#tenkuroi

[tenrousei-kuroi]

“Learning to read Japanese is hard, how would you recommend people go about it?”

[tenrousei-kuroi]

Since we got a Sirius Black meta, may I humbly ask for your thoughts on Regulus Black? Although we only have scraps of canonical information about him, I find these little details fascinating, especially in contrast to how most of the fandom seems to view him. For instance, the sign on his bedroom door that hints at an assertive personality—or at least a touch of teenage rebellion—his apparent attachment to a house-elf when most other characters in HP don't care much for them, the note he left for Voldemort, and even the way Sirius speaks of him in Order of the Phoenix

Oh, what a tricky task!

🐍 Reggie is so much more difficult. I mean...I've kind of already screwed up, haven't I? Do we even know that anyone ever called him "Reggie"?

Sirius was difficult because it's a 50-50 split with him on characterization. Half of the time we get to somewhat directly see his actions and half of the time we're hearing recollections from friends or enemies. With Regulus it's more like a 0-100 split, lol.

After all, how much of even Kreacher's recollection can we trust? He certainly viewed Regulus as very brave and kind, but he's also a literal slave. Does he read kindness into every act that isn't hostile? Did Regulus really love him, or was he merely not awful?

There's a middle ground there. I see a lot of fics that portray Regulus as enormously kind and hugely sympathetic to house elves, and it doesn't seem quite right to me. Especially when it's presented as Regulus advocating for all elves, and not just his own. Just like how Sirius was horrible to Kreacher but "kind to house elves in general" I find it more believable that Regulus viewed elves as beneath him, but singled out the one he lived with as somewhat special.

I think Kreacher's opinions of Regulus may be the most biased of them all. Sirius calls him "soft", yes. It's clear he probably didn't have the stomach for horrible violence or cruelty, but that's a far cry from civil rights martyr. After all, Kreacher hero-worshiped Walburga Black, as well, and Hermione deduces that the woman was "kind" to her elf, but I think we'd be vindicated in assuming that "kindness" didn't extend to any sort of respect or true love. She held such deep bigotry for fellow humans, it seems obvious she'd also view elves as beneath her.

I think a lot of Regulus's person was still in development. Had he lived longer, he may have matured into someone who truly saw Voldemort's regime for what it was, and the enslavement of house-elves as one of the foundations of that ideology. But at the time of his death he was only seventeen, and I find it more likely he was in that perilous middle ground, having realized the true evil of Voldemort without quite yet working backwards to the point of being "fully good". Sirius mentions that his whole family "got cold feet" when they saw that Voldemort was willing to torture and murder to get what he wanted. And if that's how he regarded his parents, then his "softer" little brother probably grew disenchanted even sooner.

Which circles me back to my original question: did Regulus truly love Kreacher? At first glance his sacrifice in the cave make it seem so, and a lot of fics present it as though Regulus sacrificed himself in Kreacher's place, but...I'm not so sure. I don't know if Regulus loved Kreacher enough to have died only for him. It feels more like a convenient coincidence. Like he cared for Kreacher but had other reasons to want to die in that cave.

Regulus clearly didn't want to be a Death Eater anymore, and may not have thought he had anywhere to safely run. From his perspective, death was probably inevitable and he didn't want to be found out by Voldemort, which would have been torturous and also a risk to his family.

A short-sighted opinion. But remember...seventeen, lol.

Hermione does a lot of the heavy lifting in the "Kreacher's Tale" chapter, and since JKR has multiple times admitted to Hermione being almost an avatar for her own thoughts, plus Hermione being the character most attuned to the emotions and reasoning of others (a skill that goes hand in hand with her author-insert nature), I think we can trust Hermione's judgement. Hermione asserts that Regulus sent Kreacher back under orders to not tell anyone of what he had done and to destroy the true locket, specifically to protect his family. If he just disappeared, he'd be assumed dead and if his parents think it was an Auror who did it, they won't rock the boat and attract trouble form Voldemort.

We do have proof that Voldemort never even suspected Regulus's betrayal. In Goblet of Fire, in the graveyard, Voldemort groups Regulus into the missing Death Eaters "dead in his service".

(Incidentally, this was one of the clues that made me suspect Regulus was R.A.B. before it was revealed, because we have Voldemort blaming his death on Aurors and Sirius blaming his death on Voldemort. If both sides think the other did it, then neither did it, and his death is probably a mystery to become important later.)

So no, my final read on Regulus's relationship with Kreacher is that he did care for his elf, perhaps in the way an old-fashioned rancher cares for their working border collies. Remember, Regulus did send Kreacher off with Voldemort the first time. Intending for him to suffer? No. But not questioning his ultimate control over his slave? Yeah.

Much like how I mentioned Sirius getting shoved into that "pure evil" or "lovely angel" binary split, something similar happens with Regulus. Because canon presents him as betraying Voldemort and ultimately not being a heartless monster, people tend to swing so far in the other direction, presenting him as the most selfless and heroic person, defender of the downtrodden. And all nuance kind of goes out the window.

Voldemort is ugly. And a lot of his cohorts are ugly. But some are only bad. And when 10 year-old me asked my mother what happened in The Good, The Bad and the Ugly, she told me "the good and the bad have to team up to destroy the ugly."

(Now it turns out she hadn't seen the movie in decades and was horribly misremembering its themes, lol. But that idea of people who are "good" and people who are "bad but have limits" often falling on the same side of a fight against someone horrifically worse has stuck with me.)

So our little Reggie was a "bad" one, teetering near that edge of "good". And the unmasking of the ugly might have been enough to push him right into his brother's arms...if he'd only lived a little longer.

Now I love Regulus Black, and I'm very sympathetic to him in my works, but I do think in canon he had a selfish streak. He valued his place in his family and society more than what was morally right for quite some time. And I don't necessarily think that selfishness was a permanent trait. Most people are selfish when they're teenagers. For our poor Baby Black, his selfishness just had more serious consequences. At age sixteen I parroted a lot of my parents' conservative values, too, but they weren't quite so far off the deep end as to offer me an opportunity to join the literal nazis lol. And I got to live to the age where I'd seen a skosh more of the world and could calmly walk away from values I no longer (and never truly had) held.

Me dead at age seventeen would have been such an embarrassment to my ghost, lol.

But Regulus didn't get that chance. His teenage stupidity got him caught up in something really dangerous that he regretted. It's embarrassing to have to admit you were taken in by something. Not everyone has the maturity as an adult to admit that not only have they been had, but they've caused real harm to others as a result. And a teenager? Forget it! At that age, the idea of making right for his mistakes must have seemed insurmountable, and in a way, he took the easy way out.

It's the most tragic aspect, really, that help did exist, but Regulus was unaware of his options. Short-sighted by youth. Too ashamed to ask for help. Depressed in that way that only someone who's entire world and everything they'd ever believed just fell apart in front of them can be.

This is where I think Regulus and Sirius actually show that they're brothers. They both go ridiculously all-in on their reactions to emotional upsets. Sirius's behavior after the Potters' death and Regulus's after learning of Voldemort's horcruxes are both the same: Fuck it all, throw my whole life away.

Regulus is a Slytherin, though, and his self-destruction was a bit more drawn-out. He took the time to do research, to make a fake locket, to write a "screw you" note and ultimately to walk off to his death relatively calmly. Whereas Sirius's reaction was a bit more in the moment.

A small detail that I love, which I completely forgot to include in my Sirius ramblings is that in Deathly Hallows it's specifically mentioned that Regulus's bedroom was smaller than Sirius's.

Now if I put my wild extrapolation hat on, here's where my logic goes: Sirius's animosity with his family was his own making. Not that that was wrong of him, he had the right idea to not want to be so racist. But if Sirius automatically got the larger room, then his family likely at least started out favoring him. Then he pushed them away.

"A much better son, as I was constantly reminded" is how Sirius describes his brother, and he does so bitterly. Disillusionment with his family or not, he was still upset that he'd "lost" his position as the favorite. I think that this puts Regulus in a very uncomfortable position.

Because now we have fear of conditional love. Further proof (alongside a family history of public disownments) that your parents will not continue to love you if you don't work for it. He's not safe as the favorite if Sirius was also once favorited similarly.

And if Sirius was really so poor at handling emotions in his youth as I've assumed, then he likely wasn't very supportive of his brother either. I think it is unlikely that Regulus would have thought he could "run away" to Sirius.

I know a lot of fanfics go the opposite route, with Sirius trying to save his brother, "come away with me", "I'll protect you", "they don't really care for you, but I do" kind of stuff. And I kind of doubt that happened.

Not that he wouldn't have wanted that, but I don't see Sirius as being emotionally aware enough to accurately communicate with his brother, and Regulus not being able to read between the lines. He probably felt he had parents who might disown him at the drop of a hat and a brother who was indifferent at best.

So what's a thirteen year-old Slytherin to do when the indifferent brother takes off? Ruin his relationship with his parents to run off after the other boy he's not even sure cares about him? Or stick with the family he's familiar with and who--at least for now--consider him "good".

I think in one of my ancient fics from the FF.net days, I presented Regulus's acceptance of his family's preferential treatment as him assuming that Sirius would "get it". Ie: that in his mind Sirius should have known his parents' favoritism of Regulus was 1. Completely conditional and 2. More about making Sirius--the important one--jealous than it was about actually loving Regulus.

Spoiler alert, the Sirius in that fic did not "get it" lol.

I think the openness of Regulus's character is what leads to my own inconsistency in writing. When it's time to write Sirius/Regulus slash fic #741, how do I characterize the younger Black? Is he conniving and controlling? Weak and vulnerable? Codependent? Was he truly forced by his family into danger or was he merely gullible? What role did Sirius play, was he just indifferent or did he bear more responsibility for his brother's actions?

Sirius and Regulus are like one of those puzzles where each piece is the same shape. They fit together perfectly in any direction and the only way to know if you're doing it right is to look at the picture.

I really like the plaque on Regulus's door. I think it's a great humanizing element. Regulus might have been a lot of things, but at the end of the day he was a teenager. Or in other words, a brat. 😆

Years ago, shortly after the seventh movie came out, my sister and I had a pretty long conversation about Regulus Black, and after I'd rattled off all my reasons for why Regulus sacrificed himself in the cave (bravery, regret, remorse, self-hatred, kindness towards Kreacher, etc.), I remember she cut me off and pretty succinctly added:

"I think there was some pride there, as well."

[tenrousei-kuroi]

Hi. I was just wondering how do you perceive canon Sirius? I haven’t read any of the books and I keep seeing different interpretations (psychotic bully top, Regina George, woke gen z etc etc) of this character it really makes me wonder.

Oh, that's a really good question...and you have no idea the novel-length response it's going to prompt from me, lol.

I'll give my short response first and only the brave and masochistic will need to venture below the cut...

Sirius was as good a person as most people can reasonably be. He suffered a lot in his life and didn't handle it very well. While he showed that he logically understood right and wrong, the moral complexity of the world, etc., he was ultimately someone who struggled to live by his own standards. A hypocrite, really, though I say that word a bit more softly than most. He spent half his life in prison for a crime he didn't commit yet still felt guilty for and was never really given the chance to properly mature.

Ultimately the words I would use would be immature, depressed, selfish, and regretful. Very much the poster child for displacement, ie: someone who has been hurt taking that anger and acting out towards others.

We learn directly who Sirius is after Azkaban, through his appearances in the first five books. And we learn indirectly about his Hogwarts years through a few flashbacks and lot of very biased recollections...

Because Harry Potter is the point of view character for the series, we don't ever get to see anyone else's thoughts, and so any interpretations of character motivations are going to get run through two filters: one is Harry's perception, and the second is the reader themselves.

That's a longform way of me admitting that my interpretations of Sirius Black may actually say more about me than they really do about him.

So I can't claim to be right or anything like that when I spout off how I personally feel about a secondary character like Sirius. But I do like to think my ideas are grounded in pretty solid logic. I guess I'll start off with what Sirius Black really isn't:

A woke gen z-er, as you put it lol. There's of course nothing wrong with someone going this route in their fanfics, it's all just for fun, and I like a lot of these works, personally. And I can see how and why people gravitate towards them. But I will warn anyone whose entire experience with the Marauders is coming from fanfics where Sirius Black is helping Timothee Chalamet his brother navigate his trans awaking and calming his lover Remus Lupin down from a panic attack using Tik-Tok approved counseling tricks to not go diving into the actual canon Harry Potter series expecting that....because you will not find it, lol.

An incestuous and abusive psychopath. I gotta' be fair and throw my own works under the same bus here. As much as I think I stick closer to canon Sirius in a lot of ways....the Sirius that pops up in my fanfic shenanigans is just as out of left field. As much as Sirius/Regulus has been my OTP for basically forever, I could never actually see canon-Sirius displaying the level of deliberate, active cruelty or complete lack of basic morality that I like to attach to him. Like other people giving him the vocabulary of a 2020's Tik-Tok star, it's just a fun fantasy on my end.

So I guess that leaves us with trying to figure out what exactly Sirius Black is. At least as far as we can surmise from his canon behaviors.

Full disclosure that I am not including Pottermore or any of JKR's random tweets. As far as I'm concerned, canon is the 7 main books and I don't pay attention to much else. So let's break it down book-by-book:

Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone: He's mentioned once here, just in passing. Hagrid talks about Sirius lending him his motorcycle to get Harry to the Dursleys' faster. With the context we later gain from book three, we can plausibly assume that Sirius Black is incredibly reactive, and quick to go all-in on things in the wake of a huge emotional upset. With his friends dead and Hagrid refusing to give him his godson, Sirius essentially 'throws away' his most prized possession and only getaway--his motorcycle--and then goes away with the Aurors, laughing loudly instead of trying to proclaim his innocence.

Prisoner of Azkaban: This is Sirius's book and he spends 80% of it as the villain, at least until the Truth(tm) is revealed at the end. But even though he's proven not to be a Death Eater or murderer, he still behaves alarmingly. It's explained that Sirius's innocence was the 'unhappy' thought that kept him sane in prison, but it didn't stop him from becoming obsessive. He's so consumed with the desire for revenge against Peter Pettigrew (not necessarily saying I blame him, lol) that he is willing to endanger and even outright hurt Harry and his friends to do so. He does make mention that part of his motivation was to 'save Harry' as he felt Peter being in disguise as a rat living at Hogwarts was dangerous to his godson. But he did almost choke the kid out in that shack when he got in the way of Peter Pettigrew Murder Time, lol. So Sirius was somewhat emotionally volatile. It's clear he doesn't always think things through before he acts.

This is further reiterated with the whole Snape-Lupin-James werewolf fun times fiasco. We don't get a direct and honest retelling of "The Prank" events ever, instead having to make due with different characters giving their opinions on decades-old memories. Dumbledore first presents the issue without mentioning Sirius at all, merely telling Harry in the first book that Snape "never forgave" James for saving his life and then trying to pass off all of Snape's behaviors towards Harry as a sort of begrudging protective role and half-assed effort to make even with a ghost. By book three we get more context and learn that James "saved" Snape after Sirius told him how to get to the Shack. Sirius clearly has a habit of razing things down in anger without thought towards the consequences, and then hiding from the responsibility, possibly from selfishness or guilt or both. We know that Remus, Lily and others were able to forgive him for nearly getting Snape killed and Remus imprisoned, so it's likely that his guilt over the situation was genuine.

Basically here we have someone who does not handle emotions well. Possibly an environmentally learned trait from growing up with the kind of parents that burn pictures of you and loudly declare you're not welcome at home anymore yet never actually disown you from their will...can't say for sure, but...ya' know...

Goblet of Fire: After the immediate chaos of breaking out of prison fades and Sirius has a support group of friends who know and believe he's innocent, he gets to transition a bit, and we see that he is also very protective and eager to be involved. He has a couple moments where he goes full Dad-mode on Harry, and I have a sneaking suspicion that Dumbledore finding him a good hiding spot in Hogsmeade was less of a "hey Sirius come hang out near the school" thing and more of an "okay I know I can't stop you from getting as close to Harry as possible, will you please at least stay in this safe hiding spot I found for you?" concession.

We also see Sirius criticizing Barty Crouch Sr. for not being there for his son. Sirius is able to connect the dots and comes to the logical conclusion that much of Barty Crouch Jr.'s behavior is the fault of his father for being uncaring in the first place. He sees that those around the Death Eaters do--in some cases--bear some blame for not paying attention, for not reaching out, and for ultimately setting them up to join Voldemort. Yet...Sirius does not seem willing to connect this realization to his own treatment of Severus Snape, his younger brother, or even Peter Pettigrew.

Order of the Phoenix: This is where we get the most of his character, I feel, and some of it is subtle. I'll admit that 90% of my characterization of Sirius as actually caring deeply for his brother comes from the sixth chapter:

"...my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them..."

...

"Was he killed by an Auror?" Harry asked tentatively.

"Oh no," said Sirius. "No, he was murdered by Voldemort...from what I found out after he died, he got in so far, then panicked about what he was being asked to do."

Harry asks if Regulus has been killed. And as Sirius corrects his assumptions about Reg being offed by an Auror, he also corrects the verb, from killed to murdered. And generally you don't describe a just killing as a murder. Death Eater or not, Sirius didn't think his brother deserved to die. He also admits that he went actively looking for information about Regulus. Again not the mark of someone who doesn't care.

And while I would describe Sirius as immature, that does not mean he was completely without maturity. He takes a lot of hits in this book, a lot of very harsh words get flung his way. He has to deal with Snape's constant snide remarks about how cowardly Sirius is for staying at home cleaning all day instead of fighting Voldemort, hell, he has to sit there and let the Weasley twins call him a coward to his face just because they're upset that their father has been injured and they're angry that Sirius is safe under house arrest while their parents aren't.

And all this because he's still a wanted fugitive, unable to venture outside safely. He wants to fight but can't. Powerlessness and depression hit him hard in this book.

In the chapter where Harry dives into Snape's pensieve we get our one and only 'objective' view of Sirius as a teenager, where it becomes clear that he was arrogant, handsome, talented, and very popular. He also liked to start altercations. This is actually our first big fissure between Harry and Sirius, and between Harry and his dad.

While James and Sirius are shown as going out of their way to pick fights with someone they don't like, Harry is such a passive and much more emotionally aware character that this causes significant pain to him. To find out that Sirius and James really were bullies is a big blow to Harry, who would never behave that way. He spent most of his childhood being bullied, after all, and I think that in that memory, Harry realized just how much more he identified with Snape as opposed to his own father and godfather and that really freaked him out.

Not to mention how uncomfortable it is to realize that these "bullies" were people Harry loved. Because once you have to come to terms with finding out someone you respect and love has done something cruel, it leaves your opinions on others shaky. This moment wasn't just about making Harry realize there was a "bad side" to Sirius and James, but also the first step towards helping him understand there may be a good side to people like Dudley Dursley or Draco Malfoy.

Sirius is quick to dismiss his past mistakes, he rarely owns up to them. This doesn't mean he's got no conscience, just that he--once again--does not deal with emotions easily. He clearly doesn't respond to his own guilt very well. So he brushes off his treatment of Snape and even his dismissal of his own family. In Sirius's mind, he and James are "allowed" to have matured out of their past bad behaviors and deserve to not be criticized for them...yet Sirius is unwilling to extend this grace to others. Everyone else around him is permanently stuck as how he first perceived them.

Sirius never finding out the full truth of Regulus's death is a huge disappointment to me, as I would have loved to have seen how he reconciled his inability to change his mind about his family with such an obvious act of heroism.

Ultimately book 5 shows that Sirius is, like a lot of us, very susceptible to "being a good person in theory". He very easily falls prey to cruel behaviors against "bad" people. He treats Kreacher the house elf terribly and uses his position as Kreacher's master to control and belittle him, using it almost as an opportunity for revenge against his family for what must have been a rough childhood. Yet he would never do that if Kreacher were nice to him.

It's a sort of complicated hypocrisy. Sirius treats people based on his personal feelings towards them, not based on what is right. Snape was "a little oddball up to his eyes in the Dark Arts", and that is how Sirius justifies his and James's behaviors. The reality is that Sirius wanted to be good, clearly saw himself as a hero, and was more than willing to die to protect the people he loved (he literally does die in this book to help Harry). But he still gave into the same kind of selfish cruelty he complained about growing up with.

It's not just that he was "an idiot at the age of fifteen", as he describes it. Most of us were. Anyone who claims they were always an enlightened progressive-minded justice fighter constantly standing up for the marginalized is just not remembering age twelve very well. The true mark of Sirius's character is that he can't handle the guilt. When the topic comes up, he hides from it, brushing people off quickly and making excuses. He is unable to openly and honestly confront his own mistakes.

Sirius himself told Harry "the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters" and those are probably the wisest words in the whole series. Yet...he was unable to actually live by those words.

Do as I say and not as I do, right? Lol.

Ultimately this character flaw was his downfall. The climax of book 5--and consequently Sirius's death, as well--comes as a direct result of Kreacher's betrayal, a betrayal he was only able to pull off because Sirius, in one of his many fits of anger towards the elf, ordered him "OUT."

He was definitely one of the good guys. I'm not here with any edgy take about how Sirius was somehow worse than the literal wizard nazis. But also...he wasn't perfect, either, and he did and said some very bad things.

A lot of people I think find comfort in that binary split, where characters are either perfect angels or the worst monsters ever. And the meta that get the most clicks are going to be the ones that take those crazy stances of "'[Character You Hate] is Actually a Perfect Angel and Here's Why" or vice versa.

I know that I personally used to write like that, as well. It's actually a touch painful to look back at some of my earliest writings and see just how badly they lacked any nuance...(but boy did I feel like I was making some serious Statements(tm) at the time lol). So it's safe to say my idea of Sirius has definitely grown with time. As have my interpretations of the rest of the characters, too. The more life experiences you have, the better context you can bring to the stories you read. The more diverse people you meet, the more you can start to understand. As your real world grows, so too do the fictional worlds you read about.

So that's my idea of Sirius Black in a very large nutshell. This is the first time I've ever spit all these thoughts out at one time and it was fun to do!

I've seen a lot of different interpretations of Sirius's character over the years and I hope I didn't come across as dissing on any of them. What the reader brings to the table is key. My ideas of why Sirius did the things he did is heavily influenced by my experiences with friends and members of my own family. And the specific areas where my stories jump off from canon into my own little world is equally born of my own life. They come from my memories and from my interests. What ideas I personally like to explore. So when I see someone else's fanfic be just radically off base from how I would have ever conceived of writing the character...I get it.

He's not a real person. So no matter how you see him you can't really be wrong. Each different Sirius Black that pops up on tumblr or Ao3 is just a little window into what's interesting or important to that author.

っ◕‿◕)っ ♥

Love, Ten

[tenrousei-kuroi]

Have you seen the Arcane series, or heard of it? Vi and Jinx's relationship is sooo similar to Sirius and Regulus, I swear!! They are female versions of Sirius and Regulus.

Hello there! (づ♥‿♥)づ

I did not mean to leave you on read lol. I've just been very unplugged for the last month or so, travelling a lot for work and some conservation district fun. But now I am back and once again glued to my computer...

I have heard of the Arcane series because my partner talks about it sometimes, though I've never seen it myself. This is a League of Legends show, correct? I glanced at some pictures just now and the two are definitely setting off a vibe, that's for sure! Maybe I'll ask my boyfriend a bunch of in-depth questions about it without any context (─‿‿─)♡ see how long it takes him to realize what I'm on about

I've always been pretty partial to the Fitzgerald sisters from Ginger Snaps, myself. Saw that before I'd even read the third Harry Potter book and I think that's what planted the seed of violently co-dependent sibling relationships into my mind...

[tenrousei-kuroi]

jellicle cats meet once a year

today in *why is she like this*, I would like to explain that when I was 5 years old a client of my mother’s basically said “instead of paying you for vaccinating my cat, can I give your daughter this copy of the new film version of *Cats*, instead?” and my mom was like “yeah sure”

[tenrousei-kuroi]

what make the sunset pretty?

“I want you to say it out loud for me.”

Sirius twisted in his bonds, his naked skin flush with shame. From the darkened corner of the room, he could hear his brother’s defeated whimpers, too hurt to stand. The previously roaring fire had burnt down to embers, and only the slightest sliver of moonlight crept through the gap in the curtains, glinting off the silver pin in his mother’s hair, the rings on her fingers, and the small knife in her hand.

Walburga circled behind him. He followed her with is eyes until she reached the back of his chair. Sirius could smell the acrid odor of her evening cigar swirl around him. When her cold fingers coiled around the base of his neck, he flinched.

“I’m waiting.”

Sirius was breathing harder and harder, but getting no air. “‘Pretty,’” he said hoarsely. “‘L—like the evening sunset.’”

“My, but that is romantic. Poor thing must have really wanted you to stay. Did you tell him you would?” Sirius felt his mother’s long fingers rake painfully through his hair. “When I pulled your shameful, rutting body of of him was that I what I interrupted? Sweet lies about forever?”

“I’ll stay,” Sirius said quickly. “I will stay, Mum, just don’t—don’t hurt him.”

Walburga’s laugh was low and quiet. She leaned spryly over Sirius’s shoulders and planted a soft kiss on his jaw. “Relax, sweetheart, I couldn’t leave your father heirless, now could I?”

Sirius felt a warm bead of sweat run down his neck. Death hadn’t been what he was worried for. He felt his mother lean back from him.

Not being able to see the knife was worse, and when its icy blade tapped beneath his jaw he howled in fright.

“What is that scream for, Sirius Orion?”

“It’s just c—cold,” Sirius stuttered out the lie, his shoulder twitching. The cords were tight around him.

“Is it true, Sirius?” Walburga continued as though he had not spoken. “What your brother said? Are you as pretty as the sunset?”

Sirius didn’t answer. He should have just run when he’d first made up his mind. But as he set his gaze on Regulus—barely visible in the dark of the bedroom where he still lay, semi-conscious on the floor—he thought of his brother’s warm skin and soft, plying words, and he couldn’t find it in himself to regret his mistake.

Sirius felt the cold, pockmarked blade flitter to his clavicle. He looked up to his mother’s face and saw only cold determination. The initial shame of being naked before her was gone, and in its place the strongest primal fear for his very life, and for that of—

“It is true, you know,” Walburga asserted. “My Regulus has exquisite taste, and you are as dazzling as the setting sun, Sirius, but I must ask you: Just what is it that you think makes the sunset so beautiful?”

Sirius swallowed, the skin of his neck grazing uncomfortably against the small blade.

“C—colors,” he rasped. “The light and the colors, the first stars…” he rattled off everything he could think that might stay his mother’s crazed hand.

The old knife was dull, but Sirius still felt his skin give way.

“Fool. It is only pretty for the impending dark.”

[tenrousei-kuroi]

"and that was a million years ago"

“It’s happening. Rabastan, wake up, it’s happening.”

Rabastan cracked a single eye open at the sound of his brother’s voice. Rodolphus was hovering above him, his broad smile lit by the murky moonlight that filtered through the minuscule cell window.

Rabastan had been hearing stories from him for years now. When the Dementors returned for their midnight rounds, Rodolphus’s delusions would leave him and he’d calm again.

Rabastan let his brother lift him up to a sitting position. Rodolphus was still chattering away in a low, excited voice, and at the sound of a loud clang he dashed forward to the bars of the tiny cell they shared. Rabastan watched him curiously.

“There’s no one there, Rodolphus,” he said calmly, though another loud sound made him falter. Dementors made no noises; there were other humans on the cell block.

Next came the shouting: a slow, primal howling that grew in volume until it gave way to laughing. Rabastan swallowed nervously and stood up on atrophied legs. “Rodolphus, what is—”

But Rodolphus was no longer responsive. He himself began to cry, a desperate wailing laugh as the rustling of cloaked figures approached.

Rabastan could have fainted. He saw men in masks rush past his cell door, wands out and gleefully blasting away at walls and doors. Smoke and rubble began to fill the aisle, the acridity stinging Rabastan’s eyes until he was crying nearly as much as his brother.

In the commotion, one of the figures—alerted by Rodolphus’s grasping arms and constant hollering—stopped at their door. Rabastan stared deeply into that mask, a slow panic coming over him.

The Dark Lord had sent for them.

He and Rodolphus had dreamed of this day, had been so certain of its arrival. The day when their master would rise again and their loyalty be fully rewarded.

“Expulso!”

There had been no warning. Rabastan and Rodolphus were both thrown off their feet as the door erupted in a blaze of blue haze. Rodolphus clambered inelegantly back to his feet immediately, but Rabastan stayed down, his ears ringing.

Through the popping and crackling, he heard a woman’s voice come through. Blinking furiously, he saw his brother’s wife, Bellatrix, scrambling up next to the Death Eater who had freed them. He’d not laid eyes on Bellatrix for years and she looked worse for wear, hair limp and tangled, eyes sunken in...her movements were uncoordinated and flailing, like a newborn fawn.

But she was laughing with a brightness that defied their confines. And Rodolphus joined in.

Rabastan did not want to go with them. He’d waited years for this day but now that it had arrived, the victory felt sour. Over a decade spent rotting in this place for a cause that had never truly been realized. What was to say he wouldn’t end up right back in here? That fierce energy and zealotry that had so possessed him in his youth was...burnt out.

He still couldn’t hear anything properly, but he could see Bellatrix’s mouth moving as she approached him, reaching down to grab him by the forearm.

Her touch burned; it felt as though the Dark Mark were being freshly reapplied. Rabastan gasped and fell back from her, completely limp. Rodolphus rushed up to them.

“...he….somet—I don—...sure he’ll...fine…”

Bellatrix nodded in response and knelt down next to Rabastan, peering deep into his eyes. Rabastan did his best to look past her, with the same soulless fragility he’d seen in the long-time prisoners, the ones who were inevitably dragged down the concrete hall, legs and arms limp, on their way to a final stay in the infirmary.

Rodolphus knelt down, as well, and shook Rabastan harshly by the shoulder. A pop. A slow, warm trickle out one of Rabastan’s ears. “It’s time to go.” Finally Rabastan could hear him.

Bellatrix was shaking her head. She hoisted Rodolphus back up and began pulling him from the cell. “Leave him for now. If this place doesn’t burn to the ground, we can come for him later.”

Rodolphus hesitated, giving Rabastan one last look before allowing himself to get swept off down the smoky hallway along with his wife.

Rabastan took a deep breath and sat up straighter, alert. He felt warm, and not just because part of the prison was assuredly on fire. He was starting to feel the effects of the Dementors’ absence. He wondered if they had been scared off or if they had joined the Dark Lord willingly. Either way, it allowed a small sense of happiness to creep back into him.

Rabastan leaned back against the slimy wall, inhaling smoke and grime and not caring. When the adrenaline wore off and they’d been away from the Dementors for longer, he wondered if his brother and Bellatrix would return again to try and rouse him. Or if the remains of the Ministry would get to him first.

Had the Ministry completely fallen? If so, then it may be a moot point. The fire might get him first.

But it didn’t matter. There was a calmness here, among the yelling and the clattering footsteps. The snapping and clanking of fallen metal was one of the first sounds Rabastan had heard fully since being incarcerated. With no Dementors near to muffle his senses with a blanket of fear and despair.

It was peaceful, being mindless. A few more people rushed past his cell, and some even looked in, but Rabastan was careful to feign a listlessness that approached death. It felt like falling asleep...for the first time in years.

[tenrousei-kuroi]

i came to ask if you’re planning on posting the sequel rapture on the lonely shore but now i’m desperate to hear about the remus/regulus fic!!!

Yes! I am just going to post it. I was originally emailing copies to people but 1. I think I missed a few emails along the way, which is embarrassing, and 2. That was soooo long ago when I thought that what I'd written was too scandalous for the public world and meanwhile I've sailed *way* past that point now, so I think it can just be posted lol. Just gotta' dig it back up out of whatever folder it was festering in on my old laptop. Might should clean it up a skosh, too, that was teenage-me writing, who knows how well it's aged TT.TT

...In regards to the other fic, I too am desperate to hear about my Regulus/Remus story, because my brain's been cockblocking my progress on the very final chapter ೭੧(❛〜❛✿)੭೨ (I kid, I kid, it's getting there. The finish line is in sight, I'm just moving at a snail's pace lately and I'm trying to train myself not to post so many WIPs until they're closer to *done*...)

But here's a snippet of the general vibe, if you're interested:

┏━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┓

On the last day of term, Lupin found him by the lake.

“Oi, Regulus, get through potions all right? I heard you were a mite nervous about that one.”

Regulus looked up from his sandwich. “Who told you that?” He’d been relaxing beneath one of the somber willow trees by the water with a few of his classmates, but they’d both taken off to swim, leaving him alone when Lupin approached.

“Just something I heard,” Lupin said. “So...did you survive without too much strife?”

“Yes, thank you,” Regulus said with a curt nod. His skin tingled warily as Lupin sat down beside him. Regulus looked around nervously.

“Relax,” Lupin assured him, tossing his bag next to Regulus’s and stretching out, arms behind his head on the grass. “I’m not about to start snogging you in public, just visiting. Nothing suspicious, I swear.”

Regulus coughed, choking a little on some bread. “Not as if—I mean, you’d not want—you’re not here to ask that of me, are you?”

Regulus averted his eyes. Lupin chuckled lightly beside him, leaning up onto his side. He tapped his fingers rhythmically against Regulus’s crossed legs. “I don’t know, what would your answer be?”

Regulus sighed deeply. “I suppose yes.”

Lupin sat up fully, looking at him curiously. “You suppose?” he asked.

Regulus shrugged. “Well I’ve not got much choice, have I? Given everything you overheard in the library between me and my brother...I suppose I’m not really in a position to refuse you anything, am I?”

Lupin frowned. “I didn’t overhear much of anything, Regulus. Sirius told me.”

“He...he did?” Regulus gasped, a hotness prickling at his eyes.

“Yes,” Lupin insisted.

“I can’t believe it,” Regulus muttered, dejected. “He swore…”

“And you believed him?” Lupin laughed pityingly. “Poor thing,” he carded a hand through Regulus’s hair, and Regulus merely swayed back and forth from the force of it, a blank look in his eyes.

“O—okay,” he said shakily.

“Okay, what?”

Regulus sat up a bit straighter. “Okay l—let’s do your suggestion. But later somewhere. Send me a note or something and let me know where to find you,” he added a bit more confidently.

“Do wha—oh, you mean kiss?” Lupin was smiling fondly.

“Yes,” said Regulus firmly. He stood up and began to gather his bag and cloak. “And...and whatever else that we’re supposed to do.”

“Great then,” said Lupin. “I’ll send for you tonight.”

“I’ll come,” Regulus promised recklessly. Then he dashed away before he could change his mind.