“Our dear friends, family, colleagues, esteemed guests, fellow supportive minstrels and shit talking enemies that believe that this funeral is quote unquote “Fucking up my day”. We gather here upon this glorious sun soaked morning to bid a fond farewell and give tribute to one of the nation’s most forgettable public intoxicants, “THE GOODYEAR PIMPS”. I wish that I could stand here today and tell you that they used their God given abilities to champion great humanitarian causes all the while mending gaps between rich and poor, black and white, man and woman, dog and cat. But, alas, I can not. For the vessel that lies before you claimed to be an atheist, and in general, a godless alcoholic miscreant. For their great causes and mission in life usually centered around scoring drugs, before and after a performance…and sometimes during. After all my friends, we all know their motto was and always will be “Playing shows without cocaine totally blows.” Now it is quite natural for those of us that are left behind to feel guilt, sadness, even anger. Or for you to lament the loss of this departed beloved entity - especially since most of you are still owed money, beer, drugs, gas or a place to sleep. But as we return that which is from the earth back to its beginnings, remember that digging up this body and pillaging its rotting corpse will never give you back your possessions. Let it go, man. Let it go. For the great equalizer known as death is only considered a tragedy if it has been a life misspent in selfishness, or if one has died so young as to be unable to fulfill the promises of that life. So in regards to the passing of these so called “The Pimps”, I can only recall the fitting words of one of the last centuries greatest poets and philosophers, Sir Nelson Mandela Muntz when he said “Ha Ha”. So haha indeed good Sirs. Ha Ha indeed. The Pimps Michael Hillenburg Tony Crisman Stuart Johnson Todd Cooper Dave DeRosso”