Wherein our hero, private-hiro, was challenged to name 3 people who he would want in a zombie apocalypse. The lucky people named were Mandy and Cia, known as otakupotato andtherandomgoddess respectively. The fourth member of our party is a turtle that has been named Mr. Snuggles by Mandy and Cia. (This was written as a special request from Hiro who wanted Cia to write it for some reason or another.)
This is their story.You will see moments of epic fail and epic badassery from each of our protagonists, no one, not even me, is safe from my satiric pen (keyboard really but pen sounds better)
I plan on trying to write one a week to two weeks with some audience participation. Yes, there are more chapters already outlined!!
Since this is pure crack, there will not be that much editing other than basic grammar. You all know I can do better but meh, this is CRACK. You want extremely well crafted with every word lovingly massaged into shape go read my other fic.
You have been warned.
Chapter 1
God damnit Hiro!
Cia was having a lot of trouble sleeping, more so than normal and she usually had a lot of trouble sleeping anyway. All day she had this weird feeling something was going to happen and it had only gotten worse at bedtime. Frustrated, she had just about decided to get out of bed when she flipped over and fell right out of bed, no easy feat when you’re the only person sleeping in a king size bed. Even though the mattress and box spring lay directly on the floor, she kept falling for far longer than she should have but landed with a solid thump before she could figure out just what was going on.
“Huh, someone must have heard me fall and turned on the light, that was nice of them” Cia said this as she noticed how bright it had become even with her eyes still closed. “Might as well get up.”
She opened her eyes as she started to push herself up when she noticed two very important things. One was that the carpet of her bedroom floor seemed to have been replaced by grass and dirt and the second was that it was bright and sunny. With these clues she concluded that she was somehow outside, a fact that was confirmed when she was fully upright and had scanned her surroundings. She was in a park, that much she could tell, there were trees around, a wide expanse of grass, some public bathrooms, and a road not too far from where she was standing.
As she brushed the dirt off herself she realized she was wearing a spaghetti strapped red dress and black boots. “Wait, this looks like the thing the chick in that resident evil movie wore. Well, this is an unusual dream, don’t want it, so I’ll be waking up now” Cia did her best to wake up or change the dream, something she could do with ease normally but finally had to resort to pinching herself. In the end, she realized she was, in fact, not dreaming and this was altogether too real.
“Well then, I guess first thing I have to do is figure out where I am and why I am here” Cia started walking towards the bathrooms, hoping to find one of those information boards parks usually had. When she got closer she realized there was a young lady slumped against the wall. She stopped to take a good look at her just in case. The girl had a very pretty face framed with long black hair and was wearing a t-shirt, leather jacket, jeans and sneakers. The more she studied her face, the more familiar the girl was to her. The girl opened her eyes and met hers and they both froze in shock.
“Mandy?!? Tater???”
“Cia Chiquita?!?”
Mandy got up and they both shot towards each other, stopping just short of hugging then both started speaking at once.
“where”
“how”
“why”
“What are you wearing?”
“how’d you get here?”
Cia held her hands up and took a deep breath “OK hold on, one at a time. How did you get here?”
“I have no idea. I fell asleep in my bed and woke up and saw you. And this, wait, where am I?” Mandy looked around confused.
“Well, this seems to be a park of some sort, looks kind of like one we have near home though it doesn’t feel like home. I was looking for some sort of information board but I don’t see one. There don’t seem to be any clues as to why we are here anywhere around so I suggest we get to the road”
“Sounds like a plan, let’s go” They took off for the road when Mandy spoke again “I have a question”
“What’s that?”
“Why do you look like you’re cosplaying Alice from Resident Evil? Not only the outfit but the hair too.”
Cia’s eyes widened in shock and she reached up to touch her hair. Sure enough, it was a lot shorter than when she had gone to bed. “You know, I would like the answer to that one as well. All I know is that I was in my Eeyore nightie, I rolled over in bed and landed here, wearing this thing. I don’t get it. I never had the urge to since I don’t watch the movies. The last time I even thought about it was when Hiro for some odd reason compared me to her”
They stopped for a moment and looked at each other then shook their heads and kept walking.
A small seed of suspicion had started growing in their minds but neither wanted to voice it, afraid that if they did, it would be true.
They finally got to the road and looked both ways, seeing nothing but trees in either direction.
Cia spoke up “What do you think? Does this look like home to you? Which way do you think we should go?”
“Definitely doesn’t look like home to me either. I think we should head right”
“OK, one direction is as good as the other” Cia had just finished speaking when a noise sounded from overhead and they looked up. Something was hurtling down towards Mandy and she reflexively reached out to catch it.
They both looked at the object in her arms and realized it was a turtle with a collar around its neck that had a tag attached to it.
“Is that what I think it is?” Cia pointed at the turtle
“If you think it’s a turtle then I think you are correct. Let’s read the tag”
“I think you and I both know what that tag says and what it means right?” Cia said a grim look on her face.
Mandy nodded with an equal expression. “Yes I think you are right. You want to read it or shall I?”
“I’ll do it; I’m the older one, so I should be the one risking getting bitten if it’s that kind of turtle.” Cia reached out for the tag and read out loud “Mr. Snuggles”
Mandy and Cia looked at each other, not noticing the sound of a car coming towards them as the realization sunk in and they yelled simultaneously “God Damnit Hiro!!”
“You called?” said a voice from the direction of the road.
