The Fiendish Friend Firmament
Okay, so, here are all the Evil BFFs that have joined Lord Egbert’s posse. Also some headcanons with them.
Dark Dave
This Dave comes from a timeline where all the other Beta kids died during the final battle against Lord English. This results in him not bonding with Dirk as he did in our timeline, as he shut himself off from everyone to mourn for awhile. Dave tries to move on by happily marrying Karkat and he becomes much closer to Kanaya thanks to both mourning Rose. The problem is, they’re both mortal. Dave insists on trying to de-age them forever with his time powers, but Karkat shuts him down. His last wish is for Dave to try to move on from everyone’s deaths and keep living a happy life.
Dave tries to do just that. The problem is that he avoids making any sort of connection to the Alpha Kids. Jake looks uncomfortably like John, and Dirk exists, which shuts down any interest Dave has in getting to know them and their social group. Combine that with him not even being able to find the Troll God Tiers after all these years, and he has no fellow immortals to relate too. Because of that, Dave gets himself caught in an unending cycle of finding a new mortal love, spending their life with them, outliving them and feeling that pain and heartbreak all over again. He ends up going into each relationship increasingly aware of just how mortal his new beloved is, but he keeps throwing himself into these relationships in an effort to move on like Karkat would’ve wanted him too.
It finally escalates to the point where he tries using his time powers to keep his latest loved one alive forever against their will, causing them to abandoned him in shock and disgust once they find out. After that, he finds himself tearfully spilling his heart out to Karkat’s grave. Then Lord Egbert shows up and Dave nearly bowls him over with a hug. Lord Egbert tells him about his idea to give everyone a happy ending by taking over the narrative, and Dave buys into it wholesale. He’s just a heartbroken mess who wants to see his friends and loved ones again at this point.
Headcanons
The name “Dark Dave” was given to him by Lord Egbert. Dave thinks it’s cheesy and stupid, but he refuses to change it because it sounds like a name his universe’s John would give him.
The other members of the Fiendish Friend Firmament always call him Dork Dave when they want to tease him.
Kinda unintentionally serves as the heart of the group. If the team ever gets morally hung up about their actions, they just remember a story Dave told them about one of his past lovers and decide to keep going.
Lady Lalonde
This Rose comes from a universe where she never went grimdark, as she ended up losing the crystal ball early on. As such, she has no reason to distrust the Horrorterrors. So, when Kanaya dies of old age after the game, the Horrorterrors offer to resurrect her, in exchange for Rose summoning them into her universe. Rose does so, and the Horrorterrors hold true to their word. They then proceed to devour all life in the universe, leaving only Rose and Kanaya alive.
Rose is completely devastated with guilt and she quickly sets too work with Kanaya to undo her mistake. Their attempts to recreate life fall flat, as without a matriorb, that’s simply outside their realm of expertise. Nevermind how the presence of the horrorterrors has warped the laws of nature, making new life potentially impossible regardless. Their attempts to destroy the horrorterrors directly are similarly met with failure. They’re simply too powerful for a single Seer of Light to vanquish on her own.
After decades of failed attempts and false starts, Lord Egbert shows up with Dark Dave. Working together, the four of them manage to wipe out the Horrorterrors. John makes his offer afterwards, stating that he can undo her mistake once he gains narrative control. Kanaya is hesitant, as it was Rose bargaining with powerful forces to revive a loved one that got them into this mess to begin with, but the two eventually agree. After a group hug.
Headcanons
Rose chose her villain name herself, after finding out that Dave and John were doing it. She was originally going to go with something more meaningful, like Complacency or Lovecraft, but Kanaya talked her down. Kanaya does not have a villain name, as she finds the concept rather silly. (“Why Are We Calling Ourselves Villains At All? We’re Trying To Fix The Multiverse.” “Acting like supervillains helps us get the angst out of our system. Also, it’s fun and sounds cool.”)
Kanaya still totally calls her Lady Lalonde though. And Lord Egbert never stops trying to get her to accept the name Mad Madame Maryam or something. She’s not about to accept a nickname from someone called Lord Egbert.
Rose is the recruiter whenever John can’t step up to task. She knows exactly what buttons to push to get people on their side.
She tries to dissect John and Dave’s psyche past their “dramatic supervillain” act, but finds imagining her friends having their lives slowly fall apart to be too difficult to think about. So she joins them in their tongue in cheek supervillain act. It makes it easier to disassociate with their actions.
Harleyquinn
This Jade is from a timeline pretty similar to ours, with one key difference. The fight against Lord English was going terribly. The trolls had already been completely wiped out and the humans weren’t fairing much better. In an act of desperation, Jade combines her powers with that of a dying Calliope to trap herself in a black hole with Lord English. Jade has the ring of life on to keep English from simply killing her, and Calliope’s last act is too give Jade her powers in order to keep English contained forever.
Lord English kills Jade repeatedly, slaughtering her in every creative way he can imagine. But Jade refuses to budge, heroically meeting him with a smile each time, knowing her friends are now safe. So, LE switches tactics. He begins attacking her mentally, telling her in detail how her sacrifice has effected her friends.
He brutally describes how miserable her friends are in the new world, how badly they miss her and how their grief tears them apart. He describes John’s isolation and downfall into depression. He describes how Rose and Dave tinker with the dark arts in an attempt to get her back, despite knowing the dangers of it. Sure, part of that has to do with the deaths of the trolls, but English puts it all on her. He gloats how it’s her fault Rose summons the horrorterrors and their friends get butchered because of it.
Just as Jade is about to give up, Lord Egbert and his posse arrive. They kick English’s ass and John absorbs his powers. John makes the same offer to Jade and Jade accepts. Yet again, cue group hug.
Headcanons
Jade is the one too suggest the name Fiendish Friend Firmament to the group. John loves it, Dave thinks it’s lame and “ironically” votes in it’s favor, and Rose and Kanaya think it’s silly but still choose to support it.
Jade is a Stepford Smiler, full stop. She masks her guilt complex by acting extra helpful and nice and is actually the most ruthless of the team. She’s desperate to undo “her” mistakes, despite never being able to stop those tragedies from happening. And, sense John will just fix everything in the end anyway, she thinks any actions she takes to that point are justified. Prepare to witness a lot of atrocities done on the face of a barely upheld cherry facade.
She also made costumes for everyone. Luckily, Kanaya revised them to look less garish.
General Headcanons
As the leader, John makes it his responsibility to try to help everyone cope with their trauma in the interim between world domination plans. So, he has everyone dive wholesale into the supervillain act to try to keep their minds off of everything. He writes everyone villain songs and even gets them to all sing one together at one point. I can totally see them singing Ways To Be Wicked by the Descendants or I’m The Boss by Big Bad Bosses.
There are times where these four just… stop to play video games. They drop all the world domination talk, crash on the couch, and pop in a movie or a game. Kanaya snuggles with Rose when she joins them, while joining Rose in criticizing the plot of whatever they’re watching or playing. Dave keeps a running, ironic commentary going, Jade joking chastises them for ruining the fun, and John sushes everyone because he’s unironically into it and loves whatever they’re watching. Then everyone falls asleep on the couch after a few hours of just… being normal kids.
…Well, this got way more angsty than expected.