#tentacle headcanons

[pcm-vandermeer]

cute things to do if your bf is an eldritch body horror abomination:

✧ kiss his tentacles ✧ buy him donuts to devour ✧ try to hug his entire 30-feet body ✧ listen to his trills, growls and songs ✧ let him take you to his pocket dimension ✧ hold his organs for him ✧ despair at the implications of an everchanging body in constant need of transformation ✧ cuddle!

[pcm-vandermeer]

smutty perks of having a tentacled bf:

✧ constant change of texture

✧ lifting you up in the air

✧ not having a spot on you that he can’t touch somehow

✧ fingering his suckers

✧ attaching his suckers to your nipples

✧ attaching his suckers literally anywhere you want

✧ once again: tentacle hickeys

✧ soft and squishy or hard and heavy

✧ comes with built-in lube!

✧ curling around you to hold you close as he thrusts into you ♡

[pcm-vandermeer]

Introducing: your eldritch abomination partner who is always warm!

✧ Best. Cuddles. Ever. ✧ Hand-holding in winter has been consistently rated 11/10 ✧ No need for a pricy heated blanket! ✧ No need for pricy heat pads against tension and/or cramps! ✧ To keep your drink warm, simply hand it over! ✧ Did I mention the incredible cuddles? ✧ The days of hand rubbing are over: tentacles are never cold ♡

Thanks to Cosmic Energy™ cursing through veins and tentacles alike, you too are able to enjoy our amazing quality of life upgrades. Hurry and get yours now!

The author takes no responsibility for any side-effects of Cosmic Energy™, including but not limited to: burns, headaches, nosebleeds, dissociation, relocation from our known reality, eternal despair, and/or alteration and/or deformation of human body parts. Commodification of eldritch powers may or may not lead to eldritch wrath. Always remember to fuck responsibly.

[pcm-vandermeer]

oh yeah no it's totally safe to have sex with that eldritch body horror abomination! all it might give you is

✧ a headache ✧ the sweet release of disorientation ✧ a new understanding of your reality ✧ brain alteration from all the radiation ✧ a goddamn piercing headache– ✧ the most lavish orgasm beyond space and time ✧ and tentacle hickeys ♡

*you'll also likely lose any fear of heights bc you'll be thirty feet in the air the whole time

[pcm-vandermeer]

fluffy perks of having a tentacled bf:

✧ multi-tasking breakfast preparations

✧ playing footsie with a tentacle curling around your ankle

✧ always having a soft landing whenever he’s near

✧ never having to get up to get something

✧ tentacle blanket

✧ tentacle hickeys

✧ tentacle-hand-holding

✧ just… tentacle cuddling in general!

✧ him being shy about his tentacles but you kissing them anyway ♡