The Bad Kids and 35. “You look like a monkey who’s been strategically shaved.”
"What the hell," Adaine says. And then again, a little higher and louder, for emphasis: "What the hell, Fig!"
"It's his fault," Fig says plaintively, which doesn't convince Adaine in the slightest. She's holding Baby in midair by the back of his neck, as if he were a badly behaved cat. The analogy is particularly apt, since for some goddamn reason, he's dripping with slimy green fluid, and....fur. There's fur on his arms and legs, making him look like an evil, wriggly caterpillar.
Great. Amazing. This couldn't get any worse.
"This is my workplace," Adaine hisses, leaning over the counter and gesturing to the Basrar's apron that she double-knotted two hours ago at the start of her shift. Tragically, there's still quite a few hours to go. "I was in the bathroom for two minutes. What did you do?"
"I didn't do -"
"Okay, well, what did someone do?" In matters like these, Adaine knows, it's simpler and quicker to bypass blame and get straight to the problem-solving. Gods know she's good at problem solving, even under duress. And this....this simply has to count as duress.
"So Kristen was trying to backflip off the Hangman," Fig begins. "And Fabian was driving, and Riz and Gorgug were trying to time and film her, respectively -"
"Fig!"
"- and I was so caught up in watching them," Fig says quickly, "that I didn't notice when Baby got into your tub of pistachio ice cream. He's infernal, so it melted pretty quickly. I'm really sorry, Adaine."
"The hair's not from the ice cream!!" Baby screeches cheerfully, as if that makes the situation even marginally better. "It's from somewhere else!!"
"You look like a monkey who's been strategically shaved." Adaine points a finger at him threateningly and narrows her eyes. "And before you offer, no. I don't want to know where the hair actually came from, Baby. I'd like to live in blissful ignorance on that."
She's met with an answering scream of delight, which is about as good as she's ever likely to get from the little imp. She still casts Banishment on him, though. Fig's face crumples sadly as he pops out of the Material Plane.
Well, that's too bad. Desperate times, desperate measures.
"You're literally an archdevil, Fig," Adaine says under her breath. She pastes a smile on her face as the doorbell to Basrar's rings and a troupe of middle schoolers clatters in. "You can go and get him back whenever. Now, please get the rest of them in here, before Kristen breaks her neck."
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