#teddy vent

[butchmuppet]

They should invent mothers that are not evil

[butchmuppet]

System vent yelling into the void

It has been so violent and scary in the system lately. I always struggle with feeling in touch with reality when we are splitting someone new but this time has been bad. I can't focus because someone(s) screaming and hurting and biting at me. I wish I could trust myself. I wish they wouldnt parrot my mother back at me. I wish they wouldn't make me afraid. I am trying my best, we are all a team, please stop yelling.

[butchmuppet]

Sorry I need to be shown that you care about me haha sorry I need you to prove your love that's not cool that's so weird and clingy and boring of me haha that isn't cool and sexy sorry sorry sorry FUCK

[butchmuppet]

I HATE BEING IGNORED SO MUUUUCH IT MAKES ME FEEL SO BAD ;-;

[butchmuppet]

Venom drips from the gap in its smile

It uses its arms for the first time

An attempt to dam the ocean

Acid pools in its lap

Bloody bubbles pop and spread on its gums and skin

This came from me, why does it bite?

[butchmuppet]

How do you heal your inner child as a system cuz

One of them needs to scream and laugh and cry and grab because if he slips out of your mind he ceases to exist. And he screams how dare you. Please dont leave me alone.

But another little boy exists as a prey animal and he's beginning to become a flight/elopement risk if he fronts. He finds places to hide because if he's found the world will crumble.

And then there's the little girl whose job it is to follow the rules and be obedient and good while holding in way too much

I simply cannot placate all of them at once and they all beg for help all day long. It's tearing my apart

[butchmuppet]

Throwing a fit because for a bright shining moment I had a house where we could all regress and be ourselves and when we were inside we were safe and unjudged and our headmates could explore themselves and now everyone is hiding because she still gets that horrible circus freak look in their eyes sometimes that everyone else gives me I want them gone I want them out I want to stop hiding I want my home back

[butchmuppet]

I hate feeling so lonely I hate it I hate it I hate it. There's no reason to but when I'm on my period I feel like a locked away teenage girl again and it pierces me through. I don't know how to keep asking for help. It feels better to deny myself just to suffer.