Dec 21, 2014
I CANT FIND OUR ELF ON THE SHELF AND I'M KINDA FREAKING OUT
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I CANT FIND OUR ELF ON THE SHELF AND I'M KINDA FREAKING OUT
Do I have to?
Hi kids,
Does Momma Borden hafta pretend to be indignant––or even care––about this whole Anthony Weiner business? In fact, do any of us?
Okay, if he were a Republican: I'd be indignant. But my indigence would be false. It would be––as so many things are in politics––about winning.
I'd be indignant because I would secretly hope that he would quit––or be forced to resign––and that a Democrat would take his place… Even though that would be extremely unlikely. I don't want Weiner to resign because I don't want a Republican to take his place.
(Let's also not forget, kids, that when Republicans do this a lot of the time they are family values anti-gay anti-fun anti-everything conservatives who got caught sending pictures to teenagers… But that's just a digression.)
Can we accept the fact that––creepy as it is––in America we all have the right to act like coked up porn stars? (Not that I think we should be doing this, mind you. Just that we have the right to do it.)
Can we accept that politicians are not gods?
Cuz I can tell you, Lizzie B knows a lot of gods, and ain't none of 'em running for office.
The qualities that it takes to stand up and say, “I think I can solve America's problems," the qualities is that it takes to gladhand, demand donations, give speeches, and behave in general just like a rock star who wants needs everyone's attention, are the same qualities, unfortunately, that make people think everyone wants to see their pecker in picture mail.
That's just the way it goes. Them's just the breaks, kids.
Is it disrespectful? Yup. Is it gross? You betcha.
But Mother Teresas don't run for office.… Not usually. You need a kind of icky machismo to do this kind of stuff: both run for office, and act like a horny fool.
Should we move on from this, and focus on the things that matter? Lizzie Borden thinks so. Lizzie thinks we need to move on, bitches. (Of course, this means that I can no longer get indignant when Republicans did this kind of shameful shit… But that's just the price we gotta pay b-words.)
(I'd also like to point out, kids, that you very rarely see women doing this kind of thing… Just saying.)
Later babies.
(I'll say this for him: it's not a bad chest.)