Baguio proves to be a cold place
Hi blog, Aside from actually lacking time to update this space on my whereabouts and what I'm up to, I figured this space has been my go-to place when I'm feeling down and I don't want to admit that. I have been trying to push the thought aside and convince myself that I can bear this but here I am again, close to breaking point. Recently, I went on a trip to Baguio for a task which I hesitantly agreed to. I went with one of the office people I can hangout with, expecting this trip can somehow be beneficial to whatever relationship we have as friends, like how I want most of my friendships should be. We spent days together with just the two of us. There are moments when I felt like opening up, I haven't felt like myself for so long that I've been in this job. I thought he's one of those people I can turn to without feeling judged or whatever but to my disappointment, he's no different at all. I shared how I felt about our boss bringing someone with them on the weekend they come after us. Basically, this "someone" is from the same department as I. He came along for the sole reason that he hasn't been to the place before. I wasn't totally against him being there and being useless to my event but I hated the fact that I've been trying to live with what little budget they gave me who is practically the one to do everything to mount the event in a place I'm not so familiar with then someone who's just an extra was allotted with much more than I got. It's just so unfair. So, my sentiments were shared and immediately I felt judged on the grounds of pettiness. That I shouldn't be jealous or offended for such a shallow reason. I got this from the person I thought would be more understanding. To add more salt to the wound, he was being most tolerant to this person that he was whenever I'm trying to be playful. Which I totally can't decipher why. Why does everyone have to deflect me every time then ask me why I'm shying away from them the next second? Are you that insensitive?! Since my bosses arrived with this certain someone, I've been nothing but civil to them just to avoid conflict. I'm still trying to digest my feelings and thoughts and this blog is one of my way to assess how I should react. Ultimately, to sum up the week, I felt alone again in the crowd. I never expected that the people I am with would be colder than the place. I never missed home so much.