Untitled Thing Pt. III
... (Continued from Pt. II)
“Tell me, little Ghost, what am I? Why are you here?” I finally ask. My gaze has returned to her. I feel a stoniness settle upon my face.
She hovers before me, silently. Her light shimmering off and around her luminously. Was she always this bright? Is this supposed to bring me comfort? I cannot tell. I do not know. I look at her as the moments pass between us. It seems fitting to think of this Ghost as a female. Her voice is feminine. It is the best I have to go off of. Plus, coincidentally, I’d previously decided that. She twists her frame as if in deep contemplation. I find myself at her mercy. She, who, seems to know everything, and I, who does not.
“You are Exo, Guardian. You are a Guardian. A protector of Man, Exo and Awoken. You have been resurrected by me. You have been blessed with the Traveler’s light. You are capable of great things now. More so, than you ever were before. I have been searching for you for a very long time. I’m so happy I found you!”
I can feel my impassive visage falter. I begin to frown as I ponder what she is telling me. Guardian? What is that? I have never heard of such a title.
<Yes, you have.> That voice chides me.
I was dead? How can that be so? How is it that if I was dead, I now live again? My frown deepens. I feel a dark, chill grip the pit of my stomach. I don’t feel undead.
“I have brought you back from the dead so that you can beat back the Darkness-- a most terrible blight that hounds the Traveler, humanities protector and Warden. I have brought you back so that we may reclaim all that was lost. I have brought you back to fight.”
Fight. The word resonates with me. Its meaning simplistic, but also boundless. In it, I find reassurance. Safety. Comfort. It seems I know a great deal about fighting. I do not know how or why, but I have a deep feeling of knowing.
“Why should I fight your enemies? If I died, I did so fighting the enemies of man long ago. My battle is over. My war done. You should have left me dead, little Ghost.” I finally say. There is no anger edging my voice. I feel an overwhelming sense of defeat instead. I would have loved to have thought that this person speaking was not me, but I don’t even remember who I was. I felt so tired suddenly.
“I could not do that. You were chosen by me! When I found the spot where you fell, I knew you were the one. I could sense it. You would be my Guardian. I need you! Humanity needs you. The Traveler needs you. It is not as strong as it once was. I fear it is dying in its dormant state. Should that happen, all will be lost.” She circled me as she spoke, buzzing about me frantically in a desperate attempt to convince me. Her light danced about her in a muted capacity. It struck me as interesting that she still had the good sense to dim her light. A floating light bulb notwithstanding, everything about this day was strange!
“You would have me fight a hopeless battle, then?” I plainly ask her. She turned from me then, her eye dipping as if she were ashamed to look at me. I watched as she dipped closer to the earth, inching further away as she did.
“It is never hopeless, Guardian.” This Ghost turned, then, seized by some unseen force. Zeal and determination emanated from her. “Not so long as you believe we can win. That we can push back the Darkness and its allies. That we can reclaim what was lost and repair the Traveler.” She responds as she flits back to my side. There is genuine hope in her voice, as if she believes I am all she says I am. “As long as you believe, we have a chance and in that chance there is hope, Guardian.”
I grow quiet. My already darkened face, seemed to darken further, somehow. I could feel it happen. This is all too much! Without responding to her, I force myself to stand and shuffle closer to the edge. I peer down, staring into the crystalline blue waters beneath me. My mind has grown quiet. I feel as if I am about to make a very important decision. I do not have to look behind me to know that this Ghost -- my Ghost is behind me. Reluctantly, I realize, she will follow me wherever I go. There is a measure of comfort in that.
Without thought, I step off the edge and feel myself become weightless. I fall fast and hard and crash into the watery depths. To my surprise the fall does not injure me. Once again, I am struck by the feeling of nothing. I expect to sink and therefore drown, like my Ghost had warned, but I do not. Instead, I rise to my full height and discover that the water is only chest-deep. A strange sense of disappointment washes over me. Standing in this water, I take a moment to weigh my options. It is clear now, that I will not go to this City. At least not yet. So, it seems foolish to stay on my current side of the river. But, where to cross?
I begin to walk before I realize it. Away from the shore, I push through the water effortlessly. As I make my way across, the water grows deeper until I am fully submerged. I take a moment to stand at what I suspect to be the bottom and peer up. I see my Ghost hovering anxiously above my head, mere inches from the water. I suspect that were she to follow me here, she would be swept away by the undercurrent. I feel as if I can hear her muttering to herself as her panic increases. I know I am disappointing her. She claimed to have searched for me for a very long time. I can only imagine how long. I don't even know the current date. But, everything feels different.
I drop my gaze from her, my semi-permanent frown has returned. I focus on the far side and continue to walk across the bottom. It seems stupid now, to think, that I would drown. I do not need air to breathe. Perhaps, she had other concerns in mind. Will this water interfere with my circuitry? I inwardly shudder as I find myself awkwardly coming to terms with the fact that I am not human, but machine. Exo. And I only needed to attempt to drown myself to realize this. I sigh simultaneously in two universes. One, where I exist walking along a riverbed and another where I am sighing into a black expanse. I feel as if I could scream. I sure want to.
It takes a little longer than I would have thought, but I crossed the river. I rise on the far side, water spilling from me. I feel heavier, which I find strange. On the far side, I inspect myself. It seems only logical. For the first time, I realize I am fully armored. Although, my armor is only slightly better than the patchwork armor of that Fallen leader. It is bulky and angled, as if designed to deflect projectile rounds instead of absorbing them. I guess at the material. It must be some sort of composite ceramic and metal alloys. Where my armor plates are not, I notice that I, too, am wearing a body glove. It is black and riveted in some areas. My eyes fall farther and I spy some sort of belt-spat resting upon my hips and hanging from my left, a sort of cloth-like fabric with simple embroidery. It reminds me a little of a towel, if I am being honest. And yet, as I stare at it, I can feel myself swell with pride. Strange. I watch momentarily transfixed as something deep within me cries out. I watch as the sheet wafts gently in the breeze. I watch as water drains downward off it, pulled by gravity.
I no longer question how I know these things.
“That is the mark of a Titan, Guardian.” My Ghost says with noticeable reverence. Her strange, pale blue eye seems to shimmer as she stares at it. I get the feeling that this ‘mark’ might mean more to her than it did for me. “All Titans wear marks like this, always. It is a badge of pride. Honor. Duty. History.”
I slowly find myself nodding along.
“You are a Titan, Guardian. A bastion of defense and assault. You are the bulwark. The rampart. The machine gun. The artillery cannon.” She continues, spinning upward so that she now floats just before me. Her eye meets mine and blinks when she speaks.
“I am a Titan,” I repeat. The title causes me to swell with pride I do not understand. It fills me with reassurance. Titan. Soldier. I cannot help, but feel this to be true. That this was once my purpose. “Titan,” I utter again, softly.
I take a step forward and begin to climb the berm before me. The sun is setting, I realize. As I reach the top, I stop to survey my surroundings. I do not know where I am. But, at least, I know what I am. This knowledge brings me some small measure of comfort, something I desperately need. The land before me is barren and seemingly lifeless. There are more wrecked vehicles haphazardly dotting the road to my right. I follow with my eyes and see that their trail extends for miles. I wonder if I should follow the road.
The tree I spied earlier is larger than I originally thought. Ancient and gnarled and clinging defiantly to life. I watch it sway in the wind. Its branches creaking softly. Ahead of me is endless miles of flat grassland with patches of barren dirt scattered throughout. Despite this, there are pockets of tall grass. Perhaps as tall as I am. I begin to push forward without thought. The grass gives way at my approach. My strides are purposeful, despite not having a destination in mind. It feels good to walk.
I walk for hours. The sun has given way to the rise of the moon and the land is bathed in its light. I become aware that we are not alone. An hour earlier, I saw a gopher poke its head out of its hole. And just minutes ago, I spied two birds circling a deer carcass. All’s not dead, I realize. Good to know. It would suck if all that was left were pigeons. The silence that stretches between my Ghost and I is insufferable. I can see her reluctance in following me, but I realize she cannot make herself leave my side. Her faith in me is startling and overwhelming, truth be told.
“Ghost,” I begin, ending the silence. I cock my head to better look at her as I walk.
She blinks and looks at me expectantly, but does not speak.
“Do you have a name? What should I call you?” I ask, my voice flat, but warm. I suddenly find myself craving companionship. And, besides, I think, if we are stuck with each other for all time, I do not want to call her Ghost alone.
Again she blinks. I watch as her frame spins around her eye. I expect her to respond instantly, but she does not. She just sits there, floating, lost in thought. Finally, when I’m about to give the topic up, she answers, “I do not have a name, Titan. I am Ghost. Nothing more. Nothing less.”
I huff in feigned annoyance. She is a cryptic one. I take a moment to consider her words. I realize, I believe that she does not have a name. Perhaps, she never considered it before now. Strange to think. I have a name.
“Well, that’s not good enough.” I respond with the same warmth, albeit slightly forced. “I am not going to just call you ‘Ghost.’”
She blinks. “That is your choice, Titan.”
I pull my gaze away from her. Genuinely annoyed now by her retort. My mind wanders as I try to come up with a name for her. I search for something fitting. My semi-permanent frown returns. Momentarily, I wonder if I am even capable of frowning. I could just be ‘feeling’ the frown. I toss that thought aside. It’s unimportant. I need a name for this impertinent Ghost.
“Phoebe,” I mutter suddenly. “Phoebe,” I repeat. I nod my head as I decide on the name. I don’t know why, but I am reminded of a half-remembered memory. I see a small red bird casually flitting through the afternoon sky. It’s aloof. Arrogant. Luminescent. The bird pays no mind to anything. The memory shifts, then. I see a young girl. She smiles warmly at me, so warmly. I can feel her warmth envelope me. “I will call you ‘Phoebe.’”
My Ghost blinks and dips slightly. I can tell she is astonished. I do not think she expected me to give her a name. “Phoebe,” she softly utters. There is a moment of silence between us. “If you wish to call me that, I won’t stop you.”
I huff in genuine annoyance. “It is, Phoebe. Let’s go.” I step forward before she can reply. I’ve had enough conversation for now. You’ve ruined the moment.