For so long I’ve become dependent on my world of light. I used it to stand, to catch me when I fell, to stop my tears, make me smile, make me laugh, help me to just live. I was like a parasite draining the light from this world. Unaware of the damage I was doing I continued, after a heart to heart with my shining light we discovered to feel the same way. My eyes now open I saw all the pain I caused.
Remembering my pain, I felt guilty for casting that pain onto someone else. I stood up on my own and looked at the world of light, flaws and fails everywhere. Without a second thought I left the world of light. My Shining Light begged me to stay, but I refused. I looked at my world and entered it. I suddenly felt everything all over again, I fell to my knees. My strength left me, my peace gone, my hope crushed. Instantly, I regretted my decision, I turned to see my Shining Light putting up walls, blocking my entrance into his world. I used my last ounces of energy to fight back, to break down those walls. Every time I would put a crack in the wall, my shining light would fix and strengthen it.
A terrible feeling settled in my gut. I did this, not only did I tear away my own happiness, I hurt my Shining Light. I hurt him and he wanted nothing more to do with me. Any light I had disappeared, I went to the center of my world of dark. Every fear, mistake, disappointment, tear, scream, every ounce of pain in my live was relived. I wanted nothing more but to make it stop, I looked at the wall that separated me from the light filled world. I tried again asking for reentry, it didn’t work. I lost myself in my memories, my past, it all haunted me.
Suddenly none of that mattered, through it all there was one person that remained faithful to me. Myself.
I looked at the pitch black that surrounded me, I would not stand for this. I discovered that I had become too dependent on my Shining Light, I was selfish in wishing for my own pain to end, I never noticed I caused pain in the process. I would have no more of that, so I looked for my own strength.
With everything in me, I stood up, on my own. I straightened myself out and continued to stand. The darkness surrounding me attempted to push me down, but no longer would I let misfortunes lead me.
I didn’t need someone to be my shining light I could be my own.
Of course, I would always be grateful. If that light hadn’t been in my life. I would have given into my pain. I wouldn’t be where I am, my gratitude belongs to my Shining Light. What was done for me is most certainly meant to be passed on. With these racing thoughts I pulled out my inner Light. I was no longer only lit on the outside, but on the inside as it was just me now. My world of dark lit up higher than ever before. My world of dark would always have its flaws, but I was strong enough to overcome any pain. This is the lesson my shining light taught me.
And I will teach it to many more to come.
