➶-͙˚ ༘✶ F*CK THE LIST
✧.* CHAPTER 4 || Fuck The Prequel
[ { SYPNOSIS } ] ➤ A continued tale after Gojo Satoru's blackmailing seemed to have much more to it than meets the eye.
[ { CHAPTER CONTENT } ] ➤ language, backstory, angst, & a tinge of fluff.
[ { WORD COUNT } ] ➤ 2k (this is the shortest chapter I've ever written, help)
[ { PAIRINGS } ] ➤ jjk men x f!reader. gojo x f!reader. choso x f!reader. sukuna x f!reader.
[ [ chapters mlist } ]
——IT WAS ALMOST AS THOUGH meeting you was an official game changer for him. The day you met will never not cross Gojo’s mind at least once every twenty-four hours. He remembers every detail of the encounter, despite how simple it was.
It was your new roommate, at the time, Shoko who’d introduced the two of you to one another and it felt like a goddamn fever dream to Gojo. There you were standing just a few feet away from him after he’d spent weeks getting himself together just to be able to hold a conversation with you without stumbling over his words or saying something weird.
Shoko had Gojo and Geto over at the time and you were in the kitchen when the trio walked in, brief greetings made before she took them to the living room to hang out. Gojo remembers you and Geto saying hi to one another but when you looked at him, both of you just awkwardly acknowledged one another with a wave. Of course, Gojo would learn months later that you found that little wave of yours embarrassing but to him, he always found it cute and just assumed you were shy.
After all, so was he. Or maybe nervous is the better word to put to it because his heart was pounding in his chest the entire time he was at your apartment. Even when he was taken to the living room with Shoko, he was sweating and worried that you’d magically see right through him and figure out all that he’d done in the past.
Guilt was eating away at him so much that he couldn’t even focus on Shoko and Geto’s laughter about some show playing on the television ahead. He needed a moment to clear his air and even considered leaving for a second.
With a sigh, Gojo eventually excused himself to get water from the kitchen, hoping a cool drink would help calm him down. By that time, it’d been an hour since he’s entered your home and he figured there was no chance he’d run into you again since Shoko mentioned you usually hole yourself up in your room.
As such, when Gojo got into the kitchen, he found himself searching for a bottle of water– nervously opening a few cabinets as he didn’t want to seem like he was snooping through you and Shoko’s place. He was so nervous that his fingers were trembling ever so slightly.
His heartbeat felt like it was thrumming throughout his eardrums and Gojo wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He just knew everything would blow up in his face the very second he ever spoke to you-
“Gojo, right?” The sound of your voice somewhere behind him made him flinch so hard that he almost yelped.
With yet another gulp, Gojo was slow to turn his head back over his shoulder to glance in your direction. The second he made eye contact with you it was like all his fear just melted away. Whatever nerves he had building up inside him simply disappeared and he found himself centered by your gaze alone.
He takes a second to nod at your question, “Yeah.”
You gave him the smallest little smile and he was just frozen in front of you. Though, you couldn’t really tell from your perspective, “Let me know if you need anything.”
Gojo swallows thickly and nods again, saving himself with a smile, “Yeah, actually. I uh, I can’t find any water. I didn’t wanna rummage through all your things but-”
“Did you try looking in the fridge?” Your voice was almost teasing and that small smile of yours was growing as you stepped fully into the kitchen and made your way to the refrigerator.
He blinked, “Well-, no, actually. I did not look in the fridge…” He responds with just the same amount of teasing in his voice.
The sound of your chuckling could be heard as the door to the fridge swung open and you bent down to grab a bottle of water for him. Then, you stood up and held it out to him, “Here.”
Gojo stares at you, a billion and one thoughts running through his head. Most of your body was hidden behind the still-open fridge door and you were slightly leaning on it, holding out a bottle of water for him with a kind grin on your face. Shit, you were real. It’s not like he didn’t know that already but-, hell, here you were interacting with him.
You’re real. This is real. You’re not just some girl he was watching from afar or found himself infatuated with. You are a real human standing right in front of him and talking to him. The realization hits him so suddenly that Gojo’s left staring at you for far longer than he means to, leaving you to raise a brow at his lost little gaze.
Your hand starts to retract a bit, “Did you uh, not want cold water? I think we have some room temp in the-”
“Nono,” Gojo rushes out, taking a deep breath, “Cold waters fine, sorry.” He hums as he finally takes that step forward and grabs the offered drink from your hand.
Fuck, he could only imagine how he came off just now. He probably looked so weird staring at you. You probably hate him alread-
“Right, well, let me know if you need anything else,” Your talking cuts his thoughts off again as you casually step away from the fridge and shut it.
Gojo nods in acknowledgment and with that, you’re heading back to your room within the next minute. Left alone in the kitchen with his thoughts, Gojo begins to realize a number of things all at once. The main thought being that you’re a real person. With such an understanding of that fact alone, all the guilt he’s felt practically triplets.
His head is pounding with thought after thought of how the hell he’s going to execute this whole plan with you. He regrets everything he’s done in private while thinking about you, every time he’s placed himself in areas where he could catch a glimpse of you, and that disgusting journal of his that creepily depicts his thoughts of you over the years.
Gojo wishes he could restart everything and go all the way back to the day he saw you at that party and talk to you. He knew he was interested in you from the moment he laid eyes on you so why didn’t he just talk to you? Why didn’t he talk to you after that? Why did he grow so obsessed with a woman he doesn’t even know-
Holy fuck. It all hits him at once. Gojo’s never been obsessed with you or in love with you but rather the mere idea of you and what you’re like. He doesn’t know anything personal about you outside of what Shoko’s told him or what he’s witnessed from a distance.
Moving a palm over his face, Gojo lets out a long sigh before scoffing at himself. Okay, maybe this whole blackmail plan wasn’t going to be that hard after all. He’s not in love with you, just the you he has in his head. So, essentially, unless you turn out to be just as he sees you mentally, this should be rather easy to pull off. All he has to do is pretend to be some asshole to some stranger, in a sense.
But, as we know, these kinds of thoughts are much better said than done because you turn out to be a thousand times better than the version of you in his head he grew infatuated with. But hey, he doesn’t realize that until months later when the list actually starts.
Gojo doesn’t know what moment it was specifically that he started to realize you were much better than he thought you were– perhaps it was the first time he kissed you or the first time he had sex with you, or even every time he kissed you and that face you make when you gaze at him like he’s the most beautifully devastating thing you’ve ever laid your eyes on. The way your breathing is all soft after a kiss as if your breath was stolen, how you stare right into his eyes and so clearly get lost in them-, wrapped up in everything that’s him, it all makes his heart swell to new degrees.
Whenever you speak it’s like he can’t hear anything else but every syllable leaving your lips. Is it possible to be addicted to someone’s sound alone? When you laugh, his skin feels tingly and his heart turns to pure mush. Even when you were angry at him, Gojo found himself oh so curious. He couldn’t help but study anything and everything that was you once he got the chance to do so.
Getting entangled with you was both the best and worst thing to ever have happened to him. It was the worst because hurting you and bringing you pain was inevitable but it was blissful because in the process he found himself realizing that his obsession and level of love for you had died and come back to life within months.
That one morning after the first time you slept with Geto lingers inside Gojo’s head. The entire thing from start to finish is the perfect way to describe how you feel inside his mind. From something so soft, gentle, and loving to a raging storm that makes him so unbearably angry at himself– you, were something indescribable for Gojo.
You’re his peace, his heartache, his pain, his joy, his literal everything, even if you shouldn’t be. The obsession he had for you was dead by the time the list started but once it was over, he felt like he was right back where he started. Hell, it was as if that longing desire to be in your presence had tripled.
His last official conversation with you will never fail to ring throughout his head, even if it were years later when he finally learned to move on.
You were the highlighting factor of Gojo’s life. The idea of you destroyed him and yet the real you healed him. All things that you were clueless about. In one of your last few conversations with him before the two of you really parted ways, Gojo answered an important question you’d asked him by telling you he fell in love with you through his blackmailing but had also been in love with you from the start…
In reality, he finds that it was more of him trying to protect and fix himself from the start only to genuinely fall in love with you, and not just the idea, later on. Gojo thinks it was the way that even you found yourself feeling hints of such a strong emotion toward him despite the shit he was putting you through.
You fell for the simple act of him kissing you over anyone else you experienced– even Choso. Would that still have been possible if you’d known the truth from the beginning? Gojo barely even wants to think about it but it is a good question. You did tell him at one point that you would’ve liked knowing he was obsessed with you earlier on since you were lonely but, you and him both know that’s not true.
And even if by chance it is true, he didn’t want that for you; it’s not healthy.
Above the obsession, the love, the lust, the confusion, hate, anger, regret, and any other emotions experienced throughout the torment that was enduring that damn list… Gojo ever only truly wished one thing for you and that was happiness. Aside from anything else, joy was the first emotion he ever saw you display.
It was the emotion that attracted him to you. Your laughter, your smiles, your happiness, if he could in any way protect that, even from himself, then he’d do anything necessary.
Which is why when the dust settled and everything had gone the way it did with you, Gojo had to find it in himself to move on.
Was it easy? Of course not. It takes years for Gojo to accept everything that happened, including the outcome of you ending up with Choso. But, as stated before, the only thing that ever mattered to him was seeing you happy so, a sense of feeling content eventually came to him.
Not only that, the life he lives after college is more than enough to distract him from this horrid past. After all, you're not the only woman Gojo will ever fall for...
[ { A/N } ] ➤ In case it's not clear, this is the end of the prequel.
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