#pushing myself

[thaltro]

Have you ever heard of Axetale? Seems like an AU you might possibly like.

No I’m chronically unengaged with the fandom or any recent aus. I just get weird yk? I can barley look at anyone else’s utmv art without feeling inferior as an artist or writer. I’m like envy incarnate

But I can check it out I should quit that habit. Exposure therapy with whatever axetale is

You win anon, this will be the first au I read in forever

[awardenandacrow]

Still thinking about how this drawing of Naimy almost never came to fruition because I was afraid!

I had a very specific idea for how I wanted this dress to look, and I was afraid that my skill level didn’t match my vision… but then I decided to give it a go anyway! I’m so glad I did because I’m SO HAPPY with how this came out 🥹🥹

I don’t have any pens fine enough to detail out the feather-patterned overlay, but this is meant to be The Dress. (I’m very jealous of digital artists and their ability to create layers and do itty bitty teeny tiny details like that. Maybe someday I’ll learn to create digitally).

Here’s the scan in case the video quality is bonkers:

[honeycombhank]

Jumped rope for 50 minutes!

The play list was epic and the mood was unstoppable!

1/4/24

[nicistrying]

We did it! We finally found a friend for Maggie that doesn't get sick of her after 10 minutes! Was texting Uncle Manager last night about work and mentioned I was thinking about walking her around the dene by his house if he wanted to bring his dog down too. Met him this morning and we just had a really nice walk and his dog is one of very few we've met that have the energy to keep up with Maggie! They played and chased each other the whole 2 hours we were out. The sun was shining, he showed me a different way around that I haven't been before, it was just a really nice morning. It was also a huge anxiety win in several respects bc 1) I took it upon myself to invite someone to spend time with me and I didn't wimp out and assume they wouldn't want to (which paid off bc when I sent him a pic of Maggie passed out afterwards he said we should do it more bc he ENJOYED IT i.e. didn't loathe every second. The validation was such a relief and I'm pretty sure he knows that) and 2) I drove the quickest way, on the big roads I've been too scared to drive on by myself for a year! Go me!! I was so proud of myself even if I was really shaky by the time I pulled up. This afternoon I cleaned the car inside and out and looked at a few houses we're thinking of viewing. Still got a few presents to order and plenty to wrap when I get out of the bath.

Tomorrow we have a load of errands in the morning and last minute presents to buy but it'll be worth it bc after that we get to get dressed up and go out for a meal with my family so hopefully all the stress will just disappear! Matthew is driving so I intend to have a few drinks and try to really enjoy my last day off. Hope everyone is well!

[dafatha]

Starting my skincare….

Anyone else have to MAKE themselves do it? No? Ok….

[rawritsnikky]

If my body hurts, my heart hurts less 😬

[omni-scient-pan-da]

Idk if this is normal, or what, but like...

Does anyone else have extreme anxiety when it comes to going out with friends, or going to social events?

Growing up, I didn't really hang out or talk to other people outside of school that much. We'd see each other in class, I'd go off to dance lessons or cello lessons or whatever I had after school that day (these were group dance lessons and string lessons btw) and then go home.

I never really spent one on one time with any of my friends unless it had something to do with school like to work on a project or something.

Once I reached middle school I started attending more clubs and getting more involved in school as more things were offered, because I've always loved doing different things. I joined the Yearbook, Student Council, the school musical, the choir program (which was an in school thing but still) anything that could be joined as a club I was apart of.

But then towards the last year of middle school/first year of highschool I started feeling anxious when I'd go to school. I'd wake up feeling kinda anxious to where it was kinda hard to eat breakfast in the morning, and I'd go to school without eating anything (which is really unlike me because breakfast was always one of my favorite meals of the day)

I've had fluctuations in the anxiety levels before school. At one point I was so anxious about sitting next to my crush in class that I ended up throwing up in school. There were quite a few times I would throw up before school and then ignore it because I knew that by second hour the queasy feeling would go away.

The highest spike in all this was when I had a crush on a girl in my class (who, coincidentally, was the first girl I ever had a crush on and was the girl that made me realize that I was probably not straight) since confessing and realizing that things were going to be fine between us, my anxiety levels have gone down.

However, when school let out because of COVID-19, I actually had a lot less anxiety. Sitting at home all day, communicating with people purely through technology where I didn't have to worry about appropriate response times was really nice.

Outside of school and clubs and other school related functions I never really left the house anyways, so things weren't all that different.

At one point, I distinctly remember thinking "This is the calmest I've ever been in my entire life"

Now, I'm supposed to go out with a friend in about 3 hours and I feel anxious again. Over the course of this past year, I've been trying to force myself out of my comfort zone and go to more functions that are purely for fun (such a sleepovers for everyone in a small group of choir students, ice skating with the whole choir program, going to the movies with the other kids in the musical, heading to a Halloween party thrown by my choir that a dozen people showed up to, going to IHop til midnight after the first show of the season, and attending an after party to celebrate our final show).

When going to these events, I often don't really want to go, but I know that while I'm there I'll enjoy myself and that after the fact I'll be glad I went.

But before hand there's usually just intense panic that something is going to go wrong, despite the fact that logically I know things will be fine.

Now, after almost 4 months of social distancing, I'm going out again and the anxiety is hitting me all over again. I know, logically, that I'm only hanging out with one friend, that's been looking forward to this for a while, that understands my weird and awkward humor, that isn't going to pull anything mean or do anything to purposefully hurt me, but at the exact same time I'm so anxious about something happening that it makes me want to call the whole thing off.

I won't cancel, because we're supposed to meet up in 3 hours, and I know after the fact that I'll be fine and enjoy myself and be glad I went. But before the fact, I'm still panicking.

There's not really a point to all this, but it makes me feel better to share my story, and if anyone has any tips or similar experiences or suggestions, I'd be happy to hear your responses!

[learningtobalance]

Well today was a def pushed myself day 😂😂

Walking is such an easy work out👌🏻👌🏻 also I usually only go for an hour but a friend wanted to catch up hence the almost 2.5 lol

Ps I’m very excited for ice cream later 😬😬