Joplin Sibtain [Chook Sibtain] as Richard Asher in The Stretch (2000)
He’s handed over all aspects of his businesses to you. Legitimate and…otherwise. You’ll have complete control over all his companies and signing rights for his bank accounts. All we need for you to do is sign a few forms.
Turns out all three hours are on YouTube! Don't mind me, I'm just humming Cornershop as we wait for Richard Asher (yes different spelling to the song, I know).
"Let me do the worrying for you! That's what you pay me for..." He's a high-flying-wheeler-dealing naughty tax-dodging accountant >:3
Baby. *Pinches his cheeks* Looooook at those sideburns :3
Richard and Lawrence are Terry's accountant and solicitor. Terry's been jailed for life for murder. His wife Samantha, who stood by his alibi and everybody believes lied for him, is faced with the fact he's currently too broke to appeal.
She and Terry split up 18 months ago (per Richard). 15 months ago (per Samantha). Richard is indifferent to such details.
Samantha: "So what you're trying to tell me is if Terry drops his balls I'm out on the street."
It's ok! Terry's arranged for a consignment of cannabis resin to be brought into the country :)
Also in a 'currency deal' in Spain :))
He's signed all his business deals legitimate and....otherwise .. over to Samantha :)))
A man who is not taking the piss and would just like the hysterical lady to sign some forms pls.
Sam: "You're as bad as he is!! .....both of ya!" (wouldn't want to leave Lawrence out)
Oh, Alistair Petrie is here being menacing! i.e. beating up his wife, Sam's daughter >:( BAD.
So ginger!
And bb Graham McTavish!!! The trustworthy and loyal tough guy and driver. VERY GOOD!
Sam gives in and goes back to the lads Richard and Lawrence when her mother-in-law's on the verge of being kicked out of the private care home she's in.
Richard says nothing but we keep seeing his hand fiddling round his face. Coke fiend? Or oral fixation?
Much drama in the meantime, but I clowned myself saying 'I'll go back to work when we get another Richard scene'. Nearly an hour on and we're still waiting...
Here we go! End of the first half. Of course loyal associates are invited to Terry's getting-out-of-jail-because-someone-else-admitted-to-the-crime party!
He's taller than everyone else at the party by a mile :')
Episode 2...
Joplin's voice is in the 'previously on' but I'm holding out for another scene or two :')
Besides, this is genuinely pretty good. Slower and more thoughtfully written than TV tends to be allowed to be these days.
Aaaaand it all comes out. Sam learns about Terry getting with widow of the dead man pregnant. She learns about all the people who've been paid off, and that Richard Asher, like everyone else, knows everything, and he's the one who's been paying people off for Terry.
Sorry the image quality is abysmal :')
Things keep going tits up, but Terry's convinced he can get them out of their financial problems with One Last Deal. He just needs some money to buy the heroin first.
Oh dear me no, solicitors and chartered accountants draw the line at heroin deals!
Terry rightly notes that the rest of the money they've handled for him hasn't exactly been squeaky clean.
We are not thrilled at having this pointed out.
Terry: "The chance for one last...HOO-RAH."
And in the end they probably just end up somewhat out of pocket, but this is the last we see of them.
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Rating
Dead? Nope!
Evil? Go to jail for your crimes against the tax man you horrible little inside trader :3
Affects the plot? Technically, yes, but not in a way with any actual agency/character acting with their own motivations
So this is a genuinely fun thriller! The lead actors are Leslie Grantham aka Dirty Den from EastEnders (that's a wild Wikipedia page, let me tell you. Life sentence for murder. Inspired into acting by T. Dan Smith while they were in prison together. EastEnders. Attempted suicide three times after a sex scandal) and his on-screen wife from EastEnders, Anita Dobson. Who is actually married to Brian May. Yeah, that Brian May, who does the soundtrack to this film. Which is, for the most part, pretty cool - though now and again I had a Pavlovian response to the screaming guitars and started looking for Clancy Brown in leathers or a pouting Christopher Lambert. I will say though the eagle screech that happens when the camera focuses on Terry remains unjustifiable, Brian May or not.
Uhh where was I
Oh yeah, rating. Idk, like...2/5? Joplin's not in it much, but he's very cute when he is there. And I genuinely enjoyed watching the rest of the show. The ending is so nearly perfect (I think the final shot through a scope was unnecessary).
