Everyone knows me and my family are not really talking. Over one day in my life I was actually doing something they didn’t like–something to do with my book. I caught my sister outside watering her lawn on my way home the other day. We all live 5-10 minutes from each other, you know. Anyway, I know she saw me driving by. I thought she was out-of-town when I mailed her a letter she never answered about my yard. I had a massive asthma attack trying to work on it so I was asking for help. Nothing for a week. I was beginning to get upset, then I got a blessing in disguise.
OKAY…so, I was working on my book–touching up here and there. Got two packages today–Halt and Catch Fire Season Two and The Road to Middle-Earth by Tom Shippey, renowned Tolkien Expert that I found out has been living in my backyard for 2+ years. WOW..all of a sudden, I went to my kitchen and when I came back, there was a message on my iPad and iPhone. I knew the number. I began to panic, until I read it. “Reminder 12:30″. I was worried I might have missed something and was something wrong with my Dad–that would be pretty important. I didn’t answer because I wanted to see if I’d get another one and to make sure it really was my sister. I had been having a great day, you know, @fortunatelyclevercandy. I’ve never had so much excitement for Thranduil. People are chiming in as far away as Google Plus. Hard to keep up. Hours went by then it finally hit me like a bag of chattering teeth.
MY SISTER was TEXTING SOMEONE ELSE to GO somewhere–probably one or both of our nieces. She’s always trying to make them not like me much. And when they go out, I ask why didn’t you call me, I would’ve gone. She always says, “I didn’t know you were home.” RIGHT. I haven’t had a landline for three years! How can I NOT be home? My home phone is in my POCKET! My DAD knows that and he thinks Lee Pace still loves wearing a dress (if it makes him happy, okay) and needs to comb his rooster! HE’s the one that gave the nurse my NUMBER! IS SHE KIDDING ME? Oh, that’s rich! So it all finally caught up with her. Good news. I finally filed a complaint with the city about my yard–of the house that isn’t mine–and gave them their name and phone number! It is legit. I have a letter that says this isn’t my house, so why should I kill myself trying to help them when they ignore me, won’t let me near my father, and get pissed off because I have fans and they don’t? OH, I don’t think so. I thought she was calling to be nice and asking me to see my dad on Father’s Day. NOPE. Not at all. They better pray Sunday is a slow day with Thranduil.
Ooo..Aiwendil is mentioned in the appendix (you know him as Radagast).
Don’t be sad, Thranduil. You’re in there. The book’s named after you.
Oh, look, Aragorn’s in there too. And Legolas. Did we forget anyone except for everyone..
Okay…more Gandalf…and some Olwë and Elwë aka Elu Thingol, father of Lúthien Tinúviel but that’s all I’m saying for now.
Oh, come on, Lindir…it’s not that bad. Elrond and his children and wife will be there..and his mother-in-law and father-in-law…never mind.
Okay, so we all know who the real star is, Dwalin. See you Sunday.
Dear Sister/s, I’m terribly sorry I missed you while you were pretending not to hear or see me and you are mad because I have fans. I would share with you but you have no idea who Thranduil is because you didn’t read my book I sent you. That’s okay. I’ll just have to live with the knowledge that you’re mad at me over a fictional character from an 80+ year old book written by J.R.R. Tolkien and he just happened to be played in the 2012-14 live-action New Zealand Tourism Video by actor Lee Pace…all 6′5″ of him. Oh, yes…he’s was good. What? Never heard of him? Ask our Dad. He’s well acquainted with him and his work and his rooster. But in case you missed ALL THE LETTERS and CALLS and EMAILS and MESSAGES you ignored on how your sister is doing these days here’s a little preview:
Yeah, I have no idea what that is…
Yep. That’s it. That’s Thranduil, Elvenking of the Woodland Realm. Subject of Book II: The Saga of Thranduil. 499 pages long and that’s without what’s coming tomorrow at 11:59 pm (Central Daylight Time)–check your local listings or something. Or just come here, or @tkwrtnewsfeed, Facebook, Twitter, WordPress, Google Plus, Instagram…yeah, I’ll remind you tomorrow. Funny thing is, it is actually a big deal. How that happened I don’t know, but it’s bigger than the last two times. Must be the first look Appendix. Someone already asked for an autographed first copy in print. I’m starting to get used to that idea now because I’m hearing that as far away as Ecuador, Italy, Ireland, Scotland, Britain, even Russia, and India and Africa. So, that’s what’s going down now. Have to wait and see because it’s still being read by some important people.
Wow. There you have it. I guess I’m done now. I have to go get ready Sunday and get ready to post new excerpts for Book I. Everyone got to meet Bard’s wife the last time in the Extended version. I am like so close to the world’s authority on Tolkien–so famous, he’s on Tolkien Gateway, y’all. And I just learned that Thranduil’s got 55 followers on Google Plus. So, I’m good. Solid. Ready to go.
OMG…she dialed the wrong number!!!! I can’t believe she dialed the wrong NUMBER…Someone up there LOVES ME. It’s about time!