#thingsidid

[okilokiwithpurpose]

Third and final drawing I did last year for the @mischievousscampzine

Little au where Loki and Mobius spend some quiet time on Asgard...

[okilokiwithpurpose]

Another drawing made last year for the @mischievousscampzine

[okilokiwithpurpose]

Here comes some art I created last year for the @mischievousscampzine (more to come in the next days)

Upside down image under the cut 🙃

[aluraelizabeth]

A DISJOINTED HAIKU OR TWO ABOUT SPONTANEOUS LIFE SHENANIGANS

Spring is here at last

The wind kissing my bare legs:

It inspires me

So I decided

To be an actress today

And I joined a play

Spring rejuvenates

And, oh, it’s just what I need  

I was getting bored

[aluraelizabeth]

When I left high school, I thought I could be a liar, a seductress, or a biology enthusiast. I thought that graduating - that turning my tassel from one side to the other - would make me into something different. In some ways it did. Soon after moving away, I got a real taste of casting away the cloak of monotony and familiarity but it was not the daydream I had formed in my head of ‘being alive’ and following desires. No, it was alien and terrifying - adjectives I did not expect to feel or find. When I tried to lie, peers called my bluff. When I tried to be a seductress, men called my bluff. When I tried to be a  biology enthusiast, intellectuals called my bluff.  I was lead to believe - by some news article, or short story, or television program - that I could do anything I wanted in this world. The 21st century American Dream: be happy, be busy, be selfish,  be in love, but if you try too hard, you will be found out.   

[aluraelizabeth]

Ha, I don’t need anyone, I will never need anyone. I will travel this world, city to city, sea to sea, and I will never rely on a single person but myself. I will work for myself. I will support myself financially and emotionally. I will learn for myself. And I will never ask for help.

I will be hard on myself - I expect to be disciplined and successful, but not rigid and materialistic. I will be confident and outgoing, kind and forgiving, hard-working and fearless. I will be thin and beautiful and always happy. I expect absolute perfection and will always put mind over matter. I will set high expectations for myself, but never for others. In fact, I will let my co-workers take advantage of me; I won’t expect loyalty from my friends; I will never require support from my family; and I will never demand respect from my lovers. People will use me, manipulate me, disregard my feelings, forget me, and I will never let it phase me. I refuse to disillusion myself with expectations of being treated better.

I will care about other people, but I will never trust them. I will love other people, but never with all of my heart. The bad ones are liars, cheaters, thieves, manipulators, sexual predators, and selfish fools. The good ones will surely die or fade away into the cruelty that is this world. I understand that some may have truly good intentions, but the end of the day, death and darkness will stop any such intention in it’s tracks without hesitation. I will never forget this.

I will develop a thick skin.

I will be self-sufficient.

I will be invincible.

I will always be alone, but it will never matter.

- tragic promises made to myself in 2011 and their implicit consequences on my psyche 

[aluraelizabeth]

when there were boys to chase and to

kiss me but not date me and when I would 

write poetry for my stupid tenth grade 

english class, my teachers would always 

give me and A because I always had a way with 

making them feel what it was like

to be fifteen with a broken heart,

but with the whole world ahead of me. 

now, I write poetry about how life won’t

love me back, or take me on a real date.  

I do it because I’m sad and I want the whole 

damn world to know what it’s like to be twenty,

waiting for my life to call, while my fake friends

constantly, condescendingly whisper in my ear:

“Why wait up, little girl?”

I haven’t written a poem I’m proud of 

since my prom date left the after-party with

my best friend Kate when we were seventeen;

I think I need a boy to fuck and forget me because

I want to go back 

to worrying about 

the more trifling 

things.  

[aluraelizabeth]

today you asked: what are you running from? so I breathed some life into my bubble gum.   I looked you in the eye and gave my reply: hun, I’m not running from – I’m running for fun.