I love arguments via text—really, I do. How else can I smooth things over and still curse out loud at the same time?

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I love arguments via text—really, I do. How else can I smooth things over and still curse out loud at the same time?
uncalled for
zephy: you phrased that like i was shouting, change it.
me: it was commanding. like you are.
zephy: it should've been italicized. like, "get down, NOW."
me: no.. that sounded capped for sure.
zephy: in lowercase. everything i do is in lowercase.
me: uhhh no, everything you do IS capped.
zephy: -gestures at self- i'm little.
me: /i/ would be lowercase.
zephy, unfairly: no you would be ///subscript.///
Arguments in a long distance relationship don't pan out the way arguments do when you are physically with someone...