#this stress

[airmom]

I need to start treating my body like a temple

[yemme]

DIS BITCH IN THE CLOSET

I DON’T KNOW HOW YA’LL HAVE KIDS...

[iamanartichoke]

Writer’s block. Again. 

I’m very aware it’s been 5 weeks now since I updated. I feel like my brain is just going every which way, and I can’t seem to center myself enough to, like, access the feels that I need in order to write. If that makes sense. 

I know what I want to happen in the story, so it isn’t exactly writer’s block. It’s insecurity, I think, and inferiority. I hesitate to admit when I feel insecure about my writing and my fics because I do get a lot of positive feedback that I am grateful for. I’m not, like, seeking validation or fishing, honestly. It’s just - 

I’m not reading much fic at all these days, but when I do read some, I’ve started to compare myself to what I’m reading, even though I know I shouldn’t. I feel very inferior or like I’m just out of my element. I can’t seem to help it and it bothers me that I feel this way. I wish I didn’t. 

I reread the first 8 chapters of Sea yesterday, which didn’t take as long as you might think. And it’s fine and everything, but am I proud of it? I don’t know. I can’t say that I am, but I can’t say that I’m not, either. I had the ch. 9 document open all day today, but I didn’t write anything. 

I wondered if I was losing interest in the story. I don’t think I am, though. I think about things that I have planned for a bit later in the story, things that are full of angst and feels, and I can’t wait to write them. It’s just getting there that I seem to be having a problem with. Maybe that’s what it is. Slugging through the set-up when I’d rather be writing the payoff already. The pacing is off, maybe. 

I think, too, that there’s so much stress in fandom right now (for me, anyway, but I think in general too) that it just doesn’t feel as enjoyable overall. That might carry over to not only how I’m feeling about my fic, but how I’m feeling about reading other fics and why I’ve slacked off on it. It’s like there’s this weird feeling of anxiety permeating anything having to do with Loki, with Thor, with their relationship. 

I don’t know. I think in general I’m just frustrated. My life sucks right now, beyond the telling of it, and I want my escapism back but it’s just not fun right now and I just feel like that’s some kind of failure on my part. 

What is wrong with my brain? 

[pilferingapples]

well tonight’s elections are just being VERY WEIRD 

[joansdidion]

wish i was at home underneath three blankets in the dark watching a movie but i’m on campus where it’s already dark at 5:13 pm and i have to teach a class and then when i get home i don’t get to go snuggle under some blankets i have to come up with a totally new argument for a research project because my first one didn’t work out and it’s ~two weeks to the deadline

[detectiverickitubbs]

ooc:

My cousin had her baby last night before midnight. But there are complications. Baby Isla is a month early and she has digestive issues.... and had to be rushed to Children’s hospital. She is going into surgery today.

This is honestly, the last thing my family needs... as I’m headed to Cleveland (out of State) on Monday for medical testing (I’ll be home sometime Monday night if all goes well), my mom is being taken in for a 7+ hour back surgery on Tuesday(in Cleveland- but because I can’t handle having people get sick in front of me, I’m being taken home. I have a really weak stomach when it comes to people gagging... if they start, I start. But the problem is with my burnt esophagus and stomach problems... I don’t stop and then I can’t eat for days.) I might spend time this summer helping to look after my cousin’s slightly elder daughter who is 1 year old and my mother. I’m not sure at this point. 

Right now, I’m going to focus on everything but real life. My logic- maybe if I ignore it long away, it will go away. As if. But I’m a wishful thinker  XDD

[stinkystarboy]

i am not going to live too long if this goes on for much longer