“How did you find me?” - bitchessss
Tech AU because I always use prompts as an excuse to write me some Tech AU bitch AIs as bitch Tech Guys.
Got long, and sillier than expected, but dammit I love how I started out like ‘ANGST TIME’ and then was like ahahahah no actually it’s time for FUN AND GAMES and idiot tech guys playing Doom using toasters
Tsukumoya wasn’t in the office. That was the first weird thing. He was always in the office, hell, Hackey had come in at 3am to find him still working like usual. He didn’t leave, he didn’t go anywhere, he didn’t even seem to sleep. Nobody ever saw him enter. He was just always...there. Except when he wasn’t. Hackey maybe had seen this happen once or twice, and he wasn’t sure why it unnerved him so much. He should have been fucking partying. His annoying coworker was gone. Celebrate! The second weird thing was there was a noise coming from the permanently-locked supply cupboard that sounded like monitors overheating or some sort of animal in there or someone with a cold snoring. Hackey was willing to bet money it was the latter one, given Tsukumoya’s health and lack of regard for it.
He eased the door open, amazed that it actually did open for once and there was Tsukumoya, not snoring, but testing out something Hackey had showed him online the other day - a guy playing Doom on a cabal of toasters. The noise was the computer, and the sound of many toasters being used in lieu of controllers. The look on Tsukumoya’s face was one of someone being caught doing something they didn’t want anyone to see, and Hackey couldn’t help laughing.
“How did you find me?” Tsukumoya asked, sounding moderately guilty. Given that he’d just been caught recreating a meme, Hackey couldn’t blame him.
“Are you kidding me? The noise was somethin’ else. What the fuck, Tsukumoya? Ya really decided to do this...an’ not invite me? God, you’re such a fuckin’ child. Actin’ like this stuff is beneath ya and then goin’ ahead an’ doin’ it anyway.” He looked over his shoulder. “Can I have a turn yet?”
“That’s why I didn’t invite you,” Tsukumoya deadpanned. Hackey laughed. Dammit, he hated when Tsukumoya was actually funny. It was fucking annoying. He wasn’t allowed to be anything but a boring stick-in-the-mud for Hackey to complain about endlessly. If he did anything endearing it was hard for Hackey to get his head around it. There was a metaphorical error screen in his head. He didn’t know how to react.
“Rude bitch. After all the fun an’ games we’ve had together. You’d never know about the Doom toasters if I hadn’t been the one to show you it.”
Tsukumoya smirked (and damn that smirk). “Actually I wanted to make sure it was working before you had a turn. Everything’s in order, so I think you can have a go now.”
Hackey tried not to let that warm, gooey feeling spread through his heart nope he had to be obnoxious and cynical at all moments ever. “Whaaaaat, ya made this for meeeeeee~? Awww, how sweet-”
“First you’ve got to deal with Linette in HR, she crashed her computer again and I didn’t feel like telling her how to fix it. She’s been calling once every ten minutes and I’ve just been ignoring her. But you take her call and you can play Doom on the toasters.”
“Aw, c’mon have a heart! Linette’s a pain in the ass, last time she’d forgotten to plug her mouse in.”
Tsukumoya smiled lazily. “I know. That’s why I think you should deal with her.”
“Ya heartless son-of-a-bitch, I fuckin’ hate everything about ya!” Hackey wanted to laugh in his face but goddammit this chance might only come once in a lifetime, and he didn’t have the key to the supply cupboard and Tsukumoya was always guarding it because he never left the office. What other choice was there?
When the phone rang, he picked it up and went through the agonising process of dealing with Linette from HR, keeping the promise of Doom in mind so he didn’t gouge his own eyes out.
In the end, it’d be worth it.
In the end, it was.