THE WRITERS: CHAPTER 2 -EPIPHANY
He steps out the bedroom, leaving the door open, breathing heavily, steam emitting off his body as he walks to the liquor cabinet. The smell of sex filled the air, but thoughts of guilt filled his mind. He opens the liquor cabinet looking for something so strong, that could help wash the taste of regret from his tongue. He pulls a bottle of the strongest tequila from the cabinet, cracks the seal open and floods the tumbler glass. Takes a sip. Savours the bitter taste that danced violently on his tongue. It numbs the brain, but not nearly enough to cleanse his thoughts. Every time he swallows the voice in his head continues to scream loudly. Drops the glass on the table. Grabs the bottle by the neck, and starts drinking from its lips.
It had been about four years running since Thato and Nthabiseng devoted themselves to their relationship and things were going great until they could not see eye to eye on fundamental matter. She wanted to find a job that will help pay her families debts (Black Tax), move into her own house, get married and start a family of her own. Thato had dreams very ambitious dreams aside from those, they had in common. She thought that his dreaming was unrealistic. She urged him to dumb down on his thinking so that they could realize the vision she had in mind. Thato’s optimism wouldn’t allow himself to settle for anything less than what he thought they deserved. They had reached an impasse which neither could compromise on and slowly, but surely he began to doubt their future.
They chose to dismiss their long-term prospects of their relationship whenever it came up in conversation. When they met, they spoke less. Spending majority of their time getting undressed. They’d drink and make love to one another, getting lost in the moment till they both passed out. It was their temporary solution, but the quick fix to the bigger conversation soon became very addictive. They tried to speak, but the distance between them wouldn’t allow it. Addicted to the feel of her skin, her with him. All they wanted to do, is to get naked. Rip each other’s clothes off and touch each other in the right ways, indulging in pleasure, non-stop...
Every time after they gave into their undeniable sexual attraction, he would lay next to her with this feeling of guilt, because he knew that he saw no future in their relationship. He thought deeply about letting her go, even though he cared immensely about her, he couldn’t allow things to carry on as they have been. The love was fading and ultimately crippling their relationship.
He turned and looked to her, took a deep breath, she asked him what was wrong. He took a long pause trying to find the right words to sum everything up, but he knew he just had to speak from the heart.
He began with:
“I love you… but that love comes at the cost of me sacrificing the love that I owe to myself. I have given you all the love that I have. My heart no longer wishes to be in this and should we continue with this relationship, it will be a loveless one and… I don’t want to live like that.”
Nthabiseng was not ready to give up, tears began running down her face and true to his nature he held her tightly in his arms, as she calmed down he pulled away slowly to wipe her tears. They looked at each other. They passionately kissed. He tried to push her away as he felt himself give into his carnal urges, but she then kissed him where, he liked it. He picked her up and placed her on top off him and just like that, he had slipped back into his pattern. She thought should could fix things by fucking the love back into their relationship. He told himself this is a goodbye fuck.
After the sex he gave her one last kiss and as his lips slowly parted with hers, so did the rest of him. As he left the bed she knew that he was not coming back to her, she got out of the bed got dressed packed her bags, tried to compose herself and walked out the room.
She saw that he was within his drink and didn’t want to disturb, but before she left she whispered to him, “I’ll always love you”.
He took one big gulp from his bottle slammed it on the table, got up and went to go take a shower.