#themewriting

[forsedemain-blog]

Mahek

[This is the last part of the four-part Halloween special. Start from part 1!

P1 P2 P3]

There it was again. That stomach-churning feeling of guilt, embarrassment, humiliation and anger. Sometimes, she felt like taking him by the collar and shaking him until the creep bled out of him. She wanted to kill him. She will. She was waiting for the scene to end.

‘WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?’ Tashi was screaming in the creep’s face. Mahek couldn’t see his expression herself, but she could feel the sneer on it.

‘I saw you with that hot model boy. I saw everything, Tashi… And now everyone will know. Unless…’     There he goes again, thought Mahek. Tashi wasn’t a friend like Ritu had been. She was a woman. Not an innocent child like Ritu. Not alone like Ritu. Not helpless like Ritu. But still, she might become a victim to the creep Mahek had to call a father. But all of that was going to end today. Before Mahek could move forward, Tashi took a step towards the creep and kneed him in the groin. Then she elbowed his chin and finished him off with a punch in his gut. Each of her moves was followed by an agonised ‘oof!’ from the creep. Mahek smiled for the first time in months. ‘You go, Tashi!’ Mahek whispered. She scooted behind the door as Tashi made a quick exit. ‘That bitch!’ she heard him mutter. She couldn’t return his sentiments.     Mahek hated her father. She used to think that there was something good in everybody. That was until she met the train wreck that was her daddy. He was obsessed with sex. The obsession began even before she was born. Mahek didn’t know who her mother was. Her father never spoke about her. She doubted even he could remember who her mother was. While on a journey to find out more about herself, Mahek had secretly searched her father’s belongings in the hopes of locating her birth certificate. Instead, she found a report from a PI.     In the report, she found out that her mother had dumped her at his doorstep. Mahek tried not to hold it against her. After all, she was probably one of the creep’s many victims, only unfortunate enough to have become pregnant. Growing up with him had been a dream. He never touched her. He treated her like a princess. She had everything a girl could ask for. Plushie unicorns, Barbie dolls along with their dream houses and all the separate furnishings, frilly pink gowns… basically whatever caught her fancy.     Mahek attracted a lot of friends with the things her father gave her. She brought many of them home. They all ended up with issues. Some killed themselves. Ritu still lives, but only a doctor would call that living. Mahek had paid her a visit the day before. Ritu stared at a wall the entire time, her eyes wide. She had all of her potential sucked out of her when the creep started making her sit on his lap.     Nobody knew about it but Mahek. She had watched it all happen with the innocence of a child. She had seen him take the child up to his bedroom. She had seen the child come out looking lost and numb. Ritu had soon begun to act out in school. She had killed Mahek’s bunny. That was the last straw. She was sent to the mental hospital. Everyone had forgotten about her, including the creep. Only Mahek remembered.     Most people brushed off her dad as crazed but well-meaning. Anyone who knew Mahek knew that she and Mr Lalwani were a joint package -- where she went, he followed. He was always at the bench during ballet, by the poolside during swimming lessons, lurking in the bleachers during track practice. But instead of making Mahek feel safe, he left her perpetually on edge.     Mahek watched the creep’s back with growing hatred. Tashi was someone’s daughter, someone’s girlfriend. He was old enough to be her father. But did he care? He would keep doing this with all of them. It didn’t matter if they were young or old, male or female. All he needed was to shoot his load on someone. She was going to show him today.     Mahek pulled out the steel rod she had hidden behind Tashi’s door. She had followed the creep around the whole time. Waiting for him to walk into the room in which she had hid her weapon. It all had gone as smoothly as she had hoped for.     It’s strange what people chose to ignore when they are trying to commit a sin. Tashi didn’t notice Mr Lalwani enter her room. Mr Lalwani didn’t notice Mahek tailing him. He didn’t notice all the many times she stood outside his door, watching him be the vile creep that he was. She was helpless then. She wasn’t now.     He was still bent over with pain. He was cursing at the woman who had, for once, stood up to him and not let him take advantage of her. He was straightening up. Mahek had no time to lose. This was a chance. Tightening her grip around the rod, she leapt out from her hiding place and swung it over her head. Mahek inched closer to him, savouring all the rage that was boiling up in her. When she was just behind him, she brought it down on his head with all the force she could muster. One shot, and he was spread-eagle on the ground. There was a river of blood seeping out the gash at the back of his head.     Mahek smiled. She hit the same spot over and over again. He had stopped making a sound by the fifth shot. He had stopped moving by the third. She turned his body around so his face was exposed. She then took out her knife and used his body like an etch-a-sketch board. She wrote ‘CREEP’ on his forehead.     The knife travelled down his neck. She undid his collar and proceeded to undo his shirt. She poked the knife through his stomach. She let the tie hang while she took off his coat and unzipped his pants. She stabbed him repeatedly until there was a pool of blood seeping out of his stomach. She left the knife hanging on his penis. Her hands were covered in blood and so was her costume. She had another one hidden just like it in the spare bathroom. She took her time. Her dream had finally come true.     ‘Goodbye daddy,’ she said with a smile that would have matched Ritu’s when she had killed that bunny.     ‘Nice shot,’ she heard from behind. She paused. She turned her face slightly. She moved in time to see Noah stand in front of the door she had forgotten to lock. He had his feet apart. His hands were on his hips. He looked amazed. ‘Nice shot,’ he reiterated. ‘Don’t let the demons get you. Kill ‘em all.’ He gave her a two-fingered salute with his boyish grin and sprinted away.     Mahek blinked. She turned to look at her father. The murderous rage had been replaced with nervousness that bubbled in her throat. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. Calm yourself. You can fix this. That’s when the realisation hit her: She had just killed someone. A fat tear rolled down her cheek. But she had no time to mourn her lost innocence. Wiping away the tear with her bloody hand, she dragged the body by the arms and put it in the closet.     Mr Lalwani was a heavy man, but Mahek had done ballet and swimming and track in school. Even after that, she went gymming every day religiously. Her dad made sure of that -- he would accompany her every day. Mahek smirked wryly. Thanks, dad.     She shut the closet door behind her and exited the room. She needed to get to the bathroom. As soon as she turned a corner, she saw Sophie Noronha rushing towards her, wild-eyed. Mahek nearly screamed.     But Sophie barely looked at her. She ran into Tashi’s room and banged the door behind her. Mahek’s heart lurched. She immediately ran behind Sophie. But as she made to open the door, she heard a sound from Noah’s bedroom. There was no time. She ran to the bathroom before anyone else could see her.     Mahek stared at herself in the large mirror. Unbelievably, she had been spotted by two people. She had planned for such an incident. In fact, Mahek had planned for everything. Meticulously. She had filched Noah’s spare keys from him when he was drunk in the club. She had stalked Noah and Tashi for months to note down their schedule. She had memorised every inch of their house.     She had thrown this elaborate Halloween party and even shown up in costume to avoid suspicion. After Ritu, Mahek had refused to make friends. It didn’t matter if they were trying to talk to her; she always replied them with silence. Eventually, she became the school weirdo because of her silence and her reluctance to make friends. Her scumbag father did not help her case. She could have been so much more -- maybe a Tashi or a Sophie. Instead, she chose to be the hermit that everybody thought was weird. She hadn’t been on a date in her life. She hadn't wanted to face competition from her own father.     Today, Mahek had got cold feet. Despite being at it for months, she wasn’t sure she wanted to kill her own father. She could have left the party and pretended she didn’t know who threw it. She could have let Noah and Tashi discover the weapon and the spare clothes and come to their own conclusion. She could have ran away to the U.S. and never see her father or his victims-to-be ever again.     Instead, she saw her father play with a sexy fireman’s dick. The sexy fireman was lying unconscious. He’d probably had too much to drink. Her father had sneaked him to a quiet corner and proceeded to take him without his consent. Mahek had watched it all again. But that was the last time. She began to tail him. Now she had killed him. Noah saw her kill him. Sophie saw her run out of the room. What should she do?     As Mahek finished cleaning up, she heard a piercing scream. Nervous now, she ran out of the bathroom and paused outside. A crowd had gathered in Tashi’s room. Mahek ran in. She saw Sophie lying unconscious on top of her dead father. She had blood all over her. Mahek suspected some of it to be her own.     As she entered, some eyes turned to her. Mahek put on a blank face. She didn’t want to show too much. Some might have expected her to bawl, but she didn’t feel like it. She didn’t want to bawl for the man who, if he had been alive, would have done vile things to Sophie’s unconscious body.     A few minutes later she saw Adam enter the room. His eyes immediately sought hers. He looked horrified. That was the most she had seen him emote in all the time that she had known him. She believed to have known him better than anyone else in the room. But that didn't mean much. Did he know? She wondered. She couldn’t be too sure. He simply turned and left.     Mahek watched Tashi and Noah stand close together. He had a supportive arm around Tashi. If only he knew what Tashi had been up to. Maybe she should tell him? She wanted to find out how much he had seen. She couldn’t give up her life. She had to make something of it. She had done the world a favour. She couldn’t be put to jail for doing such a good deed. She was not going to watch her life get ruined over this. ***     The guests had left the room. Tashi and Noah laid Sophie on Noah’s bed in the other room. They kept the creep’s body in Tashi's room. They had called the police and were expecting them shortly. Turns out Halloween was a busy night for the police.     Tashi sat with Mahek. She kept offering words of sympathy. Tashi always knew what the proper thing to do was. Mahek felt no comfort. Especially after what Tashi must be thinking about her father now. This was the same woman who had punched him in the gut because he had blackmailed her.     This was also the same woman who had sneered at her behind her back. She was the princess of some unknown dogtown and there she had been, sneering at Mahek. She felt frustrated to listen to her drone on and on about how sorry she was. Could she mean it after what had happened? Shut up, Tashi! I just want to kill your boyfriend.       Mahek smiled at Tashi and excused herself, stating she had to go to the bathroom. She had seen Noah go upstairs two minutes ago. She went upstairs while Tashi turned to pick up the pieces of a fallen vase. She climbed up the stairs just in time to see Noah enter his own room.     She peeped in through the door. Noah ignored Sophie, who was resting on the bed. He pulled out a t-shirt from the closet and took off the one he was wearing. Mahek pulled out the knife from her pocket. Unlike before, her hands were shaking. She hid the knife behind her back. ‘He’s done nothing,’ her mind was screaming at her. ‘He probably doesn’t even intend to say anything to anyone.’     Mahek paused. Noah had not mentioned the incident to her. She was sure that if he had caught her, he would have said something. ‘Nice shot,’ he’d said. ‘Hi Noah,’ she said hesitantly.     Noah turned, one eyebrow raised. ‘Heeeeeey,’ he said looking awkward. Did he think she was here to cry on his shoulder? Idiot. 'I'm sorry. I just had to get away from all those people downstairs telling me life will get better and how sorry they are for me. It's suffocating. I thought I'd come check on Sophie. How is she doing?' 'Oh, she looks fine,' he said glancing at Sophie. 'Still unconscious, I guess. I’m sure you can rouse her with some strong vodka.' 'Hmm,' said Mahek, taking a step closer. 'Do you know how it happened?' 'I'm sorry, Mahek. I wish I could tell what is happening. To tell you the truth, I'm clueless. I thought Tashi was just throwing a Halloween party. We had a little tiff before this. I don't understand how a party could lead to a murder. I'm really sorry all of this happened.'     Mahek stayed silent. She tried to assume a forlorn expression. She didn't know what to make of Noah's little speech. Could he be pretending? He was a rather clever guy, even if he spent most of his time playing video games. She took another step closer. 'So you couldn't even wager a guess? Who do you think it could be?' 'I don't know. To tell you the truth I've been feeling very out of it. I had just had one or two drinks. The night is a complete blur to me. I don't remember much. The last coherent thought I had was when I stood next to Tashi, looking at the body.'     Mahek considered his answer. He was a clever one. She just didn't know if she could trust him. Maybe she should just kill him. She gripped the knife tightly behind her back, ready to plunge it into him. 'I am sorry about what happened. I saw that the killer had written 'CREEP' on the forehead. That's so sick. Mr Lalwani is—was chill guy. He was so good with kids also. To see such a—' 'SHUT UP! STOP LYING. HOW CAN YOU ACT LIKE YOU DIDN'T SEE ME?' Noah took a step back, his eyes widening. He didn’t say a word. Mahek stepped close to him, hoping to get in his face. Her eyes were large with specks of red. Her nose was flaring. Her chest was heaving. Her hair was in a disarray. Anyone could read the panic in her eyes. Noah, with his eyes open wide, was fixed to the spot. ‘You saw me do it, Noah. Don’t deny it. I don’t know what game you’re playing. Maybe you don’t intend to tell anybody, or maybe you’re just waiting for the police to come. Or maybe you haven’t made up your mind yet. I’m not going to give you the chance to do it. You are going to stay quiet, and I am going to make sure that you do.’ ‘What are you talking about?’ Noah asked, suddenly irritated by the whole affair. ‘You’re going to die, Noah. I don’t even have to worry about the double murder anymore. I’m going to blame it all on Tashi,’ stating this, Mahek lifted her knife and stabbed Noah in the shoulder. Noah’s shout of pain was accompanied by Sophie’s.     Startled, Mahek turned around to see Sophie sitting up on the bed and staring at Mahek. Her eyes shifted to Noah and she watched him back up against the wall. Suddenly, the door to the bedroom burst open. Mahek turned to the door and watched Adam walk in. He looked between the three occupants and then straightened up. ‘One injured, one severely traumatised, and the third gone beyond recovery,’ he murmured. Mahek dropped the knife in panic. Adam’s eyes coolly followed it as it hit the ground with a clang. ‘Adam,’ Mahek whispered. Now there were three witnesses. She didn’t know what to do. In her mind, the plan was completely fool proof. She had thrown the party, come in advance to hide her weapon, and had even hidden her spare costume. She just had to commit the murder, wash up and change and leave. Now it had all gone terribly wrong. ‘Give it up, Mahek. You can’t fix this now.’ ‘Adam, I c-can’t. I have to get rid of a-all of you. Otherwise my life will be a mess! I can’t take punishment for that c-creep. I did the world a favour. You don’t know what h-he used to do...what he has d-done to so many,’ said Mahek. With each word, it became difficult to speak. Her stomach was churning with the stress. She wanted to vomit. She wanted to scream. She wiped her cheeks absently. ‘Are you going to kill all of us? What about Tashi? Don’t you think she will get suspicious? Are you going to take her down as well? How are you going to justify so many murders, Mahek? Sooner or later the police will catch up with you. You need to turn yourself in and tell the truth.’ ‘The truth? You think the police will care what he did? There is no proof of anything. He was too smart! You think the world will care? All everyone will see is that I killed my own father. What about what he did? How come he got to live his life as he wanted but I have to go to prison? I can’t do it! I can’t spend the rest of my life in prison.’     Mahek noticed that Adam was slowly inching forward while she made her little speech. She wasn’t sure what he wanted to do but the way forward was clear to her now. Perhaps she didn’t have a potential. Perhaps this was it.     She was surrounded by people who probably thought she was nuts. She turned to Noah who was looking at her like she was crazy and dangerous. She turned to Sophie who lay completely still on the bed, watching her with growing horror. She turned to Adam. His face was without expression.     None of them knew what it was to live like she had. None of them knew what it felt like to be the person who delivered innocence into the hands of a demon. Only she knew. She didn’t deserve to go to prison and live amongst sinners. She had done the world a favour. She was going to leave the world as a hero, not a killer!     Mahek lifted the knife. She could hear Sophie’s soft gasp. Her eyes were on Adam. He stood completely still for a minute. He only moved once she lifted the knife. He jumped at her but he was too late. Mahek had stabbed herself and let the knife sink in deep. She then closed her eyes and tuned out all the voices around her. She was safe now. The world could continue to sin without her.

[forsedemain-blog]

Noah & Tashi

By [camouflaged person standing against wall: SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW]

Noah was sprawled on his bean bag, playing Silent Hill 4. This is how I’m spending Halloween, he thought. I have truly become an old man. He’d have loved to go to that lame party Tashi wanted to take him to, but he had already fought with her over it. There was no way he was wearing that stupid rabbit costume.

His phone buzzed. He paused the game. It was his mother calling from Kanpur. Kanpore, as he pronounced it.

‘Momzilla,’

‘Hi. How are you?’

‘I’m good, ma.’

‘How’s Tashi?’

‘She’s good.’

‘What are you guys doing tonight?’

‘Nothing. We’re staying home.’

‘Don’t you have plans? It’s Halloween…’

‘We’re not in America, ma.’

‘Well, I hear music…’

‘Music?’

‘Yes, like party music.’

Noah listened hard. Yes, there was music coming from downstairs. That was weird. What was Tashi up to?

‘It’s coming from the street. It’s some Hindu thing today. Karva Chauth or something.’

‘Noah, there’s no music on Karva Cha--’

‘Okay gotta go ma I’ll talk to you tomorrow.’

Click.

It was undoubtedly party music -- something off the Billboard 100 charts, just the kind of stupid stuff Tashi would pick. Her stupid friends are probably over, thought Noah, slipping on a pair of jeans. They’ll probably be wearing skimpy outfits, he mused, buttoning his shirt. I’ll, like, be the only guy there, he brooded, tousling his hair with his fingers. Who’d want to be a part of that? he asked himself as he skipped out of his bedroom and made his way down the stairs.

***

Tashi’s name meant ‘good fortune’. Her parents gave her that name because they really meant it - she was their entire world. Tashi loved her name. Most of her namesakes were male, but she didn’t mind it. If anything, it made her feel even more special.

Back home, everyone kissed the ground Tashi walked on. She loved herself. She was on everyone’s lips even if she had nothing to do with them: ‘tashi delek’ was a standard greeting where she came from. Now whenever she uttered the phrase by mistake, someone or the other would chime in with ‘Exterminate! Exterminate!’

She was sure that Noah started that, actually. What a jerk. But she loved him.

Being royalty was fun and everything, but it got tiresome. Coming to India was like a breath of fresh air. Four years of boarding school in Rajasthan, and then she came packing to Bombay. She didn’t always call it that. When she first came here, it was Mumbai. Almost three years later, that name didn’t sit right on her tongue any longer - and Tashi was very particular about names.

Bombay had been exceptional to Tashi. It taught her a thing or two about how ‘real people’ lived. Back home, or even while at Rajasthan, the idea of smoking something that came from a grimy woman’s cleavage would have put Tashi off immediately. Bombay had made her far more tolerant.

Maybe that’s why I put up with Noah’s bullshit, she thought, staring morosely at her reflection in the mirror.

It was Halloween night. They were supposed to go to a party as Roger and Jessica Rabbit. Tashi had their costumes ready and everything. But there was just one tiny hitch in the plan -- she hadn’t consulted Noah about it at all.

It was not completely Tashi’s fault. It had been a couple of weeks since they had last had a proper conversation, and Noah usually went with what Tashi wanted anyway. Not this time. He threw a right old hissy fit.

‘You’re going to dress up like a hot piece of ass, and you want me to be a goofy piece of shit rabbit?’ said Noah. Tashi only smiled. At least he still thought she was a hot piece of ass, even when they hated each other’s guts.

‘You’re not even listening to me!’ Noah had cried like the sullen five-year-old he was in his heart. ‘I don’t know why we’re even doing this anymore!’

‘It’s convenient, that’s why,’ Tashi said quietly. Tashi and Noah each had their own rooms in a massive apartment. They had a spare room which they had both slept in, back when their relationship wasn’t so rocky. Plus they had a couple of extra rooms to spare. They had plenty of room to ignore each other. Convenient.

Suddenly, Tashi became aware of party music coming from the lower floor of their house. This wasn’t entirely unusual -- theirs was a party house. People often came over to make use of their immense lower floor. They didn’t mind -- Tashi and Noah usually sectioned off the upper floor so that they could have their space.

Noah had probably organised his own Halloween party. Without telling her, just as payback for the costumes. He probably had a no costume rule and was down there in nothing but a t-shirt and his dollar sign-spangled boxers. That boy, thought Tashi, pressing her fingers against her temples. Then, she had an idea.

Tashi raised her eyes and looked at the red gown and elbow-length gloves that were laid out on her bed. ‘Time to look like a hot piece of ass,’ she said to herself.

***

‘Woah’ said Noah, scoping the scene. The party was a lot bigger than he had expected. There were people milling about everywhere -- some really old people, too. Ew. Tashi’s annoying dyke friend was there with two of them. She tried to make conversation with him. He brushed her off.

He recognised many people in the crowd, including a close friend who knew where the spare key was hidden. That must be how they got in, thought Noah, because Tashi was nowhere in sight. She was probably out buying a sixteen-tier cake or something. My god, that girl really goes all out, he thought, grabbing a drink from the table. He was going to enjoy it alone, in his room, until some cool people decided to show up.

***

Tashi descended the stairs slowly, barricading them with a red rope behind her. She was immediately surrounded by people. ‘Great party!’ they said. ‘It’s not my party…’ she said. They talked over her. ‘Hey, someone ashed on your couch and burnt a hole in it,’ said someone else. Panic rose in Sophie’s throat. Noah, goddamnit, she thought.

Before she knew it, she was clearing plates, moving vases out of the way and pushing the furniture up against the wall. While she was on her way to the kitchen to throw a stack of used solo cups in the trash, she spotted Noah sitting on the counter, having an intense chat with Nasreen. He seemed so odd -- he would barely look at Tashi when they brushed past in each other in the morning, but here he was, with his eyes fixed on Nasreen, as if she was an angel from a Boticelli painting.

Tashi felt a burst of bitterness curdling in the pit of her stomach. It would have been okay if he were staring at Nasreen’s metal breasts -- she was used to that. But, no, his eyes were fixed on her face. All the pieces suddenly fell into place in Tashi’s mind.

Controlling her anger, she stalked off. Noah may have ruined her life, but she would not let him or his stupid guests destroy her home. She made her way upstairs to look for spare sheets to throw over the couches, when a broad chest obscured her vision, blocking her path.

She looked up and saw Harsh, her old boyfriend. They were together while she was at boarding school. He moved to Bombay to become an actor, and they remained friends. Noah liked him, too.

‘Harsh, hi!’ said Tashi. She went in for a hug, but stopped herself when she saw the hunger in his face. It was too late. Harsh pulled her into the hug with an unfamiliar intensity. His hands dug into her hips and he pushed himself onto her, nuzzling her neck. Tashi gasped. The only sex she had had in months was hate sex. She missed this.

Harsh pulled away slightly -- just enough so that he could look at her face (and down her dress). His hands were still on her hips, and he still had that mad look in his eyes. ‘You look fucking delectable,’ he said in his headiest voice.

‘Thanks,’ Tashi replied, still reeling.

‘I’ll see you around, Tash,’ he said with a wink, spinning on his heel.

Tash. He said it with the reverence of someone who meant ‘tashi delek’. Even with her push-up bra and her thigh-high slit, Tashi’s costume wasn’t the sexiest in the room by any means. But after the tryst with Harsh, she felt like the hottest girl in the house. The only thing Noah ever made her feel was frumpy and burdensome.

Fuck Noah.

***

Noah found himself on his bean bag with an empty glass of rum next to him. ‘I know what to do,’ was his first thought.

He knew what to do. He had played this game before. He needed to find a hole to take him out of his room. His door was locked -- he knew that. That was part of the game. He had to find the hole, or he would be in there forever. And then the game would end.

He went to the bathroom. Wasn’t the hole supposed to show up next to the toilet? There was no hole, though. He went out again. His room had a big sliding window. Maybe that was the hole. He opened up the window and climbed out.

Noah was on the sixteenth floor of his building. He wasn’t very afraid, though. ‘My energy bar is full,’ he thought. ‘There aren’t enough demons here to suck out my energy. I can’t die yet.’

He grabbed onto the pipe that ran beside the window with one hand. Then with the other. His legs were dangling in the air for a split second, but those soon grabbed the pipe, too.

Slowly, Noah began to shimmy down the pipe. After some time, he reached the window below. It opened into the kitchen. Thankfully, it was wide open. A girl in a metal bikini was smoking a cigarette. When she spotted him, her eyes grew wide.

‘Noah?’ she asked.

‘Get out of the way,’ said Noah, climbing sideways into the room with surprising dexterity.

‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’ the girl asked.

Noah was sweating profusely. He sat on the kitchen counter for a while, catching his breath. ‘It seems so easy when you play it, but being inside the game is tough as hell,’ he said, looking earnestly at metal bikini girl.

‘What?’ asked the girl, blinking stupidly.

‘You’re Cynthia, aren’t you?’ asked Noah.

‘Nasreen,’ said the girl, her face hardening. ‘You’ve forgotten?’

‘No, of course not, I’ve played the game before,’ said Noah. ‘This seems like a dream to you, doesn’t it?’

‘A very bad dream, yes,’ said Nasreen, lighting another cigarette.

‘Don’t worry,’ said Noah, placing a hand on her shoulder. He meant it as a reassuring gesture, but he also used it to support himself as he climbed off the counter.

‘Gotta go,’ he said, and he jogged out the kitchen.

***

Tashi was in high spirits. Her smile didn’t even falter when Sophie came tugging at her sleeve to ask about the lack of waiters and DJ. Sophie was a lot of fun, but she was one of those girls. You know, the kind that asked ‘Where are the servers? Where’s the DJ? What kinda party is this?’

Thankfully, with Sophie, it was easy enough to steer the conversation back to boys. Adam was sulking in a corner. ‘I’d do him,’ said Tashi, reflexively tossing her bottle-red hair. She was surprised by her own coquettishness - she often discussed boys with Sophie, but this evening, she couldn’t help but feel as if she had crossed a point. She needed to get it on.

‘Let’s Get It On’ by Marvin Gaye started to play in Tashi’s head. At the very next moment, it also started to play on the speakers. Tashi looked around with her eyes narrowed, looking for that elusive DJ. Was he playing a trick on her?

But instead of the DJ, she found herself staring straight at Harsh, who of course was staring right back at her. He was by the stairs, undoing the red rope. He redid it behind him and hurried up the stairs.

Tashi waited for about fifteen seconds.

Then she followed him.

***

Noah walked around the party, too distracted by the sweet cotton forming in his mouth to interact with anyone. He resembled Richard Ashcroft in the Bittersweet Symphony video -- bumping into people without a care in the world. He thought he resembled -- nay, was -- Henry Townshend from Silent Hill 4. One thing was for certain - Noah D'Arcy was no longer in the building.

Suddenly, he stopped. A wave of recognition swept over his features. ‘Harry!’ he said, clapping Adam's back, lurching him forwards. Adam furrowed his brow. ‘What are you talking about?’ he asked.

Noah's face clouded over just as suddenly as it had lit up. ‘Wait a second... You're not supposed to be here,’ he said.

‘Um,’ said Adam. ‘I received your invite…’

‘Harry's not in Silent Hill 4,’ Noah continued, as if he had heard nothing of what Adam had just said. Noah looked at Adam, his eyes filled with child-like concentration. They were dancing. Happy. A little crazy.

‘I’m not Harry,’ started Adam, ‘I'm A--…’

‘Jasper Gein, of course,’ said Noah. ‘I've played this game before. Hold up, I'm going to find your chocolate milk.’

Noah bumped around the room awkwardly, finally making his way to a side table that Tashi had pushed to a corner. He picked up a vase sitting on it and dumped the flowers on the floor. ‘Here’s your chocolate milk,’ he told Adam. ‘Give me my spade. Quick.’

Adam gave Noah a lamp stand. Noah didn’t know any better.

‘Be careful with that,’ Adam called.

But Noah was already gone.

***

‘Go first,’ said Tashi, hooking her bra up. Harsh nodded at her, his face still glowing with sweat. He pulled on his t-shirt and zipped up his pants. Then he grabbed her again.

‘See you soon,’ he mouthed against Tashi’s lips. She pushed him off and focused on slipping back into her dress.

She turned to the mirror to fix her hair and makeup, but when she looked at her reflection, she let out a loud gasp.

Mahek’s father was behind her, with his pants down his ankles.

‘WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?’ yelled Tashi, her face growing red with fury. ‘GET OUT!’

‘Shh,’ said Mr Lalwani. ‘I saw you with that hot model boy. I saw everything, Tashi… And now everyone will know. Unless…’

Tashi couldn’t breathe. She felt disgusted. She looked at the open window at the far end of her room and considered jumping out of it for a split second. Death would be better than this. She looked back at Mr Lalwani, coming towards her with his tongue flicking against his ugly, swollen lips. And that did it.

Tashi was not afraid of that pathetic excuse of a man. She was not about to let him lay a finger on her. She was stronger than him. She was fucking royalty.

***

Noah knew what he had to do next. He had played this game before. He needed to find that old guy in the cell of the water prison. An old guy passed Noah by at that instant - but he was not the right old guy. This guy was too tall and well-dressed. ‘Must be Richard Braintree,’ thought Noah. He was not important at this point of the game.

Then, it struck him. He had seen an old guy creeping upstairs a while ago. That’s where the water prison must be! thought Noah, jumping over the barricade and up the stairs. Noah pushed open a door and entered the walk-in closet. It was dark, but he could make out a demon plunging a weapon in the old man’s chest.

Noah scratched his head. He didn’t remember the old guy dying this way. He remembered him being drowned. Was this not Silent Hill 4 at all? Was it Silent Hill 5, and he was playing it all wrong?

In any case, he had to leave quickly, or the demon would come for him, too, and he would lose the game.

***

A blood-curdling scream rang through the house. Tashi dropped the tray of hors d'oeuvres she was holding and rushed upstairs. Noah’s ears perked up. ‘Cynthia’s dying!’ he said, and he ran towards it, too. But what they saw was something completely appalling.

In the centre of the crowd that had formed were Sophie and Mr Lalwani -- one dead, one as pale as the corpse she was costumed as.

Tashi and Noah met each other’s eyes. Instinctively, they ran towards each other and hugged.

The sight of the blood had snapped Noah out of his trip, and he was too shocked to react.

Tashi smiled as she buried her face into Noah’s chest. ‘Death would be better…’ she said.

‘Mm?’ Noah replied.

‘Everything will be okay,’ said Tashi.

[forsedemain-blog]

Adam

By: Ekta

The unseasonal rain poured down as Adam walked around the house. He could see everything that was going on inside Tashi and Noah’s living room thanks to the lights and undrawn curtains. The party was in full swing. Adam hated social events, but it was either this, the rain, or his parents’ Samhain celebration back home.

Adam hesitated for a moment outside the main door. He might have escaped his passionate, if not delusional, parents for the evening, but as Adam stood outside Tashi and Noah’s doorstep, he felt his stomach drop. Adam passed off the uneasy vibe of the house as discomfort of potentially having to interact with people. His family’s obsession with extrasensory perception, among other pseudoscientific things, was baseless. He braced himself for probable interaction and walked into the house. Adam immediately started to find the least populated area. He didn’t have to worry about acquaintances coming to talk to him. Most people who vaguely knew him left him alone. It was the strangers that he would have to actively avoid.

Adam entered the living room. He spotted Tashi calling out to Sophie as he made his way around them.

“Can you believe he’s in costume?” Sophie asked.

“Costume?” Tashi asked, taking a closer look at him. “He looks like James Dean on a regular basis anyway.” Adam was dressed in a plain white T-shirt, black jeans, and a black leather jacket. The aviators he had on in the morning rested at the collar of his shirt. “It wasn’t much of an effort for him, was it? In any case, I’m surprised he came at all. He looks bored though.”

“When does he not?”

Tashi smiled flirtatiously. “Bored, but hot. I’d do that.” Adam heard her say as he retreated into a perfectly shadowed crevice. He smirked. People are interesting, he thought, at a distance.

And distance was what Adam was best at keeping in any type of relationship. Maybe this was exactly why most people treated him the way they did – interesting yet alluring. Adam had no friends, just necessary acquaintances. He liked being alone with his thoughts. He wasn’t on any social networking site. His colleagues at work had long ago given up on directly asking him about his personal life. But the lengths some people, usually women, went to get information about him was creepy, if not concerning. It was a wonder that they didn’t think he was an anti-social psycho.

Adam knew exactly what his nosier acquaintances would find if they searched for him online. Adam’s family was somewhat famous for their philanthropy. His great grandparents had started with modest beginnings and built a few stable businesses. They had always made it a point to give to charity. Now, his parents ran those same companies and were known more as benefactors in the community than as businesspeople.

The minutes ticked by too slowly for Adam’s liking. He may always look bored, but that didn’t mean that he was bored. This party, however, defeated him. Adam wouldn’t have bothered coming if it wasn’t for the anonymous invitation. What type of hosts didn’t mention their names on their invites? The move was something Mahek Lalwani, his seemingly eccentric neighbor and longest known acquaintance, would do rather than Tashi and Noah. But it was their house. It didn’t matter to him either way.

Just as Adam decided to make his way to the kitchen to fetch a drink, a scantily dressed Nasreen shimmied in front of him. On a closer look, Nasreen was undoubtedly dressed as the captive Princess Leia from Star Wars Episode VI. Adam didn’t need to ask Nasreen whether she had ever watched a Star Wars film to know that she hadn’t. Nasreen was the type of girl that Googled “sexy Halloween costumes” and bought the most revealing and popular item. For this party, she had roped in a partner. Nasreen had one arm around a guy dressed as Hans Solo that Adam had never seen before. In her other hand was a drink that she kept nudging at a sexy firefighter.

There was no point in trying to work his way around Nasreen and her company. If Nasreen wanted to be seen, there was no escape, even for Adam. He might as well get this over with. Adam had known Nasreen since college and now worked with her. It was no secret that Nasreen had a thing for Adam. No number of one-sided conversations seemed to deflect Nasreen. Her perseverance would be admirable if she wasn’t so narcissistic Adam thought as Mahek wandered by Nasreen. He thought he had seen Mahek’s dad, Mr. Lalwani, too. It didn’t surprise Adam; Mr. Lalwani never missed a chance to shadow his daughter. If Adam had thought that Mr. Lalwani’s stalking was unusual when they were kids, it was positively bizarre now.

“Mahek.” Nasreen called. “Who got Adam to come? And that too dressed as James Dean? Do tell me. Must thank the person.”

“What? Adam’s here?” asked a confused Mahek, spinning around to face Nasreen. She saw past Nasreen and made eye contact with Adam for an instant. She thought she saw a flash of a smile on his face, but reassured herself that she had imagined it. Adam did not smile at people. He didn’t have to because in the rare event that Adam was in conversation with someone, that someone did enough smiling for the both of them. However, there was definitely something unsettling about Adam’s glare, as if he knew something. But then again, Adam always seemed to know more about things than other people. “He’s not dressed up as anything. Adam always looks like that. He probably was walking by and wanted to get out of the rain. Thank the rain gods, I guess.” She said to Nasreen and rushed away before Nasreen had a chance to reply.

Adam had had enough of Nasreen’s show and made his way to the kitchen for a drink. As he waited for the kitchen to empty out, he thought about Mahek’s face. There was something there out of the usual. As if she was preoccupied with something. Mahek seems as absent from this party as me, Adam thought.

The party seemed to get more boring by the second. He took time to finish his drink. But as he wandered around, he couldn’t shake off the feeling he had gotten when he arrived at the party. This time it was even stronger and a chill ran down his spine as his mind flashed with thoughts about death...and a rabbit? Ridiculous, Adam thought. He wasn’t one to be easily spooked. Besides, these feelings and thoughts were completely random; everyone had thoughts about death once in awhile.

"Harry!" a voice said behind him. Noah clapped Adam's back, sending him lurching ahead. Noah was one of the few people that Adam talked to sometimes. Any other person may have gotten pretty upset about being called the wrong name. Adam just furrowed his brow.

"What are you talking about?" Adam asked. His voice sounded rough as it usually did from lack of use.

Noah's face clouded over just as suddenly as it had lit up. "Wait a second... You're not supposed to be here," he said.

"Um," said Adam. "I received an invite..."

"Harry's not in Silent Hill 4," Noah continued, as if he had heard nothing of what Adam said.

The corners of Adam’s mouth ever-so-slightly twitched upwards at the sight of Noah's face. His eyes bored deeply into Adam's and held a child-like concentration. They were dancing, happy, and a little crazy.

"I'm not Harry," started Adam, "I'm -- A...."

"Jasper Gein, of course," said Noah. "I've played this game before. Hold up, I'm going to find your chocolate milk."

Adam narrowed his eyes, following Noah as he bumped around the room awkwardly. And then it hit him. So obvious, Adam thought.

Noah returned with an empty vase. "Here's your milk," said Noah. "Now where's my spade? Give it to me, quick."

"Are you sure you don't want to drink this chocolate milk with me?" Adam said steadily. He didn't feel so good about leaving Noah on his own, but he suspected that there was not much that he could do at this point.

"I'm in a rush," said Noah.

Adam looked around. There was a lamp by the couch. He knocked off the lampshade and tossed him the stand. It seemed light enough not to cause any real damage. "Be careful with that," he said.

But Noah was already gone.

Noah would be alright. At least everybody’s not as bored as me, he thought. Adam decided to ignore the sign about the bottom of the stairs that asked guests to stay downstairs. He needed to be alone and it was still raining outside. Adam decided to look for a bathroom.

He didn’t know the inside of the house and as he walked around he heard voices coming from one of the bedrooms. The voices belonged to the couple that had come to the party with Sophie. He didn’t know their names, but they seemed rather peculiar.

“I’m just glad this ritual doesn’t need a sacrifice.” It was the woman’s voice.

“Yes,” replied her husband. “It’s easy enough.”

Adam didn’t know whether to stay and eavesdrop or leave. Ritual? Sacrifice? Was there no end to this torture of ignorant people and their so-called magic? First his family and now these weirdoes. Suddenly, Adam realized that his heart was racing. He was breaking out into a sweat. Rain or no rain, Adam needed to get out. He headed downstairs and walked out of the house.

The streets were slick with water, but the rain had ceased. Getting out of the house made Adam feel lighter, as if a weight he didn’t even know existed had just been lifted off. His parents were pretty “normal” people. Their dedication to Wicca was a result of a great aunt who apparently had psychic abilities. The family practiced the religion just as other people practiced their religions. There was talk of spells from time to time, but never of sacrifices. His parents were delusional, but not psychotic. They were charitable, caring people. Adam, needless to say, was the black sheep of the family. But the more he tried to disassociate himself from their fanaticism, the harder they tried to reel him in.

Adam’s family believed that Adam possessed the same psychic abilities as his great aunt. As a child, he would mumble stories, while awake or in his sleep, that would occur in the days to come. When he got older, he learned to suppress these weird predictions, or premonitions, as his parents would call them. Whenever his parents would ask him if he had seen anything lately, Adam would say no. They didn’t give up, however, and as a teenager he grew irritated with their persistence. So, when asked about his “sights”, Adam would solemnly describe the items in his scope of vision. These answers relieved and enthralled his parents until they figured out that the sights were all teenage sarcasm and nonsense.

It was during his adolescence when the visions got harder to suppress. That was also the time he became more withdrawn from the world and morphed into the Adam that everyone knew today, that is, an absolute mystery.

Adam had regained his power to suppress all those visions or premonitions or whatever they were as an adult. He didn’t believe in his family’s faith or any other faith for that matter.

By now Adam had walked pretty far from the party. He had been fine this morning. Yet tonight’s unsettling feelings were something Adam hadn’t felt in many years. In fact, he had felt the same way so long ago, Adam wasn’t sure whether he had imagined it as a kid. Even if the feeling wasn’t real, the rabbit certainly was.

Adam must have been eight or nine when it happened. School had just closed for the year and the summer had seemed endless. Adam was skateboarding up and down his street. Mahek was sitting on a patch of grass with her new baby rabbit. Her dad, ever present to keep an eye on the children, was sitting next to her. It was the first time Adam had seen the rabbit and it was cute enough, but looking at it gave him a jolt. He shivered, even though it was one of the hottest days of the summer, and lost his balance. “Whoa there, Adam.” Mr. Lalwani had called out. The man never missed a thing. “Careful buddy. Want to say hi to Mahek’s bunny?” Adam took a quick, frightened glance at the rabbit and rolled away without a reply. It was only a rabbit, he thought. Besides, playing with a bunny certainly couldn’t be as fun as the skateboard. He didn’t dare taking a closer look, especially with Mr. Lalwani around. Adam didn’t like Mr. Lalwani. Mahek’s dad always treated Adam like a baby and gave him unnecessary hugs. Only Adam’s mom was allowed to hug him out of sight of other people.

Adam was washing up for dinner when the vision had occurred. He had a chilling sensation and then an image of a dead rabbit appeared in his mind. The image made him shiver again and his hands turned sweaty. Adam had a funny feeling that the rabbit looked like Mahek’s new pet. It made no sense. Adam couldn’t tell one rabbit from another. Besides, rabbits always died in cartoons. He must have remembered an episode and imagined Mahek’s rabbit in place of the cartoon one. The next day, Adam went out to play after breakfast. When he whizzed past the Lalwani’s place he couldn’t believe his eyes. Mahek was sobbing. Mr. Lalwani was lowering a furry bundle into a freshly dug hole. He heard Mahek wailing and repeating the same words: It was a baby!

Adam snapped back to the present. He had had never told his parents about the vision. In retrospect, that had been a good decision. They would have gone ballistic. Adult Adam felt proud of young Adam. He hadn’t thought about the rabbit in many years. Yet the feeling he had now and at the party was unmistakably the same. Adam reckoned it was nothing. He hadn’t seen a vision or any other shit like that. There was no face in his mind. Adam smirked and shook his head. He was shaken. The striking and aloof Adam was crumbling. If only his acquaintances could see him now. Ha. Adam thought. Still want to get to know me? How could other people understand him if he didn’t understand himself?  Adam’s mind swam with the thoughts of Mahek’s dead rabbit. He was being absolutely silly. Adam laughed aloud. He was surprising himself with his spirit of Halloween. A so-called costume and a homemade ghost story? Good one, Adam, he thought to himself. He was either very tired or losing his mind.

Adam turned around and started making his way back to the party. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go back in. He could slip back home and into his bed. As Adam walked back, the rabbit, Mahek, Mr. Lalwani, and the couple he heard earlier, revolved in his mind. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t suppress the feeling of death. Adam tried to quiet his mind and think of nothing at all. He walked in quiet meditation and paused for a moment in front of Tashi and Noah’s house. Adam was just about to walk ahead when he heard a blood curdling scream. It was a girl’s scream. Adam’s feet carried him to the front door. He was surprised to see the retreating backs of a tall man and short woman. Sophie’s couple was ditching her. Adam stepped into the living room for the second time that evening. This time he was spoilt for choice of a quiet, human-less spot. The room was deserted. There was no music.

Adam made his way to the stairs and pushed through the crowd that had gathered in Tashi’s room. The closet in the far end of the room was open. There were two bodies on the floor. One was of Sophie Noronha, still breathing. The other was of Mr. Lalwani, bloody and quite dead. Mahek Lalwani stood nearby with no expression on her face. Tashi was in utter shock.

Adam’s eyes met Mahek’s and for a split second they reflected each other’s horror. Then Mahek dropped her gaze and Adam turned around and walked out of the house. Maybe it was time to mention the visions to his family. What better day than Samhain to get their hopes up?

[forsedemain-blog]

The Mirror Room

By: Ekta

Lily placed her bags at the entrance, switched on the light and closed the door behind her. She was exhausted. It had been a turbulent flight but she was used to flying and happy to have opportunities that allowed her to fly as frequently as she did. Flying meant she was still on top of her game. It meant that she was making new contacts, working with esteemed clients and building her portfolio.

She surveyed the living room. It seemed much smaller than she remembered. It had been fifteen years since the last time she had set foot in this house. There was no reason for her to visit, no reason to come back, until now. Lily was here on business. She was no longer a little girl visiting her grandmother in her parents’ native country. She hadn’t even come back after she found out that Granna had left the house to her. Now, she was here by her own will. Besides, Lily thought, it would be nice to live in a house while working away from home. She didn’t think it was possible, but she had grown used to living in the snazzy hotels that her job offered. They were all the same, large beds, fancy showers, and locked mini fridges.

Lily was glad to be alone. She was pleased and surprised that her relatives had listened to her. They had not stayed up to greet her at the arrivals gate of the airport like they used to when she was a child. On her own was the way Lily liked to be when she was gathering her thoughts or experiencing something or someplace new. Granna’s house wasn’t new by any means, but she had lost familiarity with it. Had Granna expected Lily to never visit?

The house was just as she expected it to be. The living room was orderly, but the house was barren and there was not a trace of human contact or activity. The furniture was the same as it had been when Granna had died. No one had changed anything in the house. She discovered a lot of dust and lines of red and black ants. “I hope you’re the only inhabitants,” she said to the ants. Lily quickly flitted through the other rooms, the kitchen, the bathroom and the tiny bedroom in which she had spent many summer holidays. She peeped inside and was surprised to see that the bed was bare with neither a mattress nor any bedclothes in sight. Lily had never slept in any room but this tiny one. She didn’t think that she would have any other sleeping arrangements. She couldn’t clean tonight and she would be here only five days after all. She could crash on the couch for tonight.

Lily paused outside the last room. It was unusual. As a child Lily was equally awed at and confused about the structure of this room. It was completely circular with no corners to speak of. Little Lily had never seen such a room in her life. She didn’t think it was possible or comfortable. Lily liked corners. The cornerless room was Granna’s room. Lily placed her hand on the doorknob, turned it and stopped. She didn’t have to go in. She never went into Granna’s room if she could help it during the summers all those years ago. Granna hadn’t forbid her to enter the room as much as she had made it unwelcoming. Lily closed her eyes and tried to remember the interiors.

Granna’s  bedroom was designed to remind Granna of her youth. Granna had grown up near a coast and had spent her summers collecting seashells and staring at her reflection in water that pooled inside the surrounding grottos. It suddenly dawned on Lily that maybe the grottos were the inspiration for Granna’s peculiar circular bedroom. She had never thought of that before. “You must have thought I was a silly child, didn’t you Granna?” Lily said aloud. “At least you don’t have a domed ceiling.”  There were two large wardrobes, a dresser and an armchair. The bed was in the dead center of the room and stood on a lush circular rug. Right above the bed was a ceiling fan. The room had two windows with lace curtains. There was also a refrigerator. Granna detested keeping it in her room, but there was simply no space for it in the kitchen. The contents of the refrigerator were the only things that had lured her into Granna’s room as a child.

The wall was dressed with sea green wallpaper. The wallpaper was printed with a repeating pattern of cream colored antique lace along the border where the wall met the ceiling.  The room reflected Granna’s greatest obsession. Granna had replaced her childhood habit of collecting seashells with collecting mirrors. There was a full length mirror on the wardrobe to the right of the door, a half mirror on the wardrobe opposite the door and another three-paneled mirror on her dresser. There were plenty more mirrors on the walls. It was as if Lily’s grandmother preferred mirrors instead of paintings. She preferred fleeting glimpses of her own reflection and the infinite reflections of the room itself. Even the clock had a mirror for a dial so you could watch the hands of time move ahead in endless cycles.

Lily drew in a sharp breath and pushed open the door to Granna’s room. The little light from the living room that reached Granna’s room bounced off the shiny surfaces so that the walls seemed to emit their own light. Lily stepped inside and avoided looking at the mirrors on the wardrobes. She felt as if she was stepping inside one of Granna’s childhood grottos. Lily made her way to the light switch, still careful to avert her eyes from the mirrors. She failed; her full length reflection took a step a fraction of a second before she did. No. That wasn’t possible. She was just tired. A reflection couldn’t take steps before its source. She switched on the light.

Lily turned her attention to the bed and gasped in surprise. It was made and there was even a little card on the pillow. She resisted reading it immediately. It felt like a déjà vu to her multiple hotel stays. Someone had been in the house. Someone had made the bed. Yet the rest of the house was untouched. Lily hadn’t personally told any of her relatives that she was staying in Granna’s house. They only knew that she was visiting the country because her parents had informed someone. Her tired mind didn’t know what to make of this generous act of hospitality by a mystery guardian. Lily had forgotten how caring relatives who were practically strangers could be. Apparently shared bloodlines triggered some form of altruism. She showered after letting the water wash out years of dust in the bathroom. Lily went through her bag for a nightshirt and gingerly sat on the edge of the bed. She picked up the card.  “Dear Lily, unless you haven’t already opened the refrigerator, I want you to know that it is stocked for your fancy French cooking.” Lily furrowed her brow and walked over to the fridge. “Fancy French cooking?” Lily wondered. She opened the fridge and jumped back as if she had been electrocuted. It was packed with boxes of butter. “I don’t cook French cuisine, I shoot French couture,” she said in a fragile voice. Was this a prank? Lily caught her reflections in the dresser and was surprised to see a tear. She brushed it away, slammed the fridge door and lied down in bed. “I need rest!” Lily said to herself.

Lily had an important day tomorrow. She was shooting a fashion film for a new promising brand. It would be the brand’s first film and Lily was determined to make it a success, for both the brand and her. She wasn’t the plump kid that Granna knew. She was not the girl who had memorized the number of steps to the refrigerator just so she could close her eyes and reach it without having to look at herself in the mirrors. She was an adult now. She was an adult who was lying in bed with her eyes shut tight to avoid looking at herself in the full length mirror on the wardrobe at the foot of the bed. For a few minutes she was tense. She couldn’t fall asleep. All she could think about was tomorrow evening when she would have to pay her dad’s sister a visit. Auntie had insisted that Lily come over for dinner every night. There was no escaping estranged family, no matter how awkward she felt about pretending to know and care about them. Lily turned on her side to face the side of the wall with the least mirrors - the side with the entrance to the room. “How did you sleep in a room full of mirrors, Granna?” she asked. And without another thought, she fell into a deep sleep.

The next day was a breeze and in the evening Lily headed to Auntie’s place. The door opened before the bell stopped ringing. Lily forced a huge smile and braced herself for the inevitable hug. But it didn’t come. “Not this building,” Auntie said. “The salon is in the building behind this one.” And with that she started to shut the door. Lily stuck out her hand and stopped the door. “Auntie, it’s me, Lily.” Auntie’s eyes widened in surprise. “Lily!” she exclaimed. “I was expecting you, but I didn’t recognize you. I didn’t think, I mean, I don’t use Facebook, you know. I haven’t seen you since you were eight. Your father said you worked in fashion, but I didn’t know you were a model.” “It’s okay, Auntie. I’m not,” Lily said with a laugh as she followed her aunt inside to a house full of distant family members. Maybe this dinner wouldn’t be so bad after all.

But Auntie wasn’t wrong to be surprised. People often wondered why Lily worked behind the camera when she so clearly looked as if she belonged in front of it. She looked as different from her younger self as was genetically possible. Lily was tall, slender, and composed. She had intense brown eyes, a slightly crooked nose, and a smile that gave away none of her inner thoughts. Auntie wasn’t exactly wrong either. Lily had been a model when she was seventeen. She had just reached 5’ 9” and had no remnants of the chubbiness that had defined her throughout her life. But the world of constant judgment and forced, unnecessary dieting took a turn for the worse when Lily swung from one eating problem to another. As a child Lily overate and was always on the heavy side. It was a vicious cycle. The more she ate the more weight she gained and the sadder and angrier she got about her lack of control. And so she would seek comfort in food, triggering the cycle. By the miracle of a great group of nice friends, doing well in school, and puberty, Lily broke the cycle. She thought she had it all; the modeling was the cherry on top. No sooner had she walked her first ramp, than she realized, for the first time in her life, what skinny people meant when they said they felt fat. The dieting got out of hand and her family and friends pulled her out just in time from complete self destruction. Lily vowed she would never model again.   

Over dinner, Lily and her relatives assured each other that everyone was fine and life was good. They all tried to push Lily to take seconds and thirds. Someone even remembered that young Lily liked to add butter to her meals and served her some. Lily left later than she had hoped; the jetlag was really kicking in. She promised to say goodbye before leaving the country and returned to Granna’s.

Lily headed straight to bed and was startled to see that it was made again. Maybe a relative had hired domestic help to clean the room. The butter must be a bizarre joke. In all the commotion of that night’s dinner, she had completely forgotten to ask and thank the person responsible for the clean room.  She was already getting used to keeping her eyes down to avoid the mirrors. At least the floor wasn’t one giant mirror, she thought. She lied down and scrolled through tomorrow’s schedule on her phone. The phone’s light glowed brightly and illuminated the mirrors. They threw the light right back at the phone and Lily, making her seem like a beacon. Just as she turned on her side she noticed a note stuck to the mirror on the wardrobe at the foot of the bed. She stared at it before cautiously looking at her own reflection. Despite the long distance traveling and lack of sleep, she looked beautiful. It was still hard for Lily to accept that she had grown up into an attractive person. As a child, this mirror intrigued Lily. Within the little time she spent in Granna’s room, most of it was in front of this very mirror. Little Lily would walk and jump in front of the mirror, but the reflection always beat her to it. She would lie flat on her belly and creep up to it, but reflection Lily always won the race. Reflection Lily was also prettier and thinner than real life Lily. Little Lily would stare into her prettier reflection and whisper, “I want to be like you."

“I’m better than you,” Lily stated to her reflection. The note hung patiently on the mirror’s tarnished glass. Time had worn away the mirror’s sheen. It was now speckled with black and its ornate frame was tarnished. “You always made me look better than my true self. Your reflective version of me was different from the other mirrors’.  I never trusted you.” She plucked off the note and unfolded it. “You will never be me,” it read, as if speaking on behalf of the mirror. Lily froze and the note floated to the floor. What was this? She tried to think of anyone who would and could send these messages to her. Was there some model here from years ago who had a vendetta against her? It was no secret that some of her peers from her modeling days were insecure and brilliant at holding grudges. But the statement was oddly familiar. As Lily pulled the covers over her, she couldn’t shake off a nagging feeling that the note was one of Granna’s catchphrases. “You will never be me,” Granna would say in a stern, abrupt manner. And then she would soften and add, “I was too scared to leave my home. No, Lily, you will never be me. You will fly high, child.”  She decided to talk to Auntie about the room tomorrow. Besides, if someone was in the house while she was out, it was her right to know. The house was hers after all.

The next day Lily called Auntie. “Hello, Auntie? Good morning. It’s Lily.”

“Good morning, dear. Sleep well?”

“Yes, fine. I just wanted to know whether you hired domestic help to clean the bedroom for me?” She decided against mentioning the notes or the butter in the mini fridge. There was no need to worry Auntie about silly model revenge plots.

“Help? No, I didn’t hire a maid. Someone has been in the house when you were out?”

“Yeah. I don’t know who has keys to this place. I’d rather not have strangers here without me.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll find out who hired the maid. Must be your uncle.”

Lily had one uncle, her mother’s brother. It was so like Auntie to blame her mom’s family. “Maybe,” she replied.

“Okay. You don’t worry about this. I’ll ask around and stop the service.”

“Thanks Auntie. Sorry to bother you.”

“No problem, Lily. You go on to work. I’ll get your keys. Bye.”

“Bye.”

Lily returned late in the night. She showered and decided to confront the mirrors. Her fear of mirrors was ridiculous. She had nothing to hide. The mirrors couldn’t reflect anything that she was ashamed of. Lily was no longer an anxious girl disgusted by infinite reflections of her. She walked into Granna’s room with her head up. The room burst with images of her from every angle. But something was wrong. Staring back at her were not reflections of her current self, but many fat Lilys from the past. A trick of the light, thought Lily. She blinked furiously several times. She wasn’t a child. She was a fashion film director. She worked with lights and models and mirrors every day.

Lily opened her eyes. Her plump versions glared back through beady eyes. Lily took a step ahead. She frantically spun around the room, looking into each mirror, one after the other. I must have a fever, she thought. Lily slapped her forehead with more force than required. There was no excess heat. Instead she had broken out into a cold sweat. Sleep, I just need sleep, she told herself. Sleep deprivation was not her friend. Her gaze fell on the bed, the full length wardrobe mirror, and the bed again. The sheets were rumpled. No one had come around to make it. She scanned them in vain for notes.

Lily focused on the mirror. At first all she could see was her reflection. It looked normal, better than normal. Her thighs looked slimmer and her neck was more graceful. And then she spotted it. Another message, but this time it was written directly on the glass in an off-white shiny paste. Lily squinted to make out the letters. “FAT BITCH” it read. Lily rushed over to the mirror. She smelled it before her fingers could reach the letters. It was written in butter. She saw it before she felt it. Her reflection gave her a split second warning as she watched her foot slide on the uncarpeted floor before she crashed into the mirror and onto the ground. The creaking of the old wardrobe couldn't mask her scream as glass and bone splintered at the same moment.

Lily started shaking as the blinding pain of her twisted, broken leg forced tears out of her eyes. Blood started forming drops on the oily lubricated floor. She screamed for help in the lonely dark house and screamed even louder when she heard approaching footsteps.

Lily saw a hundred fat Aunties barge into the room. “Auntie, over here. My leg, it’s broken. I...I don’t know how, who...” she stammered.

Auntie stopped at Lily’s shoulder. She had a look of pure loathing on her face.

“Oh, what have we here? A fallen angel so far from home.”

“Auntie, what’s going on? Why are you here?”

“Why am I here?” Auntie shrieked. “You dare have the audacity to come to my country and live in my mother’s house?  You expect me to hand you all the keys and be on my way out?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t understand, you stupid girl. My mother couldn’t stand you. But how could she stop her only son’s only daughter from staying for the summers? She was a severe woman and I pitied you. I was always nice to you. But mother was right. You were nothing but a fat blob, sad to the core. Hell, you were too scared to come in here. Did you think your reflections would devour you?”

“What do you want?” Lily said, unclamping her jaw. The pain was building, but she was determined not to cry. She had spilled enough tears here as a child.

But Auntie ignored her. “I don’t know what made her leave this house to you. A fat insecure bitch that turned into an anorexic self-absorbed bitch. I thought the notes and butter would scare you enough to make you waltz into one of your lavish hotels. But no. I underestimated you. You are as conceited as my mother. Well, at least she wasn’t afraid of her own reflection. At least she could face herself. You’re no smarter than you were though. Who else but me do you think could have the spare keys? You think a house could be in this shape after fifteen years of neglect? Who even remembers you and your fat-kid butter habit?” she spat. “Me, that’s who. You know the old saying, right? ‘Once a fat kid, always a fat kid.’”

At this, Lily lost any inkling of fear and respect she had for her aunt. She knew Granna had been a prejudiced narcissist. She hated spending summers with her. Year after year, Lily would complain and object to visiting Granna, but her parents wouldn’t listen. They would tell her she was privileged to be able to have a second home. They would tell her she would one day be proud to call it that. But this woman who stood before her now was nothing but a stranger. She was a deranged, jealous lunatic that had spilled the shared blood of a once familiar stranger. All for a set of keys to a house filled with maddening mirrors.  “I am nothing like Granna,” said Lily in a steady voice. “I will never be her.” And then she dialed emergency.

[forsedemain-blog]

Forse Demain

The train station at peak hour is a flurry of life. Two women claw at one another’s garlanded braids. Why? Because she looked at her wrong. As the train pulls in, a gaunt old man gazes wistfully at the tracks. He has been standing there for the past forty-five minutes, mustering the strength to fling himself upon the tracks at just the right moment. A few feet away, a young couple sit on a bench. They’re trying to act casual, but even the touching of their arms seems to produce sparks.

And you? You’re just a black hat bobbing among the sea of black hats. You’re in a rush today. You’re in a rush every day. Your mind is buzzing with a hundred things, yet nothing at all. Your shoe is pinching you. You just bought them to wear to the office. They look nice and shiny, and you want nothing more than to slip your feet out of them and toss them onto the tracks. Maybe sit on a bench and air out your toes.

But you must move on. You couldn’t stop if you wanted to; the swarm of people would just push you forward with them. You must contain. You must conform. You must walk on.

That’s when the brawling ladies happen to wrestle their way onto your path. Drama is one thing that breaks the orderly tension of the station. People are allowed to stop and watch. Get involved, even.

You had once told someone that you wanted to make a difference. Change the world. Change somebody’s world. Anybody’s world. Even your own would do. That was a mistake of epic proportions, because every day the person would check on you by asking: did you change the world today? It builds pressure on you. Could you do it? Could you break up the fight and sort these women out?

No. You are not about that life. You walk on, but without the crowd pulsing towards a single direction, you lose your bearings. Suddenly you’re edging sideways, next to a young couple. They’re not doing anything inappropriate, but it still feels as if you’re prying into an intimate moment. You look away hurriedly, but already you’ve bumped into someone else. “Sorry!” you exclaim, not slowing down. Nobody ever stops.

But this time, you stop. You turn around. The man you bumped into is still standing there, looking ahead, as if he were disoriented. “Are you alright?” you ask. “Where do you need to go?”

The man snaps out of his reverie. He was old – white hairs sprouted in abundance from behind his ears, yet far too few from his head. “Where do you need to go?” you repeat.

“Oh…” he starts. “I’m, I’m right here, just waiting for the train, you see.”

“Great, it’s just pulling in now,” you say. He smiles at you unsurely. Nervously.

“Don’t worry about the crowd,” you tell him. “There, you can ride the special compartment for disabled and elderly people. It’s just two doors down.”

He nods at you and walks away as the train pulls in. As he climbs into the special compartment, he turns around and raises his hand at you, assuring you that he is alright. You raise your hand back, giving him a pursed smile. Friendly enough for a stranger, yet not too friendly.

As soon as you do it, you feel extremely stupid. You relax your lips and put your hand down and walk away, tucking the incident at the back of your mind so as to not disintegrate from embarrassment.

The rest of your day goes as normal. Uneventful with the taste of dread at the back of your throat. On the way home, your phone buzzes. “Hi. Did you manage to change the world today?”

“Maybe tomorrow,” you reply, and shove the phone back into your pocket.

[srcconestopblog-blog]

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