Is Your Hipster Getting Old?
Are you having technical issues with your Hipster? Is he afraid his tattoos will be seen? Does he suffer massive system failure in the hat boutique? Violence against cats? Has he purchased jeans at Wal-Mart? If any or all are evident then you may have a malfunctioning Hipster. Your Hipster’s finely calibrated negative-dialectical self-deprecation and disassociation can become compromised through extensive use and if not dealt with may result in:
a) a poor residual self-image leading to stupor, fatness and finally old age
b) a languid or a “non-sequitur” fashion sense
c) professional body building
If you have not recently updated your Hipster do so now. Updating your Hipster may include finding a better pour-over, neck tattoos, more Mirror Time™, nomadic travels in the veld, or worst case scenario, open skull surgery in which sections of his brain are excised and reformatted. Failing these measures means your Hipster may require replacement. Many new Hipster models possessing the most advanced discursive neurosis are available to choose from and now come with even more Mirror Time™. Please keep in mind that youth’s favorite lie is that it lasts forever.