#this is diabetes

[littlebetesofeverything]

My Diabetes Anniversary is today!

Today celebrates 14 years of living with a disease that should have killed me after less than 3. I have spent just about two-thirds of my life with diabetes and I don’t really know what to think about it. It just seems that I have lived so much of my life with something that is actively killing me every day. 

I spend so much of my time thinking about it, worrying if I have enough medicine and other supplies that I often wonder what I thought about when I didn’t have it. Being a kid was never something I had to think about. Instead, it was counting the number of carbs on my plate at every meal or sitting out during gym because my blood sugar was low. I never got to be wild and go crazy like my classmates.

Having diabetes is a responsibility at any age. It just really sucks when you‘re eight and told your definition of ‘normal’ is now different. I know that I have blogged a lot about this but it makes up so much of my life experience. I honestly can’t separate who I am from my diabetes, and I am not sure what would happen with a cure.

I am not going to end this on a sad note, so here are some things I can say about diabetes that are positive. It has given my math skills a huge boost, taught me empathy, and gave me a direction for my life. While it has not been a fun 14 years, it has been 14 years. And hopefully, there are many more to come.

[mia-fruitbat-blog]

He’s so sweet I pray I don’t get diabetes 😉🍭💙 Dating him makes diabetes a little bit better.

[littlebetesofeverything]

Diabetes Awareness Day 7

Today's post: Treat yo'self

Diabetes is rough, guys. There are days where I want to just curl up in a ball and cry all day. There are days where my blood sugar is in range for the whole day and I feel like a queen. Each day is a struggle though. I can do three different things to manage the same blood sugar and get three different results. There is no cheat code to give me the best numbers possible. 

I have to check my blood sugar at least 4 times a day and give myself shots more than that each day. Overall, I stick myself with a needle, squeeze blood out of my body and inject a synthetic liquid into my body to stay alive. I am constantly adding carbs in my head and calculating how much insulin I need to compensate. It is slightly easier using my pump for it, but I still have to figure out how the number of carbs will affect my blood sugar and keep it where I want it.

Imagine doing this every day for years on end, no time off, no vacation, no rest. There is always a little voice in the back of my mind telling me that I have diabetes and it will never go away. This is a chronic illness, a continuous reminder that you are not healthy, and will never be as healthy as other people.

What I do is celebrate the little victories. My blood sugar didn't drop after surprise exercise? WOOHOO! Forgot to give myself a shot but my blood sugar was only slightly out of range? Well, ain't that a miracle. My site change came off with no blood? Victory dance party! Diabetes is an uphill battle, try to look on the bright side when there is one.

[littlebetesofeverything]

Diabeetus. Are you sure you should eat that? Can you still have sugar? I heard that okra and cinnamon can cure diabetes. My great-grandma died from diabetes Is it the bad kind? Just exercise and eat right and you will be cured. Doesn't that hurt? I could never give myself shots.

Things Non-Diabetics SayTM

AKA things I will forever get upset about. I understand there are misconceptions on what exactly diabetes is, but still. Some of this is just plain wrong. Don't people think if there was really a cure no one would willingly inject themselves multiple times a day?

[mia-fruitbat-blog]

I was walking down the beach with my best friend when I started to feel low. My dexcom said I was 125 and dropping. I noticed that I had 12 units on board. I turned to my friend and said “I need to turn back and drink all the juices I brought with me my pump gave me 12 units of insulin.” She immediately started running back to our beach towels. I ripped my pump site off and squeezed where it was until it started bleeding to maybe get some of the 12 units out. My other friend came running down the beach with three juice boxes. I got back to the towel and drank more juice. I was shaking and felt like I was passing out. I took the glucagon out of my bag. My friend was going to give it to me but he seemed a little confused and explaining to him how to use it seemed like too much effort at the time because I felt like I was going to pass out any second. I gave the glucagon shot while my dexcom alerted that I was 45 with both arrows dropping down. Then it just started alerting Low. I was terrified. All three of us got in the car called 911 and started driving toward the nearest place with doctors. An ambulance was on its way to meet us but we didn’t really know where we were. I was drinking a bottle of ginger ale and I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I started crying because I really thought I was going to die. I tested my blood sugar a few times and my meter read error 5 which is the same thing I get when I test a Diet Coke. My numbers started to come back up. The next time I tested it didn’t say error 5 it said 132, then 192, then 260 and then 347. We got to the healthcare clinic which was over an hour away from the beach. I sat there checking my blood until all of the insulin was out of my system. I had called the diabetes educator from the hospital where I was diagnosed and she got in contact with my doctor. After the 12 units wore off I started with my basal of tresiba and shots again. I’m scared to put my pump back on.

[mia-fruitbat-blog]

Matching blood sugars are always fun! ❤️

[mia-fruitbat-blog]

Diabetes isn't a joke...

It's the lessons I've learned from incredibly painful moments. Injections. Blood tests. Bruises. Carb counts. A frustrating relationship with food. Fear. Tears. Jealousy. The constant nature of a disease I have to manage everyday of my life. High blood sugars that make me feel like I am dying. Mood swings. Sweats. Chills. Blurry vision. Juice Boxes. Hours on hold with medical companies. Insulin. All the money my mom spends just to keep her daughter alive. The guilt I sometimes feel about her having to pay because her child is sick but also wanting to stay under 26 for the rest of my life. The alarms that wake me up in the middle of the night and when they don't the people who come into my room and tell me to get up and check my blood. The time I ate sugar packets to keep myself alive. The time I was home alone lying on the floor wondering if I was going to pass out. The time my brother had to pick me up from a bike ride because I was too disoriented to make it home. The time I stole a granola bar because I had no money and no sugar. The tears in my parents eyes as they watched me give my first injections. The time my dad stood over my bed and watched me sleep because I had eaten a lot of pasta and he was afraid I was going to die.