#thinking things through

[kiis1k]

“What could go wrong, you said.”

“I hate you.”

[stillfuckingtired]

Been monologuing to an empty room like I’m explaining my thoughts and feelings to an audience. Free therapy.

[autumnsunshine10]

Sometimes it takes major guts to suck it up and hit send. But other times, it’s more courageous to delete.

Inkstay September word prompt #2

[justamomandakeyboard]

Change

As I follow this path of learning more and more about disabilities (mostly autism) I’m finding more and more points of contention between people. It’s far greater than I’ve ever encountered on the medical disability side of thing, and I’ve been pretty consistently engaged in that community for more than 13 years. 

A lot of it seems to stem from how rapidly things have changed over the last decade or so. It reminds me of an ‘Adam Ruins Everything’ episode, where it talks about how any evidence given to us that is in direct opposition to a belief that we hold our brain will try to deny. And that the longer we’ve held that belief, the harder our brain will fight against it. 

This is probably because change is scary as hell. 

It’s amazing how we can even be aware of that struggle within ourselves. I was just reading a blog post on ablelist language, and my initial response was less than positive. (Which, if we’re honest, is normal as it set up a few premises in pretty direct opposition to a few things I have ‘known’ all my life. So be kind.) And then, as I was sitting there frowning, and I realized...this is exactly part of the problem. So I read the article again. Turned pieces of it over in my mind. Laid out, precisely, what it was that I disliked about it, where I disagreed with it. Examined why I disagreed with it. As objectively as I could, I tried to list where it’s arguments may have more merit than my own. 

It’s a process. I will not be posting anything about it for several days, if I decide to at all. I certainly have feelings about it right now, but those feelings are necessarily ‘settled’ yet and they certainly don’t have the foundation necessary to be a ‘belief’ yet one way or the other. I need time to ‘digest’ it, to sleep on it and consider it more and do further research and sleep on it again. It’s the same reason I’ve said nothing more about the parallels I see between my own life and the lives described by many in the adult autistic community. Or what my research into self dx versus clinical dx has turned up. My thoughts on shows like The Good Doctor or Speechless. My continued research into the therapy known as ABA.

So, I suppose my first request is this: if you are of one of the younger generation, please be patient with us. This will take time. If your life personally is complicated because some of us who have become more set in our ways of thinking are making your life more difficult, I’m sorry. I truly am. I wish this were easier, but it really isn’t. Please keep explaining. Keep sharing. Keeping pushing the boundaries. We need you to do so, so we can change for the better. And when you’re the one who has become set in your way, and the younger generation is pushing you to change...I hope you will remember. 

My second request is this: If you are the older generation (which I am most definitely on my way to joining): we need to listen. I know it’s hard. I know that much of what is being said, especially about disabilities and the many communities that word encompasses, is often in direct opposition to what we’ve been taught. What we have ‘known’ for years is being, piece by piece, dismantled from underneath us. It makes you feel a little bit lost, and a little bit foolish, and frequently a little bit scared. That’s alright. I’m not asking you to throw a lifetime’s knowledge out the window, but I am asking you to listen. To examine what we are being told, what is being shared, and to accept at least the possibility that everything you’ve been taught may not be true. 

I am not saying that everything you read on the internet is true, because it’s clearly not. Or that only one opinion is always right, because that’s clearly not true either. But being close-minded helps no one, on either side of the equation.

~justamomandakeyboard

[skyward-floored]

so...star wars fic?

Maybe. I’m still thinking about it, I’ll see what happens.

[outercrasis]

I wrote a two part Adrian fic and I'm really debating if I should even post it here or just post it to AO3.... the lack of reblogs and comments makes it so disheartening to post stuff (especially new) on here 😬

[hustlemeanokay]

Certain "truths" are not universal. It's important to understand this. For a variety of reasons. On a multitude of levels. When dealing with people, facts change concerning their experiences. What's true for one is not true for the other. Even if their lives have been exactly the same, their minds are not.

Just an example... at eighteen, in many many places - one is considered an "adult". But there are many who are not mature enough to hold that title. It's not a bad thing. It's just the reality of their situation. They're still learning how to be an adult and handle adult situations, carry adult responsibilities... all of that. While others? They've been an adult for quite a few years at that point. It all depends on the individual.

My daughter, who is eighteen and obviously still lives with us (which doesn't bother me at all and frankly, it confuses me when parents are bothered by that fact...) asked if she could get a kitten. Now... she already has a cat. Little psycho that it is... but that's beside the point. It's reasonable request... however... it's one that isn't thought out. We already have two cats (total). She rarely takes part in their upkeep, either of them. Again, not something I particularly care about as it's a chore that is divided out... it's kind of like "whoever sees the dish empty, fill it" type situation. But her request, again, is one that's not thought out. And... again, her age does come into play here but not in the way that "oh, she's 18, she's immature, blah blah" no. More in that... her mind doesn't automatically think something through entirely. Some people never get this. Others have had it from a very young age. With this kitten issue... maturity, adulthood... responsibility... thinking things through. Getting a pet isn't as simple as "oh, I think I'll get one" and calling it a day. There are expenses to consider. Vet bills... food... for a cat - it's litter, etc. Then it's how it will affect the home if there are already pets in it. All of that. And while she's bummed that the answer was and will remain "no", it occurred to me that many, like I've seen on here, would take this situation and spin it... call us horrible rotten parents who are somehow abusing her... or... putting her down or some bullshit. That's not an age thing, that's a maturity thing.

While there are parents out there who say 'no' just because it's easier. Those are few and far between, even if you don't think so. More often than not, they have a reason. Even if they answer 'no' rather quickly... it's because a mature mind can go through the scenarios, the outcomes, the processes, all the steps in all the directions very quickly. And come to the conclusion a lot quicker than a developing mind can. As soon as my daughter said "can I get a kitten?" My brain went "our older cat and her cat would both freak the fuck out... we're planning on possibly getting dogs in the next six months, she knows this... how are we going to afford the vet bills of all those animals, that shit-box already struggles with just two cats and another one would require another litter box, and more cleaning, and more litter and more food and she doesn't even do any of that as it is, and she wants another one - that's not a good idea". Within a minute, as in 60 seconds, "no" came out of my mouth. She doesn't have a job yet, she's still in school, she's already crazy busy with that. Having a kitten, a baby kitten, little thing... takes attention, takes time. Her room is always a mess, she cleans it - yeah but it has cords everywhere and paint brush jars with water and everything - not a room for a kitten to be in. Things I know she hasn't thought of.

Yes, there's a certain high one gets when excited about the prospect of a new pet. And it may seem like someone's trying to pop your happy balloon when they point this stuff out but this stuff is important. They're not doing it to be mean. And if more people thought of this stuff... there wouldn't be near as many pets in the shelters. Because they would have thought of how big that dog would get... or how much of a handful those kittens would be all at the same time, or how much it would cost to spay/neuter their pet... and what would happen if you didn't do that.

[theenduser]