Idk if this is normal, or what, but like...
Does anyone else have extreme anxiety when it comes to going out with friends, or going to social events?
Growing up, I didn't really hang out or talk to other people outside of school that much. We'd see each other in class, I'd go off to dance lessons or cello lessons or whatever I had after school that day (these were group dance lessons and string lessons btw) and then go home.
I never really spent one on one time with any of my friends unless it had something to do with school like to work on a project or something.
Once I reached middle school I started attending more clubs and getting more involved in school as more things were offered, because I've always loved doing different things. I joined the Yearbook, Student Council, the school musical, the choir program (which was an in school thing but still) anything that could be joined as a club I was apart of.
But then towards the last year of middle school/first year of highschool I started feeling anxious when I'd go to school. I'd wake up feeling kinda anxious to where it was kinda hard to eat breakfast in the morning, and I'd go to school without eating anything (which is really unlike me because breakfast was always one of my favorite meals of the day)
I've had fluctuations in the anxiety levels before school. At one point I was so anxious about sitting next to my crush in class that I ended up throwing up in school. There were quite a few times I would throw up before school and then ignore it because I knew that by second hour the queasy feeling would go away.
The highest spike in all this was when I had a crush on a girl in my class (who, coincidentally, was the first girl I ever had a crush on and was the girl that made me realize that I was probably not straight) since confessing and realizing that things were going to be fine between us, my anxiety levels have gone down.
However, when school let out because of COVID-19, I actually had a lot less anxiety. Sitting at home all day, communicating with people purely through technology where I didn't have to worry about appropriate response times was really nice.
Outside of school and clubs and other school related functions I never really left the house anyways, so things weren't all that different.
At one point, I distinctly remember thinking "This is the calmest I've ever been in my entire life"
Now, I'm supposed to go out with a friend in about 3 hours and I feel anxious again. Over the course of this past year, I've been trying to force myself out of my comfort zone and go to more functions that are purely for fun (such a sleepovers for everyone in a small group of choir students, ice skating with the whole choir program, going to the movies with the other kids in the musical, heading to a Halloween party thrown by my choir that a dozen people showed up to, going to IHop til midnight after the first show of the season, and attending an after party to celebrate our final show).
When going to these events, I often don't really want to go, but I know that while I'm there I'll enjoy myself and that after the fact I'll be glad I went.
But before hand there's usually just intense panic that something is going to go wrong, despite the fact that logically I know things will be fine.
Now, after almost 4 months of social distancing, I'm going out again and the anxiety is hitting me all over again. I know, logically, that I'm only hanging out with one friend, that's been looking forward to this for a while, that understands my weird and awkward humor, that isn't going to pull anything mean or do anything to purposefully hurt me, but at the exact same time I'm so anxious about something happening that it makes me want to call the whole thing off.
I won't cancel, because we're supposed to meet up in 3 hours, and I know after the fact that I'll be fine and enjoy myself and be glad I went. But before the fact, I'm still panicking.
There's not really a point to all this, but it makes me feel better to share my story, and if anyone has any tips or similar experiences or suggestions, I'd be happy to hear your responses!
