Discover Top Posts Tagged with #the 18th

it's my birthday tomorrow ig. ill be 30

i just want to tell everyone it's my birthday soon

#THE 18TH #IM EXICTED BUT SCARED #i get new responsibilities 😰😰#but also im getting ss elita i was on my knees begging for her

From yungndoomed's twitter:

Feeling like the luckiest person on earth. 3rd times a charm with the dunes

L.S. Dunes, St. Vitus Bar, Brooklyn, NY on July 18th, 2023

#ls dunes #frank iero #tucker rule #brooklyn #scorpion drum #july 2023 #2023 #saint vitus #st. vitus bar #the 18th #ghost metallic guitar #denim vest frank: embroidered flower #black copper foil guitar

whoa almost my birthday

#the 18th

The 18th

I like to think that you’re the missing piece. Why I’ve felt so empty these last two months. But really, you’re not what I miss at all. What I miss is how I felt with you. The way you looked at me as if I was the most amazing thing in your world. The way you’d call me or FaceTime me just because you knew it'd make me smile. I miss having someone like that. Someone that will just call me to brighten my day or look at me as if I am the greatest treasure they’ve ever found. To be honest, I never expected you to be the one to have those memories with me. To be the one that swept me off my feet. But you were, and I can't change that. Maybe I don't want to change that. You were the last one to show me what I don’t want. I have had too many people come and go and impact me more than I would like them to. When really all I want is for people to care. I can’t expect every person that I meet to care about me as much as I do for them. That’s an expectation that will set me up for failure every time. But even the ones that do care still have me feeling a sense of uncertainty. Maybe that’s my anxiety talking, but I also feel as though a part of me sees it as being true. I have a best friend that I am three hours too many away from, and I've built him up to be my rock when I should be able to rely on myself to know when things aren't okay. I call, I text, I snapchat. That doesn’t mean that I always get a guaranteed response. Most of the time it ends in me confessing something that I know he would be disappointed in knowing, and then getting a stern response in return. I miss having a person. Someone that I knew was there as much as I was for them. Someone that would put me first. I realize that I cannot always be a top priority to others. But being someone who always puts others before myself, it felt good to have someone do the same for me. Even for a few short months. Everyone has different opinions on how I feel about you. “She just wants you back. She still likes you. She needs to get over it.” But the truth is, I am over you. I have said every word under the sun about you from love to anger to even hate. Me. The one who refuses to feel like that, and I did. I truly thought that I would hate you. Ask me a month ago and I probably would have said that I hated you. But I don't. What I hate is how alone I feel. I am surrounded by friends that tell me that they love me. Friends who tell me I am not okay. But I’m to a point where its just easier to say that I’m fine. I don’t want to just be called every time because I sound like I’m having a hard time. I want to be called because I want to just talk to the people I care about without it having a negative reasoning. I don't want to hear second hand stories from other people. I want to be the one that someone goes to when they've had the best day ever and they need to share it with who they care about most. I want to be that person. The one that someone thinks of first when the happiest moments of their life is occurring. I hate being important because I’m the sad friend. I want to feel important because I matter. I miss having phone calls with someone that loves me about anything and everything. I miss having conversations with people that don't depend on what my mental state is that day. I understand that ignoring it is not beneficial. But what depressed person wants to have conversations everyday about their depression? I’m trying to overcome it, but talking about it everyday feels like eight steps in the wrong direction. Obviously everyone is going to handle it different. But I just miss the conversations where it wasn't a factor. I am so grateful to have friends and family who want to make sure that I am okay every day. But some days, I just want to feel how it did before. That I’m here and I’m just living my life. Some days I just want to not be reminded that I’m a sad person who is going through shit. What I want is someone who is going to recognize that yes, I am sad, but I am also still a person who has happy stories to tell. That I’m not just doom and gloom. Moral of this story, I miss having a person to share all my stories with whether they are happy or sad. I miss having someone that just wanted to talk to me because I was their person. I miss having a person no matter what their title is. I miss having someone who I was just as much their number 1 as they are mine.

#the 18th #me #personal #I'm a sad person who needed to get this shit off her chest