#text heavy-

[hyperpopplaylist]

like i can tell myself shit like “why couldnt i just be a straight girl” but that feels bad its just not right i could never feel that because i am gay, i see men loving each other and i feel that and i want that i dont have to think too hard about it because it just is and i know that to any peers i had in childhood i am strange and i am unusual and unwelcome because to anyone i even tried to fucking disclose that to that maybe i was alright with being with girls and boys and maybe i was a bit too tomboyish responded with turning their fucking backs to me and to see me, a fucking child, as a predator or a freak and to bully me relentlessly and i was always the fucking third wheel i never had a real best friend because no one trusted me or welcomed me but they still let me fucking stick around if it meant abusing me and i had to play it off for laughs and that was so much worse for me than if theyd just fucking cut me off

[nonbinaryspaghetti]

ah,

i’m glad michi is doing better since i switched her 2 ‘wetfood only’ a couple days ago, n stopped letting her have that dryfood (i didn’t wanna talk about it bc i was scared, but she was p sick this past month-ish, and started getting rather skinny,,, an i didn’t know if it was michi getting sick from health problems, or if th food changed 2 something that made her sick)

but i know now that it was th food

sucks tho bc she’s allergic 2 something (don’t know what) that’s in most other dryfoods an this one cheap n easy 2 get brand / flavor was a safe choice fr years , whatever changed didn’t make her ‘allergic reaction’ sick tho, just Sick sick, that’s y i didn’t suspect th food fr a while n was worried it was a health problem n was planning 2 make a vet appointment once i noticed how skinny she was getting n stuff

poor sweetie was miserable , but she’s p happy now :’)  doing so much better already

also discovered that luckily, she’s not allergic 2 salmon! already knew chicken was fine,,, gonna find out about turkey and other fishes n stuff in th future, n use what knowledge i get 2 look for new dryfood so she cn have both, bc wetfood only is uhh,,, hard fr me 2 keep up with :’^U

[nonbinaryspaghetti]

o hholy fukc?!? uhmmm ok so, i, haven’t actually , physically held , or seen any of my tiny drawings in person , in an unfortunate number of months

like y would i? i’ve got nice pictures of all of them, i cn look at th photos whenever i want, an i can c the objects placed nearby for scale an i can understand intellectually that these r physically small drawings, but i honestly just look at them th same way i look at all my drawings

but hioly fuk i just got 2c n hold one in person again an like what the fuck it’s sO detailed an SO SMaLL ?????? that’s so fuckn powerful what tne fuck thers so much details u cn just SEE with u eyes what th fuk

it’s one if my ‘bigger‘ small drawings (still smaller than american one cent coin / penny, but not as small as ‘average’ or ‘small’ sized tiny drawings), i actually have a picture of it on my desktop an i c the lil icon picture all th time, it’s one of my favorites n i put th most work into

but holly fuck seeing it in person, HOLDING IT, IN U HAND!,,, is SO different from looking at th big magnified pictures on a big computer screen where ur brain can forget how small it actually is

i quickly put it back in it’s lil box , it’s so fucking littol ,,, an i MADE that??? wow,,,

lolo this ist th best part of having fucky memory, every now n then i get 2c my arts like i’m seeing them for the first time, then realize that i’m th one who created it, an that’s just so incredibly cool 2 experience ( •́ ᵕ •̀ )

[nonbinaryspaghetti]

ooo i possibly got my old microscope camera working finally! i got it specifically so i could stream myself drawing very small little tiny things, but i couldn’t get th software n such working fr a long time,,, + it’s not th best camera itself ether,,, kinda wish i’d waited fr technology 2 advance enough 2 get something similar but better at similar price y’kno (microscope part is fine, it’s the everything else that kinda sucks)

only problems left with being able 2 stream my tiny drawings is that i don’t have a stand / mount for it (or anything that could b used as one) + i don’t have a good flat drawing surface anymore (has 2b stiff + extremely flat / smooth) wood grain or small bumps n such r very noticeable n detrimental when drawing on a dot from a 3 hole punch,,,

honestly even th paper texture can change how th pencil lead moves at that scale , wish i knew where 2 find paper that’s better fr this kinda thing, but like , nobody rlly advertises ‘Paper That’s Smooth on a Microscopic Level’ or w/e so , *shrugies* am sticking w/ my cheap printer paper since i’ll basically never run out with how little i use

[nonbinaryspaghetti]

moved basically everything in my room around n put most of it all back,,, all 2 get my art supplies storage box out from the impossible 2 get 2 spot i’d put it in when i moved here, i’m all achy now n haven’t opened or looked thru it yet but i’ve been really missing doing traditional arts so i’m glad~

also went out on th deck yesterday n took pictures of nearby trees n their orange n red leaves~ was nice even tho, it’s gotten harder 2 use my broken camera :’c

before it was just an unusable, badly cracked n dead pixel lines infested hellscape of a screen, but it otherwise still worked just fine (tho using th viewfinder is difficult bc it’s a tiny low res grayish screen that’s behind a magnifying lens that makes it blurry n distorted)

but th past few months it’s gotten this thing where it’ll just completely lose power if i’m not holding it just right when i click th take picture button (it makes a sound of something in th lens moving when u power it off normally or when it powers itself off bc of low battery, it’s different from this new ‘losing power immediately’ thing) ,,, an sometimes when i click th picture button it’ll flash th low battery warning then power off normally instead of immediately losing power?

hard 2 work around all that 2 get pictures ,,, just sucks y’kno

[enbi-vegetto]

!!! gang i finally got a chance 2 get som small stuff i been needing fr a while now, including clothes ! an this new outfit i’m wearing is so comfy !!! it’s these like, dark blue workout leggings ? but the end just below my knees an have pockets an they feel so sturdy! an i like the way they feel / how they fit, it’s comfy~ and i got som comfy shirts!!! the 1 i’m wearing rn is a dark blue v neck t-shirt that’s made of this like, soft spandex type of fabric ??? (92% polyester, 8% spandex) it’s comfy as all hell~~~ now all i need is some white boots and a orange t-shirt 2 go under it n i cn b vegitto !!! i wanna draw them in my new clothes >:o

,,,

uh

also btw, 

i made a new sideblog, [traumatizedvegeta] 

so far it’s just a bunch of recovery type posts (things that usually go in my ᕙ(*•̀_•́)ᕗ tag, n similar stuff), but hopefully i’ll eventually put some of my kin things that i ain’t comfy putting here bc it’s like,,, heavy/sensitive topics n stuff. like, the vegeta that i am (less evil and more traumatized, from a different timeline than the canon guy) dealing w/ that stuff an learning n growing into a healthier n better person after ‘e wound up living on earth n whatnot,,, i’m actually p excited about it :’)  having a place 2 talk about me n my timeline w/o feeling weird that ppl might think i’m talking about the canon guy or w/e

~

i’m telling n’yall about it mostly bc i know that, looking at places like that has helped me alot an,,, maby my place could help someone else like that? or w/e

but also >.> i do just really like the validation of receiving notes, an it’s kinda weird having a place i’m so emotionally connected 2 that has no followers ? (u absolutely do not have 2 follow or give notes or even look at it if u don’t want 2 of course! i mean yea it’d b nice? but u do what’s best fr u. y’kno?)

[enbi-vegetto]

gang, u kno how i’ve sorta been freaking out abt my living situation this past month ?   shits actually somehow working out in my favor an i’m ? like ??? i’m actually finally gonna get 2 live somewhere i pick ? that i like ? that will b good fr me? that i like ? on my own??? like i’ve been wanting fr years ??? it’s finally happening ??!

mum + her shitty husband r working things out an he’s gonna actually take steps 2 stop being such a shitty person and they’ve come 2 an agreement where, instead of my mum and me moving out, it’s just gonna b me moving out (an she’s gonna take my current room), an the budget is the same! so i can look at places i like w/o having 2 worry about mums commute 2 work n all that !

that place with the gorgeous views nearby still hasn’t gotten back 2 us with a decision (we weren’t the only ones interested in the place so there’s a chance someone else will get it) but it was a place i picked bc i liked it, an there’s still a chance i might get it !!!

i just found out this morning an i’m so overly fuckign excitement abt this !!!!!!! this like, the dream scenario - the 100% good ending - the Best Possible Outcome 2 a situation like this

but at the same time,,, (੭ु｡ó﹏ò｡)੭ु⁾⁾   i’m so worried that it’s somehow just gunna fuckn blow the fuck up in my face or something ? it, feels a tad surreal tbh 😰

but gods i’m so fucken !!!💞🌟💕🌠💗💜💫💚🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️ 🌈🌈🌈 ・゜*+:｡💃💃💃 *☆*+:｡🌠 🌈🌈🌈 ・ ゜*+:｡💗｡:+*  ゜・ (*ó♡ò*)       abt it!

i rlly hope i get that place bc i rlly did love it,,, but if not, there r other acceptable options 2 look into now that it’s just fr me n my cats ~

[enbi-vegetto]

i got a confession 2 make,,, 

i hate super saiyajin 3 

before u get upset w/ me or anything plz listen 2 my reason (it’s so dumb an i feel so silly 😂) 

it’s existence, implementation, an plot reasons n all that r reasonable enough, and i don’t rlly have any actual qualms with the design itself (aside from the lack of a tail or sharp teeth) but,,,

i don’t know WHAT it is about that design, but it hits me directly in that weird part of my brain that has trouble with faces / telling who is who based on their face. 

i can literally watch goku go from base form thru all the transformations into ssj3, and,,, suddenly i’m just sitting there with question marks popping up all around me an just b like

 ??? who,,? who is this??? lmao wtf? where did he disappear to? who is this new person that’s somehow managed to replace him literally right in front of my eyes(instantly and without me knowing)? ???what is this??¿?¿¿? y can’t i tell who u are kakarroto???

an like!!! logically i know it’s still him, bc! of fuckn coarse it’s him! who the fuck else would it be??? 

that’s still his clothes, his voice, his mannerisms an fighting style an all that,,, he literally transformed right the fuck in front of me. an who else could pull off that kind of raw saiyajin power? 

but even with all that logic my mind is still quietly roaring with whispers of ‘who is that?’ ‘where did the love of my life disappear to?’ ‘who is this??¿¿?¿?’ ‘am i really sure this is still him?(apparently not)’ ‘but who else could this possibly be? (i can think of no one. and yet,,,)’

it’s such a bizarre feeling, looking at someone an knowing exactly who they are, but having ur brain questioning where that person went and who is this that took their place right before my eyes? 

it’s not a bad or frightening feeling, bc i know it’s still him, but it’s just so strange! 

 ssj3 is the only transformation that does this to me and it’s actually ridiculous an it makes me feel so silly 😂