the fact that Runaan relaxes more when he’s close to you is so special...when were some other times where that's been the case? 🥺
Well, the first day we had Rayla all to ourselves because Tiadrin and Lain had left for the Storm Spire. We three felt like we were on holiday in our own house.
Have I mentioned that Runaan doesn’t always enjoy taking a holiday? He was so nervous! He tried to make everything perfect, but all the little imperfections built up and made him feel like he was doing a terrible job. By suppertime, he was a mess. A subtle mess--stiff as a board, jaw clenched, not making eye contact--but a mess. He stepped away while I was getting Rayla some summerberry salad, and suddenly he was gone. I found him nearly hyperventilating in another room. He wanted so badly to do a good job for our best friends, but he was already judging himself so harshly that he locked up a bit.
He practically threw himself into my arms when I found him. He felt like he was letting everyone down, even me. And I just held him. Didn’t need to say a word. And slowly he melted against my shoulder. When he could take a deep breath again, I took his hand and led him back to the table nook and showed him how content and comfortable Rayla was. He’d been judging himself on the illusion of his own expectations and he’d missed the reality that Rayla was doing just fine with us after all.
Let’s see, something softer? Sometimes Runaan can have trouble falling asleep, even with all his focus and meditation. Dark things slip through, and they trouble him. But I’ve learned to pull him close and hold him without saying a word. He’ll settle against me with his head nestled on my shoulder, and I’ll feel his breathing slow down and even out. He tucks his fingers just under my shoulder, and I can tell when he’s truly fallen asleep because his hand finally goes limp.
Some days, he’ll return from training and I can tell he’s had a bad day. He’ll smolder around the house for a bit, but he’ll always find me and sit close by. Sometimes he’ll talk of light things. Other times, he’ll just sit quietly, watching me work or listening to my day, until he starts to relax and smile again. I always get a kiss when he’s relaxed enough to feel like himself again. You know how he calls me “my light”? He says I radiate calm. Now, I’ll tell you, love, I radiate all kinds of feelings. But knowing I can radiate calm for Runaan when he needs it? hhnnnn
I would walk five hundred miles, and I would walk five hundred more, just to be the elf who walked a thousand miles to fall down at his door.
