Lately I've been watching lots of old school style videos and one of them caught my interest because I feel like it refers to how I think and how some of you may think too.
Black & White was the title of the video. It spoke about how people often think about things as it being either Black or White and the grey area in between isn’t really seen at all.
One of the references used to explain it was Jean Valjean from Les Miserables, who very much sees the grey area since he steals, but steals to save his sister's starving child, whereas Javert sees it in black and white, it's just stealing for him, end of.
I definitely think like Javert in terms of thinking about what I’m good at which is terrible. I always think I’m either really good at something or really terrible (usually the latter) and it’s awful. Thinking that way destroys me from the inside out and then I manage to hide it from everyone I care about.
And you want to know the worst part of it?
I’m used to it. I’m used to thinking mainly negatively, not breaking things down into smaller sections. I literally do it every day, seeing myself in the mirror, singing, dancing, acting (very musical theatre related I know), I think about everything as either good or bad, right or wrong, black or white.
And I really need to change it, and if you read this and thought, you just described me, then you need to rethink it like I am now. I just described my negative mindset, that I am so used to now that I think nothing of it, until someone else said something to me about it.
So now I’m saying something to you.
