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Two Genies, One Bottle - A GH Genie Au

By @thisurlplease

It was Monday. Again. Not that Mai hated Mondays per se, but they got exhausting sometimes. And she had started the day off on such a high, too, feeling rejuvenated from her lazy weekend. But then her class assignments piled up, she didn’t have enough cash for a decent lunch, and she had a lovely stack of bills waiting for her in her mailbox. It was tough trying to scrape by as an orphan, but she was managing somehow.

Mai’s stomach growled in complaint, reminding her just how little she had for lunch. “Don’t give me that tone, young lady,” she chastised, “I’m doing the best I can.”

She sighed and lay back on the grass. “Sooner or later, something’s gotta give.” If only she could catch a break, find a job that paid well and left time for school, or something. Stumble upon a hidden treasure…

Mai’s musings were interrupted by a rustling in the bushes. She quickly sat up, trying not to psych herself out. Perfectly normal, non-scary animals lived in bushes on the edge of a wooded area. She just had to handle this calmly.

“Okay, creepy monster, you better not jump out at me. I’ve got a…” Mai paused to rummage in her bag, pulling out the sharpest thing she could find. “Aha! A pencil. I’ve got a pencil.”

“Mrow.” A black and white cat with mismatched eyes popped its head out of the bushes.

“Oh, you’re a cat. I can deal with that.” Mai had secretly been hoping to take in a stray. “Here, Mister Kitty-kitty.”

But the kitty did not come. In fact, he bolted towards the woods.

“Wait, come back!” Something in Mai told her she needed to follow this cat. So she did.

The cat was fast, but she managed to catch up to it in a clearing. It was like it was waiting for her. She gulped in a lungful of air, smiling triumphantly. “Hey, handsome boy. You wanna be my kitty-cat?”

The cat stared at her silently.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She scooped the cat up into her arms.

And suddenly she was falling. “Oh ssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii—” Mai screamed, but before she could finish the expletive, she landed in a pile of leaves with a muffled fwomp.

“Oof, again?” Mai had fallen in a hole or two before. “Dang it, who keeps just leaving these holes in the middle of the ground?”

Mai sat up with some effort, rustling around noisily in the leaves. As she did so, her hand made contact with something cold and solid. It felt similar to a glass bottle, but with ridges all around. Pulling it from the leaves, she examined it. It was a ridged bottle like she had thought, with a long neck and bulbous base, but there was an eerie glow to it. She dusted it off, trying to get a look inside.

“Hm, what is thi— Oh!”

Smoke swirled from the mouth of the bottle, rising into a large cloud. Slowly, it took shape until a bizarre creature stood— floated before her. It was as if the creature was suspended in water, his hair gently swaying back and forth. His skin was a pale blue with brilliant blue tattoos adorning his face and chest.

“I AM THE GENIE OF THE LAMP,” it boomed. “FOR SUMMONING ME, I WILL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES. RULE #1: YOU CANNOT WISH FOR MORE WISHES. RULE #2–”

“I wish for more genies!” Mai blurted.

“WAIT, YOU CAN’T JUST—” The genie cut off, his eyes widening. There was a loud poof and the genie erupted into a giant cloud of steam.

“Oh geez, I can’t see a thing! Mr. Genie guy?” Mai coughed. “Oh gross, I think I just inhaled genie.”

“It’s not genie,” said an irritated voice beside her. “It’s the result of an exothermic reaction from magical discharge.”

“A what now?” Mai asked, trying to wave some of the steam away.

“We’re so hot, we made it all steamy up in here,” came the exact same voice, albeit in a more jubilant tone, from her other side.

“Wait a second…” Mai squinted. She could just make out two shapes in the clearing steam. “Are there two of you now?”

“Yeah! And it’s awesome.” There was a gasp. “I can see my hands… O.M.G! I’m a real boy!”

The steam had cleared now, and instead of a genie, there appeared to be two tall, pale, and extremely skinny teenage boys.

“No,” said the other one, who was clearly unimpressed, “you’re still a genie.”

“Riiiiight, a real boy named Gene.”

The cat, which Mai had completely forgotten about, mrow’d again.

“Oh, hey Lin!” said Gene, the happier of the two, “Glad to see you’re still hanging around. You’re really taking this guardian business seriously.”

“He’s your cat?” Mai asked.

“He’s not a cat,” answered the other guy— genie. “He was cursed. Just like we were.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Gene cut in, “some witch didn’t like us junking up his mojo, so he turned Lin into a cat and us into a single genie. And man, is it good to have my own body again.”

Mai frowned. “Why a genie?”

Gene waved his hand around. “Servitude, blah, blah, blah.”

“Because,” the other interrupted, “Gene liked to flaunt his name around. The witch thought it’d be ironic.”

“And because,” Gene added sassily, “this guy can’t stand being stuck with me.”

The other looked away moodily.

“Well, okay,” Mai said, “you’re both still genies, then? Does that mean I still get wishes?”

“Yup!” Gene nodded. “Five, to be exact. But listen, you can’t wish for anymore genies.”

“How come?”

“Well, honestly, we just don’t have that kind of power now that we’re split in two. And it was just luck we were two entities in the first place.”

“Dumb luck,” the bad-tempered genie muttered.

Mai stood arms akimbo, scowling at him. “You’re just mad you’re a weak genie.”

“I’m plenty powerful. Besides, I don’t need magic to get by when I have intellect like mine.”

“Wow, you’re pretty narcissistic, aren’t you? I bet it doesn’t hurt none that you’re handsome, too,” Mai said sarcastically.

“You think I’m handsome, huh? Well, thanks. It comes in handy.”

“Wow, okay. I’ll just call you Naru the Narcissist from now on.”

“Ha!” Gene suddenly belted out. “The name fits you perfectly, Naru.”

Mai swore, honest to god, she saw Naru blush.

“Whatever,” he muttered, “get to wishing.”

“Hold on. Mai could really help us out.”

“How so?” she asked.

“Break our curses, pretty please?” Gene smiled, placing his hands together. “Please?”

“That would leave me with…” Mai counted on her fingers. “Two wishes? You, Naru, and Lin would need the other three?”

“Yes.”

“I’m amazed, she can count.”

“Grrr. Maybe I just won’t break your curse then, Naru.”

“Mai, please, he’s just emotionally constipated. He’d be eternally grateful.”

“Okay,” Mai sighed. “I guess I’d feel bad leaving him down here to rot.”

“Good!” Gene smiled brilliantly. “Now what do you want?”

“What do I want?” Mai murmured to herself. This was a huge decision. “Well, for one, I wish we weren’t stuck in this stupid, dumb hole.”

“Boom, done!” Gene snapped and clapped his hand to his fist, then they were suddenly no longer in a stupid, dumb hole. They were back in the woods by Mai’s home.

“Gene!” Mai whined as she shielded her eyes from the unexpected brightness, “I didn’t mean that to be a real wish!”

“Tch, dummy,” Naru huffed.

“Hey mister, you are not nice!” Mai snapped, shaking her finger at him. “At least I got us out of that hole before you were both normal humans.”

“There was an exit,” Naru said blandly. “Or did you think we were all just dropped in through that hole you fell through?”

“Fine, whatever. Next wish is for you, then, Mr. Narcissist.” She quietly cleared her throat. “Since he’s been patiently waiting without snarky commentary, I first wish to break the curse on Lin-san.”

Naru snapped his fingers and very suddenly, Lin was no longer a cat. Instead, he was a man… a very tall, bean-pole of a man, with a long fringe over his right eye.

“Holy smokes, you’re tall.”

“Yes, I think he knows that. What’s your next wish?”

“Oh, uh, I wish to break your curse and make you human again.”

Naru snapped his fingers and… did not look any different.

“Did it work?”

“Yes,” he said plainly.

“Okay, then. Gene, final wish before I make you human again.” She took a deep breath. She knew this was the way to go. Yes, riches would greatly improve her life, but they couldn’t last forever, right? What was the saying? Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day, but teach him to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime. Right, then. “I wish I had a cool job that pays well and allows time for school work.”

“Boom. You’re a paranormal investigator, Naru’s your boss, Lin and I are your coworkers.”

“Fuuuu—"

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