the salesman
summary: the office us au where joe keery is jim halpert. the folks of twitter dot com wanted this. warnings: incorrect use of schizophrenia in a conversation. not proofread. pairings: joe keery x female!reader (in place of pam).
"alright, joe. your quarterlies look very good, how's things going at the library?" michael questioned, his hands awkwardly fumbling with the papers.
joe sat across from him, his gaze faded as if this was the most painful conversation of his life. with a soft sigh, joe leaned forward on his chair, his arms rested against his knees as if bracing for impact. he had been working here long enough to know what would follow his confession.
"oh, i told you. couldn't close it, so-"
"so you've come to the master for guidance. is that what you're saying, grasshopper?" michael puts on a bit - a classic, as he always does.
"actually, you called me in here, but..." joe knew it was pointless arguing, so ultimately nodded his head. "but yeah."
the moment michael picked up the phone, joe wished he had never applied for this job. it was tedious, monotonous and not what he wanted to do with his life. in fact, not long ago his friends had asked him to be in their band full time, but he turned the offer down. he needed money, and as much as he loved music, joe needed a roof over his head and food on his table.
"- you're a gentleman and a scholar!" michael grinned down the phone, though his face soon fell. "oh... i'm sorry. okay. i'm sorry. my mistake."
the boss cleared his throat as he hung up the phone, letting out a breathy chuckle of embarrassment. "that was a woman i was talking to, so... she had a... a very low voice, probably a smoker. so..." michael drummed his fingers against his desk. "that's the way it's done."
after the meeting, joe was pulled into the conference room and sat down on the chair beside the window.
"do we - we have to do this? like... you think people are really going to care what i do here?" joe chuckled, mildly shamed as he rubbed his shoes against the carpet. god, if he wanted to be on camera every day, he would have gone into the entertainment industry.
"well, the point of this is to show people what happens at a paper company. of course, we won't know if anyone watches it until we release the documentary, but it'd be good for us to get an insight into each person's role here. so you, for example, you're a salesman, correct?"
joe nodded slowly, sinking back into the chair.
"yeah. so, my job is to speak to clients on the phone about quantities and types of copier paper. you know, whether we can... supply to them and... whether they can pay for it, and..." joe shrugged a little, a soft chuckle leaving his lips. "sorry, i'm boring myself just talking about this."
joe's fingers played mindlessly with each other on his lap as he trailed off, leaving the camera crew to pick it back up.
"and you get on with everyone here?"
joe snuck a glance past them, through the window to the main office. there were one or two people that weren't the type of people joe would typically surround himself with, but they weren't all bad.
the likes of angela and meredith joe could hardly stand. there was nothing wrong with them, perse, just the vibe they brought to the office. he liked peace and tranquillity, except for when he didn't.
enter dwight schrute, the man of every hour (or so he liked to think). he was an oddball and yet, something about him fascinated joe and had led to hundreds of unserious pranks. taking all of the bolts out of his chair so he went flying in the morning, swapping his drawers around at his desk, telling him the men's toilets were infested leading dwight to walk in on meredith using the toilet. it was only ever for fun. and... well... to make you laugh.
you. the funny, pretty, talented, sweet, pretty receptionist who joe constantly made a fool out of himself and others for. he could never tell what his favourite thing about you was. perhaps it was your laugh, or your smile, or the way all of his qualms dissipated at the mere sight of your car in the car park, getting in minutes before him to make you both a coffee.
truly, in the grand scheme of things, joe would take a gamble and leave this place to join his friends band full time. but leaving here meant leaving you and every fibre of his being screamed at him to stay.
"yeah..." joe spoke softly, turning his attention back to the camera crew. "we all get on qui-"
"sorry. oh, shi- sorry. my bad." matt barged in, his hand gripping the doorknob to balance himself. "practice tonight! you coming?"
matthew williams. the biggest pain in his ass. joe's best friend since forever and one of the people who kept nagging him to join this band.
matt only worked here part time for some extra cash, considering his band hadn't quite taken off yet, but he had quickly cemented himself within the group.
joe nodded, clearing his throat. "uh, yeah."
"epic! bring little miss pretty along too, yeah?" matt closed the door, disappearing into the annex.
joe could feel his face heat up before the camera even panned back to him, though when it did he felt a hundred times warmer. letting out a fake chuckle, joe shrugged.
"don't, uh... don't know who he means."
the camera had been lingering between him and dwight for some time now and it was beginning to drive joe up the wall. who signed off on this to be made? why did he have to be involved?
"wazzaaaaa?" michael walked out of his office, hands in the air as he appeared from behind joe.
"wazza," joe raised his eyebrows, looking over his shoulder to michael. if he played along, he'd bother someone else. joe looked to the camera, shaking his head with a faux smile. "he still loves that after seven years!"
dwight took this opportunity to join encouraging michael all the more. joe sighed, dropping his pen down on his desk.
"what?" michael asked, his hands gripping the back of joe's chair as he turned him around.
"nothing."
michael nodded slowly, then clapped his hands. "okay. alright. see you later."
"alright. take care." joe nodded and turned to his desk again.
"back to work." michael pointed to the camera with a grin, evidently loving the attention he had been getting.
"yeah, back to work!" dwight held his hand up for a high five, which michael stared at in near disgust, before walking off.
joe looked up and over to you at the reception desk, contemplating matt's invite. was it worth inviting you? there was no way you'd be interested in his friends music and, if joe really thought about it, he wasn't sure he wanted the two sections of his lives mixing yet.
you were sweet, educated, genuine. his friends were... well, they were those things too, but together they were a group of hyenas, laughing loudly and having one too many beers while composing a new song. there was no way you'd accept the invite, was there?
"oh, hi jan." joe's eyes shifted to the door as you spoke. no one else noticed you speak, but then again, no one watched you quite like joe did.
jan sighed, hanging up her jacket. "hello again. is michael...?"
"oh, he's just speaking to angela. do you want me to get him?" you ask, about to stand from your chair when jan waves you off.
"no, no. it's okay. although, i do need you to sit in on this meeting." jan walked over to the copier, closer to michael sat on angela's desk.
joe watched the woman walk off, before looking over to you with raised eyebrows. he watched the way you reciprocated, his heart flipping as you grabbed your notepad and began to walk to michael's office, making a point to swing by his desk first.
"if i cough real loud, you've gotta come get me for some emergency." you tell him, leaning against his desk.
"em-emergency? like what?" joe chuckled, clicking his pen.
"uhhh...." you shrugged before clicking your tongue and pointing at him. "ink emergency."
"ink emergency? really?"
"well, i don't know!" you laughed, and steve felt as if his whole world imploded. "just, something. i'm sure you'll figure it out."
joe smiled and offered a small nod, a quiet 'yeah' slipping from his lips when you walked away and into michael's office with the pair.
over the course of the meeting, joe looked over his shoulder through the glass window. he could see michael, brows furrowed as jan fed him information, and he could see you in all your glory taking notes and relaxing into your chair as if it were your couch.
then, you looked over to him. he debated looking away, pretending you hadn't caught him staring, but before he could, you raised your fingers to your cheek, as if imitating a gun. he laughed, shaking his head as you played it off as an itchy cheek.
god, he was smitten.
"i mean, i guess he could have been talking about meredith." joe let out a breathy chuckle, his palms clamming up. "have you spoken to her yet? she's a proper metalhead. you know, headbanging and all that. yeah, he probably meant her. you know, i'm not convinced she isn't on something." joe rambled, his tongue darting out to wet his chapped lips.
"o-okay... and uh, who would you say you get on with the most?" the camera crew asked and joe leaned back against the seat once more, shaking his head a little.
"oh, uh... well, matt and i are pretty good friends. have been for a long time."
"and what about the receptionist? do you speak much to her?"
joe's eyes widened a little, but he caught it in time to wind back his surprise and opted to nod.
"yeah, yeah. really well. she can be pretty funny, i guess. she helps me prank dwight sometimes, too. yeah... i think if i had to pick one person i was closest to in the office, it'd be her. i mean - well - after matt, obviously."
joe covered up quickly with a smile, desperate to get back into the office where he wouldn't be asked any more questions. the silence, though, was deafening.
"it's probably because our desks are so close together. whenever she gets up to do anything, i'm kinda there, so it'd be hard for her to ignore me, you know?" joe chuckled, scratching at his thigh in a desperate attempt to seem normal.
the camera crew nodded before asking another question.
"so, just going back to your role here, joe - do you think the paper company is a dying business?"
he really should have thought about his answer before speaking. he should have wondered why they were asking this in his first interview with them. they had been here a week or so but hadn't really taken the time to speak to people until today. though, with a confident chuckle, joe nodded.
"oh yeah, i hope so."
you looked up from your desk with a smile, shaking your head as joe appeared with another two coffees.
"god, thank you." your hands eagerly took the mug from his and you desperately tried to ignore the way your stomach fell to your ass when his hand grazed yours.
"no problem. you looked like you needed it. how was the meeting?"
"oh. my. GOD. horrific. so, not only is jan talking about downsizing, but she-"
"woah, wait, hold on. downsizing? why? i thought our figures were good?"
you shrug a little, clueless. "oh, i don't know anything about that. i just print copies all day."
"come on, you do more than that." joe smiled, leaning his forearms against the desk. "you look real pretty doing it."
his pitch raised, as if he was joking around, but he knew he wasn't. you, however, took it as a joke, though you wished it had been otherwise.
"you do flatter me... anyway, packer called-"
"todd packer?!"
"yeah! where the hell has he been for the last few months? but he called and michael put him on speakerphone-"
"ohhhh rookie mistake!" joe laughed, enjoying the way you simultaneously smiled.
"i knowww! and he just started saying all these things about jan, and michael hung up pretending he had no idea what he was on about. god, it was awful. i wish you could have been there."
joe smiled, tilting his head. "man, i wish i could have been there too. sounds like a good time."
their laughter died down, both taking a sip of their coffee before joe finally plucked up the courage to ask.
"hey, are you doing anything tonight?" you looked up to him, eyebrows raised as you shook your head. "it's just... matt and our friends are practicing a few of their songs tonight. i don't know, if you wanted, it'd be cool to have you there. i mean, who else is gonna make fun of them with me?"
you chuckled and immediately eased his tension.
"absolutely. just let me know where and when."
"lets say 7. but uh, i can pick you up. it's at teddy's house, so..."
"oh! teddy!" you nod, causing him to chuckle. joe had told you all about his friends, but you hadn't met any of them other than matt. "do i need to bring anything? i mean, is there like, an etiquette with band practice?"
"nope, shouldn't think so. they'll probably be too busy to even notice us."
joe lied, shrugging. he knew his friends and he knew they'd be showing extra interest in you. after all - you knew about them, and they most certainly knew about you.
"do you think this will get many views?" you ask, sitting down in the chair by the window. "i only ask 'cause i told my grandma i always wear her necklace. don't want her seeing this and calling me a liar."
you joke, causing the camera crew to chuckle. though it wasn't a serious question, you did wonder how many people would view this documentary.
"okay, so... how do you feel about the potential downsizing?"
you open your mouth to speak, then do the opposite to joe, and think for a moment.
"i don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go, because then i might... it's just..." you chew on the inside of your cheek as you contemplate your words. "i just don't think it's many girl's dream to be a receptionist."
the camera crew nod and prompt you further. "and what do you like to do?"
"oh, a few things. i like to draw, and bake. in fact," you chuckled, gesturing to the door. "joe thinks i should open up a bakery in town. not that i ever would. not that i'm good enough. but he said i could bake my own treats, and paint the murals on the windows. i could make it like, my own little workshop."
you rest your hands in your lap and smile, nodding as if the camera crew were even paying attention.
"yeah?"
"yeah. joe is kind of my biggest cheerleader, really. which is funny, because i wasn't allowed to be a cheerleader in high school, and joe is always like 'whaaaat? but you're great at everything! why wouldn't they pick you?' and-"
this was awkward. very quickly, you realised that had nothing to do with anything. in your haste, you were merging conversations, keen to just ramble about how great joe was to you.
"nevermind. but uh, yeah. i'd probably spend more time baking if they got rid of me."
"now, i know there's some rumours out there, and i just want to -"
"i'm assistant regional manager. i should know first." dwight stood, placing his hands on his hips.
"assistant to the regional manager."
"okay, can you just tell me, please? just whisper in my ear."
"i'm about to tell everybody. i'm just about to -"
dwight inched closer, and with that, joe looked straight to you with a smile. you looked to him with an even bigger one, finding the situation hilarious.
"please... okay? do you want me to tell them?"
joe shook his head, mouthing oh my god to you, and you giggled behind your hand.
"you don't know what it is!"
"can you tell them with my permission?"
"i don't need -"
"permission granted, michael. everybody, listen up!" dwight eyeballs everyone in the conference room, sitting back down in his seat.
michael sighed heavily, shaking his head. "i don't know what that was..."
joe stifled a laugh, folding his arms over his chest.
"corporate has deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me, and jan is thinking about downsizing either the stanford branch, or this branch."
amongst the chatter, primarily between oscar, stanley and michael, the boss pointed to you across the room.
"did you say something? you had a look on your face, like you wanted to ask a question."
joe looked to you again, watching your eyes widen for a moment before relaxing into the position.
"it's just... i was in the meeting with jan, and she did say that it could be this branch."
stanley immediately bounced back, telling michael off.
"no, no! stanley, you did not see me in there with her. i said, if corporate wants to come in here, and interfere then they're gonna have to go through me, right? you know, you can go a mess with josh's people, but i'm the head of this family, and you ain't gonna be messing with my chillen."
for the umpteenth time that day, you and joe exchanged a confused look. michael and his attempts at sounding young never did make sense to the both of you.
joe sighed, resting his elbow against the chair arm and placing his fingers against his cheek, propping himself up.
"what would i do if they got rid of me? well... i'd probably join matt's band, for one. i'd have to try and give that a go, even though they're not gonna pay me. uh... maybe i'd take an online course in something. you know, they do those now."
joe shook his head, trying to think.
"but if i left, what would i do with all this useless information in my head? tonnage, price of manila folders? how the accountants always eat bananas? how the receptionist only ever eats one specific flavour of yoghurt, which is berry mix, by the way-"
joe didn't know you were eating that at your desk right now.
"joe said berry mix?" you ask, later in the day after the camera crew had pulled you in for another interview. you chuckled softly with a nod. "yeah, he's onto me."
"ultimately, i don't think i'd mind if they get rid of me. i'd be forced to do something with my life then, wouldn't i? instead of just wishing i had the time and energy to follow my dreams..." joe muttered, picking at his fingers.
he wasn't happy here. if it weren't for you, he would have found another job years ago. but you, the one person he never could quite get close enough to, kept him working this dead end job. because, to joe, the turmoil of working here was worth it just to see you.
"but you never know... maybe they'll keep me here forever. wouldn't that be fun? just... me, as an old man, working well into retirement like stanley. i'll be in an old people's home reciting prices of paper and thinking the old man beside me is dwight."
then again, if that was the future he had in store, joe wasn't sure it was one he wanted.
he looked up to the crew, his eyes flicking between the camera and the person asking him questions. "can i go or do you need more?"
"no, we're done for now. thanks, joe."
michael burst out of his office as everyone began to pack away.
"whaaaaat? no! no, no, no! there's still five minutes! you can't - i - " he walked over to joe, shifting his weight between his feet.
"hi michael."
"joe, you can't leave yet."
"oh, i'm not. just packing away." he answered, zipping up the bag.
"well, i forbid it." michael huffed, looking around. everyone in the office was finally paying attention to him.
joe looked up, deadpan as he spoke. "you can't forbid it, michael.
"ha! too bad! i just did!" michael looked behind him to the reception desk. "no! not you too! you can't - we still have five minutes!"
you stand from your desk, putting your coat on with a confused expression. "michael, it's not a big deal."
"it is! i am your boss and i forbid you, yes, you! to pack away."
you looked to joe, who simply shrugged and turned to the camera crew.
"you should really be documenting him, you know. paper is boring, but michael scott's downward spiral into schizophrenia? that's content." joe picked up his phone, pushing it into his pocket.
"it's not schizophrenia, joe. you have packed up 3 minutes and 23 seconds before your shift ends, therefore-"
"hey man! see you tonight?" matt patted joe's shoulder as he strolled past and straight out the door.
michael spun around, having finished chastising you. "okay, no one else move, okay? i'd hate to tell someone else off, too."
"but michael," dwight pointed to the door. "matt just -"
"are you trying to tell tales, dwight? you've stopped working, too! you're just as bad as these people! do i pay you to speak or do i pay you to work?"
dwight falls silent for a moment, his lips eventually parting to answer, before michael holds his fingers up. "ah-ah!"
joe grinned at the camera crew before standing and walking to get his jacket.
"joe! joey! joseph! where are you going?"
joe shook his head, pursing his lips. "nowhere, michael. just getting my jacket. it's cold sitting under the aircon all day and you do want me to spend these last..."
joe looked at his watch.
"4 minutes and 53... 52... 51 seconds working in an environment i'm comfortable in, don't you?"
michael nods, looking to dwight. "see, dwight? joe here has the right ide- no!" he called as he turned back around, seeing both you and joe had vanished.
with a laugh, you both run into the elevator and head for the parking lot.
"he's such a weirdo," joe commented, smoothing out his jacket.
you grin, shaking your head and pushing the door open. "you're such a wind up, joe."
he nodded, allowing the door to shut behind them. "but you love it."
"only when it's directed at other people." you chuckle, walking to your car and unlocking it. "so, 7pm tonight? and i don't need to bring anything?"
joe shook his head. "nope. just yourself. oh, maybe some earplugs." you shoot him a confused look, with the tilt of your head, and he smiles. "just in case you don't like the music."
joe stood outside of your house, leant against his car as he nervously played with his shirt. this wasn't a date, he had to keep reminding himself, yet he felt intense butterflies anyway. despite being friends for a good few years now, there had never been any reason to invite you somewhere. okay - yes, he could have asked you on a real date by now, but outside of that, the only times you had hung out were at the dundee awards michael held every year. even then, you were both drunk and barely remembered a thing.
hearing a door close, he looked up and a smile instantly made it's way onto his face as he saw you. you were...
"you look... wow." joe chuckled, eyeing you up innocently.
you smile in return as you reach him. "this old thing? i just threw it on."
"well..." joe shook his head, opening the passenger side door. "you look pretty great to me."
ducking into his car, you buckle your seatbelt and watch as he climbs in, starting the ignition. the smile is still very much on your face as he begins to drive.
"now, i'm gonna warn you, the boys are probably gonna ask a lot of questions. it's just in their nature to poke and prod."
"they're not actually going to poke and prod me though, right?" you tease, shooting him a grin.
he glanced away from the road for just a second to look at you with a smile, before shaking his head and turning down the street.
"i hope not. they never have before."
the pair of you eventually get to teddy's house, and he greets joe with a bro-hug, before awkwardly giving you a hug. what were you meant to do in those situations? teddy and joe introduced you to the other guys and you offer them a polite wave. you knew their names but putting faces to them was a whole different story.
that was a lie. you had totally facebook stalked joe and his friends, but you'd never admit to that.
the boys had already ordered in a few pizza's, so you and joe waited for those as they set up in the garage.
"they all seem nice enough," you look to him, shrugging your shoulders casually. "no poking, no prodding."
joe can't help but chuckle and glance in the direction of the garage momentarily, as if worried they'd be listening.
"yeah, no, they're alright. i've known them pretty much my whole life. it's nice that they're able to get together like this."
"what about you?" you ask. "you're into music too, right?"
joe nodded. "they've asked me to join a few times but it's not something i can really dedicate my time to. i need a job."
you nod, too. that made sense. it was the same reason you hadn't left to follow your dreams. what even were your dreams?
"i guess. but you shouldn't let that stop you. life is too short to let it just... go by while you wallow in pity."
"hey! who says i wallow in pity?" joe asked, pretending to be offended.
you smiled, shaking your head quickly. "i'm generalising. but you should go for it. who cares if you miss a shift? matt only works part time and he's happy with it. what's really stopping you?"
oh. if only you knew.
joe swallowed a small lump forming in his throat as he pushed his hands into his jeans, contemplating a response. he simply decided to go with a quiet "nothing."
you quirk an eyebrow, gently poking his shoulder. "i can see right through you, keery. you can lie to yourself but not to me." you offered a small smile before nudging his shoulder again, but with your own. "come on. i wanna hear some music. and you better get on the guitar at some point tonight."
you were only teasing, but deep down, you wanted to see him play. he wanted you to see him play, too. what greater way to share his passion than with someone he had been crushing on for the last couple years?
not that he'd ever admit it, but you were what was stopping him from chasing his dream. because, in actuality, music hadn't been his dream for some time. it had been you.
