#that-this-will-do

[bettsfic]

what's a gauge and how do you write one? more to the point, how do you write two? (that aren't just sort of copies of each other)?)

in knitting, a gauge is when you knit a small square to make sure your thread and needles are the size you need to get the correct measurements of the finished project. if the size of your needles is off by one, or your yarn is too thick or thin even by a little bit, if you’re trying to knit a sweater, it won’t fit, and you’ll have to unravel the whole thing and start over.

so i came up with something i call a vocal gauge, which is when i write a scene or a chapter with the person, tense, tone, pace, and style i intend to use through the entire project. it tells me if it’s sustainable for the breadth of the project i’m attempting.

most of the time, my first gauge is way off. i’ll think it sounds cool, maybe, but it would be hard to keep up for 80k words and multiple revisions. maybe it’s too overwrought and i know i’ll get worn down by description, and a project that i want to be 60k will end up 200k. maybe it’s too internal or too external. maybe it’s in present tense when it should be past, or third person when it should be first.

so i write another one, same scene, with a few tweaks. usually i get it right by the second try but sometimes not. so you just keep writing the same scene over and over again, changing this or that until you go “this is fire.” and then that’s the voice you write the story in.

[bettsfic]

How do you make a thing Happen in a short story? It seems like everything I write these days involves one or more characters walking down a sidewalk or sitting in a room and having Feeling (with occasional talking or sex), but there's nothing to latch onto, it's all detail, no focal point.

unless you’re struggling with the writing itself, i don’t necessarily believe you’re obligated to make something Happen. writing is art, and art is exploration. you’re unveiling an aesthetic, answering a question, discovering something yet unseen. sometimes you need to meander for 20k words to figure out what it is you’re trying to say, and when you rewrite it, maybe it barely hits 2k. maybe it becomes a novel. 

i know i say this a lot, but lean in. if you find yourself driven by characters walking down a sidewalk feeling a Feeling, if that’s what you want to write, then that’s what you write. if you get bored with that, try something new. but don’t trap yourself into unnecessary constraints because you believe a good story is one in which something Happens. a story will show you what it’s trying to be if you follow it long enough. so keep following, keep writing, lean into everything that ignites something in you. 

[bettsfic]

will you tell us more about your fleshed-out knight/queen archetypes? :D :D

one day maybe! it’ll probably be a book-length project, though, because it’s not just about the archetypes themselves but the dynamics they create when paired or grouped together. for example, rey + finn + poe is standing knight (a character with a sense of duty who hasn’t been morally injured and is tasked with saving the fallen knight) + prince (character who has risen from humble beginnings in order to answer to a greater call) + rogue (character who gets shit done and pushes the plot forward with some specific expertise), and that grouping develops how they move within the greater story.

so i have to choose a bunch of canons to work with, and i have to figure out how to say what i want to say because i’ve never written anything like this before, and i don’t know whether it should be “here are patterns i’ve noticed and narrow concepts for previously ambiguous things that are now easier to spot and analyze” or “once you see these concepts through this lens it becomes easier to write them.” or both, i guess. anyway here’s where i’ve started with the fallen knight:

The Fallen Knight’s moral ambiguity is always in question. Prior to the start of the narrative, he was driven by goodness and a sense of duty toward his people. He has likely taken on an occupation centered around discipline, honor, and loyalty. He has gained an expertise in this occupation and is highly regarded. However, through some great moral injury, he has fallen. He has been betrayed by a King, Queen, or Scion, and forced to act against his good nature. This grave moral injury has earned him infamy and a nickname befitting his villainy, however, at his worst, he is only a tool for a King or Queen’s greater evil. After the initial fall, he uses his expertise to commit major atrocities, and grows jaded and complacent to his own moral failing.

Leading his own narrative, the Fallen Knight is tasked with redemption, but he cannot go it alone. His friend-turned-enemy or enemy-turned-friend, the Standing Knight, sees him for who he used to be, and lifts him back to standing. However, the Fallen Knight must remain accountable for his misdeeds, and in a final act of redemption, often sacrifices himself for the greater good.

there are additional considerations, like writing the archetypes in various positions, what their narratives look like when they’re the protagonist, the sidekick, the romantic interest, etc. it’s gonna be a whole Thing.

[bettsfic]

finding fanfic at like 11/12 and staying with it was a really big part of my life/growing up. it was the only thing i had that was really mine for a while, you know. like, i didn't tell anyone that i read fanfic. it was my thing. which looking back i guess i can acknowledge was precarious. there were a lot of precarious things about the latter half of girlhood for me, i guess. but i remember fanfic being the first place i encountered a lot of things, esp with regards to sex. i would slam-x-out

of tabs when i got to something M rated, or something new. but then my curiousity would peek out again, and pile up, and i'd navigate back there. i knew i had the x button, i think. but i remember that process happening over and over, a lot of practice dealing with new, weird things in a place that wasn't like reddit or porn sites, i guess. grateful for that.

god bless fanfic for providing an outlet like that. i used a website called something awful (literally “somethingawful”) which had a forum friday where they posted screencaps from obscure kink forums. i think they did it to make fun of people but i read it because i thought it was interesting how entire communities could form around wanting to fuck yoshi. (this is also how i learned about vore, very quickly and in great detail.)

[bettsfic]

I remember the first time I read that monologue, back when it was Training Wheels. and it nailed me, right in the heart. because I was 100% with Clarke's perspective, I thought the way she did, and felt it when Bellamy explained all of that. like it legitimately fucked me up the rest of the day. I don't really know how to explain how reading that was a little bit of a catalyst, something that drew the line between child and adult and dragged me across it. after reading it, i Knew something

there was a lot of context exterior to your fic there too, obviously. but, seriously, having turned over and thoroughly examined the ideas/implications there, the thing that stood out to me most in the Baby version was the line "What I did was worse (than Regina), I knew what I was doing." Implying that Regina didn't? That he still can't reckon with the idea that she also did that to him knowing exactly what she was doing? ugh. my heart.

i’m glad you picked up on that. bobby sees himself in such a dichotomous light, as both villain and hero with nothing in between, that he can’t really make himself believe someone could knowingly cause harm to him. even with birdie, bobby doesn’t really care at all that birdie hurt him, but that he hurt anita and bea. whereas cee is slowly learning to see things from multiple angles, bobby has a very wide perspective of everything but himself.

really glad you’re still enjoying it! we’re nearing the final stretch.

[read baby on patreon]

[bettsfic]

i like this idea. i'm sad tonight let's have dinner. stumbled across your fansplaining bio (i think that was the post) where you talked about reading johnlock fics to battle homesickness and man that resonates so much. i first got into fanfic through harry potter (back on ffn, when the term lemons was still in wide circulation). i used to stay up til 3 or 4 in the morning reading next gen and ron/hermonione fics because it was the only thing that made me feel remotely okay.

thank you for checking out my fansplaining spot! i think a lot about how different i would have been if i’d found fanfic when i was younger, and i know it’s weird to come in at 24 like “ok i’m ready for this to be my entire life now” but that’s p much how it happened

[bettsfic]

Do you know of any books about recovery? or like, something about addiction and quitting that's not like "AA for Dummies" type writing? not that there's anything wrong with the very encouraging and straight forward, just that it's not for me. trying to find a sort of no BS but compassion something to read while I sort through some things

the only two that come to mind are infinite jest by david foster wallace and jesus’ son by denis johnson. both of them are kind of recovery-subversive though. oh and i haven’t read it but possibly the collected schizophrenias by esmé weijun wang. 

anyone have any recs?