Apr 10, 2017
i have delayed self awareness like im rly self aware of my actions and motivations but only 10-120 min after i do something dumb as fuck
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i have delayed self awareness like im rly self aware of my actions and motivations but only 10-120 min after i do something dumb as fuck
my therapy ref tag is so i can give my therapist a primary source for all my latest shenanigans
favorite dbt skills
opposite action: if everyone is telling me to do something, i take the opposite action. i skip school distract: does thinking about it in a new, equally troubling way count to distract me from the original thought? grounding: lay on the dirt
im at my moms this week i've been there for three nights and my body is fucking shutting down bc i don't sleep or eat worth shit i have a throbbing headache various aches and pains im hungry and nauseous and the thought of eating makes my stomach turn and i'm fatigued i haven't turned in half my homework this week im falling behind again im so overwhelmed and i don't fucking know what to do about any of it except wait it out and ride the wave of reliving my abuse
please tell your therapist about the shooting that happened in front of your house and how it still freaks you out when you think about it even if you dont think it’s a big deal/happened long enough ago to not have to worry
im so scared of every one hating me. i feel like i constantly need to ask for reassurance that im not annoying or that they dont hate me but they all do and the more i ask the more im pushing them to say it.
i really want to be able to ask for reassurance but im really scared im going to push them away or come off as needy. someone who i cut out of my life did that to me really really really bad and im so scared of being like him? like he really screwed up how i view affection. so much of my social anxiety is just from past abuse and when i was stalked for two years (two years at LEAST because how the fuck am i supposed to know if he stopped)
i just. i dont want to put that pressure on anyone. i dont want to put any pressure on anyone. i dont want to need anyone. i dont want to want anyone. i want to be alone but i am a person and i need affection that i am too scared to ask for.
if i dont 1000x the effort that others make to be kind then nobody would ever love me
this was in my drafts for my main blog, im posting it here for future reference (i go through this blog before therapy)