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The Blovel Season 4: Episode 10

Outside of the gala the lovers yearned for one another. The secretion drenched panties that Charlie took off before her and Buxton walked to the Uber are now a trophy for Buxton, which he keeps in his front jacket pocket, a simple token from the evening. The immensely passionate gazes and obvious heavy exhales of sexual desires on the brink fill the space between them. Buxton’s massive hands gently caress the hips of his lover. She moans from the intensity of her lover’s touch that sends chills all over her body. Charlie wants to give herself to Buxton without restraint and tonight she won’t be denied.

The long, shiny, black SUV Buxton sent for arrived. The driver was a tall dark-skinned and a brother, like Buxton, which always makes other brothers feel a little more at ease. A shared head nod to greet one another with short eye contact out of respect and a closed fist bump is what ensues after two brothers recognize each other as cool. The driver opened the door for Charlie as is customary of good chauffeurs. He tipped his hat as he held the door open and Buxton ushered Charlie is. The driver tipped his hat to Buxton as well though this time it wasn’t a greeting but more of an acknowledgement of how beautiful Charlie is. It’s never disrespectful to let another brother know that his woman is beautiful so longs as you one doesn’t call her out of her name nor makes remarks about her physical appearance that delve into jealousy as opposed to a simple observation.

Once settled into the back seat of the SUV, the driver strolled back around to his side of the vehicle and closed the door. As he pulled off the rocks from gravel road kicked up. He didn’t leave in a hurry though it seemed like it if anyone were to have been paying attention. Their destination is a good forty minutes away and with so much time to kill Charlie took liberties. She began rubbing Buxton’s leg on his inner thigh. She intentionally let her fingers grace over Buxton’s penis; she aimed to tease him until he’s no longer able to resist. She rubbed up and down Buxton’s leg between his thigh and knee and could feel Buxton’s erection trying to force its way through the stitching of his tuxedo pants. The inaccessibility of his tuxedo pants forced Buxton into a difficult place: would he be willing to get damn near naked in the back of this SUV to be on the same page as his lover or would he keep sacred their lovemaking and refuse to give in to his temptation with watching eyes?

The temperature between them got hotter and hotter. The driver had to turn the defrost on to keep the windows from steaming up. Charlie was straddling Buxton and kissing him like tomorrow was never to be. He too felt the heat as perspiration not only poured from his brow but drenched his shirt as well. Charlie can feel how hot Buxton is becoming but ignores it because she wants to penetrated by the man she loves. Charlie could also feel that dick pushing up against her vagina. She wants so badly to cum all over it.

The hotter the intimacy was getting between the two lovers the more the anxiety in Buxton grew. Buxton loves Charlie beyond measure and desires her sexually in ways he’s never imagined but because of the sexual escapades of his past Buxton doesn’t want to cheapen what he and Charlie have by letting other people into their intimacy. Buxton toyed with the idea of a threesome years ago but knew that it would have to occur with two women he had no real attachment to because of his understanding about Love. He never wanted to engage in acts of lovemaking as a spectacle with a woman he loves and thus the dilemma he’s facing now in the backseat of an SUV with Charlie. Buxton wants to rip the beautiful gown off Charlie and take her I’m right there but with another person watching, knowingly, it makes Buxton feel uneasy. It’s not so much he doesn’t want to make Love to Charlie; he doesn’t want anyone else to see what is special between soulmates. The juxtaposition in Buxton’s mind subsided his erection. Charlie can feel the energy shift within her Lover. She opens her eyes and looks at Buxton and says, “What’s different?” Buxton looks up and says, “I want this but not like this; let’s get home first. I don’t want anyone else to see what’s mine.” The anxiety of speaking his truth made Buxton tense as he wasn’t sure how his Love would respond. Charlie was not at all displeased by the desire of Buxton to have sex behind closed doors. She got off of his lap and sat next to him on his right. Buxton looked up at the driver to see his eyes in the rear view mirror. The driver never looked up at Buxton as he knew not to give way to the fact he was watching. He kept his eyes on the road until they arrived at their residence. Charlie places her hand in Buxton’s lap and rubbed that dick. Though she agreed to Buxton’s wishes, she wanted him to know that the dick she wants is what she will have once they get home.

The driver pulled up in the driveway and got out. As the door closed Charlie stopped rubbing the dick she was needing so badly. Buxton was near ejaculation when Charlie stopped rubbing his member. She sat tall and pushed her shoulders back and said, “So when we get I here it’s going down because I...” Before Charlie could finish Buxton reaches his single finger out out over Charlie’s lips to hush her. He knows how passionate Charlie is about their lovemaking which in turn sends Buxton over the moon knowing that his lover isn’t just a talker but she is invested in making sex a part of their expression of Love for one another. It’s different when your lover wants you just as bad as you want them and they aren’t afraid to be honest about their wants nor afraid to act on their sexual impulses. When the driver opened the door he reaches for Charlie’s hand to help her down from the SUV. Buxton followed behind and gave another nod to the driver to which he simultaneously responded with the same nod; the magic of blackness is brilliant!

Charlie walked up to the door and pulled her key out from her small clutch. Buxton followed behind as the driver pulled off. Charlie opened the door and reached for the light switch. Buxton places his hand over hers on the light switch to signal that he wanted the moonlight to illuminate their home. She took it as an expression of authority and didn’t push back. She walked away from the front door and placed her clutch on the kitchen counter. She turned around and asked, “What you gonna do?” Without hesitation Buxton lifted her by her underarms onto the island in the kitchen. He pulled her tight fitting black sleeved dress up a over her hips. He then pushed her back to relax. She regressed to her elbows and opened her legs. Buxton looked proudly at the pussy he was about to devour.

[theblovel]

The Blovel Season 4: Episode 5

Buxton’s father was an emotional man. He wore his feelings on his proverbial sleeve and wasn’t apologetic about how in tune he was with his emotions. He saw his father cry more times than he cared to remember. As a boy he can remember things he’d never speak of; some promises are meant to be kept no matter what. No matter what Buxton saw as a young man, he would try to curtail his emotions and hide from them as best he could but, he is his father’s son after all, and their’s no escaping who you are.

Throughout Buxton’s relationships he kept hold of his emotions. He tried his best not to exhibit the habits he believed made his father a weaker man. So much of what Buxton formed his opinions on what manhood should be was less and less about what his father exhibited in terms of emotions. He subscribed more to the concept of manhood embracing the protective nature of the stern, rugged father who never smiled versus the man that cries to communicate he’s hurting. The Mr. T, alpha male type is what Buxton sought to model himself after. It isn’t that he didn’t love his dad, he just didn’t respect the way his emotions allowed him to be disrespected.

As a young man Buxton would often try his best to refrain from crying. He thought it was best to hide his emotions so he wouldn’t be seen as weak or soft. If he hurt himself outside while playing he tried his best not to cry. He scraped his knee badly as a child on his brand new bicycle. His knee was cherry red after his fall off the bike. He tried his best not to cry. One of his best friends moved away unexpectedly and left without saying goodbye. The whole neighborhood was shocked but Buxton tried his best not to cry. Throughout the innumerable times that Buxton tried to hold back his tears, he was never successful. He held his tears back in front of other people, but when alone and his over analytical mind would begin to process the events that evoked an emotional response, Buxton most assuredly cried by his lonesome. As much as he wanted to deny it, he was just like his father. The more he cried against his will the more he realized he couldn’t run away from his true self. As much as he hated his father for showing his emotions so openly, he too became aware of his emotional response to people and their energy and he began to embrace his true nature. His emotions weren’t a crutch; they became his strength.

As Buxton matured and grew in understanding his emotions, he began to understand the energy that he possesses and how his emotions can be effected by energy. He became aware of how his mood would either heighten with joy or subside with negativity and it often depended on the people he was around. He noticed that he was most joyous around people that he found to be particularly interesting and motivated to be great. These people rarely complained about their hardships, but when they did, they always made plans to overcome them rather than wallow in the depths of their perceived misfortune. When is energy began to feel depleted, he noticed it was due in great deal to the weather as well as the negativity he was inviting into his aura. Buxton became aware of how on cloudy days he needed to be mindful of staying positive and keeping negativity away from him and on sunny days needing to stay in a positive mindset. He noticed how the more positive he was the better his overall well-being was. He liked the energy of his positive mindset and how it allowed him to be his best self. He was so I tune with how he monitored his positive energy with his work and friend circles, he knew he had to have the same level of discernment in his relationships.

The most out of control Buxton ever was with his emotional self was when he was with Joan. Joan checked all of the boxes except for the emotional piece. She was successful, she was educated, she loved him, she never made him the burr of his jokes to other people because she made more money, she was pretty much perfect outside of the fact that she held Buxton in an emotional hell hole for years. Even though Buxton could feel his energy drain with Joan, his need to be loved held him captive in an emotional desert. More times than not Buxton would recognize how depleting Joan’s drain was on his energy but he had someone that loved him. People don’t find love around the corner. Throwing it away doesn’t guarantee its placement in one’s future; it’s quite the opposite. Should you choose to say goodbye to love, there is no possibility of another chance at it. It took years for Buxton to get up the courage to I’ve himself more than the idea of being Loved.

Now Buxton has become master of his emotions, he has opened up his energy to Charlie and not just open to giving his energy, he is open to being replenished by it. Charlie is great for Buxton as she too understands the beauty of energy and its forces. She subscribes to being selfish with her energy just the same; they really do seem like a match made for one another.

After a long day Buxton came home to an empty house. Charlie and Buxton made a promise to make dinner happen if either was the first one home unless they had a planned date already established. They kept this promise with regularity though most of the time Charlie would get home before Buxton. On the rare occasions Buxton got home first he would order something and have it delivered rather than going through the trouble of trying to make something. Charlie was never overjoyed with ordering in but she appreciated the effort though she would always cook something to eat.

Buxton was more tired than usual when he put his feet up on the sofa. He pulled up a delivery app on his phone and began to search through the millions of possibilities for dinner. He shuffled through the app and elected to order Indian food. Buxton selected some of his and Charlie’s favorites and set a timer on his phone. He was nearing a heavy eyed, coma like sleepy state. Buxton didn’t trust himself to wake up without an alarm on his phone. He placed his phone on the coffee table near the sofa and closed his eyes for a few moments.

Charlie came home to see that the lights were out though the television was on showing sports highlights and there was no dinner cooked: Buxton was home but didn’t make dinner plans. Charlie became infuriated by the lack of care displayed by Buxton. She had s long day at work and knew that she was getting home later than usual but was comforted by the idea that she would have her man, some food and a lot of Love when she got home. To her surprise, none of what she hoped for was apparent. She placed her jacket in the closet closest to the door and then put her briefcase in the office. Heading into to kitchen to confirm her suspicions of an odorless kitchen meaning there was nothing to eat, she finds that there in fact is nothing cooking; she’s beyond pissed off at this point. Her and Buxton has an agreement and promised each other to be mindful of it no matter what to be supportive of the other. It wasn’t just this time that made Charlie upset, it was the many other times she chose to turn a blind eye to something that Buxton didn’t do. It all came to a head this evening for Charlie.

[theblovel]

The Blovel Season 4: Episode 4

“I doubt there was ever a moment where they weren’t thinking about them and only them. They are so self serving with how they offer these half-assed excuses about their actions that don’t come out of Love but come from a place of manipulation. They couldn’t have possibly been able to really understand what it’s like to be in my shoes. Understanding is selfless. One must remove their cool and set aside their ego to truly be in a place of understanding. I’m not sure if they’ll ever understand what it’s like to be me.

I’ve offered the most sincere parts of my existence to someone and they took that as weakness. They stepped all over me and degraded me because it made them feel better about themselves. I was hurt by this person and it kept me in a dark place for years. I didn’t trust anyone. Every smile felt fake. Every offer of a shoulder felt like an unofficial agreement to be bound to a place of negativity. I didn’t need that company; I wasn’t miserable, I was hurt. I wanted answers to why and how come and what about. I hung my heart on a hook in the back of my mind where my fears dwell and closed the door. I swore to myself I wouldn’t open it until the right person revealed themself to me.

No one ever knows the depths of a broken heart until theirs is smashed into a million, unrecognizable pieces. Not until the glue that pieces your heart back together is the same glue that cements your feet back to the ground you fell beneath after they dropped you. Friends and support groups are cool but there’s nothing that compares to the embrace from the one that knows you better than anyone else. Your friends don’t hold you the same way. Your support group won’t understand the way you feel because they aren’t you. It was a unique, one of a kind type Love that no matter their years of healing and advising can fully comprehend. That’s the shit that had me in my feelings. It was so good before it no longer was. Emotions run deep but that soul connection, once broken, can be a real bitch.

Despite surviving the hardest part about finding someone (losing them), I managed to pick myself back up and challenge my heart to be open to Love again. Once I did, it opened me up to parts of myself I hadn’t known I buried. I left parts of me below even where I was willing to look. To compromise for the hurt, I neglected the best aspects of me because they weren’t good enough before. I wasn’t being me; I was a version of myself I didn’t recognize anymore. I didn’t like who I had become. It showed me the necessity of appreciating who and what I am before expecting someone else to. It took a long while but I found peace in Loving me more than I used to.

The work it took for me to Love me more than I ever have forced me to be cautious with those I let become close to me. My friends changed as I grew to see the hearts of people rather than their words and smiles. My lovers were few and far between. I didn’t align myself to negative energy nor did I let cancerous spirits infect my newfound respect for myself. I thought nothing of the broken glass that fell upon the floor that day. A broken glass isn’t a sign; it’s just an accident waiting to be fixed. My attempt to fix what was broken led me to the man that replenishes my energy with Love in abundance. I never imagined the man of my dreams would walk into my life, out of it so quickly and back into it within a span of hours. I didn’t know before that he too was broken. I know what it takes to be pieced back together; I know full well I can’t be the one to do it for him.

He leaned on me when he was at his lowest but ran to another when he was vulnerable. He committed to me but left his heart with another woman. I didn’t know how much of him was was aligned with her; how deep the wounds and how far away from healing he truly was never sent a red flag. He ran to her because he didn’t know what else to do. I could have given up on him and shut him out forever. I chose to Love me more. I needed him to see what he was giving up on. So I made my vision my reality. It took him a while to find himself, but he did and he eventually found me again. Our happiness is because of the willingness to let healing happen outside of judgment. My absence was the balance he needed to understand what was missing from his life. We are each other’s and no one else’s; finally!

We are so quick to judge another’s journey without first looking at ourselves to dissect what we too need to heal from before we can be whole. No one should ever look for another to complete them; find your compliment, find your reflection. Love yourself first.”

[theblovel]

The Blovel Season 3: Episode 7

Charlie’s presence in Buxton’s life didn’t come by circumstance. The smile that emits from the aura of her happiness within her spirit didn’t develop by happenstance. Buxton had to make some serious adjustments to the manner in which he dealt with the women he welcomed into his life.

Following Buxton’s release from the hospital he walked around the city for a while. The freshness of the spring was vibrating through the air and everyone and everything felt alive and light. He took the fresh air into his lungs and held his inhalation. His exhale, not only a release of the capacity of his lungs, it was a release from the captivity of the physical ailments and mental anguish that came with his recovery. Buxton endured quite a few setbacks mentally while trying to recover both mentally and physically. He fell a few times. He began to feel sorry for himself. He doubted that he would be able to endure the journey. It wasn’t easy for him to get back up but Buxton persisted nevertheless.

Just before Buxton was supposed to be released from the hospital, he received word through Jeremy that Joan passed away. Joan was a passenger on an airplane that crash landed off the coast of the Dominican Republic after failing to land properly at the airport due to high winds and heavy rain. Buxton wasn’t sad because Joan was no longer alive, it was more so about how what they shared can no longer hold dominion over him. Buxton was always partial to Joan. They broke up and got back together many times. He was truly in love with Joan though she was no good for him. He would try to break away from Joan but she would always find a way to welcome him back. Now, there is no fail safe for Buxton; there is no plan b.

Buxton took an extra week before his release because he stopped eating for a few days. He was honest with his doctor about how he felt and how his appetite wouldn’t regulate unless he took a few days to deal with the process of this woman no longer being alive. The doctor kept a close eye on Buxton for the next three days. Buxton didn’t do much besides stare outside of his hospital window from a chair that faces the window. He sat there for hours each day in silence. At times he would pace back and forth tossing his stress ball with his left hand and catching it in his right and vice versa. He never said a word. For that seventy-two hour period Buxton took an impromptu vow of silence. It was maybe the most purifying experience Buxton ever undertook.

People rarely take the time to understand the thoughts that manifest into the voices we hear in our minds that become the actions we do and perform. Buxton wasn’t able to distract himself with any outside stimuli. His silence only afforded him the opportunity to wrestle with his thoughts rather than dull them with any vice of his choosing. He tussled with his thoughts and emotions around Joan and her passing. He often questioned if he and Joan were destined to be together or just each other’s kryptonite. Buxton always knew the pull Joan had on him and could’ve denied it if he wanted to be done with Joan completely, but Buxton wasn’t ever sure if he would find someone that would be as devoted to him as Joan was even though it was detrimental for him. The girl at the playground really did a number on Buxton mentally. He never truly left from that playground. Joan was always his stance against the words of that young girl even though Joan did her best to make Buxton her puppet. He was her project so to speak. Buxton finished his graduate degree because of Joan’s willingness to pay for him to finish. She got him the interview at the university that later became the place of his current professorship. She helped him get the Jeep he used to drive. Joan was his ultimate cheerleader and champion but also held those things above his head and reminded him whenever he stepped outside of her expectations. Buxton was ultimately saddened by Joan’s death, but it only allowed for him to let go of what has held him back from being all that he needed to be. Joan made pathways for Buxton but now he is going to have to make his own paths.

After his three-day silent withdrawal from the world, Buxton woke up on the fourth day with a new sense of self-awareness and commitment to being the best version of himself for himself. He decided that he wouldn’t live for the approval of others. His motivation to be his best self stems from his desire to be at his best. Being in a hospital bed for four months can either build you or break you and Buxton is choosing to construct his life on his own terms.

[theblovel]

The Blovel Season 3: Episode 4

Buxton couldn’t believe what he had just read. The only girl to give him the time of day and genuinely have an attraction to him outside of his potential as a meal ticket due to his athletic abilities is now gone and possibly forever. His fondness for Amber has grown into a Love that he never before experienced but didn’t take the opportunity to tell Amber. She told him of her Love for him in her letter but he still holds his truth with no way of revealing his truest feelings to his greatest find.

Buxton was broken. He found his equal in a girl who no one else saw the way he did. They connected in a way that couldn’t be duplicated. Amber brought all of Buxton’s emotions to the surface where he didn’t have to be afraid or embarrassed by them; Amber loved Buxton for who he truly is. He’s an attentive and sensitive mate who gives all of himself to the one who has his heart. Unfortunately he gave his heart to the girl who wasn’t able to stay. How is Buxton supposed to navigate losing the most important person in his life?

It took years for Buxton to move on from the loss of Amber. A few women came and went but none ever made him feel what Amber did. The few times he left himself open to Love it wasn’t what it needed to be; it didn’t feel like the way it was with Amber. He eventually turned his focus from Love to being the best man he could possibly be should Love ever find him again.

Buxton matured into an attractive young man with an appreciation for fine clothing and fragrances. Buxton never wanted to ever be misconstrued for the kid he used to be. He worked out regularly and became a vegetarian. He kept himself well groomed and well dressed. The superfluous opportunities to meet women came in abundance. Every woman he met after Amber didn’t compare. She was the bar and there was no compromising; until he met Joan.

Joan came out of nowhere much like every other woman that Buxton fell for. It was a circumstantial occurrence that placed he and said woman at the same place at the same time and fate intervened. They were in a coffee shop and Buxton was there between classes. He was having a chai latte with almond milk at the corner table in the window near the secondary entrance to the left of the coffee shop counter when Joan walked in. It was as if the air in Buxton’s lungs suddenly escaped him. She had this flawless air about her. Everything about her seemed intentional and nothing seemed out of place. She was elegant and floated across the floor as she walked in. Buxton nearly wasted his tea as he locked his sights on Joan.

She stood in line at the counter in her full glory. Her large overcoat protected her from the elements and her heels invited her legs to accentuate the muscles she’s developed from years of walking in them which also caught Buxton’s attention. Her long, black, shiny hair flowed seamlessly down her back and her makeup was soft and light but her lips were full and her hips were perfect; she had a true shape that only God could have created because she was absolute perfection! Buxton sat and observed her as he typically would have with any woman he was attracted to. However, Buxton wasn’t on the prowl. He saw Joan and was attracted to her instantaneously, but elected to let fate decide.

Buxton noticed every move Joan made from the time she set foot into the coffee shop but once she received her beverage he turned back to the book he was reading as if to appear unbothered. Buxton sat at the corner table near the secondary entrance almost strategically. It was where patrons could get the necessary add ons for their beverages as well as coffee jackets, stirring sticks, sugar and cream or milk. He sat there nearly every time he went to the coffee shop and he was certainly glad to catch a glimpse of the lovely woman he wouldn’t dare to talk to. He opted to let her make a move if it was to be.

Joan pulled her beverage from he pickup counter and walked over to the station next to where Buxton was sitting. She appeared to be in a rush but she was careful about what she added to her beverage: two sugars in the raw and a splash of soy milk. Buxton pretended to read but he noticed every move Joan made. After fixing her beverage to her liking she looked up and saw Buxton reading. She noticed the book itself, “Invisible Man” by Ralph Ellison. She smiled at the thought that came to mind at first glance of the novel. Joan directed her words towards Buxton, “First read or brushing up on a classic?” Buxton knew that something only divine would have caused such a beautiful creature to speak to him without cause. He replied, “I’m re-reading for pleasure. How often do you brush up on the classics?” Joan answered, “I’m an avid reader and try to find more current authors to keep my night stand occupied.” Buxton countered, “So the classics aren’t good enough for a second or third read after you’re done with them?” The presumption in Buxton’s tone could have come across as arrogance or even judgement, but Joan was sure of who she is and didn’t back down. She replied, “You’re making an assumption about my preference and not about my appreciation for new perspectives. It’s a classic mistake made by older readers.” The counter made Buxton not only smile but cough up his chai latte and spill a little on his lapel. Joan quickly responded by reaching out with a handkerchief. She said, “I didn’t mean to offend you; I was only countering your sarcasm.” Buxton appreciated her willingness to oblige his sarcasm with a bit of her own. He offered, “I made an assumption I shouldn’t have madam. I apologize for my sarcasm. Thank you for wiping my lapel. I hope you aren’t turned off by my opinions. My name is Buxton.” Joan responded, “Anytime I can get a man to choke on his own drink, I must have made an impression. My name is Joan. Have a good day sir!” Joan exited the coffee shop with a smile on her face. Buxton was smiling as well and looked to see if Joan would look back to see if he was looking; she didn’t. What Buxton didn’t know was that Joan could see Buxton’s reflection from across the street and saw how attentive he was to her exit. She smiled and kept walking down the street away from the coffee shop.

Buxton sat and was enamored by the effortlessness of the communication between perfect strangers. Buxton did leave it up to fate to bring them together but he wouldn’t chance her leaving out of his life never to be seen again. He gathered his belongings and rushed out the door in the direction Joan walked. He ran down the street and could see her overcoat not too far ahead of him. Buxton jogged to catch up to Joan moving people out of the way most urgently. He finally reached her and tapped her on the shoulder. When she turned Buxton was hunched over and breathing heavily; he had missed a few weeks at the gym recently. Buxton stood tall and centered himself to speak, “I don’t typically do this, but upon meeting you I felt compelled to chase you down in the hopes that maybe we could meet sometime again for coffee or perhaps a bite to eat if you are available. I know it may seem weird to run after you but I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see you again.” Joan was flattered by Buxton’s approach and offered, “As long as you aren’t winded every time, you’ll be just fine.”

[theblovel]

The Blovel Season 3: Episode 3

As a young man, Buxton was a bit of a dreamer and loved fantastical ideals about life. He often would visualize and immerse himself in places and experiences. Most of the places he would visit in his mind were conjured through the books Buxton read. Buxton’s parents were both highly educated professionals. His dad was an engineer and his mother was a teacher. Both were proponents of an enriched vocabulary that could only be expanded through the exploration of literature. One of the most interesting things that peaked Buxton’s interest in the books he read was the idea of romance. He loved seeing the protagonist find ways to woo his love and whisk them away from the dangers or opposition they faced and lead them towards happiness and abundant Love for eternity. Buxton wanted to be that character in his own story; he wanted to be Prince Charming.

Though Buxton was not given the time of day by many of the girls he found attractive at his school’s throughout his childhood, he never lost hope of one day finding the true love he knew existed for him. Rejection would ordinarily diminish most people’s hopes of finding that which they seek, but because of the many stories Buxton read about a guy finding his true love against all the odds stacked against him, he never saw rejection as a final straw. It was more of a relief than a frustration; he knew who wasn’t the one which narrowed the possibilities of who could be. The biggest hold on Buxton that would encapsulate him every time he thought he found his counterpart was her beauty.

Buxton was in awe of how beautiful women are. He was fascinated with the female form. It wasn’t in a perverse, obsessive kind of captivation but rather an admiration for the simplistic yet flawless creation a beautiful woman is. When he found a girl he thought was beautiful he would assume the roll of her Prince Charming. Often times Buxton was met with rejection but when he met Amber she didn’t push him away. Buxton believed Amber could be his true Love!

After their initial interaction in the school cafeteria, Buxton and Amber were nearly inseparable. They didn’t have the same class schedule but had classes near each other’s because they were both seniors. They would wait for the other to get out of class at the other’s door if they left class early. The walked through the halls holding hands. Buxton didn’t sit with his friends at lunch; he sat in the middle of the cafeteria with Amber and everyone was able to see it and neither Amber nor Buxton cared about what anyone thought. It was a beautifully orchestrated middle finger to the expectations of others. On the outside Buxton and Amber were the ideal couple.

Buxton would do any and everything he could to make Amber aware of his devotion to her. He needed for Amber to know that he was genuine and there was nothing that could keep him from Loving her with every part of his being. Amber was however not as enthusiastic about Buxton’s devotion. Through the seven months they dated, Buxton never let a day go by without telling Amber she was beautiful. Amber never really accepted Buxton’s exclamations of her beauty. She didn’t see herself as beautiful; Amber was never told by her father she was beautiful or even pretty because he never got the chance to. Both of Amber’s parents were killed in a car crash when she was just a baby. She never knew her parents. Amber was adopted by a white family and was raised in a household vastly different than Buxton’s.

Amber endured quite a bit of ridicule from her brothers and sisters in the home she grew up in. Amber was not the only adopted child. She was one of six adopted children that were taken in by the older, rich, white couple. They were generous with their home and money but not as caring and loving as those children they adopted needed them to be. Amber was one of two girls that were adopted and the other was Asian. Amber and one other boy were the only Black kids in the home and they weren’t the best of friends. Amber often felt alone and like no one understood what it was like to be in her shoes. She became callous to kindness and saw her welcoming of new people into her life as a way of showing weakness. She had to be hard to endure the pains of being unlike everyone else and making it through such a difficult ordeal meant she couldn’t just attach herself to anyone. When it came to Buxton she felt a different energy. He wasn’t judgmental. He was honest and forthright about how he felt about her. He didn’t try to engage with her sexually in a selfish, egotistical manner. He never made her feel as if she wasn’t the most important thing in the world to him, but somehow that wasn’t enough.

Their seven month anniversary was approaching and Buxton had already planned to give Amber a poem he wrote for her and a bottle of perfume he bought from a department store. It was pretty expensive bottle that Buxton had saved his allowance and birthday money to purchase this bottle of perfume just for Amber. Buxton wanted to make a big deal out of this anniversary because it was the longest relationship he has ever had, it was the only relationship Buxton ever had, but still the longest nonetheless and he believed they were doing well and on the right path. Their anniversary was only one day away and Buxton couldn’t be more excited about surprising Amber with the gifts he would present to her.

On the morning of their seven month anniversary Buxton woke up before his alarm went off. He woke up nearly three hours before he needed to because he couldn’t sleep. He was too overwhelmed with joy and happiness and a bit of anxiety about how Amber would respond to the gifts he had to give to her. He got up and turned the alarm of. He rushed to shower and get dressed to meet Jeremy downstairs so that he could hop in Jeremy’s car to ride to school. Even though Buxton and Jeremy didn’t sit at lunch together anymore they were still the best of friends. Once they got to school Buxton hoped out of the car before Jeremy could turn off the ignition. He ran through the entrance to the school and jetted upstairs to his locker. He kept Amber’s gifts there so that he wouldn’t lose them or forget them somewhere else. Once he got to his locker he put his book bag, jacket and hat in his locker and grabbed the poem and gift-wrapped perfume for Amber and waited in the cafeteria for her to arrive. They always met in the cafeteria before school to see each other. Buxton waited for Amber. He waited and waited for Amber. Everyone else cleared the cafeteria to go to homeroom but Buxton sat their waiting for Amber. The bell rang for homeroom and there was no Amber. Buxton walked into the hallway believing he would see her once he turned the corner and Amber would be right there and he would run to her and hug her and present her with the gifts for their seven month anniversary and they would be so much in Love and kids passionately without any fear of whomever could see them; Amber wasn’t there when he turned the corner. Buxton didn’t know where she was. Buxton went to homeroom hoping he would see Amber soon after like always. Following the longest homeroom in Buxton’s life, he walked into the hallways and still no Amber. Buxton went to her homeroom teacher and asked her if she had seen Amber but she hadn’t. Amber was not at school. Buxton concluded that maybe she was late to school and that he would see Amber at some point throughout out the day.

Buxton ran immediately to the door at the end of each class and sped down the hall to wait outside each of Amber’s classes eagerly awaiting to see her. She wasn’t at any of her classes prior to lunch. Buxton couldn’t understand why Amber wasn’t where she would have normally been. Buxton walked over to the attendance office and asked if they saw Amber walk in today. The office attendant said that Amber was not in school but left a note specifically for Buxton. Buxton picked up the note and walked out towards the bleachers at the football field. He often sat there and contemplated things that required focus and sorting through. He opened the letter and began reading,

“Dear Buxton,

I’m not going to be at school today or any other day here after. Both of my adoptive parents have past away just like both of my biological parents passed away. It wasn’t in an accident but the both died from carbon monoxide poisoning. As a result, I’m being sent to live with their closet family member who is a niece that I’ve met before but lives in Chicago. It seems like it’s going to be a better living situation but it will require me to have to be apart from you. I didn’t know how to tell you and I wasn’t sure how to face you knowing I would have to leave you on our anniversary. I’m so sorry I have to leave but it’s out of my hands. Please know that you have shown me something that I never knew before; you showed me how to Love. I will forever be grateful for you. I Love You. Maybe one day our stars will align again. Peace My Love.”

[theblovel]

The Blovel Season 3: Episode 2

Buxton has been steadfast in his approach to his rehabilitation of his arm and his rehabilitation of his perception of women. He’s always thought himself to be a loving and respectful man in terms of how he thought about and engaged with women but he has been much more introspective given the amount of time he’s had to process in his hospital bed. Buxton has uncovered some truths that he never grappled with which ultimately has shaped his perception and lack there of with regards to women.

As a young man, Buxton didn’t receive much attention from girls. He was a chubby kid with average height, he wore braces and had bad breath. This concoction of different possible turnoffs made for a difficult time navigating interactions with girls throughout high school. Buxton had very few female friends and never had a girlfriend during those years. It wasn’t until his senior year when he had a growth spurt, his braces were removed, he slimmed down quite a bit and learned about the art of flossing that he gained massive attention from the girls at his school. By this time Buxton wasn’t jaded but he was fully aware of his insecurities that though they were no longer visible, they carried much more weight than anyone ever realized.

During Buxton’s senior year of high school he met a girl named Amber. Amber was a transfer student. She was allowed to transfer into Buxton’s school for her final year with special permission. Students didn’t traditionally transfer to a new high school with only one year left to complete and rarely received permission to do so unless it was a special case. No one was ever sure what Amber’s special case was but it had to have been something pretty serious for her to be let in for only two semesters. Buxton noticed her one day at lunch while sitting with a few of his friends including Jeremy; they’ve been friends since they played together in the sandbox in elementary school. As they were discussing some topic of specific interest at the moment, Buxton looked up to see Amber searching for somewhere to sit. She had this soft face with a darker complexion. Her skin flowed as the lights from the cafeteria framed her face. She looked somewhat young but old enough to be a senior of course. She didn’t smile much nor did she appear to be as enthusiastic about starting a new school year with all new people; she looked rather lonely in Buxton’s eyes. He watched Amber as she elected to sit at a table in the middle of the cafeteria which surely meant she had no friends as nobody sat in the middle of the cafeteria. She clearly was desperate for someone to speak to her according to Buxton’s perception.

Rather than waking over to Amber and possibly making a fool out of himself with no way to connect to her, Buxton sat back and briefly observed Amber. He noticed how she picked through the succotash for the corn and only ate the patty on her chicken patty sandwich. He also noticed how she didn’t crack her beverage until after she was done eating which took discipline; he thought it was a good quality Amber possesses. After a few moments of observing how Amber ate and picked over her food, Buxton walked over and sat across the table from Amber. She didn’t look up to see who was sitting by her. She kept her head down as to not make eye contact. Buxton knew that Amber didn’t know him from his “fat years” and figured that maybe he could be a friend. He cleared his throat and said, “I don’t blame you for only eating the corn. No one I know wants Lima beans anyway.” He hoped his joke would solicit a response from Amber or at least make her smile somewhat. A moment passed and not a word came from Amber. Buxton picked up his tray and said, “Well I hope you enjoy yourself here. It’s not too hard to make friends. My name is Buxton by the way. See you around I guess.” As he stood up from the table Amber said softly, “I actually like Lima beans; I’m saving them for later as a snack.” She looked up to see if Buxton was going to sit down or if he thought she was too weird for further conversation. Buxton smiled at the notion and sat back down saying, “So you would rather snack on Lima beans rather than potato chips or candy?” Amber replied, “There’s nothing nutritious about potato chips and candy and I can’t afford to get any bigger than I already am. Buxton could sense that Amber was either looking for confirmation of her view about herself or was looking for Buxton to refute her claims and state otherwise. Buxton was attracted to Amber physically. He knows nothing about her outside of her physicality and elected to sit with Amber. This was a clear sign to him but maybe Amber needed confirmation.

Buxton looked at Amber and examined her face; she was beautiful. Her skin was soft and supple. It was as if she moisturized religiously and wouldn’t think of missing an effort to keep her skin glowing. Her darker complexion was a massive appeal to Buxton. Buxton didn’t have a preference for skin tone or even appearance for that matter. He liked the soup of a person and beauty fades after time; he was intrigued by Amber and her quirky ways but the kicker is that she was beautiful.

[theblovel]

The Blovel Season 2 Episode #12

Buxton reaches for Charley with his right hand and asks her to sit down beside him. Upon awakening to the sound of Charley’s voice praying over his body, Buxton felt compelled to be honest with Charley. The fact that Charley is present and no one else that could have been is not makes Buxton feel secure in his relationship with Charley in a way that he didn’t previously. Hearing her prayerful words and her devotion into him gave Buxton a different perspective than just a few hours before.

Buxton asked Charley to sit down so that he can speak to her about something that has been on his mind. He tried to adjust himself so that he could sit up a bit but the pain in his left arm forced him to give up before getting more comfortable. Charley adjusted the head of the hospital bed with its remote control. She then asked, “Is that better baby?” Buxton let out a frustrating exhale and said, “Yes baby. Thank you.” Charley offered, “Don’t beat yourself up baby. It’s gonna take some time for you to get back, but you will and I will be right here with you helping you in every way I can. Maybe you should just rest and we can talk another time. You look like you are in pain.” Buxton was in pain. Despite as much as Buxton tries to mask all that ails him from Charley in hopes that she doesn’t find him weak nor incapable of managing things in his life, she always knows when Buxton isn’t well or is having difficulty in any realm because she knows his tell: whenever Buxton is struggling with something or has an issue, he gets quiet and doesn’t make eye contact or he diverts attention away from himself so the focus is elsewhere. Outside of Buxton being in an automobile accident and nearly losing a limb and waking up in excruciating pain, he isn’t making small talk.

Buxton felt some pain in his left arm after the adjustment and winced a bit while he clutched his teeth trying to deal with the pain. Rather than ask, Charley lowered the head of the bed back to where it was originally. Buxton thanked Charley and settled back into the uncomfortable yet necessary position he was lying in. Charley sat patiently awaiting for whatever was to come from Buxton.

As the pain began to dissipate, Buxton turns to Charley who remains patient and attentive. He asks her to hold his hand while he speaks to her. Charley grabs his hand and awaits what is about to be revealed. They made a pact to hold hands when discussing things that could potentially be difficult in the hopes that their intentions and outcome weren’t misread and because their lover’s touch is an indication of the sincerity shared between them. Buxton takes a deep breath, clutches Charley’s hand and begins, “There have been very few people that have moved me towards expressing my emotions. I have been in Love twice in my lifetime. I once was in Love with a woman who I gave everything to and she shitted on me. For years I was hung up on this woman and assured that I would never find a Love greater than hers. For a long while I was sure of the fact I would never find a greater love until I met you. After meeting you, I was once again open to Love. I had began to heal with some semblance of reassurance that the universe hadn’t forgotten about me. You were unexpected yet right on time for me baby. I Love You beyond words, but I have to tell you something.”

Charley could feel the energy in the room shift once Buxton said he had to tell her something. When someone says the words “I have to tell you something”, it usually is followed by some unfortunate misfortune or mistake. Charley took a deep breath and prepared for what Buxton was about to lay down. He continued, “A while back, I was visited by the first woman I ever fell in Love with. She came to my job after one of my classes and made advances towards me. She attempted to give me head but I didn’t let her. I made her leave. She then showed up to my place and caught me off guard. She pulled my penis out and she gave me head in my drive way. I let it happen and I knew I shouldn’t have. Part of me wanted to know if what I felt for her was gone or was there anything left that I needed to deal with emotionally before I moved forward with you. I didn’t climax and I didn’t allow her to get me close to doing so. It felt good but it was wrong and felt that way too. I allowed it to happen but it won’t ever happen again. I was confused and didn’t know if she was showing up because now was a better time or if she simply wanted me to be unhappy as she is. I know now that I couldn’t have been more wrong in assuming anything good about her motives. I made a huge mistake and I hope you can find a way to forgive me.”

Charley pulled away from Buxton and sat back in the chair. She thought for a few moments in silence. Buxton didn’t press Charley to speak; he waited patiently for whatever may come from Charley.

Charley sat in silence for a few moments mulling over the details of what Buxton shared. She thought, contemplated, thought again carefully before speaking; she had let go of Buxton’s hand many moments before. Charley stood up and looked at Buxton. Buxton adjusted his head so that he could see her clearly. Charley began, “I can understand dealing with the feelings and emotions of someone from your past that you never truly moved past, but what I can’t understand is how you can tell me you Love me but let another bitch suck your dick. It seems like you weren’t too much in-Love or maybe you just want to play games and act like Mr. Big Dick and do what you want to do, but what you won’t do is try to make me feel sorry for your ass just because you are in this bed. Fuck You Buxton!”

Charley walked over to the closet to grab her belongings. Buxton moves quickly to reach under his blanket to pull out his cell phone. He goes to his messages and plays one. Charley stops. She can hear Salaam’s voice confessing his Love for her. She turns and looks at Buxton. The continued expression of Salaam’s love for Charley makes Buxton begin to cry. Charley heads the message and sees Buxton’s tears but is steadfast in her stance, “That isn’t nearly the same as what you did nigga. Yeah an ex of mine showed up out of the blue and tried me but I didn’t let him. You gave in and I didn’t. It’s not the same and I’m still leaving.” Buxton quickly responded, “If I wouldn’t have said anything you wouldn’t have ever known, but because someone else is willing to tell you what they need to in hopes you would look kindly upon them with favor, I was hoping my honesty would be able to accomplish the same. Of course I didn’t want to say anything but after hearing how another man Loves you, I had to let you know that the man you are holding on to made a mistake. I had to let you know so you wouldn’t be here thinking I’m someone I’m not. I made a mistake and I own my shit, but as bad as I want to keep my arm and my vision, I want to be with you. I apologize Charley. I fucked up but I don’t want to ever again. Please accept my apology.”

Tears roll down the one visible eye while the right side of Buxton’s face is quickly becoming a wet mess. Charley observes Buxton’s tears as responds, “Yeah this nigga showed up out of the blue just like your ex did but the difference is that I was sold on him not being the one for me. I knew it was you that I wanted; I had no doubts about it. That obviously wasn’t the case for you. You still wanted to see if she was worth it and I guess she was. You made your choice. Goodbye Buxton.”

Charley exists the hospital room and out the emergency door exit.