was staying in place, like it understood your command. You were really amazed. You weren’t sure how long you sketched the animal, but started getting harder and harder to see your page. You looked behind you, watching the sun set on the water.
“I guess it’s time for me to go home.” You said, standing up. The wolf whimpered as you collected your things. You looked at it with a soft smile. “You probably can’t understand me, but I really appreciate you letting me draw you. Even if I didn’t get to finish. I probably won’t see you again, but it was nice.”
The wolf watched you walking to your car. After you packed everything up, you turned to look back at the wolf but it was gone. Such a beautiful and majestic creature. It was a shame that you couldn’t finish getting the details you wanted. You hoped you’d get another glance of the creature one day.
This is posted in the “scraps and snippets” collection, even though it’s probably way too long to be called either. But. It’s something I haven’t touched in years, and am unsure if I have the motivation to come back to and write the last couple of “blocks” of text needed to make it a finished story. I know exactly what those blocks consist of, but I am very uncertain if it’d be worth it - does people even read Twilight fic anymore?
Anyway. 5+K behind the cut.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor do I have wolves hiding under my bed (and not just because the dust bunnies would totally eat them alive). I only own this particular idea, the execution thereof and a set of books.
AN: Goes AU after Bella’s “infamous” cliff dive in New Moon. For this particular plot-line to work, Jacob was on his own when he pulled Bella out of the water – Sam was never present. Also Jacob and Bella never met Billy at the Black residence.
Snippets of text and dialog tweaked from New Moon.
Breaking the Surface
New Moon AU
Pressed against Jacob’s body I was almost able to forget how much I was hurting. It was as if his warmth somehow crept into not just my limbs but my soul as well, burning away the cold that had been suffocating me. He really was like a sun, and I soaked him up.
I was so focused on being warm, inside and out, that I didn’t notice us pulling into my driveway. All I could see, all I could hear, all I could feel was Jacob. Is this how he feels? I wondered. Is this how it is for him, with me? Am I the only thing in the world to him? He’d implied as much, and if that was the case – which I was getting pretty sure it was – then I could see how he’d been willing to give so much for me. And for the first time I too felt some of that.
I could have this, I realized, not just now but always. Jacob didn’t push, never had, but he’d also never hidden the fact that he wanted to be more than my best friend. Would it really be that bad to be with Jacob, I asked myself. He loved me. Wanted me. I knew he would do anything to keep me happy and safe – and he had what it took to succeed.
Charlie would be happy, scratch that, ecstatic if I chose Jacob, and Billy would welcome me with open arms. Jacob wouldn’t leave me, and neither would his extended family. I would have a place with the pack and a sort of new sister – the word pained me, but not nearly as much as I would have thought – in Emily.
I would never be alone again.
All I needed to do was give up.
Give up every thought of my first love. Everything I had dreamed would be. Everything I had wanted. The future I had chosen. That was all. Not such an small thing when it came down to it. Hard as hell to even think about – harder still to actually do.
Still, if I did that I would have Jacob. I could choose a new future, with new dreams – and those dreams would come true.
“Bella?”
How long had I sat there, deep in thought? I had no idea. I looked up at Jacob, questioningly, and tried to find something to say. But all words fled as Jacob’s eyes met mine and changed. He drew breath, sharply, and his gaze grew even more intense. Like my mother Jacob knew how to read me all too well. He’d understood some of what had been going on in my head, and decided to make his move.
As he leaned towards me, the intended kiss so strongly announced that it was already a fact, I panicked. I wasn’t ready for this!
It wasn’t that I doubted my choice – I didn’t – or even that I really thought there was one. I just wasn’t ready to admit it. I would choose Jacob, yes, but I needed time. After all, even though I had never had any reason to believe E– he would come back I had still held on to my end of the bargain – to love forever. I would need more than just the time it took to drive from La Push to Charlie’s house to leave that behind.
I wanted to explain this to Jacob, tell him to wait just a little longer – ask him to come back tomorrow and then I would be his – but I couldn’t. I could just sit there, hold my breath and hope he wouldn’t give up on me even if this ended less than perfectly.
And then he stiffened, jerked back and growled. I stared at him, eyes wide, and wondered what had gone wrong. Had he picked up on my reluctance? Had I finally managed to drive Jacob away, now that I no longer was going to try?
“Jacob?”
And then he exploded into furious shaking. I panicked – for some reason he was about to phase. Emily’s ruined face floated before my eyes, and I swallowed hard, trying to get rid off my sudden nausea. Was I to be the next victim of the volatile werewolf temper, the next to be “mauled by a bear”? Then again they would probably need to find another explanation this time. Will Jacob still love me if I’m covered with scars? A small whimper escaped my lips, and somehow that brought Jacob back to reality. His grip on the steering wheel tightened, and he started mumbling to himself. I strained to hear, and after a little while I started picking up words.
“Phase, or get her out of here?” A few repeats, and then he looked at me. “Right. Get you to safety. Hold on.” And my truck roared back to life.
“Jacob! What’s going on?” I was beginning to think I knew, but I could be wrong. Please, let me be wrong.
“A vampire.” Of course. “It’s not the redhead, at least I don’t think so, but she could have friends.”
Yeah. The wolves had taken care of Laurent, but there could be others. For all I knew Victoria could have made others, for the sole purpose of hunting me down. The thought drained me of all energy and I felt the world begin to spin.
Jacob’s driving didn’t help, although for once I didn’t complain as he made a sharp turn and floored it. I was too busy holding on and trying to not give in to the panic, trying not to faint. I didn’t want to die, and I definitely didn’t want Jacob to die. Sure, he was a werewolf, existing for the sole reason of killing vampires, but he was also so very human – and so very alone. On his own he might not be able to stop a vampire, and there was no way of telling how many waited for me.
And then I saw a flash of red across the street.
It brought back the memory of being in the water, of seeing fire dancing on the waves, the fire that had really been Victoria’s hair, and my throat constricted. She was here. I would die. Why wasn’t I dead already? Why... Wait.
“Stop!” I gasped. My brain had finally started working right again, connecting to my eyes. Instead of reacting I was seeing. The red wasn’t Victoria’s hair reflected in the light – it was a car, and to my surprise one I instantly recognized. I might be the furthest thing from an autophile – I don’t speak car and driver my memories supplied – but I knew that particular car. It was expensive and flashy – ostentatious my traitorous brain echoed, and god, how it hurt – just like its owner. Oh, I couldn’t be completely sure, of course, I didn’t know it that well, like for instance I knew my truck, or say a certain Volvo... But who would drive a car like that in Forks? Who, but Rosalie Hale Cullen?
“Wait!” I cried out, louder, since Jacob was still determined to get away as fast as my poor truck could crawl.
“Why?”
He was still shaking, still much too close to phasing for it to be safe, and I knew I should be afraid. In fact, I should be terrified, being this close to Jacob when he was like this – and when I was likely to upset him even more.
I wasn’t afraid though. Not, as usual, because it was Jacob, but because I was too busy focusing on the fact that Rosalie’s car was parked outside Charlie’s house.
“That’s not Victoria – I’m betting she wouldn’t be caught dead in a car. I know that car, Jacob, it’s Rosalie’s. Rosalie Cullen,” I added, knowing his complete non-interest in my former vampire friends.
“And you’re asking me to stop why?”
He was still angry, in fact just as I’d predicted he was even more angry now. No longer focused on keeping me safe from the evil leach out for my blood he was simply furious. At Rosalie, for hurting me by leaving, for coming back, for being a Cullen, for making me remember... And somehow almost angrier at me, for not wanting to leave. There was a sudden coldness about him now, one that burned like fire and cut like a switchblade. He was back to Sam’s Jake again.
“Do you want to go back to her?”
And that was the question. Did I? Did I want to see Rosalie? The answer was slow but sure; no, not really. Rosalie and I had never been friends, or even friendly, and I was pretty sure she’d been more than happy to leave me behind. That however made me wonder why she’d come back, and why she’d come back to see me. I could see no reason, except... And that meant that even though I didn’t want to see her I probably needed to.
“No, I don’t want to see her.” ‘Cause I really, really didn’t want to. No more than I thought she wanted to see me. And that closed the deal, so to speak.
“But I think I have to. I can’t think of a reason for Rosalie to be here, not by choice. She wasn’t exactly my biggest fan – Paul likes me a thousand times better. And Jake... If she’s here, if she came here to see me... That has to mean something. Carlisle must have more or less forced her to come, and he wouldn’t do that without a good reason. I’m guessing...” And my voice broke along with a piece of my battered heart. I tried again.
“I think Alice must have seen something. Maybe something to do with Victoria. Or something really bad happened, something I need to know. Whatever it is, if it’s important enough for Rosalie to come then I, no, we need to hear it.”
“We?” Jacob’s voice was full of unbelief. “You expect me to walk in there with you? No way, Bella. You do what you need to, but there’s not a chance in hell that I’m sitting down with my enemy, no matter what name she carries.”
“Jacob!” I could barely believe it. I knew he didn’t like the Cullens, but I hadn’t thought it was this bad.
“I need you Jacob, please! What if she’s here about Victoria? Can you afford not to listen? Also, I might need help kicking her out.” This got his attention.
“Kicking her out? Won’t the two of you be having a sleepover?” Sarcasm. I could deal with that. It was a lot better than icy cold and raw hatred. Still, dealing wasn’t exactly going to be easy.
“A sleepover?” I asked incredulously. “Did you loose your hearing or just your mind? Rosalie isn’t my friend. Didn’t you hear me? Paul likes me better. In fact, I’d say I’m a hell of a lot more likely to spend the night with Paul than with Rosalie. Besides, vampires don’t sleep.” I shook my head, that wasn’t the important thing right now.
“Look, Jacob. Not only am I not planning a sleepover with her, but I’m counting on you to help me get her out of the house. But if she refuses to leave, yeah, then I will be planning a sleepover – because then I’ll be occupying your couch!”
That got his attention, and with a curt nod he turned the truck around. I’d be getting my backup after all. That made me feel a little safer, at least until I thought about the fact that I was about to meet a member of the family that had ripped my heart to pieces, the family I had thought was mine, and those pieces began hurting again. My arms found their way around my chest on their own, knowing the way much too well by now, but unlike so many times before Jacob didn’t help make it better. He didn’t even try.
I could understand him, sort of, but it still hurt. And suddenly I was terrified that I would end up even more alone than I’d been after my birthday – that this would cost me Jacob, Jacob that just minutes ago I’d been thinking of giving myself to. I shook with fear and pain, yet I knew I could do no different.
Perhaps, I thought, Jacob would calm down once Rosalie had said whatever she’d come to say and left. Perhaps he’d give me another chance. And if he did, I decided, no longer wanting more time to think, I would give him what he’d wanted for so long now. I’d give him what was left of my heart and never again look back. After this, I swore, I would be done with vampires.
And a quiet voice whispered that I should be happy that it was Rosalie that had come, or I surely would never be able to keep that promise.
The front door was unlocked, just as I’d expected – the Cullens all knew where to find the key. I hesitated for a moment, one hand on the door handle, and looked over my shoulder at Jacob. He reminded me of a thunderstorm, huge and dark and menacing, and yet I felt comforted by his presence. I twisted my lips into a shaky smile and reached for him, touching his hand briefly, before whispering quietly:
“Thank you for doing this. Things will be back to what they should be soon.”
And then I opened the door and stepped into the dark house.
I turned on the light, and blinked to try and adjust to the change. My eyes scanned the room, surprised that Rosalie hadn’t already made her presence known. After all, wouldn’t she want to get what ever the reason for her visit over as quickly as possible so she could leave again? Just as I started questioning if Rosalie really was there I heard a melodic voice call out my name in an uncertain tone. So there was a vampire in my house – just not the one I had expected.
My eyes widened as I took in the tense – and startled – form of Jasper. He was the last one I’d expected to see here, considering what had happened the last time we were in the same room. It would even have surprised me less to see E– him waiting for me.
Could he be here to kill me? To get rid of me once and for all? I realized that I couldn’t decide on how I felt about it. If Jasper killed me I wouldn’t be hurting anymore, and I was fairly sure he’d make it less painful than whatever Victoria had planned for me. Also, I couldn’t find it in me to be blame Jasper. I was his natural food source, and not only that, I was also the reason his family had suffered.
At the same time there was Jacob to be considered, Jacob who’d try and protect me and might end up hurt – or dead. Could I persuade Jasper to let Jacob leave before–? Could I persuade Jacob to leave?
Jasper’s voice broke through my racing thoughts.
“Bella, I– How are you alive? Alice saw you jump off a cliff. You were drowning.” Oh.
“I was cliff diving, Jasper. And yeah, I wasn’t doing too well, but Jacob here pulled me out.” So Alice had a vision? Why now? And why hadn’t she seen me being pulled out? Why hadn’t she seen my zombie months? Had she seen my zombie months? “That still doesn’t explain why you’re here.” Why come when I was supposedly dead instead of when I needed them?
“Alice thought Charlie could use some support. She was going to come herself, but... Something came up. She asked me to go in her place, see what help Charlie might need and take care of it until she could come.” He was keeping something from me, I could tell. It didn’t matter what though, since he would soon be leaving. Not to mention the fact that I was pretty sure I knew what, or rather who, it was about.
“Well, that was... nice of her. It wasn’t necessary though, but I appreciate the thought. Now, if there’s nothing else...?” I didn’t finish that sentence, but it’d take an idiot not to catch my meaning, as in please get the hell away from here.
Neither Jasper nor Jacob were that stupid, and I could see the beginning of a smile on Jacob’s face as well as the shock on Jasper’s. Huh. That was twice in less than five minutes that I had managed to surprise him – twice more than I’d thought was possible at all.
“Bella, I...” Jasper looked so guilty, and I realized what he must think. The last time we’d been in the same room he’d tried to kill me. I hadn’t blamed him then, and I still didn’t, but he must believe otherwise.
“Look, Jasper, I’m sorry. This isn’t about my birthday, if that’s what you think. It isn’t even about you going to Denali with Alice and neither of you coming back, or contacting me. It’s...” about abandoning me, after telling me I was family, not even looking back long enough to say goodbye “I just don’t understand. But then I don’t need to, not really and not any more. Before, yeah, but now? Now, I just need you to leave.”
I was angry. Maybe I’d been angry all along, only unable to feel it through the hurt, or maybe it had come now. Whichever it was didn’t matter – I was working my way from angry to furious, and and doing it fast. Jasper was here because Alice had seen me jump off a cliff. Presumably she’d thought I was committing suicide – I didn’t think she’d believed I’d fallen (although I certainly was clumsy enough) or that she’d have thought cliff diving was something I’d do for fun.
But whatever Alice had thought didn’t matter. She had decided to come back because she thought I was dead. She hadn’t come back when my pain had turned me into something less than human, and worse than dead. She hadn’t come back when Laurent had, or when Victoria had. She hadn’t come back when my life was on the line – she had waited until she saw me die.
That hurt.
I had loved Alice. Had seen her as my sister. I had honestly believed she loved me back. Even after she’d left, after they’d all left, I’d still believed in that love. That she never contacted me had hurt like hell, but I’d always blamed it on him, thinking he’d asked her not to look. That belief was shattered now, because Alice had seen. She still hadn’t come back, but she’d intended to, and she’d sent Jasper. Because she thought I was dead.
In that second I came to the conclusion that everything I had clung to, everything that I had created my dreams around had been a lie. Love had, once more, proven to be a lie.
All I had now was Jacob.
All I had – but he was more than enough.
“You’re angry.” It wasn’t a question. Jasper’s gift made sure he knew exactly how angry I was, and I was pretty sure it wasn’t comfortable. I knew it was petty of me, but I actually took pleasure in that discomfort.
“Yes. But that’s only an issue for as long as you stay here.” There. Let him interpret that as he wished. I had no desire to spare his feelings – showing up here like this, he’d done nothing to spare mine.
The fact that my obvious anger made it easier for Jacob – whom I could tell was struggling against his every instinct by staying calm, not to mention human – just added to my pleasure. I was taking a stand, on several counts, and it felt great. I was done being weak.
“I’m sorry. We never meant to hurt you, we would never want that. But Edward–” I cringed, my heart whimpered and Jacob put a warm hand on my back as support – he knew what that name did to me – while Jasper looked as if I’d slapped him. So that’s how bad my pain felt. Good something inside me whispered.
“It was decided that we were putting you in danger. That you would be better off without us here.”
I almost choked on the bitter laugh that forced its way out of my chest. “Better off”? The way I had felt, the way I had acted since their departure? That was supposed to be better?
“Are you serious? Jasper, please take this as seriously as I’m saying it: there have been times since your family left when I thought I would have been ‘better off’ had you killed me.”
And then I focused, relaxed my defenses, and let go of what control I had over my battered and broken feelings, trying with everything I had to make Jasper feel exactly how much better off I hadn’t been with them out of my life.
It was worth every ounce of pain to see Jasper reel back and sway on his feet as if he was going to faint. Maybe it wasn’t his fault, not completely, but it was time someone with at least some degree of responsibility suffered as well.
Everyone else had, after all.
“E-E, your brother told me I shouldn't be a part of your world, and I was too blinded by my feelings to believe him. I do now, though. I don't belong in your world, and you don't belong in mine. So please, Jasper, if you ever cared about me even a little? Leave. And don't come back. Don't let any of the others come back either.
“Tell Alice... Tell her I said goodbye.”
I could hear the bitter venom in my words, in that final barb, and reveled in it. I tried to be a good person, yes, but I would never be a saint. And I was definitely done being a doormat.
The Cullens might never have intended to treat me as such, but they had. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say that they had treated me like the child I realized I must seem like to them. To all of them. And that thought drove home the point even more: I did not belong with them. I was not ready to become unchanging – which was what the change really was. I was not done growing up, and chances were I never truly would should I join the Cullens.
The insight was hitting me so hard, and making me feel so relieved, that it took me a while to realize Jasper wasn't responding to any of what I'd said. When I did, I frowned. It seemed out of character for Jasper to be so silent in the face of such uncharacteristic abuse.
I looked closer at Jasper, and suddenly my blood ran cold. There was something about him now that scared me, more so than my initial thought that he was here to kill me. He was planning something – and I knew without a doubt that whatever it was I wouldn’t like it.
“Do you have a valid passport, Bella?”
I just stared at him. I did, thanks to Renée’s canceled wedding plans, but why would Jasper care?
“Bella!”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do, but why–”
“Good. I’ll explain on the way, just grab it and some essentials, we’ll buy whatever else you need at the airport or–”
“Jasper!” I was getting angrier again. Did he seriously expect that after just waltzing into my life he could start making demands? Did he really expect me to just fold, like nothing had happened? Like the past months had never happened?
From the look on his face I’d say that yes, that was exactly what he’d expected.
“If you think I’m just going to act like nothing and let you run my life as if nothing has changed, then you’re delusional. I’m not going anywhere with you. Now, if you’d please explain.”
“Alice is in Italy. She told me I shouldn’t come with her, that I should go here instead, and not to go after her when I was done. But that was when we thought you were dead. If I take you with me–”
“No.” Jasper stiffened, clearly still not expecting me to do anything but go along with his plans. Alice had been, I thought, his ace and he had played it, fully believing he’d win.
And why shouldn’t he think so? I’d never been this assertive before in the presence of any Cullen. If I had to guess I’d say it was happening now because the family had lost some of their allure – it had been burned away by my pain. Also, I had just realized that Jasper was here because I was presumed dead, and only because of that.
My pain, my zombie state, Victoria wanting to kill me... All that, all those perfectly good reasons for someone to return, had either not registered or mattered.
And of course, there was Jacob. His steady presence – and my new conviction regarding him – helped me a lot as well.
Finally, it was Jasper. With the exception of Rosalie he was the one Cullen least likely to sway me. Had it been Alice... Right. Suffice to say I had no desire to see my former friend, not with what I’d just concluded, and not since I knew she would be able to dazzle me into forgetting all doubt.
I was done being dazzled. I was done being weak, and under someone else’s control. I needed to relearn how to be strong, and that was an impossibility around the Cullens. They claimed to love me, but it was a stifling love that made me think of a caged pet. Oh, I hadn’t always, but my eyes were opening now. I wasn’t an equal to them, supposedly because I was so very breakable. Still. I should have been allowed to be equal when it came to the non-physical parts, like my emotions, and my life.
If I had, well, then they never would have walked out like they did. Would never have stayed away while I died inside.
The way Alice’s gift had been explained to me there were two options. Either she had seen – and not cared – or she’d found a way to “block” me. Until my supposed death, that was. Strangely enough I was pretty sure I’d prefer it to be the former, because if Alice had somehow blocked all visions of me... That would mean that she’d seen me jump because it somehow effected the Cullens – and that in turn meant they’d soon screw up my life again.
It felt safe to assume this, since that was what Jasper’s behavior was telling me. Something had happened, or would happen, to the Cullens and Jasper thought he could fix it by dragging me with him. To Italy of all places, and why did that resonate so badly to me? That was bad news for me.
“No, I’m not going anywhere, Jasper. Besides, even if I wanted to, which I don’t, you said Alice was in Italy. I definitely can’t go abroad. Aside from the fact that I have school, and tests, I can’t do that to Charlie.” He was still hurting over my sudden trip to Phoenix a year ago, even if my behavior since the Cullens’ departure overshadowed that.
I also had others to consider now.
“Alice left. I’m not going to hurt the ones that were here for me when I was hurting just to please her. Not any longer.
“Look, Jasper, I have no desire to see Alice. She left. I understand why, not that it would change anything if I didn’t, but the facts remain. She didn’t just leave, she stayed away. I needed her, and she pretended that we never even met. That I didn't exist.
“I’m better now. I don’t need her, or any of you, any longer. I’m finally okay with the whole ‘it’ll be like we never met’ plan, and there’s no reason for me to try and change anything now – especially not since you all will most likely just disappear into thin air again as soon as you’ve accomplished whatever it is you think will be accomplished by dragging me along.”
And now that I’d said it I could feel the truth in it. The Cullens had removed themselves from my life. Edw– He had sworn it would be like they never existed. Jasper being here was breaking that oath, but once he was done using me... Once he was done, things would return to the way he wanted them. And I would be back in that black pit once again.
And then I saw something that made me want to scream. Made me want to beg Jacob to phase and rip Jasper apart. I couldn’t be sure, of course, but. I still was. Something, some emotion had traveled across Jasper’s face – quickly, but not quickly enough – and I knew. If I went with him I’d never leave the vampire world again. I would not be given that option.
Most likely I wouldn’t be given the option of staying human either.
I didn't want that. I wanted to stay human. The strength of that truth hit me like the water had earlier, and I gasped. Jacob tensed, and I reached out to touch his arm, briefly, to calm him.
“Jasper. Please. I think it’s time you left. Even if I wanted to, and I don’t, I could never go with you. I told you, I can’t do that to Charlie. He’s still hurting over Phoenix, and I’m not going to hurt the ones that were here for me just to please Alice.
“I’m not a ‘vampire girl’ any longer, Jasper. I stopped being one when you all walked out on me.”
I took a deep breath, and said what none of us had believed me capable of saying:
“I don’t want to be one ever again.”
And I could clearly see how the truth of that statement hit Jasper, as well as feel how it affected Jacob next to me. I didn’t care about Jasper though, not beyond him being a potential threat, but Jacob... Oh, I cared very much about Jacob’s reaction. And he was glowing.
Jasper wasn't going to just give up though.
“Bella, please, I– I get that we made a mistake. Several. We shouldn’t have interfered with your life” and for the first time I agreed, except for the part where Tyler would have run me down otherwise, “but we did. And now, as a result, things have changed.
“I realize that I, that we, have no right to ask this, but we need your help. Rose told Edward about Alice’s vision, and now we can’t get in touch with him. The reason Alice went to Italy instead of coming here was to try and stop him.”
That’s when that nagging feeling of “why is this important” exploded into knowledge. Italy. Carlisle’s story, the vampire brothers, Edward telling me about making plans for if I didn’t survive James.
“That selfish bastard,” I hissed. “He’s going to try and get himself killed? Why? Why the hell would he do that to Esme?” Because no matter what, I couldn’t forget how Esme had treated me. She might have walked out on me, but while she was in my life she had been good to me.
Jasper just looked at me, like I was stupid, and waited. I waited too. He broke first, surprisingly.
“He loves you, Bella.”
Yeah, right. I had thought so, once, but never again. That belief had died in the forest that night, had perished not in flames but in ice. Frozen to death, like I almost had.
“He doesn’t. He told me that, you know, before he left. Told me how little I meant. And I, it just, it makes sense, okay. I get it. He tried, and then he got tired of it. Fine. He’s allowed to change his mind.” No matter how much it had hurt me.
“But this? Trying to commit suicide by Volturi, because somehow my supposed death made him think he was in love again? He’s read too many romance novels, clearly.”
The “you’re being stupid” look just intensified, and I was beginning to feel even more uncomfortable. It was time Jasper left.
“Bella, I don’t know what Edward told you, but he does love you. I’ve felt it. He left to protect you, to keep you from this life, because of how precious you are to him. When James had you... Being near Edward was painful. I’ve known since then that we would need to monitor him, should anything happen to you, but the others didn’t quite see it that way.
“Alice never took me seriously, because her visions still showed her a future where you were changed and a member of the family. They did up to the point where they showed you being dead.
“I sometimes envy her that faith, that conviction, that the visions give her. But I always remember that it can be a curse too. Alice... Sometimes she forgets that in order for her visions to come true certain things need to happen, that she might need to do something instead of just waiting – that by doing nothing she might cause the future she’s seen to unravel.”
