Alright, strap in for the lie of the decade So I got this ask
So I think; “well what’s this all about?”
I open it up and its this pretty quoted interview, so I’m like “huh so what’s ‘oh boy’ about this?
Then I start to read.
AND OH BOY.
I think most people who look into Fate/Apocrypha have heard of this interview with Nasu and Higashide. If you haven’t; here is a quick run down of its contents.
Written out; if the image is annoying to read:
Trivia from interview with Kinoko Nasu, Takeshi Takeuchi, Konoe Ototsugu & Yuichiro Higashide. (Source from Comptiq, Newtype and etc).
- The ligh novel was greenlit by Nasu, as supervisor, Higashide as writter and Konoe as illustrator art.
- David, St.George, Kintoki Sakata & Musashibo Benkei were scrapped by Kinoko Nasu’s idea.
- Nasu said these servants doesn’t fit into plot and they were replaced by four new servants instead.
- Chiron, Avicebron & Achilles were designed by Takeuchi & Nasu, illustrated by Konoe in charge of character design.
- Mordred is the culture of festival achievement thanks from TYPE MOON fanbase.
- Addition of Mordred into F/A was Takeuchi’s idea and Nasu agreed.
- Mordred was orginally to be male but Nasu feel that having two male characters look feminine (the other being Astolfo) would be too much.
- However, Mordred as a male was not Nasu’s claim of actual fact. In truth, Nasu didn’t decided for final Mordred’s gender since Fate/Stay Night until Fate/Apocrypha. Which mean Mordred was “genderless” in F/SN.
- After the project of online game was scrapped, Nasu said that all servants are too ridiculous powerful and might bored if the player’s powerful servant was facing against other player’s powerful servant. It’s like a hax.
- The online game was based on Infamous 2’s gameplay style.
- Nasu & Takeuchi were laughing about more Saber clone. In fact, Mordred is the real clone of Saber (Altria), so the wish has come true for those people who still saying about Saber clone.
- Karna is Nasu’s favorite servant. Karna’s popularity has been skyrocket thanks to Fate/Extra CCC.
- Astolfo is Konoe’s favourite servant. He is symbol mascot of Fate/Apocrypha. Higashide can’t even tell if this is comfortable or not since Astolfo is dude.
- Yggdmillennia, Sisigou & Kotomine Shirou were planned by Nasu, Takeuchi & Higashide.
- Higashide wrote all Sisigou, Reika & Black camp’s character development, while Homunculus, Kotomine Shirou & four new servants’s character development was already written by Nasu.
- Nasu said that Shirou is basically a character who look to have “light outside and darker inside” personality. Uncanny different trait from Kirei.
- Homunculus (Sieg) was Nasu & Takeuchi’s idea. Nasu wanted introduce male homunculus in Fate series for the first time.
- Takeuchi & Konoe said Homunculus looks cute but dense person.
- Takeuchi stated Homunculus & Jeanne are his new favorite characters, along with Altria.
- Interviewer mention about why Takeuchi like Homunculus. He reply "It’s a secret" due it will trigger the spoiler.
- Jeanne is based on real french student girl according to Takeuchi. She was at same college where Takeuchi studied, before he met someone as model of Arcueid Brunestud’s design from Tsukhime come to his mind.
- The difference between Altria & Jeanne is sex appeal. Which is already explained in TYPE MOON April Fool 2012, where Heroine X (Altria) in furious when she heard that Jeanne’s sex appeal is better than her.
- Tsukihime is Higashide’s favorite visual novel.
- Nasu stated homunculus like Mordred can summoned as Heroic Spirit despite not human being.
- The rules of magecraft in Apocrypha universe are same as in Fate/Stay Night & Fate/Zero except that there is no rule of Ruler classes.
- Ruler’s duty is protect the Holy Grail and oversee the battle.
- Interviewer asked Nasu & Higashide about why Jeanne hijack Leticia’s body rather than ritual summon. Nasu stated it was something broke the rule of HGW and corrupted the system.
- Nasu mention the first servant who hijack human body is Avenger, Angra Mainyu from Fate/Hollow Ataraxia. Who control Emiya Shirou’s body and mind since he has no body but void form. The theory that come from Rin Tohsaka was correct.
- Roa from Tsukihime was also can hijack the human body (Ciel & Tohno SHIKI) but reincarnation soul while he was in Akasha.
- Nasu & Higashide admit it was silly idea in the first place. But they wanted Jeanne to have some disadvantages/weakness for herself due she was powerful servant and might kinda “boring” if she summoned as spirit form. (Avoid fan calling her a mary sue).
- Which mean any servant can hijack the human body while in critical condition but it's rarely.
- Karna’s background story has been altered in comparison to his original myth in Mahabrarat. This means, Karna is Nasu!Karna, not Myth!Karna which we know.
- The rule of summoning Ruler is who can guide the war during in his/her past and a sainthood(?) as specific condition. Only one Ruler class is summoned in one war. The this system works in Apocrypha universe only.
- St.George was remove because of this. Karna, however he refuse refer himself a saint and a killing machine who can kill God, summoned as Lancer class instead.
- The Greater Grail force summon the servant as Ruler when met the condition completed.
- If Jeanne is summoned in different universe without rules of Ruler, her class will be obviously Saber. She still will be summoned as Ruler if the mishap of war affected the result in different universe.
- Jeanne was first mention in Kara no Kyoukai’s light novel reference: Mikiya Kokutou mentions her when he was discussing about Heroic Spirits who utilized the power of the Counter Force.
- While the design for Jeanne wasn’t made during the production of the Fate/Zero novels, the design was completed around the time of the anime adaptation.
This translation was provided by @/ shinichameleon - who, in fact, is still pretty active in this fandom. They still post to this day. Now; what’s wrong with this? Well most importantly, Mahabharata is misspelled- no I’m joking that’s not the most important.
This is the interview being claimed has this information. But - this is an interview by Higashide ALONE after Apoc Vol. 2 was releasing. Nasu isn’t in this interview. At all.
So; is there *any* interview with Nasu & Higashide?
Yes; in Type Moon Ace 8. But that was *before* Apoc began its release so none of this information would have been there. So; maybe its another one?
Well, as Petrikow on Fate/Apocrypha Free Range Spoiler thread discovered; no archivist has listed any other interview with both of them.
Well what about the rest of the post? Seems like information is just from the product itself, not any interview.
But why does this matter? Well; because this user, Shinichameleon has a rather ...unsavory reputation.
In addition this this set; they’ve also posts a supposed new route for the Ufortable adaptation. Which....is blatantly untrue as we’ve seen. But then so this person lies about fate stuff (and gets it circulated for a decade), so what?
Well they’ve also got banned from fate reddit(s) for posting false information. This includes falsely claiming Japanese Mordred and Semiramis fans hated each other; than Semiramis was hated in JP, KR, and CN fan bases after vol.4,5, and 6.
They also tried to pull something similar with summer Ibuki, which is also proven not reliable at all through machine translation, using their own opinion as proof of character popularity, taking people out of context, and genuinely bringing bad fate (heh) arguments.
But what else have they done? Completely make up information about Kiara Sessyoin?? Yep. They completely made up info.
“According from Kinoko Nasu & Takeuchi Takashi in EXTRA Material, Kiara Sessyoin is not her real name.
Her real name is Inoriara Sessyoin and her actual age is late twenties. She was born as the daughter of true mantra of Tachikawa yo Tennaga, but she was bedridden and didn’t existed until at the age of 14 because she was sickly by birth. She was caught in commandments, that for their own “pitiable” appearance of the surrounding people who didn’t know it saves by saying, a pure human’s image that existed in the story vanished too.
At the age of 14, the believer was told by a doctrine of spirit hacking, her sickness recovers in a moment completely unknown to the outside. However, it accompanies along missing people and the dead increased suddenly, and she was completely denied in the presence level to the father who became aware of the accident, the reason “Though she is a woman, I am seeking to become one with that woman”, he denied to realize it, then expelled on suspicions of violating two taboos of the Tachikawa Style. To that morrow, she takes away the father’s skull principal image, states “the master is deprived of technique tools” the last taboo was broken with this, the killer match of the believer, it left from all religious organizations that had become the dead, excluding her.
Afterwards, though she has saved the believers’ belief of the Tachikawa Style, the believe who became loved dearly was said to committed suicide one after another for her. In addition, she was put on the wanted list by the Western Europe plutocracy for the exploitation of code cast of the electronic brain, the maximum taboo in history.
Also she can fights and take down an average human nor a weak servant by her own potential without her final boss form. Just look at this video and count how many skills she got (Spoiler alert). And she is the first person who awakes ORT from eternal slumber....according from Koha Ace. Are you for real Keikenchi? “
So; fun fact -- none of this is true. It’s all made up.
Oh; but you know what’s the MOST infruitating?
“ The difference between Altria & Jeanne is sex appeal. Which is already explained in TYPE MOON April Fool 2012, where Heroine X (Altria) in furious when she heard that Jeanne’s sex appeal is better than her. “
THIS IS FAKE. THE FUCKING SEX APPEAL DIFFERENCE IS FAKE. You know the shit about Siegfried and Semiramis having a different artist and copyright issues with that is probably fake too.
Anyways; what does this all mean?
WE need to fucking recheck probably a good chunk of things we’re spreading around in this fandom. It also means that a lot of information on the Fandom wiki is likely straight up false (not surprising) which can mean its absolutely *useless* for lore referencing for *anyone*. This is for the English speaking side of the fandom so far; so; yeah.
This is pretty fucked. Shinichameleon is now posting in danganronpa reddits so; I guess look out danganronpa fans.
how a date in an amusement park with heo chan would be like
g: fluff. requested!!
warnings: gender neutral reader x chan. you know, if you have another suggestions, i'm all ears. i had a hard time writing this because it was so cute to imagine, my heart just melted huhu
oh my god
this boy right here, I swear to god
let's say that you and him first met through a mutual friend and he found you really pretty and also really interesting, so he asked you for your number
he tried to hold a conversation with your for several days before actually asking you out
he just wanted to be sure that neither you or him were uncomfortable around each other before stepping out of his comfort zone and inviting you to spend a whole day with him
he planned everything meticulously since he really wanted you to have fun, from the moment he picked you up to the exact moment he drove you home again
you can tell by the way he doesn't stay still on his feet, but he is really nervous so you would have to hold his hand, and when you did his cheeks went bright red
he calmed down for sure, lost in the way your hands swung together and in the way they seemed to fit with each other
but that doesn't mean his energy went off, he loves amusement parks and he would try to get you on on as much games, rides and attractions as possible
when I say he loves amusement parks, I mean it. you two couldn't have picked a better place to be together as you both love extreme yet lively and fun afternoons
he would be so giggly all the time. like when he saw you struggle to keep your eyes open in the rollercoaster ride, when he felt you take his hand in yours during the aquatic attractions or simply when he looked at you and realized how beautiful you looked standing there with that healthy sunkissed glow on your skin and the soft gleam in your gaze, he just can't stop giggling, genuinely contented
during a certain ride he would scream so loud that the people in front of you had to cover their ears and you had to apologise in the middle of laughing
of course, when you went off of the game he would deny to death that he was scared
"was it really so scary?" "it wasn't at all!"
he would be either the shyest or the flirtiest, no in between
like, I can perfectly picture him getting you ice cream or cotton candy and doing that wiping-your-lip-for-you-with-his-thumb thing, just to wink at you when you gazed at him with eyes wide open
but I can also picture him avoiding your gaze at the peak of his timidness when you told him that you really enjoyed your time together
if you're smaller than him, he would probably find so many ways to tease you because he would be so pleased to be the taller one for once, but in the insides he would be melting at your cuteness
he's the type of boy who would hand you his hoodie when the temperature started to cool down
"you look like a minion, though?" "what did you just-"
although, if your height is similar to his, he would be comfortable as well, taking in the opportunity to put his arm around your waist and maybe whispering in your ear when you least expect him
dad jokes are a must
you went to the aiming games and he gave his 100% but still, you won
he would be lowkey offended and just in general, he would be a whiny baby for a while, though he wouldn't mind if you give him a kiss on the cheek to compensate for beating his ass off
he's a very romantic and artistic guy, so you better be prepared to receive a long text in where he thanks you and tells you his favorite moments after you parted ways, with loads of selcas of you two attached and the pics he took from you when you weren't looking
WELP, it looks like I’m continuing my Qui-gon!lives AU here on tumblr. One of these days I’ll get this all cleaned up and on Ao3.
This was an interesting exercise in balancing light-heartedness and angst. Plus, getting Ahsoka’s voice right as she is still a teenager and prone to lapses in judgment. Obi-wan just kind of...gurgles in the background as Ahsoka and Qui-gon talk.
For those of you who missed the first two installments:
Part 1 || Part 2
Summary: A routine sweep of Coruscant's underlevels goes sideways when Obi-wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka encounter a specter of the past.
I guess this officially a “thing” now.
Long post. Intro here, rest under the cut.
-------------------------
Part 3
Buildings zipped by in thick streaks of silver, grey, and neon light. The wail of a CSF siren rose, culminating in an eardrum-shattering shriek before dropping downwards, bending in pitch until it disappeared into the mellow, constant din that was Coruscant’s street life.
The aroma of fried crispic and sticky sweetmallow squares wafted through the small side alleys, their tendrils overcoming the dank pollution, weaving through beings clustered near crammed cafes, climbing tall steel walls, sneaking past half-open windows until finally settling on the stoplight at the bustling intersection that led to the upper levels.
Ahsoka’s stomach growled.
Clear blue eyes met hers, corners crinkling in amusement.
“I take it you haven’t managed to get to the cafeteria lately,” Qui-gon observed, the side of his mouth quirking upwards.
Ahsoka reasserted her grip on the steering mechanism, leather gloves squeaking against plastic in an echo of her own body’s protests of hunger.
“Erm…”
The bleat of a horn saved Ahsoka from trying to cobble together a more coherent response.
“Green means go! I don’t got all day here!”
The word moron hung over the two Jedi in the Force, like a Roonan lemon gone bad - tart, with a foul aftertaste, and likely to fall on one’s head. Behind them, an irate Iktochi was half-hanging out of his speeder, fists flailing in impatience.
“Perhaps we should recruit him into the Order, given the alacrity with which he was able to react to a green light,” Qui-gon murmured, just loud enough for Ahsoka to hear.
Ahsoka bit down on her lip, suppressing a laugh as she urged the speeder forward. I can see where Master Obi-wan got his sense of humor from. Although Ahsoka was certain Obi-wan had been born with a sarcastic quip on his tongue.
A pained groan from the backseat seemed to serve as a response to her thoughts. Ahsoka glanced over to Master Qui-gon, who had turned to lay a large hand on Obi-wan’s head, murmuring something she couldn’t quite decipher over the rush of traffic. She could feel the change in energy, however, the cool tendrils that extended from Qui-gon’s pale, blue Force presence. They reached out to Obi-wan, caressing the outer, spiky edges of his pain, dulling his senses until he fell still.
“How is he?” Ahsoka asked, once Qui-gon had situated himself in his seat again.
The older man sighed, rubbing his forehead with one free hand.
“He is in no immediate danger,” Qui-gon replied, voice cracking with fatigue. “Although I am afraid that he has a most unpleasant morning ahead of him.”
Ahsoka nodded in response, unsure of what else to say. Despite Qui-gon’s claims that Obi-wan was fine, she was still concerned. Dark circles ran round the man’s sunken eyes, and his face was nearly the color of Kaminoan laboratory, which was to say he had no color at all. And it certainly wasn’t every day you saw a member of the high Jedi Council drooling on themselves. For not the first time that evening, Ahsoka wondered why Qui-gon had called her and not Anakin for this somewhat delicate situation.
The whole day had been - well, she didn’t know what to make of it. Dead Jedi Masters come back to life. It wasn’t supposed to be possible, it went against every tenet she had learned, everything she knew about the Force and how it worked. The dead were one with the Force, scattered through the universe, an inseparable part of the light energy that ran through everything and everyone.
And to return from that, after 10 years? It was impossible.
Mostly impossible.
It depended if you believed the stories.
There had rumors among her classmates, whispers of vessels of dark knowledge - of books and holocrons that held the sinister and vile secrets of the Dark Side. Including ways to cheat death.
A shiver ran up her spine, and she stole a glance at Qui-gon, who was watching the city whiz by out the side of the speeder, long hair flying in the wind, a wild mane of grey and brown.
No, Qui-gon wouldn’t have done anything like that.
Right?
Ahsoka's gut twisted.
You don’t know the man at all. Dooku - Dooku of all people was his Master! And now he’s alive, after being dead and you have no idea what he wants, no idea what he is even capable of.
Her hand strayed near her lightsaber as she looked at the older Jedi again, trying to feel for his Force presence without being noticed. Ahsoka caught the same sense as before - a river, flowing and placid, if a little weak. Maybe more like a stream, but still deep enough to get lost in.
It wasn’t exactly against the Code to prod at a Jedi Master’s Force signature. Not really. But it was bad form, to be certain. A kind of insult, that in under normal circumstances, could be considered quite grievous.
But this was a time of war - of betrayal and bloodshed. And with the shock of Qui-gon’s sudden appearance now dimming, Anakin back at the Temple, and Obi-wan incapacitated, she needed all the information she could get in order to defend herself.
Just in case.
And so Ahsoka extended her own Force senses and dove in.
The stream she had felt on Qui-gon’s surface gave way to a nearly endless expanse of blue and grey. Ahsoka bobbed up and down with the different currents, some cold, some warm, pushing and pulling her in a multitude of directions. Eddies of light swirled around her in frenzied patterns.
Ahsoka swam on. To her side was a forest of kelp and algae, of aquatic plants she couldn’t place a name to, which swayed and danced to a silent song. Again, she swam on, the light dimming with each stroke downwards. A series of thuds caught her attention. Short, long, short, long, the hypnotic rhythm drew her forward, until she came to a mound of pebbles. Ahsoka stuck an arm out, entranced by this heartbeat, this lifebeat she felt coming from the stones. But just as her fingers curled around one, she noticed an eerie red light, just beyond the mound, coming from a cave she had not noticed before.
Wrong. Something about it was deeply wrong. Ahsoka dropped the stone as instinct drove her to flee. Dark murmurs followed her like a swarm of insects, buzzing, nipping at her feet. She dove deeper, away from the red light. Sound faded to silence, light to darkness, thick and opaque as a Mustafaran porridge.
A total vacuum, as if she were stranded in open space.
Just when Ahsoka thought it might be time to worry, she noticed a flash, the smallest glint. It came from deep inside what she now realized was a brown riverbed - a silver thread, half-buried in mud. She reached out. The thread sparkled at her touch, its energy familiar, like she had known it all along.
Gently, Ahsoka was pulled back to the present.
The rush of life - of the here and now, as Obi-wan would say - flowed back into her senses, the bright neon lights of Coruscant, the stench of pollution, the almost-overwhelming energy of millions of beings going about their daily business in the capital.
Ahsoka’s eyes widened in panic. She tried to get a sense of Qui-gon’s expression without actually looking at him, not daring to go near the man’s Force signature again. She had gone deeper than she had intended to, had walked over what she felt was an invisible line, had prodded into the man’s very essence and not even the excuse of protecting herself and others against the Sith could justify that.
A million excuses formed in her mind, sweat beginning to bead on her forehead. Slowly, almost painfully, she turned her head to the man. Qui-gon hadn’t moved a muscle, gave no indication that he was bothered, that anyone had been snooping around his Force presence. He was still staring out the side of the speeder, hair still flowing, elbow perched on the side.
Ahsoka swallowed the large sigh of relief that begged to escape her chest. Thank the Force. She reasserted her grip on the steering wheel. And next time maybe don’t go so far. Anakin had always said she had a tendency to take things to extremes.
Like she hadn’t learned that from him.
Besides, despite the questionable nature of her actions, she had discovered worthwhile information.
Qui-gon Jinn was no Sith.
Which, should have been obvious, from the start. Anakin and Obi-wan wouldn’t have engaged in conversation, Obi-wan wouldn’t have ignored his COuncil meeting if they thought Qui-gon was some kind of dark Jedi. Ahsoka bit the inside of her cheek. Should have thought of that earlier.
And just because Dooku had been his teacher, didn’t mean Qui-gon was corrupted. Yoda had been Dooku’s teacher, after all, and he certainly couldn’t have instructed the Count to be a kriffing Sith Lord. The image of an evil Yoda with a Padawan Dooku in tow alone was enough to make her want to burst out laughing.
She should know better. She did know better, but...the war was playing tricks on everyone, and Ahsoka had seen too many good men fall, had watched betrayal unfold again and again to not be at least a little wary when something as extraordinary as a resurrected Jedi Master happened.
With the issue of Qui-gon’s allegiances settled in her mind, she turned to the one other question burning at her curiosity.
Why did Obi-wan punch Qui-gon?
Ahsoka had never seen Obi-wan lose control like that, not even when Anakin was at his most frustrating, not in the middle of battle, not even after the whole Rako Hardeen incident. Obi-wan was…well, he was Obi-wan. He released his emotions into the Force, was always there with a sage piece of advice, always kind, always adhering to the Code. He stayed up all night doing reports, was the Council’s darling, he even sat with younglings whenever he had time and opportunity at the Temple. He fought Ajass Ventress with a wink and a smile, goaded Grievous with alarming regularity, and time and again had been their rock during the Citadel mission.
And he was always - always in control.
Force, Ahsoka exhaled. That must be tiring. If that’s what it means to be a Jedi Master, I don’t think I’ll ever become one. I couldn’t do that.
“Most of us can’t, young one,” Qui-gon smiled, turning his head in her direction.
Oh. Fire rose up her neck, spreading to her cheeks. Ahsoka cringed with the realization that Qui-gon was not as distracted as she had thought. Oh no oh no oh no, he sensed my thoughts oh no he probably knows I tried to read his Force signature, kriff Tano, what were you thinking?
“Not even Obi-wan, although Force knows he would be the one to try,” Qui-gon carried on, as if he couldn’t sense, couldn’t kriffing well see the panic swirling around Ahsoka, his words and gestures breezy, despite the shadow of regret forming on his features.
Ahsoka tensed, waiting for the rebuke about how she shouldn’t overstep her boundaries like that, about how she dared to even entertain the thought that Qui-gon Jinn’s return was a product of dark and unspeakable acts. But Qui-gon said nothing, allowing the conversation to lapse as he occasionally stole glances at the sleeping occupant of the back seat.
Coruscant never met a silence it liked, and the din of the city rushed to fill the void. They were nearing the Capital district, back alleys and ramshackle business giving way to tall, gleaming structures, wide plazas adorned with fountains and vegetation, and, of course, the Senate building itself, rising in the distance as a monument to the Republic’s glory. A group of Sullustan tourists, all wearing yellow shirts, gathered near the entrance to the pedestrian mall, their leader speaking into an overgrown voice augmentator that looked as if it had been stolen from the nearby Antiquarian Museum. Ahsoka brought the speeder to a halt at the next corner, waiting for another light. A short, aquamarine-skinned Chagrian was standing on top a battered cargo box, pontificating to a small group of stragglers, who included a photographer and a very confused-looking Devaronian couple.
“The Jedi should not be allowed to run free! They are a danger to the Republic, a radical organization - no, not an organization - let’s call them what they truly are - a cult! A cult that wants to impose military law…”
Ahsoka slid down in her seat, willing the light to change. This wasn’t the first time she had heard such accusations, not by any means, but she certainly didn’t feel qualified to be the one to explain the state of Galactic politics and the Republic’s increasingly fraught relationship with the Jedi to someone who had been dead for ten years.
“I take it many things have changed in my absence,” Qui-gon commented as they passed the gathering.
Ahsoka grimaced. How much did Master Qui-gon know? About the war, about Dooku, oh Force, she did not want to be the one to have to relay that news.
“I can sense your anxiety, young one. Never fear, Obi-wan informed me of the worst of it while he was…” Master Qui-gon frowned, his gaze flitting to the sky. “In a mood to talk about such things. But let us speak of something less depressing.” Qui-gon turned his full attention on Ahsoka. “Tell me about your apprenticeship with Anakin. I admit, the last time I saw Ani he was a young boy - eager, kind and powerful in the Force. It is…it’s good to see him with such an accomplished and talented student.”
Heat rose again in Ahsoka’s face, this time from embarrassment. How could Master Qui-gon say that after only knowing her for barely a day? She’d done nothing aside from stare at the three of them, not offering any help when Obi-wan had punched - kriff Obi-wan had actually - Obi-wan had punched Qui-gon. And she then she had gone and all but accused Qui-gon of using dark rituals to achieve his resurrection, completely invading his privacy in the process.
Accomplished and talented in not doing anything right, Master Qui-gon.
The light changed green. Ahsoka kept her eyes fixed on the road as she grasped at what to tell Master Qui-gon about her amazing, yet unconventional Master.
Maybe that Skyguy always encouraged me to inspect Force signatures?
Ahsoka let out a heavy breath.
“Skyguy is…well, he’s one of a kind. Powerful in the Force, passionate - he’s unlike any Jedi I’ve ever known.”
Qui-gon hummed, amusement playing at the edges of his Force presence.
“Yes, I imagine that might be the case given his unconventional initiation into the Jedi,” he commented, stroking his short beard in a gesture that was a mirror to Obi-wan’s habit of doing the same.
What did that mean? Sure, she knew that sometime after Qui-gon’s death - or, not-death, she supposed - Anakin had become Obi-wan’s student, but apparently there was more of a story there, as well. The return of this one man was inverting her entire world. Everything she thought she knew about Anakin, about Obi-wan - when did it all change?
Ahsoka squirmed in her seat. The Force pulled at her, tight and uncomfortable.
“So, uh, anyway,” she stammered, hoping to distract Qui-gon from her sudden unease, “Skyguy’s great. As a teacher, I mean. And a Jedi! First time I was assigned to him, I knew it.”
“And, you know, after that first mission - the Battle of Christophsis, well the first battle of Christophsis - “
Qui-gon whirled in his seat, mouth wide in open horror.
“Your first assignment as a Padawan was in an active war zone?” he yelped.
Ahsoka shrugged. “All of ours were. I mean, in our class. I know it was different when Anakin was a student but with the war…”
Qui-gon muttered something in a language Ahsoka didn’t understand, slumping in his seat, running his hand over his mouth, again and again. “Change, I can understand,” he spoke more to himself than at Ahsoka, “but this..” he trailed off, once again lost in his thoughts.
They turned left, following the green signs for the Temple District. Now away from the core of the government, the street life became more scattered, a few groups here and there, children on top of their parents’ shoulders, trying to get a glimpse a real Jedi coming from the Temple.
“Did Obi-wan ever take another student?” Qui-gon asked suddenly.
“No, he didn’t.” Ahsoka flashed her identification cards at the guards near the barricades that had only recently been erected around the Temple. “I mean, the war started while Anakin was still a Padawan, technically. The Council knighted him and a bunch of others out of necessity, right after the Battle of Geonosis. And then Obi-wan was made a General and that was it, really.”
Qui-gon frowned, disappointed at that piece of news. “So does no one take apprentices anymore because of the war?”
“No, no - not at all!” Ahsoka exclaimed. “I guess - I mean, Master Fisto had one, and Master Billaba. And Master Vos.”
A hearty guffaw sounded from Qui-gon, as he slapped his thigh. He looked as if he had just choked on a piece of bantha meat. “Quinlan Vos with a Padawan! Now that is something I would have liked to have seen.” The chortling dissipated to a small chuckle, and Qui-gon relaxed.
It was the first time she had seen the man laugh, and his hard gaze melted into something soft and kind. Ahsoka felt like she was starting to get the true picture of the man who had been Obi-wan’s Master.
And despite her initial hesitance, she was pretty sure she liked Qui-gon Jinn.
And maybe, just maybe, trying to sneak around her questions about his return wasn’t the best way of approaching this. There were already too many secrets between him, and Obi-wan and Anakin. Ahsoka didn’t want to be a part of that, it felt wrong.
So maybe she should just...ask.
Ahsoka took a deep breath. “Master Qui-gon?”
“Yes, Ahsoka?”
The spires of the Jedi Temple rose in front of them, growing larger and larger as they approached the side dock entrance.
“How did you - I mean, you came back. And, you know, I was worried that somehow - “
Qui-gon chuckled. “Somehow I had used the most despicable of Dark Force powers to accomplish to come back from the dead? Perhaps due to my association with Dooku?”
If it were possible to disappear into the seat of the speeder, Ahsoka would have. In fact, death might have been kinder in this circumstance.
Qui-gon gave her the gentlest of smiles. “I have to admit it took me a moment to realize you were prodding into my Force signature.” His expression turned stern. “The Council generally frowns on such behavior.”
Ahsoka cast her eyes downward, actively wishing for the Force to swallow her whole. “I’m really, really sorry Master - “
“But,” Qui-gon interjected, “it was a prudent action, especially when confronted with a set of extraordinary circumstances in the middle of a galactic conflict with the Sith.”
“Master?” Ahsoka’s head whipped around in surprise.
“What,” Qui-gon adopted the tone of one of her tutors, “do you know about Count Dooku?”
The speeder lurched to the left as Ahsoka wrenched the steering wheel. In the backseat, Obi-wan moaned, mumbling something that sounded distinctly like “Anakin.”
Well, that was insulting.
Qui-gon sat, serene as ever, hands folded in his lap, half-smile plastered on his face as he waited for her response. The man was unflappable. It seemed very little could faze Qui-gon Jinn, including her own awful piloting. (Although in Ahsoka’s defense, this was a staggeringly bizarre array of questions).
“Well,” she began carefully, “he was your Master, right?”
Qui-gon’s eyebrows rose. “True enough,” he nodded. “Let me tell you a little bit about the man I knew. Yan Dooku was cold, calculating, and could be absolutely ruthless for a Jedi. As a Master he was unyielding and demanding, only accepting my best efforts.”
Ahsoka guided the speeder towards the furthest dock, not wanting to attract too much attention.
“But,” Qui-gon continued, “he had a human side, for all of his grumpiness, his elevated taste, his interest in classic dueling forms - he did care, in his own way. But Force only knew what the man was thinking, or feeling half the time. It could be like talking to a wall.”
Fingers flited over the control panel as Ahsoka parked the speeder, finishing inputting the landing sequence by muscle memory.
“Sounds a little bit like Obi-wan, to be honest,” she blurted.
Qui-gon chortled as his gaze traveled to the backseat. “It does, doesn’t it?” he whispered. “Tell me, Ahsoka, when something goes wrong on a mission, what do you do?”
Ahsoka shook her head. Why were all Jedi Masters like this, constantly asking abstruse questions in the middle of a semi-normal conversation?
“Well, I go over the reports with the clones and Skyguy, and then -“
Qui-gon held up a hand, and Ahsoka couldn’t help but feel she was back in her Initiate days, standing in front of the classroom, grasping for the right answer after she had spent the night sneaking into the Room of a Thousand Fountains instead of studying.
“What do you do, emotionally?” Qui-gon asked.
Deep lines of confusion formed on Ahsoka’s brow.
“Well, I meditate. Release my emotions into the Force, I guess. Talk with Skyguy. Or Barriss. Maybe do some sparring.” Ahsoka managed to not blurt out anything too incriminating, like the secret dance parties, card games with the clones, and the time she and Rex had tried to swap outfits.
In her defense, the battle that day had been really bad.
Qui-gon only nodded, placing two large arms under Obi-wan’s limp form, cradling the Jedi Master into his arms.
“Good,” he said over the bundle of wrinkled tunics that was Jedi Master and High Councillor Obi-wan Kenobi. Ahsoka didn’t miss the stench of alcohol and t’bac that wafted her way from one of the most vaunted members of the Council.
Qui-gon climbed out of the speeder, Jedi Master in tow, wrapping his long arms around Obi-wan’s torso, pulling him out in a tangle of limbs, hair, and tunics. The older Jedi looked at Obi-wan with consternation, his lips pursing.
“You know, I never did try dance parties in my youth. Perhaps I should now, given the circumstances,” he nodded at the unconscious man in his arms.
Ahsoka swore she didn’t let out a squeak. No, not at all.
“I am taking Obi-wan to his quarters,” Qui-gon announced, stopping short as his brows furrowed in puzzlement, then chagrin. “That is, the quarters Obi-wan has now. You wouldn’t want to accompany me and let me into his rooms, would you?”
“Not taking him to the Healers?” Ahsoka asked, smile playing on her face.
Qui-gon huffed. “Force, no. I don’t want him to hate me more than he does already.” His tone was light, but Ahsoka sensed pain in his words. It was enough to erase any of the levity she had been feeling a moment ago.
“I mean, sure, of course. But shouldn't we let the Council know...“ Ahsoka made a series of confused gestures at Obi-wan and Qui-gon.
“The Council, I hope, will have already been informed of this matter. Either by Obi-wan himself, or Anakin, who I tasked with delivering the news. Although I’m uncertain how they will take it.”
“Why? Wouldn’t they be happy to see you alive?”
The mess of tunics in his arms shifted, incoherent sounds now muffled by the fact Obi-wan’s face was smushed into Qui-gon’s abdomen.
Qui-gon looked down at his unruly charge. “Ah, I should get him to bed before he wakes up and tries to punch me again. Or before someone finds me with an unconscious Jedi Master in my arms. Wouldn’t look good, especially if the Council feels I am a Sith plot, or worse.”
“I’m sorry about that, Master Qui-gon.” The apology came tumbling from Ahsoka’s mouth.
Qui-gon didn’t respond right away, instead gently placing Obi-wan on his feet, where he immediately fell into Qui-gon’s chest. Ahsoka ran forward, taking one of Obi-wan’s arms around her shoulders, letting Qui-gon take the other. The pair half-carried, half-dragged the bedraggled Jedi through the less-traveled corridors of the Jedi Temple.
“It wasn’t an unfounded fear, Ahsoka, and I am certain the Council will at least entertain the possibility,” Qui-gon stated as soon as they had entered a smaller hallway. “But my return is no Sith contrivance, at least not to my knowledge. I woke up in the Works, Ahsoka, no memory of how I got there or who I even was at first. All I knew was the Living Force, stretching beyond measure, inside of me until it felt like every molecule of my body had been tethered to the ends of the universe.”
Qui-gon stopped for a moment, regarding Obi-wan with a scowl while feeling at the unconscious man’s ribs. “I see he’s been keeping up his habit of substituting caf for actual meals,” the older Jedi sighed before moving forward.
“Anyway, after I thought I could last no longer, having my matter scattered across galaxies, there was a…there was something. A disturbance, but more than that, something that disrupted the very foundations of existence. In an instant, I was small, so small that I could fit in that very crevice between the two flagstones you see.” He gestured with his head towards the hallway floor.
Ahsoka looked at it and cringed. It was a pretty narrow space.
“Everything, all of time, space - my life, the Force, the universe itself. It all flashed at that moment, all crammed itself into that container in a concussion of agony and terrible realization. And then there was darkness, oblivion. And the next thing I knew, I was in the warehouse, lying on my back on cold steel.”
Ahsoka frowned. The Works had been abandoned for ages, not even the Coruscant authorities would go there. Hundreds of years ago, it had been the site of a terrible accident, some kind of chemical explosion that had killed over three hundred thousand beings, and not all of them instantly, either. Not too long after, all the industries in the area packed up and fled, most likely so they wouldn’t be indicted in galactic court for criminal negligence. No one ever went back there after the incident, no one rebuilt, or even made any kind of memorial to honor the dead. All the factories, the warehouses remained abandoned, even up to the present day. It was said you could hear the screams of the dying in the walls, that their blood seeped from the pipes, poisonous, their ghosts intent on revenge on whoever entered that space. It became known as the Dacho District, the Dead Sector.
And Qui-gon woke up there.
“Ahsoka, is this it?”
A familiar grey door blocked her path. Ahsoka started, not realizing she had led them to Obi-wan’s quarters without even thinking.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”
She input the access codes and the door swung open with a series of beeps, revealing the familiar if spartan quarters of Obi-wan Kenobi.
Qui-gon led them into the bedroom, glancing around the room as he did. Every so often he would spot something, and raise his eyebrows. Or sigh. Or frown.
“We’ll just place him on the bed, like this,” Qui-gon said, arranging Obi-wan so he laid on his left side, top leg bent at the knee. Ahsoka knew it as the recovery position, and had placed more than a few clones (and Jedi) the same way. It was a safe bet in case something were to block Obi-wan’s airways.
Like vomit.
“Thank you, Ahsoka,” Qui-gon whispered, taking a moment to brush Obi-wan’s hair away from his face before turning to Ahsoka. “And now if you don’t mind, I am going to try and get five minutes’ rest before the Council comes beating down the door with lightsabers drawn.”
That didn’t sound good. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay, Master Qui-gon?” If the Council had made the same assumptions Ahsoka had...well, it was unlikely to end well for Qui-gon.
That, at least, elicited a small smile from the man. “No. It will be fine. As the Force wills it. Go find Anakin. I’m certain the Council will be calling on you two in short order.”
Ahsoka nodded. Yeah, she should find Skyguy, maybe even bring him back here in case the Council did something ridiculous. They wouldn’t listen to her, but maybe they would listen to Anakin.
She hoped.
Ahsoka gave one last glance over to the prone form of Obi-wan.
“Take care of him.”
“Oh, I will. If that stubborn-headed gundark of a man will let me, at least.”
Ahsoka bit back a laugh. She waved one last time at the older Jedi Master and walked away, letting the door shut behind her. Once Ahsoka was alone she closed her eyes, letting out the breath, the tension, the anxiety she had been holding for the past twenty minutes.
Find Anakin. Make sure the Council doesn’t do anything rash.
After 10 years in the music industry, Louis Tomlinson reflects on his journey so far and the new path ahead.
by Joe Taysom
November 29, 2019
It’s been a long and turbulent four-year road for Louis Tomlinson. Since his band, One Direction, announced their ‘indefinite hiatus’ in 2016, Tomlinson has struggled to find a professional path that suitably represents him as an artist. As he gears up to finally release his long-awaited debut album Walls this coming January, the singer-songwriter finally feels comfortable in his own skin, finding his own unique Britpop-inspired sound which has been spurred on by the resentment towards a diluting of his vision in a bid to find radio play in the States.
Tomlinson, it is safe to say, has finally found his feet and, with a new record label firmly behind him and a renewed energy propelling his every move, the 27-year-old is now a man on a mission with two fingers in the air and a point to prove.
His remarkable story really needs no introduction. Plucked from a crowd of hopefuls auditioning for the X-Factor in 2010, the then 18-year-old singer was placed alongside Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Zayn Malik by Simon Cowell much to the joy of their growing social media fanbase. Just 12 months later their debut album, Up All Night, was released and propelled the group to international fame. In the six fast and furious years as a band One Direction tour relentlessly, released five hit records and became unfathomably rich in the process.
For Tomlinson, however, the immediate highs were quickly met by severe lows when it all came suddenly crashing down. The end of the band, the media relentlessly pursuing his private life, personal tragedy and more have followed. Now though, with a renewed vigour and clarity for his future, Tomlinson has picked himself up and is about to carve out his own niche of pop music.
I met Tomlinson in a back bar of a central London hotel as I self-consciously began to consider the possibility that I may be underdressed for the occasion. Thankfully though—and much to my relief—he arrived casually dressed in a brown quarter-zip jacket, jeans and Adidas trainers which arrived as a refreshing change in reference to the typical, modern-day pop star. Having travelled down to London from Yorkshire that day, with my editor’s words ringing in my ears, the somewhat opulent surroundings of our meeting lacked the relaxing edge I was hoping for.
It must be said that interviews with musicians of international fame can be tricky — especially when they have a new album to sell. With media training, PR managers typically watching over and a sense ill-trust with the media, it will come as little surprise that popstars can be standoffish in interviews. Despite my initial trepidation though, Tomlinson greeted me with immense warmth and immediately offered to get a couple of beers in from the bar—the first sign that our conversation would follow the laid-back pattern I was hoping for.
After we’d sat down and had a sip of lager, our Yorkshire accents clashing, my mind turned to his recent performance of his last single ‘We Made It’ on Children In Need. Tomlinson looked in his element, like he’d finally found his feet as a solo artist—something that hasn’t been an easy adjustment for him to make in the last few years. “Yeah, naturally I feel as any fucking solo star finds – the longer you’re in it, the more experienced you get, the more confident you get. I think it took me a second to work out who I am musically, to fully detach from One Direction and stuff but I feel like I’m there now so, naturally, I’m more confident in my songwriting ability, I’m more confident performing, singing and all of that, so it feels good.”
Following the split from the band, it did feel from the outside looking in that there was no clear direction where his solo career was going to take him. With collaborations with the likes of Steve Aoki and Bebe Rexha, both of which performed commercially well, there was a creative direction that left more questions than answers. Earlier this year, he took to social media to make a statement to claim that he was turning a page, that he was fed up with writing to a formula in a bid to chase radio play and instead he wanted to make music he loved.
That moment was the beginning of the second chapter in his solo career, which he expands on looking while back at that difficult time with more than a pinch of honesty as always, disclosing: “Yeah but I’m not going to lie, it’s still something that I’m fighting up against if I’m being honest. I mean, because there’s constant opinion around me and you know a lot of people do want to focus towards radio—which I do understand—but what bugs me is just how much it limited me — especially because what I grew up listening to on pop radio is very different to what’s on pop radio now and because I couldn’t see a place for myself. I thought that it wasn’t not going to be authentic because I’m going to be trying to sound like what’s on the radio. Today, in 2019 more than ever, people can spot bullshit. So yeah, I think since that moment I’ve always been conscious of that and as I say it is a constant battle, but I think I’m winning at the moment.”
The state of mainstream radio is something that Tomlinson is passionate about. As an artist who aims to make songs that are accessible to the masses without compromising integrity at the same time, Louis appears to be well versed on the shift in the popular musical landscape: “If I’m being honest, I didn’t actively search for stuff because it was on pop radio,” he said while discussing the change in approach to consuming music. “Especially a band like Catfish and The Bottlemen,” he adds after a moment of contemplation. “When I was growing up they would definitely, definitely, be on every radio and I think those bands are very important and now I have to actively search for them or listen to the right station.” He continues, “Also, I think it took me a second to come out and say what my influences are because I know what people expect from someone who has been in a boyband and stuff like that.”
With this lightbulb moment, Tomlinson wanted to detail more about the inner workings of his creative process, how collaborating with like-minding musicians helped free his thought process. “Once I’d had this epiphany and put this message on social media, at that point I’d done four songs that are still on the album. I think ‘Kill My Mind’ was actually a turning point, I wrote it with a guy called Jamie Hartman and the next session we had together we wrote ‘Walls’ which is the title track for the album and is going to be my next single. I think from that moment it unlocked something and we got some momentum so then the second half of the album was written relatively quickly but I think as I say it being transitional I’d have loved 10 ‘Kill My Mind’s’ but maybe the next record.”
‘Kill My Mind’ looks and sounds like the first step towards the definitive direction that the Yorkshireman is aiming for. It has a punchy Hot Fuss era Killers’ chorus and is more reminiscent of the type of music that Tomlinson himself loves. “That’s probably the proudest I’ve been of a song because that is genuinely a song that I fucking love listening to and that’s not necessarily always the case when you’re playing for radio all the time. It didn’t get the attention that I think it quite deserved but that’s the way it is.”
The shift towards the guitar-led music, which bucks the trend with current chart-toppers, is the path that the 27-year-old is determined to follow. A recent writing session with Australian indie giants DMA’s had popped up in our conversation and the beaming smile across Tomlinson’s face said it all: “I’ve hung out with those boys (DMA’s) actually, one night because we were in the same studio and I’ve written together with [them] before,” he said before clarifying that the drinks were flowing which resulted in an unfinished recording. When probed on whether this is something he’d like to re-visit at a later date, Tomlinson expanded with an eye firmly on the future: “The DMA’s session was a bit of an experiment, to be honest, when I look at my solo career I’m looking at it as a five, six or seven-year plan. I realise this from doing the DMA’s one, I would fucking love to do an album full of them but it’s a transition you know what I mean, I’ve got to understand the fan base and what they want. I don’t want anything to be so drastic so in my eyes, it’s a two, three even four-album progression before I get there and I also think to write those kinds of songs that I love I need to have more experience as a songwriter as well.”
For someone who has had such rich successes in their career to date, the singer-songwriter does seem to have struggled with his self-confidence since going solo—but this year seems to have changed that. One song that stands out is ‘Two of Us’, a track which was released earlier this year is a tribute to his late Mother who tragically passed in 2017. Tomlinson’s life was then struck by more devastation following his sister’s sudden death in March this year.
‘Two of Us’ clearly carries a heavy weight of emotion. Created from the inner workings of Tomlinson’s grief, the song is by a distance the most personal release in his entire career to date. Despite that, the track manages to find the universal within the personal as it’s lyrics resonate for anyone who has ever lost anybody close to them—myself included. While our conversation remained on this topic I was keen to know whether these heart-breaking events had impacted his professional epiphany, whether the personal grief had allowed him to stop worrying about the chart and instead focusing more on enjoying the ride: “When I wrote ‘Two Of Us’ that was something I never really had with music before where I like to think every lyric has meant something. There was a different emotional weight with that song and just hearing people’s stories about what it meant to them and how they related to it, that was amazing for me.”
“If I’m being honest what made me have my epiphany was me spitting my fucking dummy out because I was sick of being put in writing sessions which I couldn’t relate to, or people trying to pull me in a certain way to work on American radio. I could probably have commercial success like that, but I’ve got the luxury of having had that already with One Direction and I thought ‘what does success mean to me?’ I just thought I’ve got to follow my fucking heart and if I can win like that it’s like a double win you know what I mean.”
One Direction’s immediate success was unprecedented for a British boyband. Together they conquered the world with their debut Up All Night going straight to number one in the States and shifting more than 4.5million copies globally. Just one to this moment, Tomlinson was an 18-year-old living for the weekend in Doncaster—but he was determined not to let his newfound fame change him: “Yeah I was always pretty resistant to it [fame] to be honest, I always say that when I got famous, when I first got put in band, that I was having the best year of my life. So, it was a lot to deal with to leave my favourite year behind and to be doing something else where you’re working really hard.
The personal and professional problems that have occurred in recent years appears to have given Tomlinson a remarkable sense of life experience. Despite still being so young, despite having lived a whirlwind life, he still has the ability to self reflect on with a grounded honesty. “Being from Donny you don’t expect to get that kind of opportunity and I then got put into the band and then had to deal with everything on the job. Honestly, it was a fucking incredible time in my life that shaped me as an artist and shaped me as a person, I saw some amazing things but it is also nice now to have a little bit more free time because we were so fucking busy and also you know stand on my own two feet and say this is who I am.”
“As far as what’s on my checklist of a credible artist you know they have to write their own tunes, that was always important to me and I did a lot of writing in the band which I think gave me the incredible experience to write now. It was like a crash course, there were so many sessions and I think it’s put me in good stead, but I feel like I’m always getting better as a writer man I feel like with every song I learn a little bit more.”
Although, it’s clear from speaking with Tomlinson that he looks back on those years he spent with the band with all the fondness in the world. Yet the media attention that came with all the success was something that got the better of him at times. “That was hard and I’ve often envied artists from an era where smartphones weren’t around. There were definitely some days where it got the better of me. I suppose you’ve got to be selective on where you go and I learned the hard way from a few different people that you can’t trust. Some people want something out of you and it took me a second to understand, but again I think that helps me have a thicker skin in the real world outside of my job. There are times when I’ve gone through difficult things in my life and I’ve thought certain people haven’t been amazing but it’s part of it, fuck it.”
As our conversation then meandered toward the split of the band and what life was like for Tomlinson after exiting the world of One Direction— which was all that he had known for the entirety of his adult life up until that point. A sense of honest emotion entered his voice, a moment that seemingly suggested that this permanent change was something that was taken from his own control: “It was good to be back doing normal things but I wasn’t ready for the band to go on a break and it came as a shock for me,” Tomlinson exclusively told Far Out Magazine. “It definitely wasn’t my choice but I understand why the decision was made and there’s a good argument for that. I’m enjoying expressing myself now but it rocked me for a time and for a bit and I didn’t know what I was going to do,” he said, vehemently.
From the tone in his voice, it is obvious that the subject is still a relatively raw one for Tomlinson who initially struggled to find the right sound for him following the split of the band—a factor stemmed from his initial reluctance to move solo. From the gravitas of the moment to the importance of his first steps back into music, it was clear that Tomlinson wasn’t ready to be going out on his own so soon after the band’s breakup—a learning curve which other members of the group seemed to overcome in different ways.
The break was initially thought to be just that ‘a break’, but nearly four years after the announcement there are still no signs that the group is entertaining ideas of reuniting anytime soon. With Louis Tomlinson set to release his debut album in January, Liam Payne’s debut LP1 out next month, Harry Styles’ second offering, Fine Line, being made available on December 13th and Niall Horan working on the follow-up to his 2017 Flicker, the One Direction members are firmly in solo mode.
Tomlinson acknowledges that during the final One Direction tour he began to accept that the break was inevitable, admitting: “It had kind of been brewing and we knew the conversation might be coming around but it was just one of those things. It was always going to happen, we were always going to take a break, but I think there are always people who are going to take things better than others.”
Looking on the bright side, however, since the break he has been allowed to live a bit more of a quieter life. From speaking with Tomlinson I get the sense that he’s in this because he loves the music, appreciates the love he gets from fans and loves playing live. However, the celebrity lifestyle that comes with it isn’t why he’s in this game. “I think I can definitely have a bit more of a balance now, there are obviously times when I’m releasing songs or releasing album when it’s really ramped up and I don’t get to see my boy, Freddie, as much as I’d definitely like to. It’s hard but definitely easier in those off times to have the balance because otherwise when you’re so busy it’s impossible to literally fit everybody into your life. It’s definitely nicer having more time to do normal fucking things,” he adds with an almost sigh of relief.
Tomlinson’s solo career, which has found its feet with emphatic effect and is currently flying high with a sold-out world tour and highly anticipated debut on the horizon, was something that the singer himself had never initially envisioned. With Tomlinson originally wanting to take a back seat in the music industry following the end of the band, he revealed exclusively to Far Out: “I’m not going to lie it hit me hard but it definitely inspired me to get on with my own solo career because it wasn’t something I was always going to do. I was just going to write songs and just hopefully send them to other people and stuff like that, but everything happens for a reason, so they say anyway.”
As the careers of all five members of the band have all taken off, with each turning into different avenues sonically, our conversation then turned to the competitive nature between the band since they went their separate ways. Typically, the avid Doncaster Rovers fan opting to use a hugely specific football analogy to describe the relationship with his former bandmates: “I could be wrong but I think we’ve all got that in us, there’s a competitive side to everyone. I can only speak from personal experience, and as time goes on you understand the differences. It’s not all that relevant but I liken to the feeling at first was that you’ve all been at Barcelona’s youth academy, so we’ll call One Direction ‘Barcelona’ and then we’ve all been put off at different clubs and that takes a second to understand and compute but we’re all still lucky to be able to do it as solo artists.”
Having time off to relax over the last few years for the first time since stepping foot for his X-Factor audition all those years ago, Tomlinson seems to have returned with a renewed love for music and everything that comes with it. For a while, it appears the music was falling second in line to all the hysteria that surrounded his fame—a situation that has been duly rectified.
Next year will see him return to Doncaster as part of his world tour for a very special homecoming and, with that mention, his face lights up with a grin on his face the size of South Yorkshire: “It’s going to be class, I can’t wait for Donny Dome. I don’t feel like my career has fully started until I do that first tour show, it’s all well and good writing songs, releasing songs, doing all the promo and everything that comes with it but the most important fucking thing is that you put on a good show. I started realising the longer that I’ve been in this that there’s a level of importance in these nights to people, especially the avid fanbase that I’m lucky enough to have. You can see from the reactions and look into people’s eyes and see what certain lyrics meant to them.”
What struck me the most from the time I spent with the singer-songwriter was just how grounded he was, seemingly bereft of any level of arrogance and still just that same local lad from Doncaster who began this journey ten years ago. His working-class Yorkshire heritage, he told me, is what has made him the man he is today: “You’ve got to be fucking humble where we’re from you know what I mean? Because otherwise you get called out like ‘who the fuck do you think you are?’”.
The greatest takeaway from our conversation is that Louis Tomlinson is still that music enthusiast that entered the music industry in 2010 who, despite all the success and fame, has managed to stay grounded. With surreal highs came earth-shattering lows—all of which has shaped him in one way or another. Instant success is no longer what he seeks with it now being about the long game for him, this change in attitude is a sign of maturity for Tomlinson who no longer losing sleep about pleasing streaming algorithms.
Having been sitting at the mountain top of the music industry for almost a decade, it seems it is only now he is really getting started with a long-term plan of where he wants his solo-career to go. With a strong sense of support around him, his future and creative vision is firmly in his own hands. With an abundance of experience behind him and has renewed enthusiasm, Louis Tomlinson is finally ready to find his own direction.
Walls is available on 31st January via Sony Music, for tickets to his world tour – visit here for tickets.
Joker and Spade seem to have learned very different things from the deaths of their respective parents
omg how long ago did you send this ask??? I only saw it now that you sent in the other one! Sorry, my inbox is a poop. Probably because I have over 400 messages stored up in here....I should clean up.
Anyways, yes, they do, and interestingly it is due to a mix of factors.
Let’s look at Jack first because I always play favorites. Jack’s base personality is that of a kind person with a deep love for people and a lot of energy to spare. He is also definitely an extrovert who draws energy from the people he is around. In his childhood, this seemed to be almost exclusively his parents. It’s unclear if he was home schooled, but it honestly seems like it to me with the way he approaches people.
As an only child who was incredibly intelligent, who had parents who only further encouraged that behavior and spoiled him rotten, Jack became very individualistic very early on. Yes, he loves his parents deeply, but it’s clear that normally unconventional behavior (pranks, outbursts) has been encouraged or tolerated, and thus Jack is a bit of a brat. He is capable of thinking outside of himself, he just acknowledges that he is the center of his own (and his parents’) universe.
When his parents died, Jack’s strong attachment to them (and in my opinion his lack of general socialization with adults outside of the home) meant that he only became more independent and self-sufficient, with a general mistrust of people (a bad time for our little extrovert where you can see he is stressed out). But with the advent of SH’s (unofficial) adoption, Jack was once again in a good place, problem being that SH really only tried to focus him a bit more and still encouraged independent action.
So in short, Jack grows incredibly attached to people while still being very self-reliant. This means that when one of his support beams falls, he doesn’t know how to reach out emotionally and deal with his emotions. He thinks he always knows how to deal with things best, but in this case, he really really doesn’t and so things just get bottled up and shoved down.
On the other hand, King’s parents, while certainly encouraging independence, did so through emotional distancing. Where Jack’s parents supported him through his growth, King had to grow through his parents’ absence. They taught him early on that he had to bottle things up and appear outwardly strong, but fact is that King is an introvert who enjoys having people to depend on.
When his parents left/died, King’s dependence on them caused him to take his first independent actions and go searching for them, which ended in failure. He was then take in and cared for by Dump’s family, who were very kind but very stupid, apparently. King’s original failure had taught him that independent action was impossible for him, so he returned to depended behavior, this time with a whopping side of depression.
This was not helped at all by Dump’s constant physical and emotional abuse which was systematically ignored by his adoptive relatives. Independent action was completely discouraged and he was hit with mixed messages as his relatives said they loved him while leaving him around Dump pretty much constantly, who said that King was worthless and in their debt. This is honestly probably the low point in King’s life where he can’t depend on anyone and has no one to trust.
So the key in King’s story is actually Jack, who comes in like a knight riding a can of nitro and says that King can rely on people and doesn’t have to swallow this horse shit about being worthless and all that jazz. Jack, of all people, fixes pretty much all of King’s problems over night by telling him that he can rely on him. This complete turn around of King’s life is the catalyst that shows King that dependence on others can be a good thing and allows him to open up. The base parts of his personality that he has been suppressing since probably forever are set free and he becomes a very emotionally expressive child. Those emotions, however, had previously been bottled up for so long that he is still learning how to release them in healthy bursts, and often gets overwhelmed by them.
Still, where Jack was originally emotionally dependent and learned from his childhood that he needed to become strong and rely on himself first and foremost, King was originally emotionally isolated and learned through positive life changes that being emotionally open was the more beneficial route to take.
RULES: Awnser the questions given to you, make 12 more questions, the people you tag have to awnser your questions
1. What is your favourite song and when was the first time you ever listened to it? Why do you love the song?
I don’t have a favorite song… Who can choose ONE fav song? Sigh
But each time i listen to a song (that will later be my fav) for the first time, i usually never realise how amazing it is haha, it takes me a little while to realise how fucking awesome it is!
2. Can you play any instruments? (Yes, your voice counts too.) If not, are there any instruments that interest you?
Oh sure i sing, doesn’t mean i’m good
Oh sure i play keyboard, doesn’t mean i’m good
Haha no don’t really play any instrument, my talent lies with drawing, not music :3
3. Do you have any strange quirks or kinks?
Quirks? No not really
Kinks? Let’s keep that to myself heheheh
4. Would you rather shave off both of your eyebrows and have them never grow back, or shave your entire head and have the hair grow back slowly?
What the fuck…
Okay i’ll choose shaving off my eyebrows and drawing fake cartoon one’s for the rest of my life. It took me sooo long to get to the length of hair i have now. I’m not shaving it off…
5. Do you tell people you love them often or not? And do you say it first, or do you wait for the other person to say it first? (It can be for anyone. Your family, friends, crushes, etc. :D)
I tell my family, best friend and boyfriend that i love them often. I don’t really say it to my ‘friends’… So for all of you reading this! i love you…
6. Is there something that you regret deeply? Would you change the past to fix it, or keep the past the way it is and learn from your mistake?
Someone once said, that the smallest change of the past could dramaticaly change the future… So no
Yes i have things i regret deeply, but if those things never happened i wouldn’t be the person i was now. I wouldn’t have the friends i have now. I wouldn’t find my love… I’ve learned from my mistakes, i learned from my past. So even though it was a hard time for me, i learned from it. It made me the person i am today
7. Tell me something you’re passionate about. Something that makes you smile. Anything that holds lots of value to you.
MUSE!!! Muse muse muse muse…
Well also my loved ones of course!
My most prized posessions
Ect…
8. List the first word (or name) that comes to mind after reading these specific words. Beautiful, sunshine, violence, bliss, hatred, anxiety, love.
Uhhh…
that’s not a word? Okay
Well i have to go with my best friend (her name is Selina) she means the world to me, and even though she’s beautiful, a sunchine, loved and blissful. She also had to go trough a time of violence, hatred and anxiety. But it’s all good now <3
9. Is a life without music worth living? Would you rather be deaf or blind?
I’d rather not hear music ever again than be deaf or blind.
Giving away my sight or the ability to hear is not worth it for me, the ability to speak to, and see the ones you love are way more important to me than the sound of music.
Yes i’ll miss it a lot, but i would miss my sense more…
10. What’s something you can’t live without? And if that thing was taken away from you, would you kill for it?
My loved one’s, and yes i would kill if someone took my loved one’s away
11. Are you in a relationship? If not, do you want to be in one?
Yes i’m in a relationship. Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for 2 years and 3 months now <3 we were friends before that, and i’m very glad we confessed to each other. Because i don’t want to imagine a life without him.
But still, you’ll never know what happens in the future! But i hope we’ll stay together
12. Yay!! This is the end. Thanks for doing this tag. One last thing, finish the lyric. Hint: it’s obviously Muse. And try not to cheat…gurl, I see you use that Google tho. OKAY HERE WE GO. “____ me away, clean your body of me. _____ all the memories, they’ll only _____ us ____.” Okay bye!! Hope you liked dis.
1. Wash
2. Erase
3. Bring
4. Pain
Lol yes i enjoyed your questions again thank you very much for tagging me
And now! My questions for all'ya
1.Tell me, how did you discover Muse? What made you become a fan?
2.What lyric from a song inspires you most? And why?
3.If you could choose to have one magic ability, which one would you choose and why?
4.Choose your favorite Muse song! Tell me why it’s your fav (yes choosing a fav song is hard)
5.In what fictional universe would you like to visit the most? And with whom would you like to hang out with in that universe?
6.Are you happy right now?
7.Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you like to have as a dinner guest?
8.Desribe your perfect day, what would you do? Where would you to? Ect.
9.For what in life do you feel most grateful?
10.What do you value most in a friendship?
11.If you could visit any place, Where would you go to?
12.Someone you’d like to thank, and for what?
I hope you enjoy my questions!!
I’m going to tag ; @micro-cuts-in-my-brain @exogenetics-symphony @bellaringew @rocket-baby-dolls @souls-wont-be-exhumed @youshallcallmesquishy @starlightdeadstar @miniidrones @mathew-stb @bluesketcher @spiral-static @may-whore-es @orchestralmonster @dommmeh @nolongerafraidtowalkalone @thatcrazyfangirlwhohasnolife @lovecoffeeandmuse @knights-of-absolution @hullabahoodoo @jean-geniee @coffeensympathy @rasberryhall @killerdrones @cydonianleo
Gail is driving on the highway when suddenly the weather changes. Soon she’s in the middle of a blizzard so she decides to stay in a motel next to the highway. But other people have been surprised by the snow as well. It’s very busy and all the rooms in the motel are booked. Gail is desperate to get a room and is snarling at the receptionist. Holly feels sorry for Gail and proposes to share her room.
The heavy atmosphere inside the 15th precinct went extremely well with the dark clouds outside that had been threatening to break into a loud cry ever since the start of the day. They all had been there since the crack of dawn so they had witnessed firsthand as the sky’s color mutated into its current state. A storm was brewing.
"I need someone to take the file to him. We need to talk to the detective that closed this case and he’s apparently not feeling well enough to travel. So… who’s up for it?”
Silence was the only one to lift its hand.
The case was getting bloodier by the minute. So much bloodier that apparently some of it had actually spilled all over the detective’s hands. It was going to be a complicated conversation, and complicated was actually putting it mildly. The commended detective was not going to enjoy being under scrutiny.
"I will go."
Everyone turned instantly towards the voice.
"Good." Said Oliver. "That’s good, Peck. All of you, back to work. Peck, follow me."
Gail nodded, not meeting anyone’s gaze. Truth was, she was basically the only one who was going back home to an empty bed. There was no one waiting for her. So what was the difference between that and driving to the middle of nowhere? None. At least not to her. And besides, a long drive might even come in handy. Driving always helped her think, put things into perspective. And that was something that she needed. Even craved for. Perspective.
"Are you sure about this, Gail?" Oliver asked, closing the door behind him once they were both safely inside his office.
"Why? Aren’t you?"
"Look, I trust you. With my life. I just want to be sure you’re okay with this. This is one of your mother’s best friends we are talking about. We are not accusing him of anything. Not yet, anyway.But you know that he’s going to figure it all out and stop being friendly at some point…"
"I know his kind. I’ve lived with my mother for most of my life, remember?"
"Right. Don’t hesitate to call, though. Whatever happens. I am right here, okay?" He was looking for reassurance, his eyes never leaving hers as he sat down on his chair.
"Yes, mother." Gail replied with a courteous nod before turning around and leaving without saying another word.
"I don’t know whether to take that as a compliment or as an insult." Oliver said out loud to no one in particular as Gail had already left to get changed.
—
"Look buddy, I am with the police force. I am working on a case. I need a place to crash for the night so that I can carry on saving lives in the morning."
Too much for perspective. It had started to snow just as Gail had reached that point in a journey when you are too close to turn back around and yet too far to actually take a chance and carry on driving.
"I am sorry Officer, but we are simply full. There’s nothing we can do. The snow took everyone by surprise."
"Oh, come on! Everyone saw it coming! It was written all over the damn clouds." Gail said, rolling her eyes rather dramatically.
"Then why did you get inside a car?"
Gail had to close her eyes for a moment and take a deep breath, an extremely deep breath, or two, to avoid punching the guy.
"Were you even listening? Does saving lives mean anything to you?"
Holly had to fight the urge not to laugh at the guy’s face. He looked frightened as hell and yet, somehow, instead of trying to look for a way of sweet talking the policewoman, he seemed to be more interested in digging a bigger grave for himself.
"Huh, excuse me? Officer…?"
Holly almost regretted her decision to intervene as the policewoman turned to her in a rather annoyed way, her movements positively tainted by the frustration she was sure to feel. But then her blue eyes, her seriously breathtakingly blue eyes, met her brown ones and she seemed to instantly relax. Her shoulders dropped the defense position. Holly smiled. You’re not as hard as you look.
"Peck. Gail Peck."
"Hi. Would you care to share? The room, I mean."
Gail raised an eyebrow inquisitively. There was a stranger, a stranger with an adorable lopsided grin, asking her if she wanted to share a room with her. This was a nice gesture coming from a stranger. Too nice, perhaps? For the place they currently found themselves at? Definitely. But then again, the snow seemed to have indeed caught everyone by surprise… Perspective, Gail, perspective.
"Oh, I am sorry. Completely forgot to introduce myself." Holly’s grin remained in place, not even flinching at the somewhat awkward silence that had taken over has the officer seemed to study her. "I am Holly. Dr. Holly Stewart, to be precise. I am a pathologist."
The pride was evident in the stranger’s voice, and so was her confidence. If she turned out to be a serial killer, Gail would definitely be okay - as okay as one can be, of course - with dying at her hands. First, she was stunning. Second, she would have to be one hell of a perfect liar to get through Gail’s scrutiny. The exception to the rule. That would be quite a good name for the case, actually. What are you doing, Gail? Labeling your own death?
"Unless you’re planning on doing some live research…"
Holly laughed. Her laugh filled the cold room with a warmth that smelled of home. Gail just couldn’t help but smile at her. She tried to fight it, oh she certainly did, but how to keep it in when Holly seemed to be all about putting it outside?
"I’ve brought my own body parts for that."
And then she winked. Holly was making jokes as if they were old friends who had just happened to run into one another. And it was actually not annoying. It was… endearing.
"I am sorry about the dark humor. I tend to spend a lot of time around death. It changes people. You know the feeling, right?" She added with a shrug. "That and I am kind of exhausted."
"It’s okay. You’re funny. I like you."
The honesty in Gail’s tone made Holly blush.
"Shall we?" The brunette asked as she grabbed her bags from the floor.
"Sure. Let’s go." Gail reached down for her things before turning to the guy behind the check-in desk. "We are not done here." She added, pressing the little bell thing for emphasis.
—
There was only one bed. A huge king-size bed.
They both stood at the door, staring at it and at the inexistent couch. What were they going to do?
Gail was the first to recover from the shock she had known to be a possibility from the very start. She had to confess she had been expecting a couch, though. It being a suite and whatnot. Apparently, and according to Holly, it was the last room available. Of course it had to be the most expensive one. Of course.
As Gail turned to Holly, expecting the other woman to be already over it, she found her still staring. Instead of stopping the train of thought she seemed so obviously in, she decided to take the time to study her once more.
Holly was… what was the word? Beautiful? No. Stunning? Perhaps. Ah, one needed at least two words to try and describe her. She was stunningly beautiful. Her eyes were chocolate brown. Dark chocolate, Gail thought to herself. Bittersweet. And there was a shade of something taking over the lightness from earlier. It was as if a storm was ready to break loose inside them as well. The reason for the storm was probably the same behind the whole biting on the lower lip thing. Again endearing. Too endearing. Perhaps even dangerously endearing.
What are you thinking…
"You know, there’s really no need to panic. I will sleep on the floor."
Gail’s words were careful and soft. She didn’t want to cause a train wreck.
"Oh please. If anyone’s sleeping on the floor it’s me. You are saving lives, remember? I am in the business of dealing with death. No one will care about, or even question, my terrible posture or the dark circles under my eyes."
"That’s a valid argument. Still, I would notice and, even though I seem, and can be, a heartless bitch, I wouldn’t want you to be all cranky in the morning. I am enough of a pain in the ass myself. That, and I can’t imagine the bell boy having to deal with two grouchy people tomorrow.”
There was that laugh again. It was scary how quickly it was becoming one of Gail’s favorite sounds.
"First, I am pretty sure he’s not the bell boy. I actually think he’s the owner. And second, I am a morning person. So we are good."
"Morning person? Ew. Then you’re definitely sleeping on the floor.” Gail said as she put her bags down by the side of the bed.
"Hey, that was not nice." Holly replied before closing the door behind her and making her way towards the chair that stood by a little coffee table where there was a menu and a phone.
"I never said I was nice. I do believe I might have actually told you otherwise."
“Fine. Let’s share.”
"Awe, you are all about the sharing, huh?"
"Are you complaining? Because you can definitely sleep in your car."
“Touché. Thank you, ma’am. Your service to the community won’t go by unnoticed.”
"I will keep that in mind."
Gail Peck simply smiled before focusing her attention on looking for her white tank top and her sleeping shorts. Once she did find them she started to undress, not really minding Holly as she was too used to changing in front of other people.
Once she was done she found the brunette staring. The shade of dark was back. And so was the biting on the lower lip thing.
"See something you like?"
It was supposed to be a joke but Holly grew tense which made Gail worry. What had just happened?
"I am a lesbian" Holly blurted out.
"Okay…?"
"Just thought you should know."
"I can sleep on the floor if this makes you uncomfortable."
Holly laughed. Again. This time it was louder, though. And for longer. Way longer.
Once she caught her breath and regained her composure she found Gail staring at her in confusion, her head slightly tilted to the side.
"I am sorry. It’s just that I am the lesbian… you are supposed to be the one uncomfortable about the whole thing.”
"Holly, whether you are a lesbian or not, that doesn’t really make any difference. Not to me, anyway. I am also just human, you know? And I am just saying… I can definitely sleep on the floor."
"Don’t be ridiculous. We will share."
"Fine. As long as you are okay with the situation. It’s still your room, your bed."
"Nothing safer than sleeping with a police officer, right? I am in good hands."
"I have never gotten any complaints about my hands."
"Now you’re playing dirty."
"You said it. Not me."
It was Gail’s turn to wink. She then grabbed the file from her bag before getting under the covers.
Holly shook her head, smiling like an idiot - at least she thought so - as she started changing, putting her clothes orderly over the chair instead of just dropping them all over her bag, like Gail had done. She put on her Batman PJs and reached for her glasses and her novel before making her way to bed.
This time Gail was the one staring.
"What?" She asked as she put her glasses on.
"You are such a nerd."
"Shut up." She said as she got under the covers. "Geez, this is one hell of a cold bed." She added, positively shivering.
"Come here." Gail lifted her arm so that Holly could snuggle into her side.
"What?"
"Oh, for God’s sake, Holly. You are cold, I am warm, this is the least I can do."
Holly thought for a minute before nestling against Gail’s side, finding herself letting out a breath she hadn’t been aware she had been holding. She was oddly… comfortable.
"Okay?"
"Okay."
"Good." Gail said, reaching for the file with her free hand.
Holly watched as Gail carried on with her life as if this was something they did all the time. Well, if the other woman wasn’t bothered at all by the situation, she was certainly not going to be the one to complicate things. She sighed softly and opened her book.
It was just once Holly finished her book, Emma by Jane Austen, that she realized that Gail’s hand had been making invisible drawings on her exposed shoulder blade. She decided not to comment, allowing herself to enjoy the feeling as she put the book and glasses down by her side to avoid disturbing Gail by reaching out for the bedside table.
She yawned. She was exhausted and way too comfortable to fight it. She just decided on closing her eyes, only for a minute, before asking Gail to turn off the light.
"Holly?" Gail called on softly.
It hadn’t been planned. She had just meant to enjoy the feeling for a few more minutes before moving to her side of the bed. She had fallen asleep, though, soundly asleep, her face hidden on Gail’s side and an arm tossed over Gail’s stomach, keeping her in place.
"Mmmmh?" She mumbled sleepily.
"Let me just turn the light off?"
Holly opened her eyes, slowly, one at a time. First thing she saw? Gail’s breasts. They were covered by Gail’s white tank top, yes, but they were still her breasts. Her perfect breasts. Get a grip, Holly.
"Oh God, I am so sorry."
"It’s okay. I just really need to get the light and put the file away."
Holly nodded, rolling to her side of the bed, back towards Gail, taking the opportunity to put her things on her bedside table as well.
Once the light was out and Gail was lying down in a comfortable position, she reached for an already shivering brunette.
"God, you’re freezing."
"There’s a snow storm going on outside. It’s cold. You are just inhumanly warm.”
"Are we complaining about this?" Gail asked as she moved closer to Holly, resting her head slightly above Holly’s shoulder as she pulled her closer to her body by wrapping an arm around her stomach.
"I won’t say another word."
"Good. Now sleep."
Gail seemed to fall asleep almost instantly. But Holly was nervous. She had already basically thrown herself at the other woman. Could she trust herself to sleep?
She turned in Gail’s arms so that she was face to face with her. She was beautiful. And so peaceful while asleep. She didn’t even resemble the woman she had seen arguing with the guy at the check-in desk. Quite a heavy mask she wore. Must be a heavy one to carry, Holly thought as she reached out for a loose strand of hair that had somehow gotten away from the blonde’s ponytail.
"Are you going to stare at me all night?"
"Maybe?" Holly found herself replying, the hand that had been holding the strand of hair now openly caressing Gail’s face.
"That’s not creepy at all." Gail said in half a whisper, her face leaning into Holly’s touch as she pulled the brunette closer, their noses now touching. "Are you going to kiss me or what?"
Gail could feel Holly smiling against her face. She traced Gail’s lips with her fingertips before actually kissing her. It was… soft. Like a goodnight kiss or perhaps a save that thought for tomorrow kind of kiss. Once the brunette pulled away, Gail, with her eyes still closed, instinctively licked her lips.
She felt the tension in the air, she felt Holly holding her breath.
"I like your lips." Gail finally said, her hand coming to find the bare skin of Holly’s back under her shirt, pulling her as closer as humanly possible as she attacked her lips.
Perhaps attacked is not the right word for she was actually being quite gentle, taking the time to get to know Holly. What she liked by the sound of her moans, what she loved by the way she gripped the hem of Gail’s shirt…
"Mmmmh, I might actually like your whole self." She mumbled against Holly’s now swollen lips.
"Might?"
"Mmmhmm. I will decide in the morning."
"You are insane, you know that, right?"
"So I’ve been told. No shush."
And she did silence her. At least for a little while till it all became too loud to hold back.
—
Huh, right. So, yeah… that escalated rather quickly. It was not supposed to be half this long but I kinda got a little lost… and huh, I just had to go with it? I truly hope you like it. AND. I might smell a sequel coming… but later on… much later on. Now if you will excuse me… AHEM.
P.S. All the mistakes and terrible grammar errors are my own. It’s 4:25 AM and I am exhausted and it’s cold and I have no Holly, so.
If you look up my many anti-violence, anti-rape, anti-sexism, anti-harassment, anti-oppression etc videos, you’ll find out pretty quick that I am certainly no bully. I have made mistakes, but if I don’t like someone I rarely even speak their name.
Where to even start with this.. actually, saying to a teen who was abused by his/her own mother that it was the person's OWN fault, is a form of bullying, and it certainly is victim blaming. You basically said that the person deserved it. You have also made fun of self harm and anorexia and suicide. Saying "kill yourself" is NEVER EVER acceptable. NEVER. Do you hear that, Greggles? There's a reason your "kill yourself" post on Facebook was removed after numerous complaints. It violated the community guidelines. People found it offensive. Just because YOU don't think it's offensive doesn't mean other people don't.
Also, by calling people fruity and faggots, yes. You're a bully. You say you support gay marriage and LGBT rights, then HOW can you possibly think it's ok to call people faggots under any circumstance? Because it's not. The word is just as bad of a word as the n word. It's just as offensive. Face it, you're a walking contradiction. You constantly operate with a double standard. You're the definition of a hypocrite. You say one thing, then do another, or you say one thing, then you backtrack. You don't have any guiding morals at all. You have no idea what you stand for. You have the brain of a 12 year old.. I guess that's why you get along so well with your 12 year old fans.
Oh, and btw.. in most of those "anti-bullying" videos you sound like a condescending asshole. You always blame the victims. You think it's funny, but it's not. For some people it's a trigger. They feel like they're worthless, and it might push them to harm themselves, or in severe cases suicide. Like it or not, people look up to you. They ask you for advice. These impressionable teenagers trust you. You break that trust when you literally laugh at them and throw the problems back in their face. That isn't a way to take care of your fans, Greg.
More under the cut. Just a warning, this is long.
There is no excuse for rape. No woman deserves rape, and to me, most rapes deserve a life sentence. I have made many anti-rape videos, and everyone who’s ever met me, who’s accused me of such things, has apologized. Calling me a “rape apologist” is extremely unfair.
I don't care what you say now. It doesn't unsay what you've said in the past. You constantly say different things. I have no idea what you really mean. You said that it's ok to force yourself on your wife if she's asleep, because you're married. You also said that a girl who's had many sexual partners deserve to get raped, because she's a slut. The fact that you're now backtracking just means people called you out on it. You are, and will forever be, a rape apologist. Oh, and btw, it's not "unfair" at all. It's the truth. You made your own bed. You can only blame yourself.
Absolutely, as is Family Guy, South Park & other shows/comedians around the world. It’s called “a joke”. The context was comedy, so naturally, I made fun of things. In more serious environments however, I’ve made many videos trying to help people who self harm, who are abused, suicidal etc. Do you refuse to acknowledge those?
And HOW does that make it ok? Why do you feel the need to compare yourself to those shows? Like "they do it, so I can do it too!" That's the mentality of a five year old kid. You can't pull excuses like that. I don't watch Family Guy, I find it offensive and unfunny. I do watch South Park, but their humor is NOTHING like yours. The fact that you, with your offensive humor, compare yourself to South Park, really says it all. You have no fucking idea what you're talking about. South Park usually make fun of issues, yes.. but they usually have a nice message in the end. Unlike you. You just laugh at people and their issues for fun. That's your shtick. I can't believe you're comparing yourself to the extremely intelligent humor of South park. You got to be fucking kidding me. You and your banana humor don't come close.
You cannot continue to use "comedy" as an excuse every fucking time you say offensive things. Comedy is not an excuse for you to be an asshole. It doesn't work like that. Some things you just don't joke about, like suicide or killing people. Saying "kill yourself" is so crossing the line. It's fucking disgusting. Yet you're fucking defending yourself as saying you're NOT a bully when you condone your fans LITERALLY threatening people with physical violence and death. I thought you preached happiness, peace and love.. or are those things just for your brainwashed sheep of fans? Everyone who disagrees with you deserves to get stoned to death, is that it? It's especially rich coming from someone who says they're against bullying.. hahaha, yeah, right!
Saying "1,2,3, kill yourself" or "you're a banana, kill yourself!" isn't comedy. It's just obnoxious douchy and offensive behavior. Just because YOU think it's comedy doesn't mean it is.. because it's not.
How do you expect us to take you serious when you fucking wear COSTUMES in your speaks videos? You said those videos were supposed to be serious.. yet you wear costumes and wigs and make-up when talking about serious issues like bullying, self harm, anorexia, PTSD etc. People called you out on your douchy behavior. You really mean all those things. It's obvious. Every time you're called out on it you just use comedy as an excuse. You really mean that people who are abused only have themselves to blame, you really mean that it's ok to rape women under certain circumstances. You have said as much yourself. There's no going back on it.
What you call "help people" I call "give as many half assed advices as possible just to in the end make fun of the people who reach out to me for help". You are the last person who should be giving advice. I'd have more respect for you if you stuck to your comedy videos on your main channel and stopped giving advice on your speaks channel. You only pretend that you know about issues when it's clear you have no fucking idea what you're talking about. Pulling up some info from wikipedia or other sources on internet doesn't make you an expert.
Please people, if you are having problems, if you are suffering from anorexia, if you self harm, or even think about suicide, there are hotlines that you can call. Or talk to a therapist at your school. That's what they're there for. Don't EVER trust Onision for advice, because he has shown time and time again that he doesn't know anything.
No, I made jokes. "Roses are red, violets are blue, kill yourself" is a joke. You are being so dishonest and are clearly trying to demonize me.
Nope, those are not jokes. Telling people over and over again to kill themselves is NOT a joke. It's inexcusable in EVERY situation. Facebook thought it was offensive too, they actually REMOVED your post. So no.. it's not a fucking joke. Saying "kill yourself" over and over and over again doesn't make it a joke. It makes you look like a complete dick.
I'd also say it's obviously NOT a joke when you mainly aim it at your haters. We all know you condone your precious bananas threatening people. Your so called "haters" (really people who are not haters, just happen to criticize the alarming things you say) have begged you to step up and say SOMETHING. They want you to say that it's NEVER ok to threaten people.. even if you happen to disagree with them. Yet you never did.. wonder why? It's obvious you silently support them.
AND FOR FUCKS SAKE. Stop fucking playing the victim. I'm getting so sick and tired of your bullshit. You ALWAYS play the victim when you deserve every vitriol thrown your way for your hypocritical and highly disturbing views. No, fuck you. Either shut the fuck up or own up to what you say. Stop play the victim. You said those things. We are not demonizing you in any way. We're just bringing up facts. It's not our fault that you're a rape apologist, victim blamer, meat hating, Christian hating douchebag.
DeeFizzy deserves better. As DeeFizzy & I have both said, he knew what he was doing when he chose to hang out with me.
According to what he said, he didn't know what you've said before, because he hasn't seen your videos. I think DeeFizzy is terribly naive and wants to trust people even when he shouldn't. I know better.
A lot of people who met me at VloggerFair talked about how nice/down to Earth they felt I was because it’s the truth.
Is that why you were BANNED from VidCon, why the man in charge of the con said he highly disagreed with your views and wouldn't have you there?
Also.. what happened to Cyr and Shane Dawson again? Oh, you say you're not friends with them anymore? Wonder why.. maybe they are not that's the problem here, maybe it's you. Maybe they just realized what a douche you really are.
Last time I heard you speak about so called friends was when you said you didn't have any, lol. Yet you're fast to speak up about your haters having no life and no friends.. lol. That's rich coming from someone like you.
The internet and the real world are two different places for many people.
Yes, but many people who have met you in real life also think you're an asshole. It's not just people on the internet. Like I've said before.. Cyr, Shane Dawson, the guy at VidCon. The list goes on and on and on :)
DeeFizzy is a really nice guy, who has had issues with me in the past because of my mistakes &/or misunderstandings.
You're right, he is. He's not to blame for your words or actions. However, him doing a collab with you does send the wrong message, because you didn't make mistakes in the past. You fully meant what you said. Now you're backpedaling because you pissed people off. It would also cost you a collab with a very popular youtuber if you didn't go back on your word. DeeFizzy is a Christian after all.. and you haven't exactly said many nice things about Christians in the past.
I am certainly not perfect, however much of what people online say about me is not true.
Actually, it is. We base it on facts and things you've said in your videos. I'd actually say very little of what you've been accused of is untrue.
I encourage you, if your goal is the truth, to actually watch my videos standing up for people, giving people reasons to live on, be happy and laugh. There are so many positive things about what I do, but pessimists simply tend to be the loudest, and in that, I am dragged through the mud every day by them.
Actually, you just make fun of people for their serious problems. You are not a comedian, even though you think you are. You basically hate on everyone who isn't yourself, or live up to your standards. You don't spread love and laughter, just the opposite.. you spread hate.
We are loud because we actually have very good points, something you will never understand. You just laugh at people who criticize you. The problem is that you will NEVER listen to our story, our side. NEVER. We have seen countless of videos of you going on and on about stuff. Yet you refuse to listen to us.. why? are you afraid you'll be challenged? are you afraid we might have a point? It's always you or the highway. You're always right.. or you make sure you're right by censoring your videos, so all the comments have to be approved to be published. You only allow comments from your brainless fans. It's funny.. you complain about your haters, but I've never seen any of the haters make comments have to be pre-approved. No, they don't censor people, because they believe in free speech. Actually.. there was one who disabled comments, but only because she was threatened with violence on a daily bases from your fans.
Maybe if you try to accept the idea that I am not as bad as people say, and I am in fact a real person, you will put down your torch & pitchfork, and begin living in the real world again, one where most people, really are decent, and want what’s best for those they care for.
I prefer to make up my own mind.. thank you. It's pretty obvious you're a bully, and yes.. that makes you a bad person, whether you like it or not. "Begin living in the real world again".. what does this even mean. Do you mean like you and your wife shacked up just playing video games and edit videos all day long to your FIVE youtube channels? Yet you claim it's the haters who have no lives. RIIIGHT. That's why one of your haters actually went to Africa and did an amazing thing helping the poor people. What have you done lately Onision, except your Youtube channel?
You're right about one thing.. most people are decent, but you are certainly not one of them.
You love your family, I love mine, you love your pets, your friends, your hobbies & sunny days, so do I. We are both living, breathing, loving human beings, so let’s stop acting like the person on the other side of this screen is a monster, and start living in the real world.
I am living in the real world, thanks. I have friends and a family. I have my problems and issues, as do most people.. at least I'm not fake. At least I have morals and values. At least I'm not a rape apologist, manipulator, narcissist and victim blamer like yourself.
I will continue to stand up for what I believe in. I will continue to speak my mind against injustice, against people who I feel preach harmful things.. like yourself. You will never be able to shut me up. No matter how hard you try.
Be happy, and realize that you have never met me, however DeeFizzy has.
Like I ever want to meet you? LOL. You're literally the last person in the world I'd like to meet.
Trust that he would not work with someone he knew was bad.
How would he know? He's said he didn't watch your videos, he was with you for two days.. not exactly a lifetime. You're good at manipulating people, so I'm sure you worked your magic on DeeFizzy too. Truth is that you do everything to seem kind and nice on the surface.. but if people really listened to what you said, they'd know what kind of person you are.
As for what DeeFizzy said, thank you :) You really are a good friend.
So you have a friend now.. great. Considering you basically lost all the other friends you had for being a douche. Congrats! :)
