May 13, 2023
thinking about herrenvolk this evening
this is so scully...
eyes out on the world. trying to just slow him down, to keep him close, to keep the door in between them and the loss he’s facing, shut tight
but she can't. he’s always going to keep straight ahead. he’s always going to “bear north," as she will remark over 20 years later.
so she gives him what she can, whatever she can find.
she bears witness
and she accepts the actuality of his suffering, she doesn't look away, she pulls him in closer.
#if she could keep him safely in her pocket she would#this is why!!!!!#there is SO MUCH GRIEF in being starbuck!#there is so much grief in following someone into the worst night of their life over and over#in loving someone so much who walks blindly into a world you don’t trust#in being the first mate and holding the responsibility on your shoulders of steering in a safe direction#when there is only one to choose from#ouroboros imagery can’t keep getting away with this#but this progression is literally So Much of her character#she’s so panicked in that hallway trying to just shield him for maybe One Moment longer#and she will never be able to#so she does what she can#herrenvolk
