#the leave

[starlooove]

Sometimes it’s so pathetic I can’t feel bad

[thedaintydoe]

dior: what? no—

adeline: dior, come on. they’ll be okay.

dior: ...

[naturetale-official]

I drew Nots being sad, and then because I got sad I drew him being happy and,,, I really want to be able to do a full piece on him once I’m able to get settled ;w; not anytime soon, unfortunately ahh 😭 Either way I hope everyone’s having a spectacular day!! Tata~

[g4yr4t]

it wouldn’t be as awkward as that time the semester after I quit student teaching I ran into one of my former seniors at UD and I was wearing like a crop top and short shorts and he’d only ever seen me in button-downs and dress pants

[g4yr4t]

everyone at my workplace is incredibly supportive and affirming and give criticism constructively with at least an equal focus on what things I am doing well and should continue as there is on what I should refine. people are really nice there, including the mentors and consultants and center directors and office managers and everyone. it’s such a great and supportive work environment.

and I am still fucking terrified almost every day that someone is going to yell at me for doing something wrong, or belittle my work, or give me a whole list of things I’ve been fucking up. and that’s never happened at any of my jobs so it’s gotta be student teaching. I’ve been working at this great place where I do good work with students that’s actually appreciated by people with more experience than I have and I’m still scared shitless that I’m going to get in trouble or get yelled at or that people are going to get frustrated with my incompetence/lack of common sense/slip-ups/frequent questioning about things I’ve done a thousand times because I still can’t quite get the steps down.

man fuck that, like, nine-week period of my life that’s been over for like a year now and still gives me nightmares and triggers me and makes me freak out about the job I actually like doing. it doesn’t seem fair that something that lasted just over two months could’ve affected me this strongly.

fuck my cooperating teacher, man. fuck that pseudo-tolerant bullshit that only applied when I seemed nt enough, when I acted “normal” and wasn’t inconvenient and learned and reacted the “right” way. honestly I couldn’t remember my ct’s first name for like a week and it was so great, but of course I remembered it again and even and it sucked because just thinking about her makes me want to cry and hide and evaporate because of how she made me feel during those nine weeks before I quit. fuck it all.

[g4yr4t]

lmao I’m flippin out about creating my presentation because when I think about it it’s not an outline or a linear model at all it’s like a cloud or a scatterplot without a lot of dots and they don’t have a very useful line of regression and I’ve got all this information, a fourteen page paper, but I can’t figure out how I’m going to convey it at all and what would I put on a handout and what kinds of visual aids do I need and I’m horrible at powerpoints and I’m panicked because I’m getting less coherent and less linear and less together all the time and I don’t know and

and I think some of the reasno I’m freaking out about this so bad is because it reminds me of trying to make a lesson plan and that shit kicked my autistic ass every time because I can’t plan well and my brain doesn’t make a net around things the way other people’s do and well we all know how well that worked out for me!!!! hahaha not good I was a failure and I feel sick

[g4yr4t]

remember that post that was like about getting done with school exams and going to your teacher’s house and then it was the tanisha from bad girls club gif where she’s banging the pans together?

lmao it’s hilarious because one of the reasons I had to quit student teaching is because the majority of teachers literally do not sleep and I am Too Neurodivergent for that shit