#70 & #97 for villaneve
70; Locked in a room
97; Time Travel
BEHOLD. Crack fic prompted through this Fic Mashup list (feel free to send me more, these are fun) Takes place in the same universe as the other Alaska fics I’ve written where VIllaneve have dogs (a male named Carolyn and a female named Konstantin) and got married. Mostly behind a cut because it’s almost 3k words...
“Let's go camping, she says,” Eve half-shouted, “It'll be romantic!”
“Oh my god would you stop, I didn't know there would be a fucking blizzard okay? It's MAY, I didn't think it would happen!” Oksana protested.
“We're in Alaska, Oksana! Check the forecast!” Eve shouted for real, looking back at her as they trudged through whipping winds and biting cold.
“Why did you agree then? Why didn't you say, hey Oksana, you usually make really bad decisions, maybe we go vacation in Hawaii instead? Or book a hotel somewhere and not go out into the wilderness?” She spat back.
“Because every time I tell you you make bad decisions you make it about me and you, you jackass – I can hear it now 'Oh, do you think I made bad decision when we got together?'” Eve mimicked an overly deep Russian accent. She sounded like a villain in a cheesy 90s action flick.
“Yeah, that's probably true.” She conceded, grinning. “Oh! I see something.”
“Is that a cabin?” Eve looked where she was looking, eyes going wide.
“I think so – come on, before it gets any worse. We'll see if they'll be nice to us and let us stay the night because we're stupid and tried to camp...” Oksana began to pick up her pace.
“We're stupid? WE? This was your idea, do not slander me to strangers.” Eve huffed, trying to keep up with her. It was difficult – Oksana was all leg.
“Maybe just a little slander, huh? You love me.” Oksana grinned, taking her arm.
“You're lucky to have me. Anyone else would have let you die in the snow.” Eve muttered, holding on to her; though she was bundled up, Oksana's body was something she naturally gravitated towards. Their dogs, Carolyn and Konstantin, flanked them on either side, on the alert for any wildlife looking for an easy target.
“I wouldn't die. I'd open up a bear and sleep in it until morning.” Oksana said.
“Like in the Revenant?” Eve remarked.
“Wasn't that a horse?”
“Was it? Oh, yeah, he fought a bear and slept in his horse. Man, that movie was fucked.” Eve laughed.
“We should watch it again. So I can remember how not to fight a bear. Just in case.” Oksana nodded.
“You have a gun and I have bear mace.” Eve pointed out.
“We both have bear mace. You insisted. But we could always lose those, and then what? A bear can just fuck us up. Well, I'd have it fuck me up as you ran away.”
“I wouldn't leave you to get mauled by a bear.”
“Yes you would.”
“... Yeah, you're probably right. But only if I didn't have bear mace and the dogs.” Eve grinned as they came to the steps of the cabin.
It was hard to tell if any lights were on, or if it was occupied; it was snowing so hard that it was almost a white-out, rendering visibility next to nothing. As they scaled the steps up to the covered porch it was obvious that it was abandoned and in poor shape. There were two-by-fours blocking the door, and the windows were also boarded off. This did not perturb either of them.
“Can you go in my bag and get the -” Oksana started, but Eve was already leaning up to go through her bag.
“The hammer-pick thing?” She confirmed.
“It's a geological hammer.” Oksana grinned. “See? I told you it would come in handy.”
“Yes, it's handy this one time out of like, the thousands of times you've brought it somewhere. You're brilliant and I love you.” Eve pulled out the tool, and looked to her. “Can I?”
“Please. I love watching you work.” Oksana stepped back, pushing her hood back, shaking off the snow that had layered on top of it. Konstantin shook out her fur, while Carolyn simply sat on the porch, content to be covered. He gave a soft 'boof' at his sister, who moved next to him.
She giggled in delight as Eve started cracking at the boards with the small hammer, jumping a little at the noise of the impacts. Eve yelled as she did it, for some reason; maybe it gave her more power. Oksana did not question her process out loud, always enjoying the destruction that her wife was capable of. She knew Eve wasn't actually upset about the blizzard, or her insistence that camping would be fun; it would have been if the weather had been right, and nothing in the forecast had said the snow would be so bad. A dusting, it had predicted, not the solid curtain they were currently trying to escape. They had been trying to make their way back to the car, but had been turned around at some point – or turned sideways, or upside down. It was impossible to tell. Neither of the dogs were put off by the noises their other mother was making; they just watched with Oksana from a safe distance as she cracked the boards off one by one. Konstantin gave a soft whine, looking up at Oksana.
“It's okay baby. I know mommy is crazy. That's why we love her though, right girl?” She grinned down at the dog, who panted happily at her.
“Mommy needs to get – her – aggression – out! Every now and then.” Eve cracked at the last board, speaking through it as she hammered and throwing her arms up in triumph as it fell to the side, broken.
“Mommy is very sexy holding a geological hammer.” Oksana wiggled her brows at her wife, who rolled her eyes and tried the door... then groaned.
“Boarded and locked. Your turn.” Eve muttered, walking back to her spot.
“I taught you how to do it, though.” She smiled, letting her take the spot between the dogs.
“You're better at it.” Eve smirked, “Besides, I think it's kinda hot, so – get to it.”
“As you wish.” Oksana gave a bow, then moved into position.
As she was wearing what Eve affectionately referred to as 'shit kicker' boots, it was a simple task fireman kicking the door into submission. With one mighty kick, the door cracked and splintered next to the lock enough to be pushed in. It was a chore pushing it in, however – something was behind it. She frowned and put her shoulder into it, trying to push it open. Was someone living in there? Were they about to find a body belonging to some long dead homesteader? How was there something barring the door on one side and boards barring the other? Did someone bar it and leave out a window?
“There's something behind it? What the hell.” Eve muttered, moving to help push the door. “How? Oh fuck, do you think someone's in there?”
“We'll find out, I guess.”
When they pushed it open enough to slip inside, Oksana took the gun from its holster at her hip and kept her head on a swivel. If there was anyone or anything hostile in there, she'd defend her family without hesitation. It was easy enough to make someone disappear in Alaska. The item behind the door was a couch with a heavy oak frame coated in a fine layer of dust. She frowned; judging by how heavy it was, the place was definitely abandoned. Carolyn squeezed in past the two, ears perked. He was a fiercely protective animal, and looked around just as readily as Oksana. Konstantin came in after Eve.
“Eve...” Oksana mumbled, looking back to her.
“What? Did you see something?” Eve looked forward, worried.
“If you're mommy to our babies, doesn't that make me daddy? I thought we agreed that made me daddy.” Oksana asked, grinning cheerily as she moved to check the bathroom and bedroom.
“I never agreed to that. You had that conversation entirely by yourself.” Eve rolled her eyes, untensing her shoulders.
“What do you think, Caro? Am I daddy?” She asked the dog, whose tail wagged at being spoken to. “What about you Konny? Am I daddy?”
“They're just coming to you because you're talking to them, don't take that as confirmation. Now... It looks like the place is empty, right? Let's go lay on that disgusting bed with the dogs and wait out the storm while our stuff dries out.” Eve suggested.
“Okay. It does look pretty gross, but a bed is a bed.” Oksana agreed; the fatigue of walking for an hour in a blizzard was hitting her hard now.
Within a few moments both had stripped out of their outer layers and boots, snow caked items hanging up to dry. Oksana tilted her head as she looked down at the bed. There was no dust on it, or anything else in the room. The quilt was standard cabin fare, heavy and wool, but stained to hell. Making a face, she yanked it off and immediately stepped back. Underneath it there were a number of journals, scattered yellowing papers, and knife that looked vaguely ceremonial. It was stained black with old blood.
“Oh, wow. So the former owner of this place was a crazy person researching something, I guess.” Eve mumbled, looking at them as well.
“Great. Lost in a blizzard and in a crazy person's cabin.” Oksana muttered, a feeling of foreboding gripping her belly. She went to retrieve her gun.
“They're probably long gone, baby. We don't really have an option to go anywhere else right now, not with the storm, so let's just... clear this off and get some rest, right? We checked the whole place, there's no one in here. Leave your gun there, help me clear this. The dogs would be freaking out if something was wrong.” Eve reassured her. She had followed her to where the gun was stashed, a hand placed over hers.
“... Yeah, I guess. Isn't it weird there's no windows in this room, though?” Oksana mumbled, uneasy.
“This room would get sun blaring into it during polar day.” Eve pointed out. “Our bedroom doesn't have them either.”
“Okay okay. I just have a creeping feeling, you know? Maybe I'm just tired.”
“Wanna keep it on the nightstand?” Eve offered, looking to the gun.
“Yes please.” She nodded quickly. Having it nearby would reassure her.
Shoving the strange feelings down, she placed the gun on the nightstand and went to help gather up the detritus on the bed, frowning as she looked at the papers. They were all written on, front to back, or drawn on. The paper was not actual paper, as she had assumed before, feeling more like some sort of fabric. None of the words were written in a language she could understand – and she could read and speak seven different ones, and had been slowly attempting to teach herself Inupiaq since moving to Alaska. Languages had always fascinated her, so to come across one she didn't recognize easily...
“What language do you think this is?” She asked, hoping Eve might have some insight.
“Kinda looks like runes.” Eve was examining a paper of her own.
“Like – viking stuff?” Oksana asked.
“Well, something from that time period, I guess.” She chuckled, shaking her head. “Or aliens wrote it.”
“Don't joke about that. Aliens freak me out.” Oksana stared at her.
“Don't think about it too hard, baby.” Eve smirked, tossing her pile of papers and journals to the floor beside them. Oksana added her own. Both looked at the knife at the same time, then at one another. Eve instantly brought a finger to her nose.
“Not it.”
“Damnit, you always get me with that. If I move it and an alien pops out of somewhere, we're going back outside.” She muttered as she took it and tossed it haphazardly to the floor by a corner, not wanting to look at it anymore.
The door suddenly swung shut. Oksana grabbed her gun and moved to Eve's front; the dogs had the same instinct, standing like proud soldiers in front of her. Their ears were up and alert. Eve gripped the hammer-pick, and then gave a sigh.
“I didn't close the front door off. The wind probably pulled it shut. Calm down, my loves, it was just the wind.” Eve said, moving towards the door – Oksana grabbed her arm and grunted at her.
“I'll check, just in case.”
Eve conceded to her extensively-trained-in-armed-combat wife, frowning softly as she crept towards the door. There was no reason to be paranoid, right? Doors closed by themselves sometimes. Wind and pressure did strange things in cabins. Especially old, creepy ones with notebooks full of runes and daggers in the bed. Oksana swore to herself that if she opened the door and found a zombie, ghoul, draugr, or any other sort of beast out there she would never, ever suggest a trip again. All outing planning would be Eve's from then on and she would do them without complaint because, really, Eve would never allow her to live it down. 'Remember when we got caught in a blizzard and had to fight a ghost? That was bullshit, Oksana' – she could hear so clearly.
With a deep breath, she touched the door handle and turned it.
When it opened and she peeked out, her face drained of what little color she had, looking over her shoulder at Eve.
“What is it? Oksana, is there something out there?”
“I... I...” She stammered, whispering 'мамонт'.
“I don't know what that means baby – what's out holy SHIT IS THAT A MAMMOTH?” Eve screamed as she peeked out – Oksana threw a hand over her mouth to quiet her.
“EVE.” She whisper-yelled, eyes wide and horrified.
Eve screamed behind her hand, dropping immediately into an entirely reasonable panic. Oksana squashed her own freak-out to wrap her arms around her wife, holding her tight to keep her from going completely insane right away. She sank to the floor with her, stroking her hair to try and soothe her. Outside the door there was no longer a cabin. Outside the door, the whole landscape had changed. They were tucked into the single room, a room which was now flanked by glacial drifts. In the distance was a wooly mammoth, enormous and red-furred, walking with its mate and young, paying the pair absolutely no mind.
They had somehow gone back in time.
“This is crazy, right? We're not seeing that. There's no way. Absolutely no way.” Oksana whispered to Eve, who was shaking at the implications, mouth still covered as she whimpered.
“Caro, stay!” She yanked her mouth away from Oksana's hand as the dog attempted to creep out.
He whimpered and sat, ears straight up.
“I just – I – close the door. I can't look at that. This is stupid.” Eve shook her head, looking to her.
“Yeah...” Oksana mumbled, leaning up to get the door.
“So we're in a time traveling room? Like the Tardis but super shitty?” Eve mumbled, eyes just as wide as hers.
“Or we're buried in a snow drift hallucinating while we die.” Oksana suggested lamely.
“Either way this is... pretty awful.” Eve said.
“What are we gonna do?” She asked.
“I... Well, we have each other, our dogs, and some supplies. I guess we're gonna just... have to figure this out, right?” Eve said.
“Can we take a nap first? I think my brain is fried.” She whined in response.
“Oksana.”
“Okay, okay... Time for another adventure, huh?”
“And, Oksana? You're never choosing our vacations again.”
