I have a half a fic about this but I neeeeed to get my thoughts out about General Anaesthetic makes Ilya Rovanoz Sad not Silly. And ok it’s when he and Shane are boyfriends but still in Boston and Montreal and only really seeing each other around their games as they can and it’s so not enough but they are making it work the best they can. And Ilya needs surgery got a nasty laceration down his shoulder that needs a washout and stitches and iv antibiotics. It’s one night in hospital and he’ll be home the next day. And it’s horribly stressful to shane- but at the least Ilya is able to call him before he goes in since it’s not an emergency emergency and Ilya sounds ok he does- he thinks it’s all a big fuss really and he said Cliff and some of the guys are going to see him once he’s out and the team doctor will drive him home in the morning but it makes Shane’s chest all achy because he should be there he should be seeing his boyfriend after surgery and driving him home. He’s Ilya’s- Ilya doesn’t have people, not like Shane does- sveta is in Russia and Ilya is alone.
Anyway it’s his general anaesthetic and he is wondering if he’ll wake up like Shane was with his concussion, silly and spacy. But he’s not so lucky. He remembers counting down from ten- getting to eight and then nothing. He wakes up sore and heavy and confused. And so so horribly sad. Tears are thick in his eyes as he blinks them open and a kind nurse asks if he’s in pain and he nods and then tears are on his face and he’s not even sure what’s so wrong he just. It all feels so sad and serious and the hospital is cold and he wants his mama and he screws up his face and swallows that down cause he’s gotten much better at not wanting her. He asks the nurse with heavy hazy words for his things and his cheeks are still wet he can’t seem to stop the tears. He wants Shane, he wants the Hollanders house- he wants the smell of svetas shampoo- he wants his home that isn’t even there anymore, not with mama gone. The nurse reassures him he can have his phone once they get to the ward and Ilya nods but he wants his things not just his phone. He wants his jumper that is Shane’s - plain black and in no way obviously his supposed enemies expect in the way he knows it is because it kinda smells like him and the ends of the strings are all bitten by Shane’s teeth.
The tears spring worse and he frowns as he thinks about Shane, where is Shane. They get him to the ward and after the nurse helps him sip some water and juice he asks her to please get his things and she nods and says “what do you need sweetheart?” And he must make such a sad picture but he needs Shane. He asks her to put his necklace back on him- he’d had to take it off for the procedure and then breathing is a tiny bit easier. She helps him get Shane’s hoodie on his chest an places his phone in his hand and she says better? And he nods, but it’s not better and he feels fuzzy and weird and tired and confused and it feels so serious and horrible in this room. Shane would hate the bright buzzing fluorescent lights. The starch of the blanket- the smell of the hand sanitiser. Shane would make it better- the room- softer. He’s good at that.
The nurse reminds him to be careful with his phone he’s still coming out of sedation and Ilya nods nods but he’s already bringing up to his face with a squint. He tries to text first- can see a few missed messages from Shane- others that he doesn’t open from David and Yuna and sveta and the teams group chat and Cliff but he wants Shane. His arm that’s been fixed up is sore and at the awkward angle he can hold it he manages to text and send “shne” and then frowns and tries again. “Whwree are you ?” And send and then he is just going to close his eyes for a second he is tired and then when he opens them his phone is buzzing buzzing and Ilya frowns, answers with a soft slurred “hello?” And oh it’s Shane’s voice pretty and warm on the other side and the tears are back. “Shane” Ilya says with a sigh. And Shane’s voice then “hi baby, you ok?” And Ilya shakes his head, and then frowns and says “no” and he can hear rustling on the other line and then Shane again. “No? What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Should you call for the nurse?” And Ilya blinks more tears because his Shane worries so much. About him. About Ilya. “Nooo” Ilya explains and then a deep breath in. “Arm is, ok” English feels fuzzy and he doesn’t want to try and find many words he just wants Shane to understand what he’s saying.
“You would not like room” Ilya says and sniffles and then he swallows hard. “It’s not nice? Online it said it was the leading private hospital in-“ “Noo” Ilya cuts him off again. “Um. Not like you like” he says, satisfied with the sentence.
“Are you busy?” Ilya asks then and Shane makes a soft sound of surprise and Ilya is sure he got the words right.
“Not right now, practice is soon. Are you sure you’re alright?” Shane asks and Ilya hums.
“Ah. So you can not be here” Ilya asks and Shane makes a wounded sound that Ilya doesn’t register as he fights his heavy blinks.
“I would like you here” Ilya explains, incase Shane didn’t get it.
“Oh baby” Shane’s voice is small in the phone and Ilya really wants him here.
And then it’s Shane voice small and low in the phone telling Ilya how much he wants to be there and that he’s sorry. He’s sorry he can’t be and Ilya is saying that’s ok because he doesn’t want Shane to feel sad. Everything already feels so bad. Shane shouldn’t too.
Ilya asks Shane if his arm is all better and Shane is saying yes and explaining the surgery and Ilya says it hurts and Shane says he knows but that’s ok it’ll be better soon and Ilya nods because he knows Shane. Trusts Shane. Shane manages to convince him to get on a video call and Ilya is too out of it to scrub his tears away but he feels a bit less sad when he can see Shane. Shane tells him it’s ok, that’s he’s ok and he’s going to see Shane next week. Next week remember Ilya? And Ilya is nodding. Shane soon, that makes it feel all less worse a little bit. Ilya listens to Shane believes him when he tells him he’s safe and Ilya only asks twice more if Shane thinks he can come over because Ilya would like to see him please. Wants him please. He convinces Ilya to sleep a little, that he’ll stay on the phone till he does. Ilya nods, apologises twice when he sees Shane’s serious little frown. He didn’t wanna upset Shane too. The last thing he hears as he’s drifting to sleep is “it’s okay baby, just sleep” and Ilya can do that if that’s what Shane wants.
When he wakes up he feels better, less everywhere, less underwater and he only half remembers the call to Shane by the time Cliff comes pushing into the room with some comment about a hot nurse that Ilya will make sure to apologise about later. Ilya is thankful he’s alone when the flowers arrived, carried in by a nurse a frankly overwhelming large bouquet of flowers, greens, lilacs, reds, a huge wildflower bloom. A small card that says “get better soon baby- Jane” best of all, a stupid little teddy wearing a jumper with a j on the front. It’s so stupid and sweet and Ilya is NOT going to cry again. But he does sleep with the small bear tucked into Shane’s hoodie on top of his chest
