#themilodiaries

[themilodiaries]

Call it whatever

Hey there, Tumblr.

I finished watching 13 Reasons Why tonight and it got me 💭

1. How is my life different from Hannah Baker’s or Clay Jensen’s? 2. Would I end up like that? I don’t know if I’d like the answer. 3. Why do I even identify to the series’ characters?

Well, I know I haven’t visited this for the longest time and I think it’s the most appropriate thing to do right now. A lot has been going on lately and I don’t know just how long I can keep up.

There’s this situation at home. Not the way I’d feel isolated like before but the feeling that I don’t connect to anyone anymore. Not just at home but practically anywhere now. I crave that sense of belongingness and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get that.

Then there’s the pressure at work. After that major fail on our last event, I’ve been on my toes pretty much since. It’s as if I’m being watched by a tiger who’s ready to pounce any second and I don’t have any weapon to protect myself.

I’m losing all confidence and I’m very anxious. I know I shouldn’t be but expectations still scare the shit outta me and I don’t want it to!

I haven’t spoke to anyone about this much and I’m not sure I ever will.

Take me out of this universe.

Things always have been running through my mind and I want it to stop already. Haven’t I had enough? I’m sure anyone who’d ever get to read this will judge me as overly dramatic but hey, this is my space, my thoughts, my life.

Make it stop. Please.

[themilodiaries]

06.12.16 1:22am

It’s another night of my mind not shutting up when it needs to.

This has been a persistent issue that, for some reason, I can’t just let go. I know there no more romance in me trying get involved in his life but for the good of all the worlds, why can’t he let me in?

I don’t have any answer to that so I’m leaving it here. Perhaps some question can answer to themselves.

[themilodiaries]

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How great this day could be!! Just a few minutes ago I received an interview schedule for Monday! Guess where it is? ABS-CBN!! Well, not really for ABS-CBN but in ABS-CBN. That's Star Cinema for crying out loud! The position is for a promo staff. I believe I can be that. I've worked in a movie and I know how to do promotions. Given I'm on IG and Twitter, that should be a breeze. The day's itinerary: Early morning we headed to Pampanga to do some cleaning. The bus ride wasn't as long as the last time we were there; just an hour and a half from Manila. As originally planned, I started working on the house's parts that need cleaning. Man, there was a lot of work required. I noticed that the cupboards are disorganized so I rectified the situation. I did the floor with a damp cloth coz we still don't have floor mop there. Then, I just took a break and had a walk to the clubhouse. Not much of the village people were there. I was kinda hoping to lay my eyes on some hottie. Just my luck. Anyways, when I return, I did the plants. They needed cutting and that's what I just did. I'm pretty impressed with what I did to the bush. The landscape could've been prettier though. Adding fresh bermuda grasses will do the trick. After all the day's work, my mom rewarded me with a meal from Jollibee. I requested for it. 😊 On the bus ride going home, she gave me P500! Isn't it worth it? 👌🏼